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Chapter 32: Just a snake
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Diagnosis: Love Chapter 33: Visualizing hope
EMMA"Awww, Emma, you didn't have to dress up just to come see me." My cheeks crinkled behind the mask. "Actually, I did. And this lovely outfit is the exact same thing all of your visitors will be wearing for as long as you are neutropenic. But it's super good news, because all of that nasty chemo that we've been throwing at you for the last week has done its job, and you're ready to receive the donor stem cells." Angela leaned back against her pillows. The chemotherapy regimen had taken its toll on her. Medically speaking, I knew why we did this. I understood that this was the best way to prepare the body for receiving the new, healthy cells, but when every instinct in me was to heal and promote wholeness, it was so hard to comprehend that pumping in poison was part of that process."Everyone's so excited about it." Her fingers moved restlessly over the sheet. "I know I should be, too." "There are no shoulds in feelings, sweetie." I pulled up a chair and sat down next to
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 34: Happy place
EMMAI was busy for the rest of the morning, and I didn't stop for lunch until it was nearly two o'clock. I'd just settled at the table in the staff lounge with a veggie wrap and chips when Deacon came in. "Hey." He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. "That smells good. What're you eating?" I lifted my wrap. "Homemade roasted vegetables-broccoli, asparagus, peppers and turnips-with a vegan garlic aioli. It's amazing." He grimaced. "I don't know how you can eat that stuff. Don't you miss hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches and fried chicken?" I took a bite of my wrap, chewed and swallowed. "I honestly don't. Every now and then, I miss something little-like cheese fondue. Dipping bread into that melted Swiss cheese and then sticking it into your mouth . . .mmmmm." I closed my eyes, remembering. "But it's a choice I've made, and there are so many amazing options for vegans these days. It's not like I only eat lettuce and carrots. I have a very well
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 35: Good news day
DEACONAs a southeast Florida boy, born and bred, I observed the seasons a little differently than the rest of the world. Basically, it was hot, hotter, damn hot, fucking hot and the occasional rare cooler day, when temperatures hovered in the mid-seventies, humidity stayed low and the sun wasn't baking us. My grandparents talked about a time when we'd experienced a short winter even down here-weeks of temps in the low sixties or upper fifties, clear, crisp days with bright blue skies and soft sunshine-but over the years, that happened less and less frequently. Global warming, man. It was a real thing. Still, walking from my truck to the hospital, I noted that maybe we were moving out of fucking hot into simply damn hot. Fall was coming. Sometimes, its arrival felt like a mere rumor when we were in the pit of hell called summer, but eventually, the heat ebbed back until it was only hitting the mid-afternoon. Before too long, mornings and evenings would be almost comfortable aga
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 36: Yes
DEACON"Do you think Angela was ready to go home?" Emma had developed a habit over the past couple of months of appearing at my office door, usually toward the end of the day, and launching into a topic with little to no preamble. She'd loiter there in the doorway, alternately arguing with me, agreeing or listening, until I'd roll my eyes and say, "For God's sake, Emma, come in and sit down." Now, I glanced up at her from my computer screen. "Yes, I do. That's why I signed the orders releasing her. It's kind of my process. I try to do everything medically possible for my patients, and then I let them go home. Apparently, if you try to keep them, it's something called kidnapping."She huffed out a sigh. "You know what I mean, Deacon." "Hmmm." I lifted one shoulder. "I'm not sure I do. Why don't you come sit down and explain?" She wandered in as though she was in no particular hurry to do as I'd suggested. "What are you working on?" "Sending a report to the board ahead
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 37: First date
EMMA"Oh, God, Jenny, I think I made a mistake." "What are you talking about?" On the screen of my phone, Jenny's face registered dismay and surprise. "You've been dying for Deacon to make his move for months. How in the hell can saying yes to him once he did be a mistake?" "Not the date, you dweeb." I twisted in front of the mirror. "The dress.""Oh, no, babe." Jenny shook her head. "The dress is smokin' hot, just like you. Own it, baby. Strut your stuff." "But the dress has no back to it, Jenny. What was I high on at lunch today that I listened to you when you said it would be perfect?""You were high on life and love, sweetie. You'd just spent ten minutes telling me how on fire you are for Dr. Foxy's rockin' bod, and describing to me just what you wanted to do once you got him alone-""This is what comes from taking the afternoon off, having martinis at lunch and then shopping with you in Lakeland," I groaned. I turned again. The dress was a pretty color, a deep aqu
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 38: Hunger
EMMAMy heart skipped a beat. "How do you know?" "C'mon." He rolled his eyes. "I hired you. You don't think we did a background check? As a matter of fact, you signed a form consenting to the check. And Mira's sister Maybelle, who is head of our human resources department, is very thorough. When she picked up the change in your name between your undergrad and your post-grad work, she looked things up and figured it out." I chewed the side of my lip. "I wasn't really trying to hide anything. Nothing bad. But when people in the medical field see the name Baldwin, they always asked if I'm related to Frazier Baldwin. And when I say I'm his daughter, they either assume I got where I did by using his clout and think less of me, or they want to use me as a way to get to him. Neither is a very good feeling.""I understand that. Maybelle actually suggested that might be the case, which is why we didn't bring it up during your hiring process." "And you never asked me. All this time
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 39: Evening beach walk
EMMAWe stopped on the edge of the sand to take off our shoes. Deacon tucked his socks into his loafers, rolled up his pant legs, and gallantly insisted on carrying my heels as well as his own shoes. The sand was incredibly soft beneath my feet and still warm from the sun's heat. I noticed we weren't the only two people strolling along the water's edge, and that made me feel better. Deacon caught my hand in his free one, lifting my knuckles to his lips before he threaded our fingers together. His thumb drew lazy circles over the back of my hand as we walked. "I'm glad you enjoyed dinner." "I did. Thank you for asking me." I paused. "Why did you? I mean, I'm glad you did, don't get me wrong. But . . ." I struggled to phrase it the way I meant. "I mean, I wasn't sure you . . . saw me like that." "Why would you think that?" He swung our joined arms slightly, sounding genuinely curious. "Because we've been working together for months now, and you haven't given me any i
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 40:
DEACON"Hey, Donnie. I heard you're feeling a little rough." I paused at the doorway to Mr. Crew's room, remembering something Emma had told me about giving patients a modicum of control by not entering before I asked permission. "Is it okay to come in and talk with you right now?" The man in the bed turned his head slightly, wincing as though even that slight movement cost him strength. "Sure, doc. Come on . . . in. Join . . . the party." I strolled in, carefully schooling my face to hide my dismay. Donnie Crew had been kicking ass in this second phase of his treatment for multiple myeloma. We'd harvested his stem cells, and then we'd blasted him with heavy-duty chemo to kill off as many of the cancerous cells as possible. He had tolerated all of that well. I had thought that we were on schedule for his transplant this week. And then suddenly, as all too often happened, he went downhill fast. I'd spent a day watching his numbers and hoping like hell that this was just a wei
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