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Chapter 179: Lies I tell myself
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2022-11-24 14:32:56Related chapters
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 180: Baby shower
ALISON"There's the glowing mama-to-be!" Emma folded me into a tight hug as I stepped into the cabin. "Look at you, Alison. I don't think you've ever been more beautiful." I wrinkled my nose. "Oh, tell me, what is it that you find more attractive? The way I waddle instead of walking? The swollen ankles? The red nose?"She gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "It's the whole package, sweetie. You just look . . . happy." She studied me. "Are you?"I hesitated. Answering that question in the affirmative felt . . . dangerous. Risky. The last time I'd copped to happiness, it had been cruelly yanked away from me. If that happened again . . .But no. I wasn't going to think that way. I remembered something that Brooke had said to me at a recent session: Don't let fear rob you of joy.So now, I let out the smile that I was feeling and nodded. "I am. I really am. I mean, life isn't perfect. I'm still nervous about motherhood, and sometimes, I wonder how I'm going to juggle everything. But I'm t
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 181: Repairs
ALISON"Oh, my gosh. Look at this. It's so tiny!" I lifted a precious white cotton sleeper from the gift bag, holding it aloft so that everyone could coo over it. The front of the little outfit was embroidered with ducks and bunnies-and, I saw with a smile, there were miniature stethoscopes and footballs mixed in, too. "Anna, I love it. Thank you so much." I held the sleeper to my chest. "I thought it might make a nice coming-home outfit." The older woman smiled. "Anna, didn't I tell you that Alison's giving birth at home?" Emma piped up. "Oh, did you?" Anna shook her head. "Well, either way, I hope he or she wears it in good health." "Thank you," I said again, and then raised my voice a little bit to be heard about the low-level chatter. "Thank you, everyone. I can't tell you how much all of this means to me. To us." There was a smattering of applause and a swell of voices as women began to stand up or turn to others to continue conversations. I sighed, wondering how a
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 182: Amends, part 2
NOAH"This is all so beautiful." My mother stood with me on the front porch of Emma and Deacon's cabin, gazing out over the neatly planted rows of vegetables and the trees beyond. "Emma and Deacon have built a beautiful home here.""Yeah, they have," I agreed. "Although I'm not sure how much Deacon had to do with the building since he was overseas when the rest of us were working so hard. Still, they both made it more of a home. They're happy here.""And what about you?" My mother glanced at me. "You're living with Alison now at her house in that small town? What about your home?"I shrugged. "I don't really know," I admitted. "I've had some thoughts, and a couple of ideas, but I don't want to make any big decisions until after the baby comes."My mother eyed me. "Will you think that I'm interfering again if I ask how you and Alison are getting along?"I sighed heavily. "No, it's not interfering. I just don't have a good answer for you. We're …" I squinted, trying to figure out h
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 183: Loss
ALISON"Have you seen my keys?"I made my way carefully down the steps, intentionally not rushing even though I was running late for work. My balance had been crap lately which wasn't any surprise considering the fact that I was carrying an immense amount of weight out in front now. I'd learned to take my time going down the steps. Or suffer the consequences."Aren't they on the hook?" Noah stepped into the foyer, sipping a cup of coffee. I tried to ignore the fact that he looked like sex on fire with his bare feet, tight faded blue jeans that were unbuttoned at the waist, and an open cotton shirt lying like a lover's kiss over his shoulders. "Maybe they are. I haven't checked yet," I replied tartly, a little salty because I was mad at myself for how much I still wanted this man. "It takes me so long to get from one point to the other that I try to call ahead nowadays."Noah chuckled. "All right then, darlin'. You stay there, and I'll hunt your keys." I picked up my handbag fro
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 184: Future days
NOAH"Spencer." Coach stood up from where he was sitting at a small round table in the corner of the coffee shop. He stretched out a hand toward me. "Good to see you. You look a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you.""Thank you, sir." I shook his hand. "I feel a hell of a lot better than I did then, too. I want to say again, sir, that I'm sorry for –""No more apologies, Spencer." Coach shook his head. "That's water under the bridge now." He hesitated. "I assume you saw all the paperwork for your retirement?""Yeah." I nodded. "Everything looked good to me. And I appreciate the team waiting as long as you did to make the announcement. I heard from the head of PR that you're going to release a statement next week?"Coach nodded. "Of course, it's more of a formality now than anything else. I don't think anybody is under the impression that you're going to be coming back to play with us this year. Not after we drafted Ramonez.""True," I chuckled, thinking of the guy wh
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 185: Trust love
ALISON"Read me that last part again?" Noah and I were sitting in the nursery, surrounded by boxes, gift bags, and about a million pieces of a pine crib. He had spent the last two weeks focusing on the nursery. He'd painted the room a lovely pale yellow color, insisting that I stay with Emma and Deacon at the cabin for the two nights after he'd completed the first and second coats so that I didn't have to inhale the paint fumes. Together, we had selected the crib and the dressing table. Noah's mother had sent us the cradle that all of her children had slept in, and that was already set up in my bedroom.Now, with my due date less than ten days away, we were finally tackling the project of building all of the furniture that hadn't come pre-assembled. I squinted at the paper in my hand, trying to decipher the words."I'm pretty sure that this was translated directly from Swedish by someone who didn't speak English," I commented. "It doesn't seem to make sense.""Does it say at wh
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 186: Things you shouldn't ask
NOAH"What's the world record for the longest pregnancy ever?" I glanced up at Alison from the book I was reading. We were both lying on her bed while a movie that neither of us was very invested in played on the TV. The couch downstairs had become too uncomfortable for her over the past week or so, so we'd begun hanging out here in her room. It was strictly for comfort, though; we stayed on top of the covers, with Alison on one side while I stuck to the other. It was a king-sized bed with plenty of room for us. But while we hadn't hesitated to cuddle and kiss on the sofa, something about being on the bed made us more cautious. I didn't know why, exactly; Alison was so tired of being pregnant that she wasn't up for much of anything other than television lately. She'd stopped going into the office after her due date since she'd already arranged with Dr. Johanson to cover her hours. So we were both at home now all the time . . . just waiting.She really was huge. While the ultraso
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 187: Finally, at last
NOAHNow I got it. The night we'd first had sex-the night after Emma and Deacon's wedding-we'd challenged each other to come up with the sexiest, most outrageous names for cocktails. Alison was playing the game again."Ohhhhh." I grinned. "I still don't believe that last one is legit.""It totally is. The bartender confirmed it." With a smile that was deceptively seductive for an extremely pregnant woman, she reached down to grasp the bottom of her oversized T-shirt-which was not so oversized just now-and lifted it over her head. I helped just to make sure she didn't topple over in the process. It was the first time I'd really seen her without a shirt in many months. My first few impressions were awe at the size of her swollen middle. I knew she was huge, but damn. The skin was stretched as tight as a drum, and her belly button looked like a cork just about to give way. And her boobs-they were incredible. Within the utilitarian maternity bra, they were still the sexiest breasts
Last Updated : 2022-11-24
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Diagnosis: Love Chapter 193: As long as we both shall live
NOAHNoahIt was a beautiful day for a wedding. We gathered at mid-morning under the covenant oak on Jimmy and Anna Girard's farm. Alison and I had decided that since Emma and Deacon's wedding had been the start of our love story, we should say our vows under the canopied branches of that same steadfast tree. We hadn't wanted anything grand or involved, but it was important to us that the special people in our lives were present. So when Alison and I joined hands and made our vows, among those surrounding us were Emma and Deacon, Darcy and Jackson, Jenny and Nico, Mira Hoskins, and all of the people who worked with Alison in her practice. Maggie Corning, the midwife, and Brooke Slater, Alison's therapist, were there, too. My family had flown down en mass from Wisconsin and other key points around the country. My mother couldn't stop smiling, and my dad looked proud. Even my brothers and sisters and their families were behaving themselves. And then of course, there was the Tam
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 192: Happily Ever After part 3
ALISONA human being can accomplish almost any task while sobbing her eyes out. I'd known this from experience in my past life, but after Noah left that afternoon, I went about proving it all over again.I cried as I wiped the table and counters. I wept as I took out a frozen macaroni and cheese to eat for dinner. I sobbed as I climbed the steps and listened at the baby's door-she was still asleep in the crib. I sniffled as I switched a load of newborn clothes from the washer to the dryer.He was gone, and I was alone. Again. Naturally.The hell of it was that even as he'd pleaded his case to me, even as he'd told me that he loved me, I'd known he was telling the truth. I believed him. But I couldn't trust what he thought he felt, not when people changed their minds about being in love all the damn time. People claimed to love a friend or a child or a lover, and then they changed their minds. It happened. I knew it first-hand. I'd experienced it over and over again before I was t
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 191: Break
NOAH"Where's the baby?" Alison walked into the kitchen, her face etched with fatigue. We'd had a long and trying few days as Evangeline had apparently been going through a growth spurt: she nursed almost constantly and was difficult to console the rest of the time. She'd fought sleep, and she'd cried piteously no matter what we'd tried to do. The pediatrician had assured us that this was normal and we'd get through it, but privately, I thought he was a heartless imbecile who clearly didn't understand that our daughter was advanced and needed more attention than the typical newborn. But finally, today we'd caught a break. Alison had gone upstairs to take a shower-her first in three days-and somehow, I'd managed to get the baby to sleep without the benefit of a boob. More than that, I'd actually laid her in the crib without waking her up. I was pretty satisfied with myself, all in all. I was also crossing my fingers that she'd stay asleep long enough that her mother and I could d
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 190: Parenthood
NOAHParenthood was amazing, fulfilling, beautiful, awesome . . . and exhausting. The first few weeks of baby Evangeline's life at home were a blur, a constant, never-ending whirlwind of feeding, and changing, and washing, and catching whatever small bites of sleep we could whenever she slept. People came to visit and brought gifts and food, and I was pathetically grateful for that, because I didn't have the energy to cook, and both Alison and I were tired of takeout. The one factor that made everything survivable was the baby herself. God, I hadn't known how much I was going to love this ten-pounds of tiny, perfect human. I'd never anticipated that staring at her sleep for an hour was better than four quarters of football. Or that catching what might have been a smile could make me feel as though I'd just witnessed greatness. What was some missing sleep compared with noting how well my two-week-old daughter could lift up her head?Even so, as much as I was ga-ga over my baby gir
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 189: New life
ALISON"Congratulations, mama! You're at six. I think it's time to break your water and get things really going." It sounded like a great idea to me, but I saw Noah's lips go white. "Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing my fingers over the back of his hand. "You look a little green." He swallowed, his throat convulsing. "This is the only part I'm a little, uh, squeamish about. I watched that birth online, and breaking the water looked-intense." Maggie chuckled. "Stay up there by Alison and keep your eyes on her face. We don't need papa hitting the floor and suing the hospital." Noah did as he was told, watching me intently as if waiting for me to show some sign of distress. "Does it hurt?" he asked quietly. "The water part, I mean." I shook my head. "It feels a little weird, but not-oooooh!" I gasped as I felt the gush hit my inner thighs. "Okay, then. Eyes here, Noah. Come on. We're in this together." After that, it felt as though everything got a lot more serious. The con
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 188: Giving in
ALISON Spoiler alert: having sex with Noah did not start my labor.But it sure was worth the effort. Two days after that monumental night-and after we'd given it the good old college try several more times-we went to Maggie's office. I was in a rotten mood-being a million years pregnant can do that to a person-and poor Noah looked a little haggard. He'd been sleeping with me in my bed (we both clung to the excuse that if I went into labor, I'd want him closer than across the hall), which meant that he woke up whenever I had to climb out of that bed to pee. He thought I'd been exaggerating about how often I had to go. He was quickly disabused of that notion. After a quick exam, Maggie made some notes on her tablet and then turned to the both of us. "So listen," she began. "Do you want to have this baby?" I stared at her as though she'd lost her mind. "What the hell do you think I've been trying to do for over three weeks now, Maggie?" I bellowed. "Of course, I want to have th
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 187: Finally, at last
NOAHNow I got it. The night we'd first had sex-the night after Emma and Deacon's wedding-we'd challenged each other to come up with the sexiest, most outrageous names for cocktails. Alison was playing the game again."Ohhhhh." I grinned. "I still don't believe that last one is legit.""It totally is. The bartender confirmed it." With a smile that was deceptively seductive for an extremely pregnant woman, she reached down to grasp the bottom of her oversized T-shirt-which was not so oversized just now-and lifted it over her head. I helped just to make sure she didn't topple over in the process. It was the first time I'd really seen her without a shirt in many months. My first few impressions were awe at the size of her swollen middle. I knew she was huge, but damn. The skin was stretched as tight as a drum, and her belly button looked like a cork just about to give way. And her boobs-they were incredible. Within the utilitarian maternity bra, they were still the sexiest breasts
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 186: Things you shouldn't ask
NOAH"What's the world record for the longest pregnancy ever?" I glanced up at Alison from the book I was reading. We were both lying on her bed while a movie that neither of us was very invested in played on the TV. The couch downstairs had become too uncomfortable for her over the past week or so, so we'd begun hanging out here in her room. It was strictly for comfort, though; we stayed on top of the covers, with Alison on one side while I stuck to the other. It was a king-sized bed with plenty of room for us. But while we hadn't hesitated to cuddle and kiss on the sofa, something about being on the bed made us more cautious. I didn't know why, exactly; Alison was so tired of being pregnant that she wasn't up for much of anything other than television lately. She'd stopped going into the office after her due date since she'd already arranged with Dr. Johanson to cover her hours. So we were both at home now all the time . . . just waiting.She really was huge. While the ultraso
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 185: Trust love
ALISON"Read me that last part again?" Noah and I were sitting in the nursery, surrounded by boxes, gift bags, and about a million pieces of a pine crib. He had spent the last two weeks focusing on the nursery. He'd painted the room a lovely pale yellow color, insisting that I stay with Emma and Deacon at the cabin for the two nights after he'd completed the first and second coats so that I didn't have to inhale the paint fumes. Together, we had selected the crib and the dressing table. Noah's mother had sent us the cradle that all of her children had slept in, and that was already set up in my bedroom.Now, with my due date less than ten days away, we were finally tackling the project of building all of the furniture that hadn't come pre-assembled. I squinted at the paper in my hand, trying to decipher the words."I'm pretty sure that this was translated directly from Swedish by someone who didn't speak English," I commented. "It doesn't seem to make sense.""Does it say at wh
