DEACON"Gone?" I replied dumbly. "He . . . died?" I knew it was a possibility. He'd been in the ICU for a while, and there was always the chance of a pulmonary embolism, or something we hadn't picked up yet, or even a heart attack . . ."No. He left. There was some kind of kerfuffle with Mrs. Wilkie-it wasn't anything serious, just an alarm they couldn't get turned off-and then just now, Andi went in to take Ted's vitals, and the bed was empty. He'd disconnected all the IVs, the oxygen . . . his bag isn't in the closet." "Oh." I stood there for a few moments, frozen to the spot. "Okay. Well, I guess that was his way of giving me his answer on treatment, huh?" Darcy laid her hand on my arm. "I'm sorry, Deacon." Mira sighed. "I am, too. For all that I didn't want to hope Ted would do the right thing, I guess I did, after all. I wanted him to stick around long enough to give Anna and Jimmy some peace. But that's not going to happen." "It's okay." I managed a smile. "Really, Mira
EMMA"And now I'd like to say a few words." Standing on the front porch of Anna and Jimmy Girard's farmhouse, my dad grinned broadly at Deacon and me. Next to me at the small table for two we shared, Deacon snickered. "Is this where your father tells embarrassing stories about you?"I elbowed my new husband in his ribs, making him go ooof. "Behave yourself. There are no embarrassing stories about me. I've always been the model of perfection you see here before you." Deacon skimmed his lips down the side of my neck. "Em, I love you beyond the telling, and to me, you're perfect. But the rest of the world probably doesn't see either of us the same way.""Hmmm. Why is that, do you think?" I turned my head to smile up at Deacon. "Why can't they see that we're the smartest, the kindest, and the most amusing two people on earth?" "I guess they're just not looking with the same eyes we are." His arm tightened around me. "Now shhhh. Dr. Baldwin's talking."I rolled my eyes. "Suck up
NOAH"Good morning. Noah Spencer. Wow." The man standing behind the large oak desk wagged his head even as he reached across to shake my hand. "I have to admit, I can hardly believe I'm standing here in my office talking to you. I'm a big fan."I let him pump my arm a few seconds as I managed a smile. "Is that allowed? I thought guys like you had to be . . . you know. Neutral. No biases or anything like that." Father George rolled his eyes. "I'm a priest, Noah, not a saint. Also, there aren't any rules about cheering for our favorite teams. It's not like I have any special inside sway to make my guys win. It's all up to Spirit in the Sky." He grinned. "Now, that's not to say that I haven't lifted up my share of petitions for Tampa on big game days. But I'm comforted by knowing that there are lots of ministers, priests, rabbis and imams-among other clergy-asking for favor for their teams, too. It all balances out, I think. Someone's got to win, and someone's got to lose, and in the
NOAH"I can only imagine. How did you cope with that?" "The only way I know. I just keep on putting one foot in front of the other. I've buried myself in football. I work out every day. I do whatever the team asks of me. I smile in public. And then I come home to an empty house, to the place where I see my dead wife around every fucking corner, and I get through the night time hours until I can leave again." I rubbed my hand over my forehead, where the seed of a headache was beginning to blossom."Have you thought about moving? It might be the kindest option for yourself," Father George remarked."No." I shook my head. "If I move away, I lose the last piece of Angela that I have left. Sometimes I can still smell her perfume in the closet. Or I'll dig into the back of the freezer and find a loaf of banana bread that she made and froze for me before she went to the hospital. Or-" I choked a bit. "I go into the room that was going to be the nursery for the baby we never got to concei
ALISON"Hey there! Alison Wakely, right? Come in. Sit down." Closing the office door behind me, I approached the small seating area. The therapist was perched in a wing chair, her shoes off and her feet curled alongside her. She was young-probably a year or two older than me. My previous doctors had been in their forties or fifties, but since Brooke Slater came highly recommended and had agreed to see me despite a full patient load, I wasn't going to complain."Thanks." I glanced at the love seat for a second before I decided to settle in the wing chair opposite Dr. Slater. "I heard you joined Dr. Johanson's practice." She smiled. "He took care of my family for over ten years, and then my insurance company changed and we had to move to a group right outside Tampa. It's a pain in the ass, and I really miss that personal touch you get from a small-town family practice. Dr. Johanson even made house calls when my babies were small. He was a treasure." She sighed. "But you're not her
ALISONI'd known it was coming, but still, the hurt stabbed into my gut like a sucker punch. I straightened, planting both feet on the floor to center myself before I answered her."Okay. What do you want to know about Tom?" "How did you meet?" "Ahhh . . ." I ran the tip of my tongue over my front teeth. "He was a fellow in the program during my last year of residency. All of us were in awe of him because he was so incredibly intelligent and very intense. We used to joke that he didn't really exist outside the med center. He didn't fool around, he didn't make small talk, and he wasn't interested in our personal lives. But even so, we all respected the hell out of him. He was a genius." "Sounds a little intimidating." "Totally. But one day, he asked me to help him with a study he was launching. I was shocked that he even knew my name, but he called me Alison like we were old buddies. Of course, I said yes. The other residents were jealous as hell, but I didn't care. Getting sp
NOAH"Noah Spencer, you gutless coward. I am so pissed off at you. Why did you do this-or more accurately, why did you not do this? And I bet you're sitting there listening to this message with a smirk on your stupid face. UGH!!"Leaning against a wall in the locker room, I snickered as I listened to Emma's voicemail. She wasn't wrong-I did have a smirk on my stupid face. "Victoria is an amazing woman. She'd be perfect for you-she loves football, she's super smart, she works in the research department of a pharmaceutical company, and her passion is developing holistic medications for kids with cancer, for crying out loud. She's all about family, she wants to have a houseful of children, and last but not least, she's absolutely fucking gorgeous. She's a perfect match for your stupid sexy body and your annoyingly attractive face."Now I was full-out laughing. Only Emma could make a compliment into an insult. "So what I want to know is why you didn't call her. Or at least text her.
NOAHI'd known Tampa's head coach for about four years now. When I'd been traded here from Houston, I'd quickly realized that Dale Briars wasn't the fatherly huggy bear that my previous team's coach had been; no, Coach Briars was all business, brisk and no nonsense. But I'd also found out that he was inherently fair-minded. He gave every player the best shot possible, and even when we screwed up, as we were all wont to do, he might have yelled his fool head off at us, but he also made sure we got the help we needed-and a second chance. I hadn't told my team about Angela's illness for quite a while. She'd been diagnosed early in my tenure with Tampa, and since we were just finding our footing in our new home with our new team family, she didn't want me to be known as the new guy with the sick wife. No matter how much I protested, she had been adamant. So for months, I struggled to keep a happy smile on my face. I didn't break down at practice, and I did my damnedest to leave all of
NOAHNoahIt was a beautiful day for a wedding. We gathered at mid-morning under the covenant oak on Jimmy and Anna Girard's farm. Alison and I had decided that since Emma and Deacon's wedding had been the start of our love story, we should say our vows under the canopied branches of that same steadfast tree. We hadn't wanted anything grand or involved, but it was important to us that the special people in our lives were present. So when Alison and I joined hands and made our vows, among those surrounding us were Emma and Deacon, Darcy and Jackson, Jenny and Nico, Mira Hoskins, and all of the people who worked with Alison in her practice. Maggie Corning, the midwife, and Brooke Slater, Alison's therapist, were there, too. My family had flown down en mass from Wisconsin and other key points around the country. My mother couldn't stop smiling, and my dad looked proud. Even my brothers and sisters and their families were behaving themselves. And then of course, there was the Tam
ALISONA human being can accomplish almost any task while sobbing her eyes out. I'd known this from experience in my past life, but after Noah left that afternoon, I went about proving it all over again.I cried as I wiped the table and counters. I wept as I took out a frozen macaroni and cheese to eat for dinner. I sobbed as I climbed the steps and listened at the baby's door-she was still asleep in the crib. I sniffled as I switched a load of newborn clothes from the washer to the dryer.He was gone, and I was alone. Again. Naturally.The hell of it was that even as he'd pleaded his case to me, even as he'd told me that he loved me, I'd known he was telling the truth. I believed him. But I couldn't trust what he thought he felt, not when people changed their minds about being in love all the damn time. People claimed to love a friend or a child or a lover, and then they changed their minds. It happened. I knew it first-hand. I'd experienced it over and over again before I was t
NOAH"Where's the baby?" Alison walked into the kitchen, her face etched with fatigue. We'd had a long and trying few days as Evangeline had apparently been going through a growth spurt: she nursed almost constantly and was difficult to console the rest of the time. She'd fought sleep, and she'd cried piteously no matter what we'd tried to do. The pediatrician had assured us that this was normal and we'd get through it, but privately, I thought he was a heartless imbecile who clearly didn't understand that our daughter was advanced and needed more attention than the typical newborn. But finally, today we'd caught a break. Alison had gone upstairs to take a shower-her first in three days-and somehow, I'd managed to get the baby to sleep without the benefit of a boob. More than that, I'd actually laid her in the crib without waking her up. I was pretty satisfied with myself, all in all. I was also crossing my fingers that she'd stay asleep long enough that her mother and I could d
NOAHParenthood was amazing, fulfilling, beautiful, awesome . . . and exhausting. The first few weeks of baby Evangeline's life at home were a blur, a constant, never-ending whirlwind of feeding, and changing, and washing, and catching whatever small bites of sleep we could whenever she slept. People came to visit and brought gifts and food, and I was pathetically grateful for that, because I didn't have the energy to cook, and both Alison and I were tired of takeout. The one factor that made everything survivable was the baby herself. God, I hadn't known how much I was going to love this ten-pounds of tiny, perfect human. I'd never anticipated that staring at her sleep for an hour was better than four quarters of football. Or that catching what might have been a smile could make me feel as though I'd just witnessed greatness. What was some missing sleep compared with noting how well my two-week-old daughter could lift up her head?Even so, as much as I was ga-ga over my baby gir
ALISON"Congratulations, mama! You're at six. I think it's time to break your water and get things really going." It sounded like a great idea to me, but I saw Noah's lips go white. "Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing my fingers over the back of his hand. "You look a little green." He swallowed, his throat convulsing. "This is the only part I'm a little, uh, squeamish about. I watched that birth online, and breaking the water looked-intense." Maggie chuckled. "Stay up there by Alison and keep your eyes on her face. We don't need papa hitting the floor and suing the hospital." Noah did as he was told, watching me intently as if waiting for me to show some sign of distress. "Does it hurt?" he asked quietly. "The water part, I mean." I shook my head. "It feels a little weird, but not-oooooh!" I gasped as I felt the gush hit my inner thighs. "Okay, then. Eyes here, Noah. Come on. We're in this together." After that, it felt as though everything got a lot more serious. The con
ALISON Spoiler alert: having sex with Noah did not start my labor.But it sure was worth the effort. Two days after that monumental night-and after we'd given it the good old college try several more times-we went to Maggie's office. I was in a rotten mood-being a million years pregnant can do that to a person-and poor Noah looked a little haggard. He'd been sleeping with me in my bed (we both clung to the excuse that if I went into labor, I'd want him closer than across the hall), which meant that he woke up whenever I had to climb out of that bed to pee. He thought I'd been exaggerating about how often I had to go. He was quickly disabused of that notion. After a quick exam, Maggie made some notes on her tablet and then turned to the both of us. "So listen," she began. "Do you want to have this baby?" I stared at her as though she'd lost her mind. "What the hell do you think I've been trying to do for over three weeks now, Maggie?" I bellowed. "Of course, I want to have th
NOAHNow I got it. The night we'd first had sex-the night after Emma and Deacon's wedding-we'd challenged each other to come up with the sexiest, most outrageous names for cocktails. Alison was playing the game again."Ohhhhh." I grinned. "I still don't believe that last one is legit.""It totally is. The bartender confirmed it." With a smile that was deceptively seductive for an extremely pregnant woman, she reached down to grasp the bottom of her oversized T-shirt-which was not so oversized just now-and lifted it over her head. I helped just to make sure she didn't topple over in the process. It was the first time I'd really seen her without a shirt in many months. My first few impressions were awe at the size of her swollen middle. I knew she was huge, but damn. The skin was stretched as tight as a drum, and her belly button looked like a cork just about to give way. And her boobs-they were incredible. Within the utilitarian maternity bra, they were still the sexiest breasts
NOAH"What's the world record for the longest pregnancy ever?" I glanced up at Alison from the book I was reading. We were both lying on her bed while a movie that neither of us was very invested in played on the TV. The couch downstairs had become too uncomfortable for her over the past week or so, so we'd begun hanging out here in her room. It was strictly for comfort, though; we stayed on top of the covers, with Alison on one side while I stuck to the other. It was a king-sized bed with plenty of room for us. But while we hadn't hesitated to cuddle and kiss on the sofa, something about being on the bed made us more cautious. I didn't know why, exactly; Alison was so tired of being pregnant that she wasn't up for much of anything other than television lately. She'd stopped going into the office after her due date since she'd already arranged with Dr. Johanson to cover her hours. So we were both at home now all the time . . . just waiting.She really was huge. While the ultraso
ALISON"Read me that last part again?" Noah and I were sitting in the nursery, surrounded by boxes, gift bags, and about a million pieces of a pine crib. He had spent the last two weeks focusing on the nursery. He'd painted the room a lovely pale yellow color, insisting that I stay with Emma and Deacon at the cabin for the two nights after he'd completed the first and second coats so that I didn't have to inhale the paint fumes. Together, we had selected the crib and the dressing table. Noah's mother had sent us the cradle that all of her children had slept in, and that was already set up in my bedroom.Now, with my due date less than ten days away, we were finally tackling the project of building all of the furniture that hadn't come pre-assembled. I squinted at the paper in my hand, trying to decipher the words."I'm pretty sure that this was translated directly from Swedish by someone who didn't speak English," I commented. "It doesn't seem to make sense.""Does it say at wh