AMBROSE
It felt real. Somehow. The world seemed to spin in a very slow and fuzzy moment as my physical body hit down the cliff. My body crashed down over the sharp rock formation inevitably breaking every single bone in my body. I can feel the surging agony, the physical agony to say the least. It was incomparable to the emotional pain but it was agonizing nonetheless. Blood rushed from the open wounds, in every part that hit a sharpened rock, and then I felt my head smashed on one of the hard surface shutting my brains down. And then I was gone. At least that’s how I imagined it.
There was a rush blow of wind, almost intense that it brought me back towards the harsh reality. I opened my eyes and eventually realized that I was just imagining all of the things.
Was that really how I want things to end? I asked myself in an attempt to find a sliver of hope to even continue walking this horrible earth
AMBROSE I really thought I would feel much lesser pain if I confront my dad about me being adopted. I really thought looking at him straight in the eye would at least lessen the agony and that I would take the truth in utter silence and complete acceptance. I was dead ass wrong in all levels. Eavesdropping and learning about it in secret was already agonizing but I never would’ve thought it would hurt like hell to hear it come out straight from my dad’s mouth. What more if my mom’s there. I’m she would roast me to ashes with her ruthless mouth and that would definitely hurt more than I know. I’m sure my dad tried to beat around the bush and perhaps lie about it but I was quick to shut him down. He doesn’t have much of a choice but to let the cat out of the bag. My chest and my heart seemed like an idle dart board and once I heard everything come out of my dad’s lips, the words appeared like sharpened darts pins. This was
AMBROSE I woke up the very next morning feeling rather exhausted both mentally and emotionally. This wasn’t because today’s Monday and everyone knows how much people hate Mondays but this was all because of the mental and emotional hangover that I’ve got from the weekend. I felt like I don’t want to get up from this bed. I felt like I just want to lay on bed all day. A lot of things have happened in the short period of time that I just need more time to adjust from everything. The repercussions are hitting harder than ever. I stared above the ceiling and then into the window that I’ve just shattered with my fist last night. I slowly propelled myself up and sat at the edge of the bed still yawning widely like I’ve lacked some sleep. The chilly morning breeze coming in from the broken part of the window sent me some unwanted chills. It was just a brush of breeze but it was nippy that I had to carefully walk
AMBROSE I tightened my grasp on the hand grip and stepped on the pedal as hard as I possibly could. The brush of the chilly morning breeze went from being gentle to a really strong gust. I’m not running late but I was speeding as if I was trying to catch something on the run. The noise that the engine made was rudely thunderous that you can hear it from a mile away. I was not thinking about the houses lined along the way that I might disturb but I’m just driving like fast and quiet seriously, furious. Perhaps I’m trying to release something inside of me by stepping on the gas as if I’m a contender at a random racing competition. Perhaps the emotion bottled up inside of me was so overwhelming that I have to release some in order to make space for a new one. I wasn’t expecting to have that conversation with my dad and for a moment, I was just keeping all of the emotions inside of me. The longer I know that I
AMBROSEThe ride back home was just as quick. I stepped on the gas as if I’m an extra in a racing film and I just covered the tracks with such a lightning speed. Just by the thought of my dad actually giving me information about the documents that contained my actual identity was more than enough to fill me up with this exhilarating excitement. I rushed back inside the house and before I know it, I was already inside my parents’ bedroom. The mood inside the room was expectedly strange and I immediately knew it was because of the fight that have occurred here a few days ago. The negative energy has stuck like it’s a perfume with an unpleasant odor. I noticed the picture frame of my mom and dad with the clear absence of the glass that once covered it. I believe this was one of the things that my mom threw in her anger. Even the big vintage flower vase that my dad bought from China was gone and I can see some few pie
AMBROSE“Who’s there?” The woman asked the moment she opened the door and I was standing right at the front door struggling to keep my cool. I noticed she was by far younger than what I’m thinking or better yet, far youthful than what I’m expecting. She looked like she’s on her mid-thirties, not that close to my real mother’s supposed age and I was thrown over the edge thinking that she’s my mother. I became extra anxious at my observation but then the optimistic side of my brain told me to calm down.“Uhm, hi.” I put up a wide smile on my face. “My name’s Ambrose and….”“If this is about solicitation, we don’t have any money.” I haven’t even finished what I was about to say and the woman cut me off thinking that I’m some stranger asking for money. I don’t even look like one. I’m just wearing
AMBROSEA part of me was already expecting this but finding my real mother seemed to be even more difficult under every circumstances. There’s only one thing to blame for it and that was all on fate. Fate was good at playing the ‘hide and seek’ card and I’m just one of its pitiful victim finding it hard to adjust and keep up with the harshness of the game. I went out to look for my real family for the whole day only to find nothing. I guess for a while I was satisfied that I did not raised my expectations so high that I might get burned by the conflagration. If I did raise my expectation to a cloud nine, there’s no denying the harsh reality that I’m going to fall six feet below the ground. The fall would hurt like shit.I’m beginning to ponder about what’s going to happen tomorrow. I have already made my decision to not enter school and I’m going to
AUGUSTThe pumping inside my chest became faster and faster to point that I’m very much exhilarated. It was madly accompanied by this thunderous thudding sound that my ears could only hear. I guess this was all because I’m happy that I finally found Ambrose Haylock after a whole week of desperately missing him. I’m perfectly aware that I’m exhausted from the trip that I had from school all the way to Ambrose’s house and then the ride here. Even the running that I did consumed much energy. Despite of that, it felt like the exhaustion was all washed away by the sight of Ambrose. It felt like seeing him was some kind of pill that just healed everything in me. The thudding sound in my chest seemed to grow louder and louder almost like a bass drum as I take my step closer.“Ambrose! Thank God, I finally found you here.” I yelled with such excitement as I continued to take a step. The rush
AUGUST“Ambrose? Are you leaving? Why the fuck are you putting your clothes on?” I yelled almost like an invisible person. It’s not an almost. Ambrose really disregarded my entire presence and it’s not cool anymore. It’s alarming how he was just blocking me off from actually interacting with him. I waited for this for the whole week and I still have to struggle. What the actual fuck.I became stricken with panic as I watched Ambrose continue to put his clothes on without turning his back to acknowledge my unwanted presence. For a short while, I thought of jumping down below and swim back to the riverbank or climbing down the boulder just to catch up to him. I felt stupid. I chose to climb down instead and I was already rushing towards Ambrose. I picked up my pace even though I’m feeling the hard surface of the rocks and pebbles on the soles of my feet. Slowing down wasn&rsquo