TWO-Hoping

CHARITY

   There are moments in life when it suddenly feels like the world has finally turned its back on you and has it middle finger right in your face. Moments when even your tears can't measure the amount of pain, you're in.

I think I was at that point in my life.

I laid numb on my couch, still dressed in my work clothes as I tried to think about where it all went wrong.

We had it going for a long time, Micah and I.

So long that I don't even remember who made the first move but it was exciting. The coy and knowing looks when we pass by each other, the feeling up while no one was watching in a meeting and even the frequent sexcapades in his office. Damn! He made me come while eating lunch at the company's cafeteria.

Even now, my gut clenched at how reckless I had been. Recklessness is-it's Shayne’s thing. The only thing that has stopped her from whoring herself out and having one-night stands is her job and even so, she still had a lot going.

I could still hear the horror in her voice when I told her I slept with my boss.

'Damn girl! I didn't know you had it in you'

Me neither.

I guess everyone at some point needed a little excitement in their lives. Only mine basically cost me my job and inevitably my career.

Still, getting home, I half expected-hoped Micah would call me. Apologize for everything that happened. Tell me to meet him at his cozy penthouse uptown. Kiss me and tell me he'll make it better and maybe even spend another night in his bed. It didn't take much time to realize that it was nothing but a fling and that I was a fool to think it meant more.

He was a goddamned liar. Only I realized a little too late.

I couldn't cry, the tears didn't come and even I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to control them when they do.

❃❃❃

"You're going to drink yourself to death char"

Shayne.

"Jesus Shayne! It's just caffeine! " I whined, downing the 7th cup of coffee that morning. Just as liquor and drugs relieved some people of their frustration, strong coffee keeps mine in check cause basically, I was at the point of losing it.

"Caffeine is just as strong as the regular alcohol char, it only aids your anxiety and restlessness and soon you'll have to depend too much on it "

I rolled my eyes, the perks of having a doctor for a friend.

"Oh, don't give me that look or we're going to go over why sleeping with your boss is so damn wrong! " She snapped at me.

And Just like that, my mouth clamps shut and the words that has intended to spill out of them got stuck in my throat. I knew what was coming next, this is one of the moments when she-oh so victoriously gives me a lecture about how she was right and I was wrong.

"Look at yourself! you're a mess" She said and I looked around my apartment. I was a mess alright.

My living room was littered with wraps of snacks and of course coffee. My fridge was wide open and the stench of rotten food invade my nostrils. I didn't even remember making that much of a mess last night.

"Has he even called you? " She asked, hand on her waist, her eyebrows raised knowingly. I shook my head, my lips quivering.

"You see? I warned you char! I told you you'd be the one to take the fall. You literally threw 5 years of your life into the trash! "

Maybe it was the reminder of all I've worked for going down the drain or the caffeine taking its toll on me, either way, I snapped.

"What the heck was I supposed to do? I was starting to like him-I -I thought we could-be-become more than---" I choked on the tears.

"Oh char! "

Shayne walked up to me and puts her arm around me pulling me into her embrace.

"Bastard" She seethed and I agreed, snuggling closer into her warmth.

"Your parents-have you told your parents? "

My heart clenched at the reminder of the people I would disappoint. How was I supposed to tell my parents I lost my job without telling them why I lost my job? My parents perfectly groomed me to be the perfect daughter and I don't want to imagine the looks on their faces when I give them the news, maybe later but now----

Shayne didn't press further as silence fell upon us. Her presence was just what I needed. I had given up fighting it alone and called her. The concerned tone in get voice was enough to assure that she would be at my door any minute from then.

" The man that saved you, you really didn't see him? "

Yes, I did. If staring into a pair of intense cold blue eyes counts. My troubled mind wandered off to the man that practically saved what was left of my life. In my head, I can still see the icy look those eyes held betraying his kind act toward me and how his voice cut deep into the cold night air like he owned it. Maybe it was his deep honeyed voice that made my head foggy or the air of mystery that surrounded him like a thick harmattan  fog, it made me wish his face wasn't shielded by a cap.

Before I could answer, my phone vibrated off the kitchen table. I hurriedly stood to go for it, my heart hammering in my chest. I didn't know why but I silently prayed it was him. The excitement builds further when I saw Micah's name blink back on the screen.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he truly cares.

I opend the message and just like that, waves of disappointment crash on me. The room seemed to spin around me for a second and it looked like my whole life just got shattered right before my eyes. 

"Char, who is it? "

Shayne said behind me. I couldn't speak. I tried but no words come out of my parted lips. It's okay Charity! You've been strong enough. I let the tears fall as I said the only words my numb mind could process.

"I need to leave"

Fast.