Loss

What did he achieve in his four years in the entertainment industry? Should he have chosen to become a kept lover for Qiu Bai?

Being a lover to those influential men to have a good role was a good strategy and Qiu Bai made advances towards him letting him know what he wanted from him but Chen An kept reminding Si Ning to focus and Su Yi also prevented him from meeting Qiu Bai.

Along the way, he fell in love with Liu Ting and he couldn’t be a kept lover since Liu Ting promised to help and support him which means he would be able to have it easy.

"I am pretty messed up always thinking for an easy way." Si Ning opened the paper bag he was holding, bringing out a small glass cup, and placed it on the rail, he brought out and opened the bottle of Vodka he purchased from the store and poured himself a glass.

It was an odd and risky thing to do on a bridge in the middle of the night considering his occupation yet he doesn’t try to think of the consequence but focused on thinking of what he had achieved all those years after high school. He could say he was the one topping the game BattleXmode on the net, the most failed gambler, the worst lover, the worst son since he refused to get a part-time job to help his mother when his father died and he could clearly see his mother was struggling to raise him and his sister. To sum it up, a troublesome person who wanted to make it big without putting in an effort.

"Hmmm." Si Ning took a deep breath trying to shake off the cold seeping through his cloth since the night was a little chilly and the sea breeze didn’t help either. His shirt was so thin and all he wanted to do was to drink vodka, get drunk and maybe he would finally get the courage to end things with Liu Ting for both their sake.

After taking a few shots till he drank half the bottle. Si Ning brought out his phone ignoring the series of missed calls he had, steading the vodka bottle on the rail to prevent it from falling into the sea. He transferred all the money he saved to his mother on impulse watching as his phone locked.

Since he returned home five years ago, he had refused to go home and chose to live in the city, waiting for a miracle to make him rich overnight, buy and drive the latest sports car to his hometown to see his mother and sister. It was the only thing he thought was a reasonable move to give him face to show that he wasn’t a worthless son but who was he deceiving.

When he was in high school, all he did was change his girlfriend weekly and even had boyfriends since he was a wild child and wanted to live his life to the fullest. He tried smoking but never liked it instead he took a habit of drinking even though he couldn’t hold his liquor. He complained when his mother didn’t make him a good breakfast yet his mother never complained and even saved money for him to study abroad since she wanted him to go to college and study to get a job abroad and live a good life.

Thinking about his mother and his sister that nags a lot but later gave up on him gave Si Ning a sharp headache and he poured himself glass after glass till he emptied the bottle. He was a lousy drinker and drinking a bottle of vodka was risky but he needed it to mess up his brain for a little while even if it was just for one night.

At least he would get to forget his worries for a while. Si Ning struggled to unlock his phone since he was dizzy and his vision was getting blurry. He squinted his eyes to check the time only to see it was already two in the morning, no one was passing by the bridge and he was all alone with the street lights.

Si Ning thought about terminating his contract and stick to Qiu Bai's golden thigh but the high cost was something he couldn’t pay and knowing Qiu Bai, he would make sure to restrict him that he would never be able to break the chains off. Liu Zhicheng had been nothing but a good employer but Si Ning was the one searching for something he had no idea about, trying to find the missing something in his life.

A terrible hangover was certain after he gets to sleep and wake up. Si Ning clicked the message icon and blinked rapidly before squinting his eyes to focus his eyes and he spotted the draft message he wanted to send to Liu Ting. He wasn’t able to re-read it since his vision was so blurry but he already read the breakup message multiple times. He tried to send it a few times until he saw a message pop-up that his text message was delivered successfully.

To steady himself from staggering, Si Ning placed his hand on the rail, pushing the empty vodka bottle and watch it dropped into the sea. He was getting so dizzy and was about to fall only to grab the rail with his two hands to steady himself and then he knocked his phone off in the process.

The phone fell and hanged at the tip of the pile cap making Si Ning widen his eyes.

"Not that phone, I didn’t back up my gaming account." Si Ning mumbled thinking of a way to save his phone.

It wasn’t far, the sea doesn’t look far too and all he had to do was to go over the railing and pick his phone.

Si Ning swung his leg over the railing and lowered to reach for the phone but he wasn’t able to grab it. He grunted stretching his hand only to stagger to see his other leg was dangling and he had no time to shout as he fell into the sea.

Water gushed into his mouth and he began to sink. Instead of fighting it and struggling to get out as a good swimmer instead, he had a feeling to relax at the back of his mind and he immediately let loose and relaxed in a way he wouldn’t be able to float, feeling a sense of comfort thinking if this was death then it was strangely comfortable. So comfortable.