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Cravings T H I R T Y - O N E
Last night replayed in my head continuously as Seth drove me by his truck to the other side of town so I could get an Uber and then finally leave. I couldn’t stop thinking about the mistake I would have possibly made last night.What’s worse is that I kept on wondering if he knew that I tried toThank God for averting such a disaster. I don’t know why I let myself go at that moment.I put my elbow up against the window and pondered everything, so engrossed in my own delusions that I forgot Seth was in the truck with me.Seth passed a long list written on a shit of paper to me: “Have it."I collected it, utterly confused by what was written on it. I took a quick glance, and from the first thing listed, I knew what it was.“You are coming back." My heart leaped as I looked at him, stunned. “What made you change your mind?” I asked, going back to look at the list again. My efforts coming all the way down here weren’t in vain after all.Seth shrugged as he replied, “I don’t know. I woke u
Cravings T H I R T Y-T WO
I relieved myself from the hug as I began protesting over her unavailability. “How can you say that you miss me?” I questioned, taking a step back away from her, “I don’t hear from you because you don’t call, text, or even find a way to reach out to me; it doesn’t matter how; the only time I get to hear that you exist is when Brianna speaks to you."“I have been busy,” Vanessa claimed.“With what! What exactly have you been busy with that is not just going from places to places? That is not an excuse, Vanessa. That is not an excuse."I retorted at her lame excuse; anyone could have come up with that, and I could have come up with that.“Going from places to places is my job; I don’t just sit around and expect manners to fall from heaven; I work! I am not as privileged as you."Vanessa accused me, and I was baffled. When have I been privileged? When?“There is no way you are saying that when Mother has always supported you with whatever nonsense that you do, while I get to be the perfect
Cravings THIRTY-THREE
“How was the summer camp?” I asked as both Carmela and Leo came out of the car. Carmela didn’t answer, as she surprisingly came up to me and embraced me. “The summer camp was great; thanks for allowing me to go,” she kissed my cheeks before walking off to her.My heart was still beating as Leo came up to me and hugged me. Carmela is never this affectionate; the only nicest thing I have gotten from her was like seven years ago, when she was eight. After that, she has gotten cold with me.“Is there something wrong with your sister?” I asked Leo if maybe he knew something about Carmela’s sudden change in demeanor.Leo shrugged his shoulders as he answered truthfully, “I think it is because of the new boy she is dating. He confessed at the camp fire in front of Ashleigh, the girl Carmela hates, that he likes and would like to date Carmela. She couldn’t stop talking about it."“So she hugged me because of that?” My whole happiness faded; I only got a hug because of a boy.“I think that’s w
Cravings T H I R T Y - F O U R
“He stays there?” Michael questioned me as he stopped walking. He stared at me, seeking answers. I knew it was time to at least let him know; there was no way I could hide the special treatment I was about to give Seth.“Yes, he does.” I replied without hesitation. Michael was disoriented as he asked back, wanting more context to get rid of his confusion. “I thought he quit? He did quit."“Michael, I brought him back. With Ralph gone and you with David, I had no one with me; I absolutely couldn’t handle things alone. You know I can’t drive, and you have chosen not to get extra drivers and more security because you want to maintain modesty,” I responded in an attempt to put the blame on him.“You speak like I am the one who sent away five drivers in a span of a month; besides, I am not even angry that you brought him back. Seth is a great kid, and I like him.” Michael said, and he pulled me closer. “I have no problem with you doing anything that you want to; I am only in shock because
Cravings THIRTY FIVE
That night we shared passionate sex; we both couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. It wasn’t the same way we normally make love, but it was much better than I had gotten used to, but I won’t deny it was just me being horny because my body didn't align with Michael.“Where are you off to?” Michael asked as he woke up from his sleep and found me already dressed up.I turned away from the mirror and said to him as I wore my earrings, “We have to act fast to secure a stronger sponsor that can easily go up against Victor, right?”“Yes,” Michael answered.I moved up to him with a smile on my face and climbed onto the bed, making it squeak as my weight came on top. I leaned to offer him a kiss, slightly on the lips, before saying, “That is where I am going, honey."“This early?” Michael sat up as his eyes flickered with concern. I didn’t respond as he went on to add, “Who do you plan on meeting? Is it Patricia? She is yet to return."“I know that, honey, but I can’t exactly reach it without
Cravings THIRTY-SIX
I knocked on Leo’s room door, and when I didn’t get a response, I opened it myself. He had his earpods on and had his head bent deep into what he was doing, of which he wasn’t aware of my presence.He was studying, I thought.I hovered around his study desk to take a look at what he was doing, and to my surprise, Leo was drawing. I quickly grabbed the notepad he was scribbling on to take a good look.“Mom!” Leo reacted. “Give it back,” he demanded. Leo’s voice rose, which came as a shock to me.“Leo, I just want to see what you are up to. I don’t care if you scribble all over your paper for as long as you are reading, and at the end of the day, this is just a silly hobby to you; it is not like you will be doing this all your life." I dropped the notepad on his desk and said, "Anyways, I heard that you called Rocky and told him you were sick and that he shouldn’t come."“I did,” Leo answered as he straightened out the page that had been roughed out. “I am not ready to see his face,”“T
Cravings THIRTY-SEVEN
The morning after was quite eventful. First, I was awakened by a sweet note on my dresser with a rose on it. I read it to myself while sniffing on the rose, and the bottom left of the note wrote, “From: Your forever.”I blushed at this gesture, knowing Michael’s effort was soon to pay off given how my heart reacted to it.There was a knock on the door. I dropped the rose and note on the dresser as I went to address who was at the door. I doubt it was Michael, though.As I opened the door, I was immediately greeted by one of my house helpers as she went on to relay the message she came for: “Good morning, ma. Mr. Thatcher has informed me that you should have your bath; the make-up and hair stylist are currently on their way."“He told you that?” I said with a short smile that I couldn’t keep my mouth in one place. It has been a long time since Michael has done this sort of thing, and most times it was never genuine, watching him go all out. My God, maybe I wasn’t wrong to give myself a
Cravings THIRTY - EIGHT
I looked over at Michael as he dashed out of the car. I was confused as to why he had decided to return when he said he had something urgent to do.“Good afternoon, sir,” Bella greeted politely as Michael came up to us.Michael nodded his head in acceptance. He turned to me and asked, “What is going on?”"Nothing; the important question is why you are here. I thought you had an important meeting." I asked in a hushed tone, more like a whisper.“Change of plans; you are more important, and I blew it... All the plans I had and I just ruined them, please forgive me,” Michael said. Not to make things even more awkward than they already were with Seth's fiancée looking at us so lovingly and going on to ask Seth quietly if Michael and I were a couple.It didn’t seem like Seth wanted to respond, especially since we could hear them.I sighed. I was no longer feeling ecstatic about today, as it started great and has since gone downhill, and things just keep getting worse and worse.“Can we all
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Cravings 113
The minute I stepped foot into that place Michael called home for me and my children, it was the moment I lost all contact with Seth and the world. I never go anywhere without security following me around, monitoring my every movement and the things that I do, and making sure that they work according to my given schedule.Michael has gone insane.“Michael I am tired of all these.” I threw off my shoes and flung them out the window, and wherever they landed, I absolutely had no care for them. “I am tired!”“Then leave!” Michael screamed at my face as he slammed our room door, locking it shut. “I know you want his touch; you are doing all of these because you miss him, don’t you?”“For six months I haven’t seen him; I have adhered to every one of your demands and kept away from him; all I want is for you to sign the divorce papers and free me,” I say, moving away from him."Clearly, you don’t know that I won’t know such things, so act right and come down right now!” Michael yelled, and
Cravings 112
“Carmela, hurry up; you are going to be late for school,” I screamed from the kitchen where I was packing up her lunch. When I didn’t hear anything from her, I went to knock on her door. The door pushed open as I held it. “Carmela.”“Mum, come take a look,” Carmela pointed at the two vehicles with security detail waiting in front of Seth’s apartment.“Ignore them,” I said to her before closing off the curtain. “Seth said he will drop you off at school before we head to the hospital to pick up your brother. Leo is finally returning home.”“Yay,” Carmela feigned excitement. “I am sure he is going to gain all of your attention now.” My forehead creased as I looked directly at her. I saw a small smile on her face. “I am kidding, mom. It is so easy to get to you. Make sure you give him all of the love for me.”“I think you should skip school today and come see him.”“And ruin my perfect record? No, I told you I would do better in school than Leo ever was,” Carmela said as she picked up her
Cravings 111
“Why didn’t you tell me that Leo was alive? What was the need for keeping it away from me and from us?” Michael asked. Carmela had stared with the bitterness she had felt looking at her father this morning.“I did it so Brianna would confess,” I answered.“For fuck sake, Scarlett, if she had gotten arrested, she would have confessed either way; she killed our son, I mean almost,” Michael said as he moved back and forth.“And that is almost the reason he is alive today, Michael. I know Brianna was in her head yesterday, but she is not a bad person and still is my friend,” I acknowledged. “Everything she has done was to provide for her family; there is nothing wrong with that.”“By blackmailing you? Honey, have you gone mad? How can you call someone who has done all these things a friend? I pray she rots in jail for the sins she has caused you.” Michael pulled me and hugged me. I sniffed his shirt, and there was an unfamiliar scent—feminine, I would say.I already knew he had sex when h
Cravings 110
A few talks with the officer were all I needed to get a name that I already knew. I couldn’t believe that the person I trusted so much about would have done this to me. I don’t deserve this. I may be a bad person, but I don’t deserve this at all.We drove over to my son’s murderer’s house as I begged for the police to let me speak to her personally; she is my friend after all.“She won’t harm me; Brianna already told me she would be waiting to speak to me,” I said, trying to convince the officer to wait.I knocked on the door of Brianna’s home, and it opened slightly, given that she hadn’t locked the door as she said she wouldn’t.“You came,” Brianna sat in the darkness of her home. I saw different weapons like a gun, a knife, and a couple of pills on the table. She said, “Don’t worry, they aren’t for you.”“I know,” I said. “You won’t harm me, Brianna.”“I hate you.” She said so simply as she whimpered silently, “You are so lucky; you have a good life, family, money , everything. I a
Cravings 109
A heavy downpour of rain washed over Leo’s grave, and while everyone sought shelter from it, I stood there wondering how lonely it would be over there—no one to talk to, no food to eat—at least you wouldn’t have to study any more.My lips thinned as I exhaled deeply.There is no mother to tell you what you can and cannnot, how to live your life, or who you should be with.I kneeled down as I allowed the dirt to stain all over me, losing my mind at the thought that Leo was actually gone, like I would never get to see him again."Leo, I am sorry.” I cried out as all my pain weakened me. A snort came out of my nose as I continued to cry. It will take the intervention of everyone to leave my son’s at this point.I didn’t give him what he wanted and always found a way to make his life about Michael. I used him as a pawn to achieve Michael’s success, and I only started to feel sorry for it when he outgrew me.I never got to amend my relationship with my son; I never got to do that, and now
Cravings 108
Seth was shocked as to where I had gotten such courage from. I mean, I was drunk in his scent and clearly wasn’t thinking properly, but his saying I should go ahead was where I understood he wanted it too."Seth, look at where we are. Do you think God will want to see that from two fornicators?” I asked, and Seth burst out laughing.“Fornicators? So that is who we are now. I have never felt sin be this good before. You think maybe he will forgive us so easily?” Seth asked as he looked around the chapel.“No, God doesn’t work that way, dear; you have to be remorseful and actually pay the price for the sin before he forgives, I think, but though he is merciful, his forgiveness doesn’t come cheap,” I said, smiling. “I also don’t think we should be this close.” I tried to push him further away while pulling him back at the same time.“Since we are fornicators?" Seth laughed, and the room fell into silence as he gazed at me ever so lovingly. “I know this is wrong, but I miss you,” he said
Cravings 107
I visited the hospital frequently as if it were my home; I had to because Leo was yet to wake up and none of us knew exactly how he wound up at shore for that good man who was fishing to find him.Weeks after weeks, and though the doctors said he was responding to treatment and would probably wake up, there was still no sign of that happening, and now I am starting to become worried.For the first week, Leo’s health had been unstable. We received a lot of visitors at the hospital, but as the days pushed into weeks and then a whole month, everyone who we thought cared had soon forgotten and gone back to their own business.I hardly saw any of my friends around either; they were mostly focused on Laura for now, except for Melissa, and that is solely because she is Leo’s godmother; of course she has to be here along with her son.Even Rocky, whom I thought would be here every day, was also occupied, and I understand he has school and his mother to worry about, so maybe he can be excused
Cravings 106
Silence, a void only one could hear and feel for themselves.“Scarlett, Sarlett, Scarlett.” They all called my name from different areas, but their voices never got to me.Could this be true? Could it be?My son is gone, and I am supposed to feel okay about it.I failed as a mother; I failed as his friend; and I failed as his world.When Leo needed me the most, I was never there for him. I don’t deserve happiness at all.My eyes closed as I allowed darkness to seep into me.*** **** ********* ********** ******* ****** ******* ****** ******* My eyes finally opened to see all of my loved ones gathered around my bed, with the beeping sound disturbing my hearing. I looked around, not saying anything. Where would I find the words?“Mum has woken up,” Carmela’s voice said out loud as everyone who was around the doctor soon came to me.“Darling,” Michael touched my face as he kissed my forehead. At first, I wondered why he was getting so affectionate until I saw who came as well.
Cravings 105
~SCARLETT POV~Ambulance sirens blared as lots of body bags were being brought out and taken into the morgue one after the other, my hands shivering. I had already cried in the car. I can't help it now that I have seen Carmela in tears. She would need me to be strong for her, and I can’t help being weak in front of her.“Mum, why do horrible things always happen to us?” Carmela asked as she embraced me, her tears trickling down from her eyes to my shoulder as I stroked her back. “All will be fine, dear; we just have to identify the bodies; we have to hope your brother isn’t a part of it.”I was breaking down so badly; I was so occupied with myself that I never paid attention. God, I only ask for one thing, and that is for my son not to be a part of the dead bodies that drowned at sea.It was hard to pray because it was confirmed that Leo and Rocky were indeed on the guest list for the cruise and that they did attend.“Mrs. Thatcher,” The officer called as I turned, my heart beating ex
