CHAPTER 12

I lay on the bed staring straight at the white ceiling. I am lost in confusion and I feel so much despair. Suddenly I feel my stomach growling- it is sharp and painful. I remember that I have not eaten since… I can't even remember now. I feel the ache in my stomach grow more and more, but I don't even have the energy to move. I feel so weak now

I shift uncomfortably on the bed, my hand is feeling around the bed to find my purse. But then I realise almost immediately- my purse- I don't think I have seen it since I woke up. My purse has my money in it and I think it is gone!

My money is gone. I have saved it up for months in a hole I had dug in my room. It had not been easy since I rarely got any money of my own, but I started running small errands for the big girls in school - that is how I got money to save up. I have been stashing up every coin I could, planning my escape from the pack. All gone now, like it's air from cigar slipping out of my lips

I feel my body shutting down in disappointment. How can I even go back now? Where would I tell them I went to since the ball? “Oh, I just disappeared and now I'm back?” Gosh, I'll be in big trouble

My stomach is still growling when the sound of knocking on the door startles me- it is sharp and sudden and it makes me jump a little as my heart leaps into my throat. Who could it be? Is it my family? I unconsciously shift back until my back is on the wall. I hug my knees to my chest praying that whoever is knocking would go away

The knocker did not go away. They keep knocking and knocking and each one is louder than the last.

“Hello…,” I hear a feminine voice. “Miss…?” her voice comes through the door. “I am from the kitchen. I have your food. King Alonso placed an order before he left”

King Alonso? I freeze, I am unsure if she is saying the truth. I highly doubt her. What if this is a set up? I try to speak, but I find it hard. I force myself, then finally I feel my throat releasing. “Leave it by the door”

There is a pause and a small sigh from the door. I imagine she thinks I am weird and she even probably frowns in confusion. “Uhm… okay,” I can hear the hesitation in her voice

“Thank you,” my shaky voice comes again, but I stay glued to where I was- listening for the sound of the food tray on the ground and for her footsteps to go away. When I am sure she has retreated down the stairs, I rush to the door. My stomach roars like a propeller pushing me forward towards the food like a do or die affair. I crack the door open just small enough to stretch my hands outside and grab the tray of food before slamming it shut

I opened up the tray and immediately, the aroma of the food hit my nose- it is rich, savoury and promising to be worth it. Before I know what is happening, my instincts are taking over. I set the tray on the ground and I sat down on the bare floor, barely thinking before I dig in. My fingers tear the meat and I shove the pieces in my mouth. I don't bother with utensils, my hands are working just fine. The bread beside the disappeared in minutes as I eat the meat, bones, and bread together

I barely respect myself. My hunger blinds me, making me forget everything else. I grab the fruit next, biting into it so hard that juice splatters onto the ground. My breathing is heavy, my movements likened to a mad wolf. I cannot stop, my stomach is driving me crazy

And then something came to my mind

What if it's poisoned- the food?

I stop mid-bite, my hand is still holding the fruit. I start thinking of Leah's drink from last night. I think of what would have become of me iff King Alonso didn't save me

My eyes widens as I start to panic, staring at the fruit and the remaining food

“Alora!” I shout, slamming the fruit onto the tray. “You idiot!”

I push the tray away violently, standing so fast that I sprain my ankle, but I ignore it. My stomach begins to rumble and I cannot tell if it's from fear, from the food I just ate or from the hunger that I still feel. What was I thinking? Eating like some wild animal, not even considering the dangers surrounding my stupid decision

I pace the room, clutching my hair, scattering my clothes and muttering curses under my breath

“Stupid girl! Stupid! Foolish girl!” I scold myself with a shaky voice. I start feeling like a fire is in my stomach. Is it my imagination or something worse is happening?

I start pacing around before I stop in front of the mirror, staring at my disorganised self. “What are you doing, Alora?” I whisper to my reflection but obviously my reflection doesn't have a soul- it doesn't answer me. It just looks at me back representing the way I look. I am lost and terrified. I feel like I am shutting down slowly. Have I been poisoned?

I let my gaze fall on the food tray on the floor. The meal that looked vibrant once now looks disgusting to me. Then I take a deep breath, and with finality, I say, “What does it even matter?” It is like I am trying to convince myself. I pace the room again, my footsteps uneven because of my sprained ankle. “If someone of his status wants me dead, he wouldn't bother with poisoning me secretly. He is a king, kings don't waste time with stupid dramas for someone like me. If he wants me dead, he will come straight to me and kill me when I am conscious enough to acknowledge the fact that it is him killing me”

The thought makes me steady for a moment. King Alonso would not poison me if he wants me dead. All he needs to do is to snap his fingers and a thousand soldiers would come running after me for my head on his plate

I limp back to where I had scattered the food. I sit down and stare at it. I still feel hungry and the feeling is so much I am beginning to lose my mind again. I battle within myself if to continue eating or to just leave the food

I think about the hole I dug back in my room, I had suffered so greatly to save up that amount of money. Now everything is gone, probably taking at the party by Leaj- my so-called sister

I feel hopelessness cover itself around me like it is chasing comfort away from me. I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes. They are threatening to fall, but I refuse to let them fall. Crying would not fix my miserable life. I am such an unfortunate wolf, and honestly death feels like the kindest option that the moon goddess can give me. At least death would make me numb to the suffering I am forced to face

“If I die, I die,”I said to myself in a whisper in the empty room. After I let the words settle into my head, I pick up the fruit I had slammed onto the tray earlier and stare at it. I stare as the juice drips onto my hand and after a final talk with myself, I bite into it without hesitation this time. I feel sweetness in my mouth now, both from the messy fruit and from the joy of knowing that I care no more about my own life. And the good thing is- the pain in my stomach dulls as I eat

I chew slowly, promising myself to savour every moment and every taste of what I am eating before I die. If it is my last meal at least let it be worth it. I pick up the piece of meat next, tearing it with a kind of wildness that I didn't know I have

My mind starts to race as I eat and drink. Would anyone even mourn me if I die? Would my so-called family even pretend to care for a day or two before moving on with their lives? They would even be happy if I am gone. The whole pack? They don't even acknowledge me enough to know that I exist! If I die, it would be another inconvenienced removed

I wouldn't even blame them. What have I ever done to make myself worth mourning for? My family has made sure that I spend my whole life hiding running errands for people who barely acknowledged my existence. I always dream of a freedom that I know might never come. I am a nobody in a world full of people that matter

This is how I will die- a quiet lonely death

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