Chapter five

   

   

  Depression had rolled in, and all thanks to my mom's hospitality and assumed doctrine certificate I had been diagnosed with an illness. Deep down I knew I was fine, and fear had its place in everything.

     But oh well, welcome to Nigeria. Three days passed and I seemed to have to return back to school. I felt like I was going on a journey of no return. I did a series of prayers and mantras, hoping I won't see him.

     The school gate welcomed me, but he wasn't there. That's a relief, the classroom was void of his presence as well, no one spoke about him, he usually parades the class, but he didn't today.

  Every second felt like my end was just near, but he wasn't around, and the day ended. After hours of waiting for a bell, I ran home thanking God for a successful day with a panic attack.

       Two weeks passed and he wasn't in school. I was happy that I didn't have to face him, things were going back to how they used to be until whispers began to spread.

        We were all summoned to the board room, where it was official that the pervert was dead, he died just three days after the incident. He died in a road accident. I don't know if I should be happy or sad.

     Slowly everything went back in place, all my fears had slowly diminished, with the load gone, and soon years strode by like a shooting star.

       I became fifteen years old and hormones were working, their wonders on my body. I started developing weird feelings and sensations, I didn't know I could feel them.

  

     Even blushed when I got compliments, and my thighs got wider as well. I had a crush on my classmate and I understood what some things meant, high school was a charm 

  

 I figured out the hard way after asking a silly question, then I learned  touching a boy won't make you pregnant… silly me 

Smile 

   My biology teacher was an expert in saying things raw and how things are without, considering the fact that we were just starting our journey to the hard reality, called life.

     I had grown into a woman I admire in the mirror, and a woman admired by Jamal, or maybe a woman I hoped Jamal admired. Some days he acts like he actually notices that nerd by the corner.

    Sometimes he plays his day away, and it hurts just too much. I am not in his league anyway. He is carefree, handsome, smart, and someone I would love to share this giddy feeling with.

      But how do I want more when I don't even have the flirty walk I see every girl do when they walk? I can't even walk properly, I hate myself so much, we would never get a chance together.

    He doesn't like me, it's obvious. I sat in the class, with a book just in front of my face, while I eavesdropped on his conversation with another student, my eyes were constantly glancing at him.

      He sat like a king on the chairs while the rest of the students paired their eyes on him, leaning on his every word, I wouldn't fit in that crew, even if it was a religion.

       But I hope one day, he would come to me, with a flower in his hands like in those movies I started watching recently, when a girl and guy fall in love they kiss, and boom they are inseparable.

      Why can't my heartthrob come my way, " hey, you!" I hear him yell and my heart skips a beat, he is probably calling another lady, I relax my head on my desk and the suffocation felt just too real.

      When is all this going to end, it's tiring already, he called out again till I felt a knock on the desk, " why are you so boring?" he asked.

      "I…I…I" 

He smiled at me, shakes my shoulder vigorously, cheers up, doesn't die now, rethabile David, you have a life before you," he said.

     My heart was making a real attempt to leap in my mouth,but I hid the fear with an attempted smile, he smiled back at me and I did some salmal Sault. It's the greatest thing that happened to me.

   And after that day, I notice a dimple gradually forming on my cheek as I blush almost all day long, and back home it was obvious I pay more attention to romance movies as I try to relate them to my current life.

      Those times he would look at me, each time he smiled, I hope he said something in his heart, and I would flush so hard. I even tried telling him I liked him, well I thought I almost did until I woke up on my desk, with drool sipping out of the corners of my mouth.

     If I had attempted sharing my feelings, I know I would be down with a shattered heart, maybe he would turn me down, who knows, and then I won't be able to leave with myself after that. So I would rather leave with my fantasy than get rejected, and besides, I have just one year more, then I won't see him so frequently.

      And Mom had promised to get me an Android phone if I Excel. I am sure I would ace it, no matter what. All I need to do now is breathe and all will go away through my nostrils like it was never there in the first place.

     Back home things were going great, mom had decided to explore her skills and of all things she had indulged in as an African woman she had decided to be a contracted caterer.

   It was fun at first, but as time passed by, she never had the time to seat at home and shout at us, she was either at the market or preparing food, and whenever she was not doing those two, she was sleeping.

  

    And with Jamal in my life, I no longer look at a couple of walk-ins down the balcony. I now close my eyes and daydream all day, love is indeed a beautiful thing, but as always, life had chosen to show me the unfair side of the world