I had never been dumped before given Brad was my first boyfriend. And ever since the day we had been together, I had this vision in my head that we’re going to grow old together.
Cheesy, I know.
Guess when you trust someone too much, you tend to think of those things to the point that you unconsciously let that person rule your world.
And I admit, through the years we've been together I became too dependent on him.
Though our relationship was not rainbows and unicorns it never crossed my mind that this day would come. And that hurt more than he knows.
My pinky finger suddenly twitched as I stared at them so perfect together. It might be my insecurities talking but as I look at Brad, protectively standing beside Stella, he would no doubt make a perfect husband and a father.
And if I just have half the guts other women who caught their man cheating have, the mall security would have been dragging me out of the shop by now. Yay.
Obviously, that was just my anger talking.
“How long have you been sleeping together?” I ask in a calm voice, the kind of calm that would have made the storm put to shame.
“Elle,” Brad called my name like a prayer—a plea. My knees wobbled at the familiarity of it. I knew deep inside we’re over but I also knew that the moment he takes my side, I would welcome him with open arms.
And as a woman with unique talent, I tend to act the opposite of what I feel and so I laughed but the sounds come out maniacal. Then like a deranged woman, my glare swept to the woman possessively holding Brad's arm.
“You want him?” I asked, taking off the engagement ring from my finger.
“Take it!” I screamed, throwing the ring on her.
“It's yours! He's yours!” The world fell silent as everyone's attention was focused solely on us. I might be the most organized and well-planned person always keeping her calm, never act impulsively but guess everyone has their limit.
And that includes me.
But Stella didn't even react.
“You think you've won? Huh? Watch me, how I would ruin you, Bradley Miller.” I hissed, my eyes never leaving their dumbfounded faces.
Yeah, I'm pretty good at acting the part of a crazed woman.
His body was rigid, face hard while his hand was wrapped around Stella’s torso. Then I saw it, the coldness in his eyes as he looked at me. I knew it was always there, hidden but always there. I always brush it off, thinking it was just Brad being Brad. Apparently, I was wrong.
The way he looks at Stella was different. It was warm and full of affection. Not on me, for some reason, I didn't know and was too scared to find out.
A month after his romantic beach proposal I saw this another side of him. He was always shutting me down and the way he talked to me becomes colder like he was just forcing himself to live with me. It’s like he’s putting a face—a façade maybe but I always shrugged it off, thinking it was due to his stressful day at work. And then, he got better wearing it that even I, got used to it.
“That's enough, Elle!” He roared.
Brad never raises his voice on me. He might be cold and distant sometimes but he never screams at me.
“Brad,” I crooked out. And even though my voice cracked at the end, I can’t bring myself to cry and mourn for what I had lost. Perhaps it was from the shock or maybe deep inside I’m still in denial. Most probably all of the above.
He looked at me mournfully. “I'm sorry,” He said. Presumably, realizing that he's only making the situation so much worse.
“Well, don't you think it's too late for that?” I asked snippily.
His mouth opened and then close again just as Stella’s other hand latched on his arm, claiming what she thought is hers. The act didn't escape me and our spectators.
Perhaps she's right, Brad was never mine, to begin with.What a b*tch, rubbing it in my face.
I stared at them, masking the hurt and pain I feel inside. And if they could see beyond the rack they’ll see without a doubt that I’m barely hanging on the thin thread of control.
I tightly clutched the rack in front of me, praying that it was strong enough to prevent myself from pitifully crumbling on the floor.
“What are you doing here?”
I chuckled. “I thought of surprising you on our wedding night, never thought that I would be the one getting a whiplash.” I spat, injecting enough venom in my voice to hide the wound Brad’s betrayal caused me. At least outside, I look strong.
To be honest, I wanted to be strong, physically and emotionally but looking at them, so perfect, being strong was not at the top of my priority list, escaping with my dignity intact and my face dry is.
“Elizabeth, we're just—” but I cut her off before I cower away before I run and hide and before she could see the crack slowly crawling on my strong façade.
“Miss Robinson I know you’re a smart woman but you’re stepping out of the boundary coveting my soon-to-be husband.” I sound desperate even in my ears.
I don’t know but looking at them now, I felt like my whole well-planned life was washing away under my feet.
“Shut up, Elle.” I briefly closed my eyes. The small part of me that believed that we could still salvage our relationship, the fact that he’s defending her not me has slaughtered it.
“Brad, what have you done? I thought you told her.” She threw a disapproving glance at Brad. Then like they have telepathically come to a decision, Brad nodded his head at her before looking back at me.
Have you ever felt that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? Like your subconscious was telling you that there’s a pit after hitting rock bottom? That’s what I felt the moment Stella’s eyes met mine.
It’s instant
Like a lightning bolt hitting you out on a sunny day.
No indication
No pretenses
No hiding
It’s out in the open. And it only spelled disaster.
“Tell me what?” And even if you’re not ready, it’s going to hit you, leaving you into a shuddering mess.
“I’m pregnant, Elle.” Straight to the point. She didn’t even blink, pause or waver. My breath hitched as I stared at them with so much contempt.
“Is it Brad’s?” I asked though I knew the answer.
“Yes.”
I briefly closed my eyes, internally counting, willing for them to disappear when I open my eyes.
‘Just was I few more seconds. And please, please be just a cruel trick of my overactive imagination.’ I internally chanted.
For a moment I let myself hope.
But then, I guess I’m not that lucky.“You got to be kidding me?!” A familiar screeched sounded behind me. I don't even know if would be happy seeing my best friend, Arya, or sad that my worst nightmare was actually a reality.
•••
The look on their faces could have killed me.
And so I ran.
Because there's no better way to escape reality but to run away from it. The sound of heels hitting the tiled floor reached my ears, and so I pumped faster.
“Elle!”
Arya
“Elizabeth! You better stop or I swear you'll see stars without looking at the sky!” Came a gasping shout from my friend.
I stopped.
Who wouldn't be? When Arya issued a threat on you, you better believe that there's no hint of joke on it.
And I waited.
When we're finally standing toe to toe I was immediately engulfed in a huge comforting embrace.
“I'm sorry, I'm late.” She mumbled as she gently stroke my hair.
“I–I just don't know what else to do!” I whined hugging her tightly.
“Well, the first thing you shouldn't do is run. Physically and mentally. Don't shut me out, babe. I'm always here for you.” she said breaking our embrace.
“What should I do now?”
“You cancel the wedding and stop the preparation,” she answered, face serious.
“No! I mean without Brad I am nothing. No offense R but you know I depended so much on him.”
“Hey! I may not be always available for you but you know I always have your back, Elle.” Arya was always traveling. It's part of the job of being a model. Usually, she'd go from one place to another without a breather.
Well, as long as she's happy at what she does, we're always at her back, supporting her.
Ashamed, I murmured an apology. That was uncalled for.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered.
“Do you think Anna knew?” Anna was Brad's older sister and Arya's twin brother, Gustavo's secretary. The thought that she might know about Brad's affair and kept it from us was a knife in my back.
“I don't think so.” She shrugged her shoulder, guiding me into her car.
“What if she did?”
“Well, we'll never know her side unless
Gus and Anna's plane landed safely back here.”“Where are they anyway?”
“Don't ask me, father can't even contact him,” She pressed her thumb on the fingerprint sensor of her car, bringing it to life.
She looked at me, a devilish smirked so alike with her brother flashing. “But I have a suspicion.”
“Twin telepathy?” she shook he head.
“Woman's intuition.” Arya boasted, nodding.
“No freaking way!”
“Yes, way.”
“What about Chef Leo? I thought she finally moved in with him the other day.” I asked, genuinely curious.
“That's the thing. Gustavo flies Anna out of the country on the same day that she was supposed to move out at her apartment.”
I smiled faintly at my friend, thankful that she came when I'm about to collapse from emotional turmoil. She saved me from the suffocating emotions trapped in my chest.
And for a short while, she successfully drives my mind away from those painful memories.
But reality is reality and I have to face it sometime.
•••
“She’s pregnant with his baby.”Everything becomes too much after Arya found me face-to-face with Stella and Brad inside the store, and as every sane person would do, I bolted out, with Arya hit on my heels. At that moment I just wanted to escape and pretend that everything was just a big messed up nightmare.“My Brad’s baby.” A new wave of loud sobs wrenched my feeble body, shaking it to the point that I can no longer feel it.“Why! Why, Arya!” I wipe the tears after blowing the snot, blocking my airways, “All I want is to be happy with him. Am I not enough? He should have told me so I could give him more,” I wailed, clutching my chest in an attempt to ease the impervious ache I felt.“Let that be a lesson, Love. It’s never good to put the key to our happiness into someone’s pocket. We should—I mean, people change all the time, Elle.”“I know but it hasn’t crossed my mind that he’s goi
It had been two days, and I’m not done crying over him. Yes, I cried. And for the past two days, all I did aside from crying was stupidly scan and stare at our photos when we’re still together and reminisce the past that most likely out of my reach.A pathetic way of passing the time, I guess.I know I should’ve tried to crawl out from my room, eat, maybe took a shower, and made peace with the reality that we’re done. But the stupid, still hoping part of me still thinks that he’ll come back to me and have our happily ever after in the end.Again, a pathetic way of passing the time.Eight years. I can’t believe I wasted eight years of my life pining for someone I thought could give me love and stability. For eight years I stupidly gave my trust and loyalty to him, investing my time in our relationship.All my life all I wanted was someone to see me. The
“Fine! You stay and I’ll go.” I was about to maneuver around her but was stopped by her strong gripped on my wrist, pulling me to face her.“Then what?!” She exploded, throwing her hands up in the air before pointing to my bed.“I cannot let you crawl back onto that stinking bed and cry for my as*hole brother, Elle,” Breathing in deeply, she then continued, “Can’t you see?!” She growled, stomping indignantly, “You deserve better, Elle. A whole lot better than my brother.”“I’m tired, Anna.” I pleaded in a soft voice, tired and pleading.Though I had been in mine and Brad's apartment for two days without leaving, well it's actually mine since I'm the one paying it for the last three years after we got our degrees. I felt drained physically and mentally.“When was the last time you eat?” I shrugged my shoulders looking away from her.“Okay, you need to eat Elle. Now, go
There are moments in the past that all I wanted to do was run, to escape, and never look back. But I held on. I had Brad with me. And besides the young and naïve part of me always thought that he’s more than enough reason for me to stay.I won’t deny that at an early stage of our relationship I become too dependent on him that I thought I couldn't live without him in my life. Those days were over now. Brad left me without any warning or explanation. But the thing was, it’s more than that, and though it’s not as complicated as people around me thought it would be, the destruction of his leaving wrecked me apart.My confidence level hit the bottom level while my insecurity level reached its peak.What he did to me is more painful than being abandoned and left behind. It’s the thought that despite everything we’ve been through together I am still not worth an explanation.Now, while looking at the man I was supposed t
Twelve hours later after a lot of wandering around and revisiting the places Brad and I used to visit, you know for old times sake, I ended up in front of the club Arya and my bridesmaids set my bachelorette party at. Luckily the two bouncers at the entrance already knew me so they let me pass through without any hitch.“You're hot,” I slurred, looking at the guy sitting next to me. He's not even drinking, he's just staring ahead.“And you're drunk, darling.” I tilt my head to the side, and the whole club spin out of control that I almost fell from my seat. Lucky, the hot guy caught my shoulder as I lean dangerously close to the floor.Good job tequila.I gripped his arm tightly as I blink my eyes. “Me? Drunk? Nonononono.”He suddenly swept me off from the stool on the bar, carrying me to the comfortable-looking couch on the second floor where the music doesn't hit so hard on my eardrums.We're on the VIP
When I awoke, the sun was already peaking on the horizon. I lazily stretched out on the softness of the bed, face pointed toward the luxury hanging on the ceiling with a look of utter contentment on my face.I smiled to myself as the warm feeling and contentment settled within me. I’m lucky I’m not one of those people who got an ugly hungover after drinking too much. I know it’s way better than I deserve after that binge drinking. Though I think it was life’s gift for me.And, I regret nothing.Now that I think about it, it’s a long way coming. After I went into a coma for alcohol poisoning and lost my memory on the same night. I never drink anymore least look at the whole aisle of them in a grocery store. And Brad leaving me put it perfectly into an occasion to get wasted.Hello, freedom. A voice in my head purred.I smiled despite the fact it’s Brad and Stella’s wedding in a week,
It's been an hour since I discovered the gigantic cut of diamond sitting on my ring finger and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I may or may not got married the previous night.It was the first time I got drunk after seven years. The first time I let myself crumble, yet here I am making a mess again. But this was not like going into a coma for alcohol poisoning all over again. This might be bigger than the mess I made seven years ago.“Damn, what did I get myself into?” I murmured just as my stomach rumbled in complaint having not eaten since the day before.Arya, bless her soul had gone down to get us breakfast so I was left with my thoughts. I love Arya to pieces but there are times, such as this that I rather be alone than seeing her patronizing smile.I was deep in my thoughts, twisting and turning the ring on my finger when an annoyingly consistent knocking pulled me back to real
While mourning for my slaughtered dream wedding and the man I was supposed to marry, I couldn't help but wish that my life was like my favorite rom-com movie with panty-dropping hot, sexy, and charming guys and a one-hundred percent guarantee of happily ever after.A life without hard-core drama, a fiancé that would never ghost you like Casper, or a life without the trivial things like snot on your decongested nose, cramps, and bills to pay.How I wish life was that simple.As I looked at Killiad's face I couldn't help but wonder how are we going to make this arrangement work. How on my vulnerable state I could stomach another relationship doomed for failure.After Brad cheated on me I have this extreme paranoia of being left alone again.Yes, I'm scared of being left alone.But I'm more terrified of trusting again.So when the shock wears off the f
There are thousands of reasons to be sad, angry, and cry but there are millions of reasons to be happy, thankful, and trust again.It's what life taught me.We could always find a reason to run away. To never look back. Heartbreak does that to a person. Sometimes we focused too much on the hurt and pain we failed to see the positive things that surround us.Heartbreak made me see clearly what's in front of me. Yes, it made me doubt myself and everyone around me but it taught me to take a leap of faith.The moment I stepped a foot inside Killiad’s building memories rushed in like a swirl of colors and emotion.“Welcome home Mrs. Knight.” The head of security greeted me as I walked by his post in the entrance.“Good afternoon, Luis and thank you.”“Do you want me to escort you to the penthouse?” I shook my head, a grateful smile on my face.“I'll be fine but thank you for asking,&rd
Turns out, Emily is not in Gavin or her brother's place, Ethan. Though as I thought over it I didn't remember Emily introducing Ethan to me or anyone of us in the office as her brother. I just assume given their brother-sister devotion to each other.And as I asked Ethan about Emily's whereabouts he seems unbothered about it. In fact he looks like he'd been expecting it.“Em? Where are you?” I asked, my voice tinged with panic and relief as I snatched my phone on the table the moment it rang, flashing Emily's name on the screen.She chuckled at the other side of the call. That's a good sign, right? “Relax, I'm fine, Elle.”“Is Grayson with you?” I inquired directly. After my call with Killiad, I've been stressing where was Emily. It's not like her to just take off like that. So, instead of finalizing my plans for the day, I opted on looking
Days passed in a blur of tears of forgiveness and happiness. My life is almost perfect. Almost.I hadn't officially moved out on Killiad's place. I didn't want to. I'm just waiting for him or his secretary to call me to get my things out of his place. But I know Killiad won't do anything of the sort even if his life depended on it. He's a good man, a really good man and I am very fortunate to know a man like him.I felt drain, I'm not sleeping well for the past month and it was slowly taking a toll on me. But today's Monday and Mondays were killer for all the people working from eight to five.I should be back in the office where I'm needed or I risk being late on my eight-thirty meeting on the divorce attorney Brad had recommended. But Emily hadn't gone out for grocery shopping for the cupboard supplies in the office plus I'm starving.For the last week, I had lived off of the food that my husband was sending me in the office. It never crossed my mind to
Hours later, I stood outside the gigantic gate of my parents' house, working up the courage to talk to them. It's been a week and they only have Sunday as a day-off that is, if they won't be called back to the hospital at the end of the day.My childhood home was still the same even the creaked and groaned of the gate as it opens, the sound of the soles on my shoes as it hits the brick walkway. I felt nostalgic as I looked around the place. This was the first place that held the memories of my childhood. Both happiness and sadness lay in every corner of the place that had held my young heart.A small sad smile curved up on my face. I made a lot of mistakes and I know I couldn't undo them but as I think my life through I realized it taught me the best lessons in life.I couldn't lose my parents again. They had sacrificed everything they had and I pushed them away. Not anymore.Trust is a brittle thing that should be enforced with love to make it stronger.
“Woah! What is it this time?” Emily asked as a way of greeting as she sauntered inside my office without knocking. It was clear in her face that she's excited on my behalf.“Breakfast from my favorite restaurant,” I mumbled looking anywhere but my Secretary. I don't know why I felt embarrassed about eating it. It's food and on top of that, it is my favorite.Killiad has been sending me flowers, breakfast, lunch, dinner with notes raging from ‘I miss you, I've been thinking about you and ‘Please come home, we could fix this.No, I love you or I care for you. Nothing. I want to hope but I couldn't afford to. It'll hurt too much and I don't know if I could survive the pain.I wonder what he wanted to fix. Our marriage or his life. He probably wanted to rid of me.Emily scoffed, trying to stifle her laugh.“Please don't stop your obvious mirth on my account,” I rolled my eyes, picking my pen.
“You look like sh*t,” Gavin commented just as I step on the rooftop of the bar where we usually hang out when the four of us– Gavin, Gustavo, Grayson, and I are in one city.“Gavin!” Gustavo hissed under his breath on his little corner.I tipped the bottle of beer in my hand in Gavin's direction, nodding my head. “I feel like one, bro.”He rolled his eyes, sitting on the small table. He had never taken his eyes off me as I stagger into the railing. “Can't you just call her?” I wish it was that simple.I shook my head like the thousand times I did when my finger hovers above her name on my phone screen. It feels like Mom all over again. Though I have everything money could buy I don't have the only person that I ever wanted.Space.She needed space. I ought to give her the space she wanted, after all, I had lied and hidden secrets from her. I broke the trust that she had given me. Ho
If I could just snap my fingers and wake up from this nightmare.I have never been so terrified for myself or others. Perhaps it's my fault. I didn't want the attachment. Attachment means physical and emotional responsibility. It means you have to fully giving yourself to someone became you trusted them to take care of yours and they trusted you to do the same. It'll mean my childhood all over again.I've never been so scared for a stranger jumping out of nowhere to save me.That would mean I would be responsible for his life if he's still alive after that single shot went off.I lay unmoving trying to feel every part of my body. At my peripheral vision, I saw Killiad pounding the glass wall mercilessly. He looked tortured, defeated, and scared out of his wits.If he could just look in my direction.My breath caught when then the muscled stranger groaned, a grimace marring his handsome face. He's tall, big, dark, and handsome. He's like the
Funny how can someone mean so much to me after a few hours spent together years ago. I frequently question myself why but like a parasite I clung to her, to our memories spent together, her strength and vulnerability, my darkness to her light.Indeed, the best stories usually begin unexpectedly.Or maybe not.All those years, she’d been my compass, my own guiding path. Our memories together pushed me to where I am today. Elle saved me that day. I was on the edge of losing myself, I was about to give up but then she came barging into my life and I was left with a purpose after that fateful night. That night I feel something I hadn’t felt in a long time.Belongingness.She made me feel human. Complete with happiness, sadness, and grief. She made me peek through the gap of true happiness and for the first time before Elle came into my life I feel peace at heart. She washed away my anger and tame the chaos that took residence in my head.
Blistering heat hit me from the afternoon sun as I walk out of my office for a late lunch at my favorite Mexican place.A smile curves up in my face as I looked around. The world is extra vibrant like an old musical movie playing on a vast lawn with the cold night breeze blowing in the background.It was a scene–a fantasy that had played out many times than I could count when I was falling asleep. It was a safe haven for me in my dreams. A smile tugged up at the corner of my lips. I circle my arms around my stomach as the urge to skip on the sidewalk while humming a nameless tune came over me.As I rounded the corner, nostalgia hit me right in the gut as the scene around me played in a manner like the last movie I had watched.I had watched it with Killiad. I remember wiping a stray tear in my eyes as we watched the movie in silence while I was cocooned in Killiad's warmth.A smile started to bloom on my face the moment I saw Killiad's famili