A Thousand Memories

After Levi typed the last figures into his spreadsheet and emailed it to his assistant, he spun around in his chair to look at the view. The setting sun glinting off the neighboring metal and glass towers was dramatic, but nothing beat a sunset on the farm. Watching that large red-orange ball dip behind the barn and then the trees, the whole sky turning red then purple as a bruise until everything was left in a blue gray shadow with the moon rising above it. It made your heart swell. Despite how badly he had wanted to escape it when he was eighteen, he could now admit he did miss some aspects of the farm.

He was the youngest broker at the firm and had basically given his last eight years to the company. He worked long hours and had almost completely forgone a social life. His coworkers never gave up trying to get him to go out, however. At least once a week, Mike showed up at his door at the end of their workday. Apparently, today was his lucky day.

“Levi, come on. It’s Lydia’s birthday. You’ve got time for one drink,” Mike said, rapping his knuckles on Levi’s mahogany desk. “You’ve made it. Now enjoy it a little!”

Levi had to smile at his friend’s persistence. “I’d love to but I’ve got these final figures due for the McMillian file. We’re presenting in the morning. Tell Lydia happy birthday and buy her a drink for me.”

Mike looked over his shoulder to make sure they were alone. “You need to get out more, my friend. You’re almost thirty and I’ve never seen you dating anyone.” He lowered his voice again. “Are you, you know, gay? Not that I care, of course, but…”

Levi laughed at his friend’s discomfort but appreciated his obvious concern about his welfare. “No, man, I like the ladies just fine. I’m just very focused. No time for the bullshit, you know?”

Mike nodded his head like he did but Levi knew he didn’t get it. Mike was married to a perky, former cheerleader who worshiped the ground he walked on and he returned the sentiment. They were the couple Levi had imagined he and Dani would be someday back in high school.

Damn, every time I think I’ve put her away for good, she pops back up.

He didn’t have the time or the inclination to have a relationship. Oh, he hit a club occasionally and went home with a girl here or there but he never stayed the night. Even back in college, he rarely dated. No one piqued his interest. No one since Dani.

After Mike gave up and drifted away, Levi steepled his fingers and contemplated the drastic change in his life that was about to take place and what it meant for him. He was doing something he vowed he’d never do - moving back to the farm in Gladewater.

“Levi, honey, we need to talk,” his mother, Wanda, had started the conversation when she had called a couple of months ago. Levi had never known any good to come out of a conversation that started “we need to talk”.

He had leaned back in his chair and rubbed his forehead in anticipation of the headache he could imagine starting there. “What’s up, Mom?”

“I’ve been thinking.” Another phrase he knew guaranteed he wouldn’t like where this was going. “I’m getting older, you know, and running the cows and keeping up with the property is getting to be a lot for me.”

“You’re in better shape than women half your age,” Levi rebutted. “And what are the hands doing? I thought once we hired Tim and Ronnie, they would do most of the work for you. Are they slacking?”

“Well, no, they’re fine,” Wanda admitted, “but you know it’s still a lot to keep them supervised and make sure they do things right. Those new breeding bulls are a job just on their own. I swear, they try to injure themselves on purpose!”

Levi knew his mom felt she had to run everything even though he had hired very experienced men to take care of the cows when he had decided to start the breeding program. Until then, she’d been running the farm by herself since Levi had left for college.

“Do I need to hire some more hands? Just let me know and I’ll be glad to take care of it.” Levi looked at his Rolex, judging the time before his next meeting.

“Honestly, honey, I’m just tired of it all,” Wanda admitted with a sigh. “And, well, they just built this darling little community on the edge of town.” Wanda’s voice perked up. “The places are all one story and just gorgeous. They even take care of the yard for you! Can you believe it?”

Now Levi’s attention was caught again. New community? Take care of the lawn?

“So, Mom, are you saying you want to sell the farm and move to this new place?” Levi said, trying to keep the incredulity out of his voice. They couldn’t sell the farm and she knew that fine.

“Well, no, Levi. Obviously, we can’t sell it but….” Wanda paused and resumed with a forced cheerfulness to her voice, ”…you could come on home and run it. You’ve got all those new expensive breeders out there. Seems like you might have been thinking about it already.”

Levi raked his hands through his wavy, black hair, a sure sign of agitation he’d had since childhood. Move back to Gladewater?

“Mom, I…” Levi started, but Wanda cut him off.

“Don’t decide now. Just think about it. I’ll send you some info about the community to look at too.”

“Honey,” she said, her voice becoming serious. “It’s time, don’t you think?”

Levi wasn’t sure it would ever be time for him but he could hear the longing in his mother’s voice. She had overcome years of abuse and remade herself into the strong, fearless woman she was today. She had always been Levi’s rock and he knew he would do just about anything to make her happy. But could he do this?

He blew out a breath. “I’ll think about it, Mom. I’ll think about it.”

And he had. A lot. He had lost sleep over the thought of giving up his hard-earned corner office and the salary that went with it. He also thought about what he was actually spending his money on. While most of his colleagues drove the latest sports cars and wore designer suits, Levi drove a five year old Toyota Tundra and nice, but off the rack, suits. His only real indulgence being his watch, a Rolex, he had bought for himself when he had made partner. Instead, he had started buying stock to start a new breeding program for the farm. He had researched the ins and outs of breeding versus raising beef cattle and decided breeding was the way to go. He remembered the look on his coworker’s face when he first mentioned it.

“Cows.” Mike stared at him in confusion, slowly putting down the barbell he had been using in the company gym. “You’re going to spend that much money on cows.”

“They’re not just cows,” Levi had tried to explain, picking up a set of weights for biceps curls. It always annoyed him just a little that he had to spend time in the gym to stay in shape since he had left the farm. He’d rather be doing good productive work for his muscles. “They’re high-end breeding stock. If we can start breeding champion bloodlines with AI straws, we can count on a 60% insemination rate and those cows will go for far more money with fewer animals than we need to keep for beef.”

“Straws?” Mike asked. Obviously, Levi’s plan was totally out of his wheelhouse.

“Semen. They store it in large straws in nitro to freeze it until it’s needed.” Levi explained. “And fewer cows on the land will help it last longer as we can rotate pastures more frequently.”

His buddy sat looking at him blankly then finally shook his head. “I don’t know a thing about cows but for that much money, I’d be looking at real estate. Get yourself a home in Lakewood or Preston Hollow. Meg and I just closed on a place in Lakewood. It’s an original craftsman but all upgraded. We could be neighbors!”

Levi realized he had been thinking more and more about a future back on the farm long before his mother had asked him to come back. Though he had gotten a degree in business, his minor had been in agricultural management. In his heart, he must have known he wanted to go back someday but his head continued to fight him. There were so many bad memories associated with his childhood that still haunted him but maybe it was time to confront them.

 

***

 

 

“LEVI, where the hell are you, boy? You get out here right now!” Levi quickly ducked into the empty art room, gripping his hall pass tight enough to make his fingers turn white. Peeking through the small window in the classroom door, he saw his dad take another long swig from the almost empty bottle of rye he carried. Roger Cooper was in his work clothes- a faded denim shirt, only half tucked into his old blue jeans which were stiff with dirt, manure and unidentifiable smears. He added to the cacophony of stains by spilling whiskey down his gray, stubbled chin and onto his clothes as he lurched down the hall, banging his shoulders into walls, tearing down children’s brightly colored artwork haphazardly as he went.

As he got closer to the fourth-grade classroom, Levi could hear Miss Gano and his classmates fall silent. Then, to his horror, he heard the lock on the classroom door engage and Miss Gano’s voice resume in a more subdued tone. He was trapped. He was trying to make himself as small as possible when Officer Gonzales, the school resource officer, caught up to his dad. Levi peeked around the door jamb cautiously when she heard Officer Gonzales asking the drunk man what he was doing there. He saw him grab his dad’s upper arm, steadying him when he swayed so hard he threatened to fall over. His dad lost it then, jerking his arm away and yelling.

“You get your goddamn hands off me, you wetback!” He tried to push the officer, nearly falling again. Levi cringed at the slur. “My son’s in school here, I have every right to get him and take him wherever the hell I want!”

He couldn’t hear what Officer Gonzales said when he took hold of Roger again and spoke directly into his ear but his dad’s eyes widened and he dropped his almost empty whiskey bottle to the floor. The crash echoed around the empty hallway and Levi jumped. While Officer Gonzales frog marched him to the front doors, he continued to cuss and holler about his rights. Levi couldn’t see if he was put in a police car or not. He hoped so. Maybe they could keep him overnight. Levi let out the breath he had been holding and went to knock on Miss Gano’s door.

His teacher let him in with a sorrowful look. As he returned to his seat, he tried not to look at his classmates but Dani caught his eye. She tried to give him a little smile of support but when her green eyes watered, he quickly looked away. He wanted to melt right into the floor.

Later that afternoon, Levi saw his father come out of the barn when the school bus dropped him off at the end of the driveway. His fervent wish that his dad was kept in jail had apparently not come true. The good old boys’ network was still alive and well in Gladewater. Roger and Sheriff Grant had grown up together and the sheriff still gave his dad special treatment. Anyone else would be sitting in a cell. It made Levi so angry to know that nothing would happen to his dad despite the horrible things he did. This time the police had either brought him home or let his mom go pick him up. He ran for the house as fast as he could to try and escape the wrath that he knew would be coming his way after his dad had been hauled out of the school earlier. Even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, he knew it would somehow be his fault that his father had been embarrassed by Officer Gonzalez.

As he ran in the front door, his wild eyes met his mother’s. Without a word, she quickly opened the coat closet door and motioned him in, placing a finger to her lips to silence him and shutting the door.

“Boy! Where are you?” Mr. Cooper roared just a few seconds later, slamming the front door behind him. Levi tried to make his little body even smaller, cramming himself behind boxes and coats in the hall closet. He heard the sound of a leather belt quickly sliding out of belt loops as his father prepared to launch into his favorite punishment for transgressions, real or imagined.

He closed his eyes and put his arms over his head trying to prepare for the moment his father found him. But then he heard his mother’s sweet voice. “Oh good, Roger, you’re home!” he saw his mother’s sandaled feet going to meet his father’s muddy boots through the louvers on the doors. “I was just coming to get you! I’ve got your drink and snacks all ready for you next to your chair.”

Levi saw his mother put her arms lovingly, and strategically, around his father’s arm that held the belt. “I know you had a hard day working on the fences and you got such a late start,” she said pleasantly, in commiseration, as she led his father to his chair in the living room. She nodded her chin to Levi over her shoulder as she led his father further into the house, “Come on in here and relax, you deserve it.”

Levi slumped and felt his heart rate decrease as his mother led his father away. His mom almost always knew exactly what to do to save Levi from a beating. How she knew he was in for one even when he hadn’t done anything wrong, he didn’t know, but she always tried to save him from his father’s outbursts. Sometimes, he was ashamed to admit, she just took the beating instead of him, sparing him the need to explain away the bruises that she often had to.

Today had been an especially bad day but still his mother had saved him again. Two hours later, he was drifting off to sleep on top of a coat he had pulled down to rest his head on, when the closet door opened. He started, instantly alert but it was just his mother. She reached down and drew him to her.

“He’s napping now, honey.” Napping was code for passed out drunk, Levi knew. “Go on and get on your homework and I’ll bring you your dinner in your room.”

He hugged his mother fiercely. He didn’t see the tears that she always fought to hide from him.