O6: Considered Her Dead

Naiah's POV

"Damn this cousin of mine!"

"Why? Come on, take a seat first" 

"He's not answering my calls!" I nearly shouted but calm myself. That jerk! He said he will visit me tomorrow, like, the hell? Did he really want me to die because of curiosity? After he informed me that he already traced my father's location, he'll stand me up?! How dare him! Really! 

"Busy" I shooked my head, I heard her sigh. 

"I'll just order" I nodded my head. I gripped my phone tighter than usual. I'll bombard him with messages that will make him pissed off. He will meet my fist. I swear. 

You bastard! 

Answer my calls! 

Don't you dare stand me up tomorrow or else, you can never really be able to witness the sunrise!  

Bear that in mind, jerk! 

Dare to speak nonsense, I will hang you up! 

Bastard! Idiot! Go to hell! 

I heaved a deep breath and throw my phone at the table. He's really pissing me off. He has the guts to play around the bush, huh? Geez! I need ice cream! I need to cool down. 

"Ice cream to make your head cool" what perfect timing. L is an angel, that was only a hyperbole, people. 

"Let's go shooting after this. Don't complain, you agree with me earlier" I just smiled and took a bite of my ice cream. I cringed, so cold! 

"Sure thing"

"What age did you learn handling a gun?" I asked L who is maneuvering her car. She asked me to ride with her. 

"5? 6? I don't remember" she shrugged as she accelerates the car. 

"You?" me? I looked at the window as memories came back to my mind. On how I learned to handle a gun at such a young age. 

"See you later, baby. Don't go out, okay? I love you, I have to go" I looked at her as my eyes followed her physique getting smaller and smaller. 

It was always like this. She will go out early and I am left alone in our house. I was 4 years old when she starts to order me not to go out. And until now that I am 6 years old. It stays the same. But through reading books and watching television, I was able to know what are the events happening outside these four corners room. 

"Five men and women were found dead in an alley. The six victims were allegedly shot several times as a result of their deaths. The victims have not been identified yet because they also had stab wounds on their faces. According to the forensic team, the bodies were found about five days after the incident. The policemen also said, they will investigate the scene until they'll find a lead, an ---- "I turned off the power of the TV. I do not understand why such things are broadcast on TV.

I know, for a child like me, it was horrible to witness that, but I must say, I am used to it. It was always like that, horrible scenes were always broadcasted every time I will turn it on. That leads me to count it as my daily routine, to witness such scenes. After all, I don't have anyone older than me to support and guide me about these things. To the point that I learned things that a normal kid shouldn't. 

I went to my room and went inside my closet. After all, mama and I were the only ones, living here, each room was spacious. When I was able to change my clothes, I looked at myself in the whole body mirror. I was wearing leggings and a sweatshirt.

I watched my reflection. My face was void of any emotions, I can't even force my lips to stretch some muscles. Mama always scolds me because I don't really smile or frown at all. I don't know, because I was young then.

I looked at my reflection again. I tried to smile but I just looked like I had diarrhea. I just shook my head and grabbed my small bag from the table on the side of my bed.

I almost stumbled because I kicked something hard. I followed where it went, I lay down and felt the foam under the chair here in my room. I pulled my hand out in no time when I felt something cold. I shivered at the thought that I touch a ghost. 

When I realized I am thinking nonsense, I put my hand underneath again, my hand trembled again when I touched it. I touch it first until I could feel a hole in it as if it was the handle. It was also as hard as a rock. I slowly pulled the object I was holding away out. 

As soon as I have seen the object, I immediately dropped it and I'm more surprised to see that it doesn't even have a single scratch or damage. I shook my head and stared at the thing again. 

A gun? 

What is a gun doing here in my room?

Imagine, I was just a kid back then, and then what? I suddenly saw a gun in my room? I was practically nervous at that time so what I did was, hide it. I hide it in the secret compartment under my bed, which I accidentally discovered when I crawled under my bed to reach for my ping pong ball that rolled in there. 

I waited for my mom to come home that night. I didn't even eat the food mommy prepared for me because I was still thinking about that thing. I walked to the door and decided to just wait for her out there when I heard her footsteps as if she was in a hurry. I panicked, I don't even know why I am panicking! I hide behind the door as the door opens just in time.

She was talking to someone on her cell phone, she didn't even call my name out. Usually, she will shout my name when she gets home. 

"I don't know okay?!" she shouted to the other line. It was my first time to hear her shout. Every time she will talk to me, she's always calm and not like that. Another thing was, if she was mad and she was scolding me, she never shout, she'll just talk to me seriously. So, I wonder why she's acting this way. 

"I searched for it anywhere! But still nothing. I can't think of anything. And I don't think it is in my daughter's room" she said and massaged her temple. I was even more surprised to hear what mama said. It was only then that I thought of what I had discovered. Is it--?

"No! It couldn't be!" I was startled at that. I was not used to her, shouting the hell out. She heaved a sigh as she was listening to the other line. 

"Okay, I'll try to ask my daughter. But if there was none, I don't know anymore" she said. What about me? What would she ask me? 

I kept my silence as she took her way into the kitchen. I waited for a minute before silently walking myself upstairs. I heaved a sigh and lay down on my bed. I let my comforter until on my chest part. I was silently staring at nothing when I heard my mom's footsteps towards my room. I pretended I was asleep until she opened the door. 

Good thing I was good at it so she didn't notice I was only pretending to be asleep. I felt she sit on my head and caress my head. I heard her sigh. 

"Baby..." I didn't open my eyes even though I sense her having a hard time talking or saying something to me.  

"I'm sorry if I was always away. I hope you are okay here. I hope you're okay being alone in this cruel world. Because I don't know if I can survive, if I can come home for you, again" I held my breath. What is she talking about? I don't understand! Is she having trouble? Is she in danger? 

"Baby..." I nearly opened my eyes, a good thing I held myself. I even heard her sniffing. Is she crying? I felt a liquid drop on my cheek that traveled down into my neck. She's crying but why? Why is she crying? 

"I love you, baby. So much. I hope you can forgive me" 

I waited for her to say something, to add something. But silence ruled over the place. I don't know what happened after that. All I know was, I fell asleep for real. 

I woke up first thing in the morning. I was confused when no one wakes me because normally, mom would wake me up and we will eat together. I held my chest, why am I suddenly feeling nervous? 

I walked downstairs and went into the kitchen. There was even no food prepared at the table. It was clean and organized. I went to the living room and sat on the couch. I heaved a sigh, I think mama left earlier than usual without saying goodbye to me. It was the second time that this happened. 

Out of boredom, I opened the television. I stared at the television, even though I was sick of watching the same thing, I need a distraction. A noise to keep me sane. 

"News flash! Two vehicles allegedly collided near a cliff. According to CCTV footage, at three in the morning, two vehicles collided in the middle of the road until they were stranded near the ravine. A man said that on his way home from work, he heard gunshots. He hurriedly went to see what was happening, but he only found two cars falling into a ravine. According to the police, they will investigate what happened. " I stared at the TV, what did I just hear?!

"Returning, two cars have been found but one occupant of the vehicle is missing. Here are the photos were taken by the police--" I dropped the remote I was holding and abruptly stood up on my seat.

A picture of two cars was flashed on the TV. A black Mercedes and a blue Porsche. 

"They are still continuously looking for the body who owns the blue Porsche. Reporting--" my jaw dropped at the information. Blue porch, that was my mom's car. I still remember her car's plate number. 

A2Z 4085. 

"You okay?"

"Ha?" I glanced at L who seems to talk to me while my mind was in the past. Did I space out? 

"You spaced out. Are you okay?" she asked. I nodded at her and heaved a sigh. 

"Okay, it seems like, my question triggered something on you. No need to answer that, let's go?" I only nodded and my mind went back again, to the past. 

My mom went missing after that. Until now, there were no reports or news about her. Memories are back again that weren't supposed to be. All these years, I kept everything to myself. I buried those memories a long time ago.

And it includes me to consider her........

Dead.