Chapter 2 Private lessons

Claudius's POV 

Hardly any of us did well during yesterday's training. To say Noah was disappointed and angry with us, would be an understatement. We had to listen to a 20-minute lecture before we were even dismissed yesterday. 

And as a punishment for slacking off yesterday, our whole team had to run for 2 hours straight before training today.

Before my mate died, and I took all that time off to grieve him, that run wouldn't have been so hard for me. But the death of my mate weakened me, and the very little training I did during my absence to grieve him and recover, made me weaker, and now I have even less strength, than even the other Delta 3 on our team.

Toward the end, I was struggling to keep up. I was so far behind everyone. My lungs burned, my legs felt like noodles, and I felt nauseous. 

I was disappointed and disgusted with myself. How did I get so weak? I know I'm weak compared to other Deltas, but this is far worse than I've ever been.

The 10-minute break before training started, was nowhere near enough time for me to recoup enough energy to keep up. 

I'm struggling with the basic positions and movements. The Delta 1 in front of me, James isn't taking it easy on me either, and rightly so. I don't want him to, I don't want the pity. 

I just wish my body was stronger, and I was able to keep up. But instead, I feel the painful sensation as I take a hit to the mouth, which sends me flying backwards and I land on my back. The coppery taste of blood instantly fills my mouth. 

I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and angry at myself. How was I not able to dodge that simple hit?

I look up ashamed to see Noah reaching his hand out toward me. I reach up and take his hand. Any pride I had is long gone, and I stand there with my shoulders slumped, as I try not to bleed all over the place.

"Take a 10-minute break, then meet me on the back left mat," Noah said with sympathy in his eyes. 

I normally would have hated that sympathy, but for some reason it made me feel just a little bit better.

I held my bleeding mouth as I walked past everyone and sat down on the bench. 

"Hey Claudius, are you okay?" Noah asked, surprising me that he knew my name. 

He's only been training us a few days, I didn't think he'd cared to know my name since I'm usually invisible to most people. But I suppose that's partially my fault, I am quiet and keep to myself.

I look at Noah, and for some reason, I feel nervous, maybe it's because he's incredibly beautiful. I clear my throat to get rid of that thought. Finding someone attractive is the last thing I need. Especially when all I can see every time I close my eyes, is the face of my mate as he died.

I was surprised, but very thankful that Noah took the time to personally show me how to do the moves we were working on today. For some reason, I just couldn't get it. But he positioned my body, and showed me how to move through each step, each turn, punch, and jab. 

I walked away exhausted, but a little happier I was able to do it on my own before I left. 

The walk home to my little cottage never felt so hard, and so far away. I was beginning to wish I would have accepted a room in the packhouse, instead of this little cottage at the farthest end of our territory. The furthest away from the training field. 

My little log cabin is tucked away in the woods. It's old, and definitely in need of some work, but I don't bother with it. I don't see the point. It's not like I have anyone to impress. It's just me, no one ever comes to visit. I suppose it would help if I actually had someone in my life that could visit, but I don't.

I was dragging my feet by the time I could see my front porch. It felt like it took the last of my strength just to make it up the stairs, and through the front door. 

I couldn't even bother myself with making something to eat. My body ached, I was exhausted and desperately needed to lie down. I kicked my shoes off, slipped out of my clothes, and let my body fall into the bed as I pulled the sheets back. 

I let out a breath as I looked at the ceiling. My eyes found that stain, from when the roof had a leak. I stared at it, trying not to picture his face. Noticing how incredibly quiet my house is. Noticing how incredibly lonely I feel as I lay here with no family, no friends, just myself and Niko.

Feeling my loneliness, Niko comes forward, and it almost feels as though he's rubbing his face against the inside of my head.

"I'm here." My wolf said to me and I smiled as I closed my eyes to see him better. 

"I know, I love you Niko!"

"I love you too, Claudius!... Don't give up hope, there's someone out there for us. Someone's going to love us one day."

"Maybe," I said as I closed my eyes and rolled over, grabbing the pillow next to me and hugging it as my eyes became heavier.

....

As the weeks go by I feel myself getting stronger, and not dragging myself home after each training session. I find myself looking forward to training for the first time in a long time. I think it helps that Noah has been helping me so much.

Not that our last leader wasn't helpful, but Noah pays attention to each and every person. He seems to know exactly who needs help the most and tries to help them. And I just happen to be one of those people that seems to always need help.

No matter how often I need help, he always seems happy to help me. He never makes me feel inadequate or ashamed to receive help. 

I watched Noah and Marcus demonstrate the new routines we're going to be starting tomorrow. I feel lost as I watched them perform it four times in a row before they ask us to give it a go. 

Noah likes to do this so he has an idea who's going to need more one on one time with him the following day. 

I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I took my position, and tried not to look at Noah when I felt his eyes on me. 

I held my breath as I made my first attempt, and instantly knew I did it wrong. 

I stopped and took my stance again before giving it another go. Almost right away I knew I misstepped, and got it wrong again. I growled at myself, frustrated. I shake my arms out. I take my position again and go into the move again. I wanted to punch a tree when everything felt wrong.

I felt Noah's presence before I heard his voice.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you've been doing so good, Claudius. I'm very proud of you. You've come a long way in such a short time. I'll tell you what, why don't you meet me here tomorrow 15 minutes early and I'll work with you one-on-one." Noah said, smiling at me.

I couldn't help but smile back and thank him. I couldn't believe Noah, the most amazing fighter, wanted to take time out of his day to train me alone. I couldn't believe it, I was so excited I practically skipped home. 

For the first time in so long, I walked through my front door with a smile on my face, and actually made myself dinner instead of going straight to bed. I was too happy, too excited to go to bed, so I actually cooked myself a meal.

I woke up extra early and took a shower. After all, who wants to put their hands on someone who stinks? I thought, making sure to put on enough deodorant, then felt nervous as I tried to figure out what to wear for training today. 

I took a step back, closing my eyes and letting a breath out as I ran my hand down my face.

"What the hell am I doing?!" I said to myself before opening my eyes and looking at the bed, realizing I pulled out everything I own for training. 

You would have thought I was getting ready for a date instead of training! 

Frustrated, I reached forward and grabbed my black pants with a white stripe down the sides, and a black tank top. 

I grabbed a hair tie as I walked out the door and jogged to the training field. I made sure to get there early so I can stretch before he gets there. I'm sure he doesn't want to wait around for me to stretch, and I definitely don't want to start my training before stretching.

I was surprised at how empty, calm, and quiet the training field was when I arrived. The sun was just barely peeking above the ground, trying to rise up in the sky. The grass was still covered in dew, and the scent of the earth was still strong.

I forgot how amazing the earth smelled this early in the morning. I forgot how magical everything feels as the world starts waking up. 

"Hey, chicken legs!" The sound of Noah's voice rings out, startling me and I fall backwards onto my butt from the stretching pose I was just in. 

I feel my face heat up as I look up at him. I can tell he's trying not to laugh. His cheek must hurt because I can see that he's biting it, and his face is turning red, not from blush, but from the force of trying not to laugh.

I can't help but glare at him. His amazing white hair, those sparkling bright blue eyes, and that beautiful face looking at me while desperately trying not to laugh.

"I don't have chicken legs!" I frowned and he chuckled as he reached down, grabbing ahold of my hand and pulling me to my feet. 

"I know, it was just a joke!" Come on my little Indian boy, let me show you those moves!" 

"Indian boy?" I questioned the strange nickname.

"Yeah, you have that Native American Indian look going on. Your hair, your high sharp cheekbones, skin tone, I don't know. It's what comes to mind when I look at you." 

He said, shrugging his shoulders and I couldn't help but wonder if that was an insult or not. My chest tightened at the thought that it was, and I couldn't stop myself. Before I realized it, my mouth was opening and the words were coming out,

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked, then quickly looked down when I realized I said that out loud, instead of in my head.

"No, not at all! Why would it be?" 

"I, I don't know... I thought maybe it was an insult at the way I looked."

"No, that was not my intention. I like the look, it looks good on you! It makes you unique! Come on, let's work on those moves now. Show me what you're working with!" Noah said, then flashed me a cheesy smile as he chuckled at his joke. 

"Don't think I'm shaking my ass for you!" I said as I stepped forward onto the mat. Unfortunately that caused Noah to break into a giggling fit.

"Oh goddess, I didn't think you'd know that song! I thought for certain it was before your time!" 

"Hey, how old do you think I am?!"

"Old, since you move slow!" 

This little shit! I thought growling as I raced towards him. Unfortunately for me, I was grabbed, lifted, and thrown over his shoulder and slammed on the ground.

I laid there for a moment, contemplating my life choices up to that moment as I listened to this little shit cackle as he turned and took his stance.

As soon as I stepped onto the mat, it was like someone flipped a switch. Taking this funny and carefree Noah that I've never met before today, to the only Noah I've known during these last several weeks. The serious Noah, my leader.

As everyone filed in, I took my position with my assigned partner for the day. But I couldn't stop thinking about the Noah I met when he stepped onto this field. It was like I got a sneak peek into the person that's not here on the field with everyone. 

Here all we see is a serious, smart, and extremely talented person that is all business. But I got to see a sarcastic, and silly Noah. A side I never even knew existed. It was a side of Noah I could only dream of even being friends with. 

I don't know why, but for some reason, as I walked home, I felt sad and depressed. 

As my old ugly home that looks like it was ready to fall apart comes into view, I realized something.

That house is an image of me. Not the fact that it's old because I'm not. But we're both alone, lonely, with no one to visit us, no one to keep us company or take care of us. Not that I need anyone to take care of me, I'm a dominant Delta 3, It's my job to take care of someone else... But I don't even have that, I don't even have someone to take care of. 

I realized as I placed my hand on the old splintered banister, with my left foot on the first step. I stood there and realized why I'm so sad... I want to be his friend, but I know I'm so far below him and under his feet. I know I would never stand a chance. I'm a lowly dominant Delta 3, weakened from the death of my mate, and the furthest thing from anyone's mind. There's no way someone like him would want to be friends with someone like me.

I took in a breath and held it in for a moment before letting it out as I began walking up the stairs. My shoulders slumped, my head hung, hating everything I am.

Not only did I not have the strength to cook, it was the furthest thing from my mind. Any appetite I had was long gone. 

I don't know how long I laid here, staring at that water stain on the ceiling, feeling the stupid tears rolling down my cheeks and wet the pillow. 

"Claudius, please... Don't do this to yourself. I love you so much! Just hang on a little longer. Something has to change, it just has to!" Niko said, his voice cracking as he struggled to stay strong for me. But I can feel him, he's lonely, just like I am. 

I closed my eyes as I rolled over and pictured Niko. I forced the image onto him and pictured my arms wrapped around him. He let out a whimper and I felt that familiar sensation as if he was rubbing his face against the inside of my head. 

"I love you Niko!" I whispered to my wolf, who has always been strong for both of us and tried with everything he had to cheer me up and make me feel better. 

We both have longed for a touch, no one has touched us aside from training. So I closed my eyes and forced the image onto him, and let Niko see me running my fingers through his fur while he was in his form. 

It's the least I could do for him, for everything he's done for me. I can hear Niko purring in my head, as I imagine my fingers running through his fur. Fur that no one has ever touched aside from training or rogue attacks. 

No one has ever simply stroked his head, or ran their fingers gently through his fur. It's something I literally cannot do since we are the same person, and my human form needs to disappear in order for him to appear. 

This time, I stayed awake until I felt him drift off, then I felt my eyes get heavy, as I tried not to think of his face.