HIS BROTHER: Feelings

Jerson got up and walked outside immediately after he heard a rustle outside the mansion. He leaned his back on the wall beside the door, looking for something, perhaps looking for a sign of the disturbance caused by the intruders. He took a short nap in the living room and got up after he noticed noise from the outside. It wasn’t that loud, but it could still be heard by someone who had his guard up. 

He took out a cigarette and a lighter in his pocket before he lit it and put it in between his lips. 

Earlier, Vishnu didn’t give him an earful which he thought was acceptable based on Vishnu’s attitude. Giving him the cold shoulder was still normal based on Vishnu’s temperance; however, it still agitates him. Vishnu treats him like he didn’t exist at all. He kept on asking what the problem was, but Vishnu wouldn’t respond, leaving him feeling very conflicted.

 

The fact that Vishnu treats him like that and his nap was disturbed, he couldn’t wait to strangle the intruder and let out his frustration by torturing whoever was dumb enough and dared to wake his irritated ass. He sauntered nearer the garden, examined the area outside the manor, even checked the CCTV installed in the mansion just to find the man but found nothing. 

Empty. He found nothing as if the noise earlier was just part of his imagination.

Jerson looked at his cruiser. He chose to stay outside the mansion to tame the madness howling inside his head. He wanted to drive down a peaceful road and feel the coldness of the frigid air, but he needed to guard the manor for Vishnu’s safety. 

Being a personal bodyguard was this hard, huh? 

When he couldn’t find anything suspicious, Jerson decided to go back inside the mansion. He crouched on the sofa and sighed deeply, worrying how he could forget the matters he had about Vishnu. He wanted to fall asleep, but as soon as he closed his eyes, his mind wandered once again. 

He was beat and tired but his mind just wouldn’t let him sleep. 

“Ain’t sleeping yet?” 

Usually, he’ll get a pistol and edge the muzzle to the person who-came-out-of-nowhere skull, but upon hearing the voice, Jerson settled down. 

He was completely stunned. The turmoil inside his head, which he had some trouble suppressing and which had been disturbing him for hours, died down so effortlessly because of the man who had stimulated it. Vishnu shunned him for hours, and that induced Jerson to feel brawled. It only takes a few words for Vishnu to soothe him, and he doesn’t like the feeling. 

Ugh! This had happened before, and the outcome wasn’t good. This has to stop. 

Jerson massaged his temple. “I couldn’t sleep,” he replied. 

Vishnu laughed. “Are you still hung up on the same girl you were with earlier in the resto? You could have asked for her number first before leaving,” Vishnu denoted. Jerson couldn’t understand why Vishnu used such a tone. He sounds like a jealous boyfriend.

Jerson shook his head. He wasn’t interested in Mikaela so there’s no need for him to ask for any details about her contact information. Besides, she acts like she’s still hung up with her ex who was looking at them earlier with furrowed brows. She looked hurt after seeing the man possessively wrapped his hand around the girl’s waist beside him. 

But Jerson doesn’t want to sympathize with Mikaela. The girl seemed fine. Well, unlike him who was still stuck from his past and couldn’t move on forward, at least she’s trying to move on. 

Jerson was still hung up on that person from his past. And now, he couldn't comprehend the reason behind the vague and foreign feelings that Vishnu made him feel within a day. 

In his whole life, he could only recall only one person that could rile him up. He felt conflicted now that Vishnu made him feel those feelings again. Feelings that he thought he could never feel again. 

“Just some trouble sleeping,” Jerson responded. 

Vishnu nodded. 

“How about you?” 

“Reviewing some cases,” Vishnu retorted before sauntering towards the kitchen. 

When Vishnu goes back, he already has a bag of milk in his right hand while carrying a plate of vanilla cake in the other hand. 

Jerson stared at Vishnu.

Is he hungry? Did he not eat together with the girl he dined with earlier?

“Need some help?” Jerson asked. He couldn't stop but asked Vishnu. 

“Do I look like I would break just by holding these things?” 

With his brows creased, Jerson asserted, “That’s not what I meant to say. I’m sorry.”

Vishnu secretly rolled his eyes before looking at Jerson’s dreamy eyes. He sighed. He remembered the scene earlier again. He couldn’t understand himself and this is the first time he couldn’t. He just met Jerson, so what’s up with him? Why was he so affected?

And as for Jerson, he didn’t really care about him right? Vishnu promised himself that he’d stay away from Jerson as much as possible. He didn’t like where his feelings were leading him. He’s a man, for fucks sake! 

He should end this once and for all. He put what he was holding on the table and sat on the single couch across the couch where Jerson was currently sitting.

“I heard you’re going to continue studying. Law, was it?” 

Jerson’s face brightened up. He felt thrilled after Vishnu showed some interest in his personal life. He thought that Vishnu really did not care about him and that he wouldn't give a shit but seeing how curious he was, Jerson unconsciously smiled. Does that mean that he could also ask questions to Vishnu?

“Yes. That was my plan,” Jerson replied. He was smiling.

“Any idea for an ideal school specialized in law?” Vishnu asked again. 

Jerson tottered his head. He hadn't thought about it yet, but now that Vishnu mentioned it, what were the good universities offering College of Law again?

Vishnu pressed his lips before mumbling: “I’ll mail my previous school a recommendation letter. I’ll recommend you for a faster application. It doesn’t matter if you pass their exams or not, but based on how clever you are, I know you’ll make it.” 

Jerson scratched his head and looked at Vishnu. 

“You can continue studying. Just forget about your agreement with Noah. I can handle myself. As for the information you wanted, I could provide for you,” Vishnu added.

Jerson furrowed his brows, and nodded his head after. So, that’s how it was. He thought that Vishnu already had vanquished whatever issue he had with him.

This time, Jerson really wanted to ask what was wrong. What did he do wrong? What was his problem with him? 

Jerson clenched his jaw and stared at Vishnu. Vishnu couldn’t look in his eyes as if eye contact was a taboo.

He clenched his hand into a fist. 

He could tell that Vishnu’s problem was him. However, he didn't know what it was and he had absolutely no idea. He didn’t know how to overhaul it. What could possibly be wrong with him when all he did was heed whatever Vishnu wanted?

“Why? You agreed that you needed to be by my side so I could protect you. Why are you suddenly doing this?”

“Correction. We both agreed that you would stick by my side and not the other way around.” Vishnu got up and held the bag of milk and the plate. “I don’t want to meddle in such affairs, Jerson. I don’t want to take up your schedule. Focus on yourself and your personal life.”

With those words and with Jerson’s some unanswered inquiries, Vishnu withdrew. Vishnu rejected him again. He felt really baffled. Why does he keep on pushing Jerson away? And girlfriend? Where did he get that idea?

•••

“Aren’t we having breakfast first before you go off to work?” Jerson asked as he prepared the table. He looked at Vishnu and saw him struggling to fix his necktie. He smiled. Vishnu seems like he'd been cursing the necktie in his mind nonstop. 

Vishnu looked pretty intimidating wearing his neat tux; however, his necktie hanging loose around his neck contorted his intimidating aura. The prosecutor seemed to be struggling a lot fixing it. 

Jerson strode near where Vishnu was standing. When he stood directly across Vishnu, he started fixing it for him. 

Vishnu hitched. His face flushed red. He was shocked but didn’t do anything to refuse. Though, he was nowhere near feeling happy. He could feel the warmth coming from Jerson’s breath. It was making him feel uncomfortable. Something was flying in his guts, and that didn’t feel good. It was as if he was feeling nausea. 

“Please breathe. You’re making me worried,” Jerson whispered with his usual raspy bedroom voice. 

Vishnu took a deep breath and looked at Jerson amusedly. He wasn’t even aware that he had been holding his breath for a while now.