Chapter 2

AMELIA

“Amelie, can you get me that glass of water?” My mom yells my name. Hearing her voice reverberate around the room, I find it hard to move around the desk because I have my library book open on my lap while I'm sitting on the couch next to her hospital bed. “My throat is so dry. I need to drink something.”

“Yeah, mom.” I finally close the book in front of me and make my way to her side next to her hospital bed, in which she's lying with her eyes open. “Let me get some water for you. It’s time for you to take your meds, anyway.”

Then I walk around her hospital bed to the small metal nightstand that they have perched against the eggshell white walls. It has all of her medications marked in fresh bottles, and I pick up the one that has the current time marked on it. Then I pour some water for her into a styrofoam cup and stroll toward her side to give her what she needs.

After my mom takes the meds and drinks the water, she pats the bed next to her and I take a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Are you studying for your college exams?” 

I shake my head.

“I feel like it’s stupid to go back to college. There’s nothing left for me to do in this situation. We both know that it’s not smart to think about things that will never come to fruition.” I sigh. “It makes sense that I stop fantasising about stupid shit. It makes no sense to go after it anyway when I know I’ll possibly never make it back to college juggling my two jobs.”

“Sweetie, don’t talk like that. Why do you sound like such a pessimist?” My mom scoffs. “I know you’ll make it. You always figure out things. You always do that!”

“It’s just you believing in me, mom.” I bow my head down. “Life has been so hard these days. My work schedule is killing me at this point, and I can’t help but wonder what I want to do with my life. There’s rarely any time left to do anything. It’s like I used to dream.” My eyes get wet. The tears threaten to fall. “I used to think that I can always make my way around this world. There were so many dreams I had. I had so much going on for me but look at me now. I’m nothing but a sore loser who doesn’t know any better. I work and work and work, but I feel like I’ll make it out of the circumstances we are living in, mama. Will we ever get out of this mess we have created of our own lives?”

“We will, dearie.” My mom offers me a hug, and I take it. “You’re so strong! We will make it through everything. I know we will. I believe in you. And so far, you have never failed me. I have never felt like my Amelie has ever left me down.”

“Mrs Mune, you are not allowed to cry.” I lick my lips, telling myself that this will be over before I know it. I have to be strong in the face of challenges and failures, especially when my mom is depending on me to be the buoy in her storm. The buoy that she needs to be alive. “Just wipe those tears, and I’ll get you some more chocolate pudding.”

“You do that, darling.” My mom gives me a small smile. I get up to leave the room when my mom’s words bring me back. “Never give up, my sweetie. You will see yourself through this. Times may be tough right now, but the strongest of them always get through these mountains as water falls freely off a cliff.”

I don’t say anything. I look behind my back and nod. Then I walk out of the room to get my mom's promised dessert. I wonder how long I can possibly keep up this unbothered charade for the sake of my mom’s mental health when it’s supposedly one of the hardest things I ever have to do in this world.

As I’m meandering towards the vending machine, lost in my thoughts, someone runs into me. I don’t actually see their face as my gaze is set on the white marble flooring of this giant hospital corridor. 

They grab me by the shoulder as the run-in throws my body back from the massive impact of the force. 

“Hey, are you okay?” The shrill voice asks me. “Where are you going? Is this you, Ames?”

That’s when I look up and see that it’s no one else than my high school best friend, Ella. My voice gets caught in my throat. We didn’t leave each other on good terms when high school was over. We barely talked after the high school graduation party, and I know it was more my fault than anything.

“Are we still not speaking, Ames?” Ella’s voice is even quieter this time. “I can’t believe that you are still mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you.” I shake my head. “Why will I be mad at you?”

“You are mad at me because you never called me since we both graduated high school, and even though I promised that we would keep in touch, I moved out of town to be with my high school sweetheart and lost touch with all of my best friends, including you.” She takes a breather. “I have a feeling that you’re still holding that against me, aren’t you?”

I shake my head again.

“It’s not that. . .”

“Then, what is it, Ames?”

I’m not sure if I can confess my feelings to her without breaking into tears. I try to swallow the wave of pain that rises in my throat with great intensity and look away at a distance from her.

“It’s just that you know since you left. . .shit has hit the fan.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“My mom had a stroke. That’s what I mean.” I take a step in the forward direction, still not looking at her in the eyes. “She developed a heart murmur which is resistant to close itself, plus she has developed a rare disorder where she can’t digest solid foods, so I have to feed her goo entirely twenty-four-seven, and it has been so hard on me to deal with all of that alone.” I start to walk away from her. “I know you won’t understand where I am coming from. It’s understandable that no one ever will.”

“Ames, will you stop?” 

“Ella, I have to go now.” I keep walking. Somehow, after being betrayed by every person I have ever believed in who will care about my family and me, I have found the courage within myself to keep walking. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

Ella says nothing anymore, but silently watches me retrace my steps to the opposite end of the hospital corridor.