Chapter 3

Perrin

PERRIN: Hey beautiful. How’s your day going?

LO: You’re up early <3 

PERRIN: Wish I wasn’t. Interrupted a good dream.

LO: Oh?

PERRIN: You were in it ;) 

LO: Are you going to tell me more?

PERRIN: I’d rather show you in person.

LO: Too bad it will have to wait a few weeks :( 

PERRIN: Don’t remind me.

PERRIN: What are you up to today?

LO: I’m heading to the local pack archives to pack up my things, hopefully round out a few things about a recent paper I submitted to our pack journal.

PERRIN: That sounds exciting

LO: Right. Because you believe spending time in a pack archive is exciting, lol

PERRIN: The last time I was with you in a pack archive, it was incredibly exciting…

LO: You’re making me blush.

PERRIN: I’d rather make you cum 

LO: I’m not going to be able to concentrate if you keep texting me like this

PERRIN: If you insist.

I sent her a picture I had taken earlier that morning after Kira left the room.

LO: That’s not fair!

PERRIN: You said not to keep texting you like that

LO: I love you, you know that? :)

PERRIN: I’m counting on it

PERRIN: Anyway, you’d be impressed to know I was already at the archive this morning.

LO: Oh? Besties with Marge now, are you?

PERRIN: You have no idea. You’ll probably read about it in the paper soon. Lester and his cronies were honing in on the story already with my dad.

LO: There’s a story? Is everything ok? There wasn’t a fire or something, was there?

I laughed. Lo and Marge were cut from the same cloth.

PERRIN: No, worse. I’ll fill you in later. Video chat tonight?

LO: Of course. Xoxo

“You look like a love sick puppy, you know that?”

I looked up from my phone, unaware that I had been smiling at it. Goddess I missed her. Two whole weeks like this? Kira was right. I was definitely in trouble.

“So are you going to ask her?” Kira said, chugging from her water bottle. I grabbed it from her hand and drank thirstily. 

“Ask who what?” I said, my mind still on Lo. 

“Ask Jesamine if she’s up to no good with her ratty old asshole of a father?”

I swallowed. “I don’t think so, no.”

I had considered for a second asking Jesamine again, hoping to read the truth in her eyes about whether or not she was consorting with her father. I had believed her reaction was genuine when I had asked her about the Ididorahds; she didn’t seem to have a clue what I was getting at. But now, I needed to be careful. Let her think that I didn’t suspect her of anything. If she really wasn’t up to anything, then it would be business as usual. But if not, and I could catch her saying something, slipping up or indicating anything at all that she was involved, then I would know for sure. But she couldn’t know I was onto her. I had to act like everything was normal.

“So what’s the plan, then?”

“I’m not sure yet,” I said honestly. We had just finished a training session at the gym. I was going to need to start running patrol again. I had already assigned Kira to a week of patrol after the Sacred Call, and I believed the structure had been good for her, at least so far. But I needed to start pulling my own weight again on patrol, and resume training with members of the Alpha Guard.

“So who are you going to add?” Kira asked. I was surprised; maybe she was getting better at reading my thoughts than I had anticipated. 

It was the choice of any new Alpha to select their Alpha Guard. Any members of the pack could run patrol, but Alpha Guard held other duties; were privileged to other information and other responsibilities. I would also need to figure that out. The thought made me slightly ill as I had to pick a Gamma. Janas had no children, and therefore I would have the responsibility of indicating a new line to hold the title, passed down generation by generation. It was a large weight to carry, and I wasn’t sure I was feeling up to the task at the moment. It was also the only one that really mattered; all of the positions after Gamma were all by appointment and not passed down with the family. Those would come in time, but positioning the right Gamma was critical; not just for my own Alpha Guard but for future generations.

“I have to think about it,” I said. “But definitely not Toby.”

Toby had always been a good fighter. But I didn’t want him anywhere near Kira. She shot me a look but didn’t argue. 

“What about Skylar?” She suggested.

“Maybe.” But I hadn’t really considered him, either. Too close to Toby. Those two were thick as thieves.

“Jack?” 

At the mention of his name, I swallowed hard. “I was going to try and visit him after my appointment with Deidre. Want to come?”

“Maybe.” She glanced at her watch. “But probably not. I’ve got an AA meeting in an hour. Gotta go.” She grabbed her gym bag and plucked out the keys to her motorcycle from the side pocket.

“Kira?”

“Yea?”

“Sobriety looks good on you.”

She paused, unsure of how to take it.

But then to my relief, she smiled. “Thanks.”

**

“Right on time,” Lorrie said. Deidre had just appeared behind the counter, ushering me back.

“How did the press conference go?” I asked her. 

“You know how your father is on camera,” she sighed with a weak smile, gesturing for me to follow. She didn’t need to explain. My father choked when in the limelight, despite his prowess as a leader. It was one of his few downfalls.

I walked beside Deidre, not speaking. I wasn’t completely inclined to maintain the normalcy that had built between us, but it was mutually civil. And I could live with that.

“How is she today?” I asked.

“Frustrated. Irritable.”

“Are you going to let her out?”

Deidre turned on me, surprised. “She’s not a prisoner, Perrin. She has access to the outdoor courtyard.”

“Does she get any company?”

Deidre resumed walking. “Of course not. That’s your father’s orders.”

“Ah.”

We walked in silence until we reached her room. Deidre stopped at the door. “Jennivah will be running your appointment today. She may answer any questions that you may have.”

“Oh,” I said. I thought Deidre would be handling this personally. She seemed to notice my confusion.

“I need to be one step away from this, Perrin. Not completely; just on the day to day things. My personal connections to all of this may cause me to lose sight or miss the signs of something critical–no, no, don’t worry. I just mean that considering who she is, and who you are, and what this baby will ;likely become, she needs the best medical care we can provide. I have full faith in Jennivah.” And with that, she was gone. I pushed open the door.

“Nice of you to join us.” Jesamine’s voice was cold and cruel today. A far cry from her humble countenance a few days before. I hadn’t seen her since then. But it wasn’t necessarily great to hear her back to a condescending confidence, either.

But I couldn’t help it. I immediately went on the defensive. “I’m five minutes early!”

“Wouldn’t be the first time you came early.”

I clenched my fists, unwilling to bite. Patience. I needed patience. “Good afternoon, Jennivah,” I said politely. Jennivah carefully avoided commenting on our banter and nodded her head. She was prepping the sonogram machine and viewing screen. I took a seat closeby, but not next to Jesamine’s bed.

“How are you feeling today, Jesamine?” the Ascended asked.

I had to admit she looked slightly better. She had showered at least, her hair was still damp but freshly combed, and the bags under her eyes had lightened somewhat.

“Fine,” she said flatly.

“How are your ribs?” Jennivah questioned calmly.

“Probably mended.” I watched as Jesamine wiggled in her bed, as if testing them herself.

Jennivah took her blood pressure and tracked her heart rate. “Everything seems normal. Shall we have a look?” Jesamine nodded and pulled back the blanket to reveal her stomach. I did a double take. Was there? No. Couldn’t be.

“I see you are showing nicely,” Jennivah said, covering Jesamine’s belly in a gel. There was the faintest small mound beneath her skin.

Jesamine grunted. “This stuff is cold.”

“Excuse me–” I said, cutting in. “She’s showing already? But it’s only been, what… a week?”

Jennivah looked at me, surprised. “Perrin, you know that werewolf pregnancies only take half the amount of time as human pregnancies.”

“Yes, but… but to be showing?” I stammered. I hadn’t been ready. Not for this. Not today. “It’s too soon!”

“Just because I’ve known for a week doesn’t mean I’ve only been pregnant for a week,” Jesamine sneered, clearly annoyed.

I ground my teeth, uneager for my mind to drift to the question that floated to the forefront. “And just how long have you been pregnant, exactly?” 

“Probably since the last time you slept together,” Jennivah said, her tone clear that she did not want this to explode into an argument.

“Do the math,” Jesamine challenged, folding her arms across her chest.

I sighed, giving in to the overwhelming feelings crashing down on me. I didn’t need to. The math checked out. Lo and I had even checked on a calendar–much to my displeasure and embarrassment, tracking the last time I thought Jaz–Jesamine–and I thought we were able to work things out. 

“So you’re supposed to be showing already?” I nearly stammered, trying to recover. “That’s normal?”

“Perfectly normal,” Jennivah said. “And she’s just over a month along.”

I counted on my fingers, slightly desperate. “Then you’re due–”

“In three months time,” Jennivah finished. 

I swallowed. Hard.

I had barely gotten used to the idea of being a father, let alone co-parenting. But so soon? I started breathing heavily, unable to get my emotions under control. Goddess, I wanted my mate.

“Take a look,” Jennivah said, and prompted me to look at the screen.

There, amidst the black and white on the screen, was a small figure. Tiny, shaped like a bean, but with a barely, distinguishable head and floating white like an amoeba in an ocean of black.

Jesamine had frozen, unable to make a sound. I noticed for the first time she hadn’t spoken in the last few minutes, transfixed by the screen.

“What is it?” I asked, nearly breathless, captivated.

“It’s a baby,” Jesamine said, her sudden fixation broken. Her voice, for some reason irritated, cut through my awe like nails on a chalkboard.

“It’s too early to tell,” Jennivah answered, taking my meaning. “We should know in a few weeks. Do you know what you want?”

I look at her straight on. I would love to have a boy, in fact, I felt with every fiber of my being that it was a boy. But that wasn’t the answer I truly felt. “As long as it’s healthy, that's all that matters.”

Jesamine scoffed, then shoved her scrubs back down over her belly. “Is that it, then?”

Jennivah’s hand retreated, her face slightly concerned. “We’ll continue to monitor you closely, Jesamine, as your ribs and the rest of your pelvic structure will shift quickly to accommodate the growing size of your womb. If your ribs really are healed, then you should be out of the woods for the moment. Though we’ll need to keep an eye on it.”

“Do you really require house arrest to ‘keep an eye on it?’” she sneered, arms once again folded across her chest. I recoiled slightly at how she addressed a fellow healer, let alone an Ascended. But Jennivah’s face was a portrait of calm serenity.

“Those are not my instructions, Jesamine, nor under my control. Do either of you have any more questions about the baby?”

“Yea. When can I get out of this prison cell?”

“Any more relevant questions?” Jennivah reiterated. 

“Is there anything else I should know? Be doing?” I asked. I tried to keep the nerves out of my voice but was failing in fantastic fashion.

“I’ll prepare some literature for you,” Jennivah said with a smile. “What to expect when you’re expecting, and all that.” She gave me a small wink and was gone. 

I turned to Jesamine. “You don’t have to be so rude to her,” I said.  

“You don’t have to be so free,” she scoffed.

“Free?” I repeated. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She flung up her arms in exasperation. “Use your brain, Perrin! You’re not the one stuck in here, cut off from the rest of the world! No phone, no human contact, no nothing! I can’t even watch the news for Goddess’ sake!”

Despite my initial reaction to her physical appearance, I saw now that her eyes were slightly bloodshot. Lines had appeared on her forehead where they hadn’t been before, and her normally tan skin was lighter somehow, as if rejecting the fluorescent lights of the lab and craving sun. Real sun.

“Aren’t you getting outside?”

“Sure. Because sitting outside on a bench by myself is the epitome of socialization.”

I kept my voice calm, unwilling to sympathize. “You are being cared for, for free, after being exiled from your own territory. The least you could be is grateful.”

“Grateful?” She retorted, folding her arms once more across her chest. “I should be grateful for prison?”

“Where else would you go?”

“I can’t go anywhere, now that you’ve put these chains on me!”

I sighed, my fingers digging into my thighs as I wrestled for control. “I’m just trying to help, Jesamine.”

“Help? You call this help?” She nearly screamed. “I didn’t ask for any of this. ANY OF IT! And now I can’t see my friends or do my work or eat what I want and–” then her hands collapsed at her sides, and she fought back the urge to sob.

She was mad. Angry at the world. Angry at being cooped up here. She hadn’t asked for it; that much was true; whether asking for her pregnancy of failing at the Temple and ushering in exile. But I had decisions to make based on the consequences of the actions of her father. And, if I admitted it, of both Jesamine and myself. Her father didn’t make this baby: we had.

“You can return to your work,” I said, trying to calm her. “As soon as your ribs heal, I’m sure you can–”

“Werewolves need company to survive, Perrin. Being stuck in here with no contact is as good as exile.”

I froze, the words striking hard, echoing in that empty space that was still too close; that  I could still quickly recall. The vastness of how hollow I had felt, sitting alone at that mountainside, waiting to hear her howl at the moon, was still unnerving. The lab room felt suddenly small, surreal in its white, clean, sterility. I wanted fresh air. Open sky. The ability to feel the wind on my face and in my fur–

I shuddered. And to my embarrassment, Jesamine’s eyes narrowed, as if I had proven her point.

“Then you get it.” To my surprise, her words weren’t cruel; rather, they held some notion of recognition and vindication. As if despite being miles apart from each other right now, we shared something beyond this baby between us.

“Here you are, Perrin,” Jennivah said, pushing open the door and handing me a few pamphlets. My head jerked to greet her, and I took the brochures. “Read through these before Friday and I’ll answer any questions you have, okay?”

I nodded, taking them appreciatively. “Goodbye, Jesamine,” I said.

She didn’t bother saying a word, but simply rolled her head away to face the empty wall, already disengaged.