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Chapter 29
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Kira
I ignored Perrin as he pounded on my door, refusing to use the spare key I knew he had to my suite. It was out of courtesy, more than anything that he didn’t just let himself in. But I appreciated his honor in this sense anyway.
I heard his phone buzzing from the other side of the door. “Yea, sorry. I was talking to Kira… yea, everything’s fine.”
Liar. But I was glad to hear his steps recede down the hall towards the elevator. I needed my space to process in my own space. In this suite.
Rather, my mother’s suite, My thoughts wandered to my conversation with Ethan. I had the right to the Beta Select suite by now. I hadn’t seen it in years; but truth be told, I remember it being beautiful.
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TRIGGER WARNING: The following chapter deals with issues of pregnancy, death, and premature birth.JasonI was relieved to see Perrin at dinner. He finally listened to me and decided to have dinner with the Alpha Guard. In time these men would become his closest friends; but he had spent so much time during the Sacred Call with his mate that he had missed the opportunity to bond in the excitement of the challenge.So I was grateful–no, assured–when he showed up to dinner, albeit late and stuffing his phone into his pocket, to sit amongst his comrades.I watched him as he made easy conversation with those that he already knew; sitting down in the mess-hall like set up at a long table and chatting with the patrol. He had been running patrol with many of them since he had completed h
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KiraI sipped from my water bottle, aware that this was the second gallon of water I’d been through in an hour. The sauna was well over 100 degrees, and I could feel the steam licky my body, my skin covered in gleaming sweat. It was also blissfully quiet; I had it all to myself, thankfully. While the saunas weren’t technically private, nobody really bothered to use them so late at night.Or, had a key to the Lodge for after-hour use. I thought of the time I stole Ethan’s key–a few years ago, at least–and made a copy so I could train late in the evening’s on the nights he and Perrin were otherwise occupied. I could practice–fail, and try again–without the looming judgment of one–nearly two–older brothers. I wiped sweat from my forehead lazily onto my towel, nearly soaked through. I had felt my muscles relax over the last hour or so, my head nodding as I listened to the rhythmic hiss of the steam as it pumped into the sweltering room.I had decided–whether through reason or in my curr
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Perrin“Thanks, Charlie. And if you could have the rest delivered at 11 that’d be great.”I kicked the car door closed behind me after Charlie agreed and headed inside to the infirmary. Kira grunted somewhere behind me, face lost behind several large cardboard boxes. “Are you going to tell me what all of these are for?”“Jesamine,” I replied simply. “Morni’ Lorrie,” I nodded in her direction as she waved us through.“Couldn’t you just… pay someone to bring this all in?”“What, and give you an excuse to miss an early morning weight lifting opportunity?”I heard several indistinct curses muttered behind the cardboard box that teetered dangerously at the top of her pile. “What is all of this, anyway?” Kira managed, her head finally visible as she dropped them outside of Jesamine’s suite.“I’ll tell you later,” I said, sweating slightly from all of the bags I was holding.“Later?” Kira blinked, then cocked her head to the side. “Um, speaking of later.”“Yea?” I set the bags down as I mea
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PerrinI shifted uncomfortably, my jeans now tight in the hips. I was readjusting myself and getting my bearings when I heard a string of muttered curses from behind me. Kira emerged from another hallway a few moments later, scowling.“How’d your meeting go?”She stopped mid-swear and chugged the last of her coffee before throwing the cup in a nearby receptacle. “That good, eh?”Another angry look. “Ok. Well listen, I’m gonna head out–”She perked her head up, as if finally realizing I was there. “How about we walk?” she suggested. “That way we can… talk.”Talking to Kira was the last thing on my mind at the moment. But I hadn’t asked Charlie to be here for another hour, so I was left without a ride. In the last three seconds, I had planned to run back to the pack house and take advantage of the time I had with Lo before I needed to be at the Lodge, but…“Sure,” I found myself saying. I could walk fast. I fell into step with her as we left the building, checking my watch and settin
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Kira I ignored Perrin’s texts, still too angry to respond. I hated arguing with him. I hated that he wasn’t listening to me. And I hated that I finally said out loud what I had been thinking for the last several weeks. But it was true. Everything about becoming Beta had felt overwhelming. The training; the politicking; the khakis were only the tip of the iceberg. If anything, I just felt like I didn’t belong. Sure, I beat Gowan. But what did that really prove? That I was some fraud with maximized speed? That I was just parading in Ethan’s shadow? And the worst part was that I was never going to be big enough or fast enough to get out of it. I stopped at Stella’s on the way to the archive, intent on stifling the sounds of my stomach and Perrin’s words with a special cappuccino and as many chocolate chip cookies as I could stuff in my mouth. Once I was completely full I left the shop, waving to the bubbly barista who now had my favorite drink down to a science. I stopped just
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Deidre “What do you mean, she canceled training?” Cynthia paled as she informed me of her call with my daughter. “That is inexcusable,” I said tartly. I knew I was being harsh on Cynthia, but she was the only one I could trust with Kira’s etiquette training. Mistra had ignored any sense of ladylike decency of my daughter since she was a child. And Beta or not, she was going to be able to hold herself in civilized company. Cynthia was muttering something about khaki’s and I cut her off, directing her to negotiate time with Mark to ensure we had at least two hours with her a week. Two hours was better than nothing. And if that girl continued to keep up her training and spend time with the Alpha Guard, it would be more important than ever to maintain some semblance of civility and manners. And perhaps, even an ounce of femininity. She left my office and I sat quietly, staring at the top of my desk with intense focus. Why had Perrin asked about Nyllan’s Theoretical Text, Volume 3? N
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Deidre And I had almost missed it, the single, minor reference to the man I had been hunting for weeks. I had found it reading through crop rotation guidelines and a seasonal calendar of when to grow the best herbs. “Lavender is best grown in the early spring, though buds from the previous bloom should be removed in the season prior to allow for the most growth.” I had skimmed the page, not caring about lavender this and lilac that, when its uses were outlined at the bottom of the page: “The blossoms are most fragrant and can be dried for use in herbal teas. When added to warm water such as baths, their aromas can be psychologically calming. And when blossoms are removed under the full moon and muddled, they produce the most powerful, natural sedative known to the werewolf species. Ingestion may cause one to sleep for up to three weeks at a time, reducing the heart rate to almost nothing; the body going into an almost death-like state.” A footnote at the bottom credited the source
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Deidre Blinking away the images of those last two photographs that had burned themselves into my memory, I looked around at the Luna’s office now. My office. The sun had begun to set outside of my window. I set down my bourbon, now warm in the glass, and, returning my feet to the ground, carefully and quietly opened the hidden compartment within the desk. When I had stumbled upon this book so many years ago, I had disregarded it. The cover had held a small copper clasp, barring those from its contents. And while I could have forced the clasp open without the key, the mature side of me had recognized it to be a diary that the late Luna had kept. Her scent was all over it; the cover even adorned with a purple flower that was so… so Sienna. And at that point in my life, the curiosity of my youth had become overshadowed by the shoes of the beloved Luna I was trying to fill. That, and because of what Jason had done, and what our marriage truly was, I had left the diary unopened in a silen
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Deidre“How about this?”Mistra shakes her head, the pink dress I’m holding not doing it for her. Of course it wouldn’t. Mistra only wears dark and… darker. Except for the day she came back from vacation. From ‘visiting her son.’ Here. In Texas.“How about this?” This dress is darker, with a slit up to the thigh that should make any she-wolf her age think twice.“Too revealing,” she dismisses it. The hangers clank loudly on the rack as she disapproves of yet another rack of options.“Mistra?” The clacking plastic stills in response. “You wore pink when you came back from Texas. You think I didn’t notice?”A considering pause follows, then, “I was in a different mood, then.”“Oh?”“Yes. It was… the fresh air.”“So logic would dictate the color would suit you now as well, wouldn’t it?”Another pause. “I suppose.”I thrust my arms around the corner of the clothing rack, holding the original pink once again. She grabs it reluctantly and holds it up to her chin in front of a full-length mi
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Perrin The sound of my camera phone clicks and I don’t bother checking it before sending it to Lo. Then I switch shirts, and send another. PERRIN: Blue or green? LO: Either. They each bring out one of your eyes. LO: Goddess you look good. Before I can type a response, a video call from Lo pops up on the screen. I can tell based on the angle of the camera that she’s propped me up against a glass on Dina’s counter in the kitchen. “Hey there, beautiful.” Beautiful doesn’t do her justice, even mid-meal. Her eyes are bright and full of laughter, as if she’d just been joking with Dina. She munches on a carrot stick, grinning. “You know it’s not fair for you to just send me pictures like that.” She lowers her voice. “When you know I really want the other kind of picture.” I laugh, angling the camera so she can see my bare chest. “Gross,” I hear a mutter somewhere off-camera. “I’m not going to be attacked while I’m having lunch, Jack. You can be excused for ten.” “Thank Goddess.” Ja
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Deidre “Fontaine?” I flick through my mental list of scholars. Nothing registers. “Well, if he’s not a medical scientist or researcher, I probably wouldn’t have heard of him.” Mark grunts, throwing his phone down next to his lunch plate. “I’ve got nothing. The internet is supposed to be helpful. All I have are a bunch of university papers and a bunch of research I can’t make heads or tales of.” “Ah yes. My husband’s Beta, ever the academic,” I smile over the brim of my cup. “Quit it,” Jason growls, absorbed in his own phone screen. “Janas is keeping tabs on him, but other than going back to the infirmary, he hasn’t done much apart from call a taxi to take him to a restaurant.” Mark blinks. “A restaurant?” “Yes,” I quip. “The social environment in which people elect to eat and enjoy one another’s company–not that you’ve been to one in the last ten years.” “Seriously?” Jason snaps, head swiveling between Mark and I. “This is the last thing we need.” “A restaurant is not a securit
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Kira The tour was incredibly boring. Ben was professional and polite, wandering at a pace that Lo could keep up with, without getting breathless and being able to contribute to the conversation. It annoyed me how courteous he was. Jack spent most of the tour looking around inconspicuously for all of the cameras, finding their hidden reflective lenses in the niches of wood and leather around the Archives. From what I could tell, he’d found twenty-six of thirty. A flashing, toothy smile catches on another camera. Fine. Twenty-seven. They were just making the far side of the stacks, near the stairway that led down to the pack Archives, when Sirius became incredibly more interested. “And what are these?” He asked pointedly, looking at the stairs and the ropes that separated them off from prying visitors. “Ah. The Royal Archives of the Aperture Pack,” Ben said admiringly. “Home of our pack lineage, royal birth and marriage documents, copies of temple ceremony proceedings, and histori
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Kira I watched through the screen as Lo’s baby bump proceeded the rest of her into the frame, extending her hand to greet Ben’s. It was more formal than I’d ever seen either of them interact; but I recognized the show. It was all about appearances. Impressing this scholar. A moment later Sirius eased into the frame, his height nearly blocking out all of Lo except her belly, his own graceful hand extending to capture Ben’s as they exchanged greetings. “Good morning, Professor–?” Ben opened warmly. Smooth. And good. Since I still had no idea what this guy’s last name has to do a thorough background check. I looked at my legal pad, tapping my pen on the blank page. Mark was clear with his instructions, and so far I wasn’t doing very well. “Oh! Just Sirius, please. No need for formalities.” Lo stepped out from behind Sirius, her face beaming with that pregnant glow of hers, despite the gray-scale of the monitor. “Sirius, this is Benjamin, the scholar and historian I was telling you
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Kira Janas walked me through my controls. Eight screens, two keyboards, something that looked like an old-school joystick, and enough cords and plugs to cover the majority of the Luna’s office. I wondered what she’d think of it now; it’s usually pristine surfaces now covered in a jungle of electrical equipment. “Got that?” Janas said for nearly the seventh time. “Yes,” I muttered, sitting down in the seat behind the Luna’s desk. It was the last place I ever thought I’d sit, and shifted uneasily as I put down my crutches. The ruse was still necessary in case anyone came in here with Cynthia while I was working. I had felt the glances as Janas wheeled me in this afternoon, crutches across my lap as we passed the busy lobby of the pack house. Many offered greetings and wishes for a speedy recovery, all genuine. It made my back stiffen at the deception. I made a mental note to talk to Perrin about just how different his legacy was going to be from his father’s… and despite my own sel
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BenMy alarm goes off, and I don’t even want to reach for my phone.It’d be great to stop the two-day hangover that plagues me. But something else entirely when I’ll look at my screen and realize Kira hasn’t called me back. Or texted.Not like she would.I roll over, swatting blindly at my bedside table until my phone drops onto the floor, vibrating and jittering across the cheap carpet like some strange bug.I test my eyes, flickering them open against my ceiling.Well. At least my hangover is gone today. I exhale. I’d rather have the pain of that hangover instead of the anger I feel at myself. Not just anger.Shame. Annoyance.And the worst part? The self-pity.I’ve drowned in the feelings of the last few days, addicted to the self-sabotage of not eating, not consuming anything and not trusting myself. I’ve been sober for years. And doing this now? Giving into temptation? I want to blame my thesis. My stupid failed research. I want to just burn all of it to Hell and back. But gnawi
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Perrin“Holy shit.”Mark softly whistles behind me, unnerved at the site of it as we drive in. The Chiyad training facilities is enormous. No. gigantic. Whichever one is bigger.“This is where Ethan’s been training,” I say unnecessarily, awed at the outside of it. I wondered if Ethan could escape being the favorite for the Beta championship by just having access to state-of-the-art facilities. Mark doesn’t answer, but drives to a series of parking spots on the side of the building. “I know Ethan’s been working hard,” I go on as we get out of the car. “And Justin had only mentioned they were working on getting their facility renovation underway. Is this the before or after? They couldn’t have done all of this in just a few months.”Mark’s neck cranes to look up the side of the building. “I don’t know.”We walk into the large side entrance, automatic doors whooshing in around us with crisp, air-conditioned coolness. I blink twice as a discreet whirring sounds, a scanning of our bodies
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KiraI set the phone down on the bedside table, pulling my blankets over me at the chill that had nothing to do with the temperature of my room.What the hell?But I couldn’t help but smirk. My gut instinct about the visiting wolf hadn’t been totally off. Something hadn’t been right about Sirius. Not wrong, per se… but definitely not normal. Were all European wolves that way? And how Mark had discovered our pack had a visitor less than twelve hours after they’d left? I didn’t know. Some type of Beta secret perhaps. He’d tell me in time. I was beginning to realize just how much I had to learn.I frowned, knowing Royhill would likely come pick me up in the morning. I stared at the clock. It was way past my bedtime. Not that I cared. I scratched at the stupid fake brace on my leg.On the positive side, apparently hiding away in the Luna’s office was going to be exactly what I was up to, the joke made earlier to Jesamine in jest or not. And sooner than I had anticipated; Naineeve was her
