Perrin “You may come in, Perrin.” Deidre steps back and holds the door open, waiting for me to enter. To my relief, Lo is sitting up in bed, drinking water through a straw. She has an IV attached to her forearm and a heart monitor beeping with steady regularity to the right of her patient bed. I rush to her, my own heart thumping wildly in my chest. “Are you alright?” I ask, visually inspecting her as if I’m qualified to know. “I’m fine, Perrin.” She says between sips. She’s slurping happily away at some red slushie-type concoction. “The baby?” I search her eyes, hoping to find some indication. But she wouldn’t be sitting up in bed if something was wrong, would she? “They’re both fine,” Jennivah reiterates. She’s standing at a nearby desk and types notes into her computer. “But you two need to sit down.” I instantly stiffen. “I thought you said they were fine?” “I am–” Lo starts. “I mean, we are–” she stutters, mouth full and a little at a loss for words. Her face turns a litt
Kira “Hey bestie!” Lo gives me a weak smile, waving through the doorway. I hobble over on my crutches. “You’re just thrilled to see me, huh?” She gives me another weak smile. I throw my crutches against her bed and bounce sloppily onto the thin mattress. “I know,” I say more gently, squeezing her hand for a second before leaning back. “It’s going to suck being away from him.” She sniffs and nods, the tip of her nose pink and failing miserably to hide her crying. “But not as much as it’s doing to suck not getting any ass for a few weeks!” I say, grabbing her leg and giving her a small wiggle. Her mouth opens in mock horror and she tries to swat me, but the IV stuck in her arm clangs and starts beeping. Jennivah is in the doorway a second later, only to witness both of us laughing. Jennivah grins and leaves us, closing the door behind her. “Seriously, though. I’m sorry,” I say. She sniffs but smiles. “Thanks.” “You gonna be ok?” I gesture at the room, no longer talking about Pe
Kira My stomach lurches uncomfortably. It has nothing to do with Jack’s driving. “Are you going to tell me what this is all about?” He asks, not taking his eyes off the road. “Turn left here,” I say. He nods, as if trying to determine where we’re going. “Do you normally just call people in the middle of the night and ask for rides?” I can tell he’s fishing for information. “Right turn here,” I say, debating how much to reveal. Jack turns, waiting for me to answer. I don’t. He tries again. “I take it this isn’t some type of courtesy run for the Luna Select for a bit of late night reading?” He pulls to a stop without me having to ask in front of the Archives. I stare at him, easing my stomach away from its nausea. “How did you–” He just shrugs. “I had a hunch.” “You had a hunch that I wanted to come here?” “Saw the way you looked at him.” I blink. “What are you talking about?” “Just get out of the car,” he says, leaning over me to open my door. He pulls back and looks down
KiraTo my surprise, he hands the receipt back without a word. He doesn’t admonish me for having it. He doesn’t even look at me. It’s like he knows, a shadow crossing his features as his eyes furrow together.He turns back to his desk and sits down, his back to me. He reaches for the unopened bottle at the end of the desk and holds it. “You thought I fell off track.”“I’m… I mean yes. I did.”“And you came here?”“Yes.”“Because…” I don’t answer. But he just waits, not supplying any rescue.I swallow and try again. “Because I didn’t want you to be alone. I get what… I get what it’s like. To be in that place. And I went there so many times… I mean, I’ve been there so many times. And sometimes I hated myself for doing it. And sometimes I hated life so much I just didn’t want to remember anymore.”He puts the bottle down, a soft thud echoing on his desk. I can tell he’s still listening. “So you came here because you thought I hated myself?”I lick my lips, my throat dry. “No, it’s just.
Kira This kiss is fleeting. A tease and a touch that lasts only a fraction of a second, as if his lips hadn’t even been there at all. Was it even a kiss? At first, I fear it’s regret. That he didn’t mean to. That it was all just the heat of our bodies and the haze of the late night hour and this was all just some type of misunderstanding. There was no kiss, was there? It was just a slip of our faces too close in the dark– But in that same fraction of a second, I wonder why it matters. Or if there ever was a kiss? Did I want it to be a kiss? Do I care if he regrets it? I don’t, I realize. I don’t want him to regret it. I only want him to do it again. But one second goes by. Then two. Then three. And nothing happens. We are each frozen in the dark, unmoving and unsure of what to do. He stills beneath me, the faint whisper of his breath on my shoulder the only evidence he’s near. I close my eyes, searching for the willpower it’s going to take to try to accept that it’s not what he wa
Kira Gowan doesn’t say anything when I summon him to let me back in. He just opens the door, sensing my mood. I hope the smell of alcohol isn’t on me. That’s the last accusation I need right now. Hen gives me a look, and the only reason I know is because I can feel his stare on the back of my neck as I walk in without meeting his eyes. I don’t know how I’ve made it back to the infirmary. I lost my crutches somewhere, too frustrated and dejected to use them. I’m sweaty and a mess and probably could use a shower but who the hell cares. I make it to my room, followed by Gowan’s shadow to ensure my safe return. Mercifully we don’t run into any healers in the quiet corridors. He nods once when I open my door and retreats quietly down the hall. I don’t sleep, but strip off my clothes and accept an extra pair of scrubs left for pajamas at the end of my bed. I don’t want to wear them again. I don’t want to feel them on my skin. I don’t want the echo of how it felt when he touched me, weari
Perrin The day before The flight is turbulent. My stomach is already uneasy, clenching tighter with every passing mile that I depart from Lo. I didn’t want to leave and would turn around in a heartbeat if I could figure out how to hijack this damn plane. Mistra and Deidre are sitting as far as they can from each other, which isn’t altogether unexpected. But my father and Mark are speaking incessantly in hushed tones, so low that I can’t make out a word despite my heightened sense of hearing. Since the Sacred Call, it’s bizarre to leave me so intentionally in the dark. But Mark is tapping away at his phone, in conversation with someone as my father advises how to communicate. Their mutterings buzz in my ear like some annoying fly. My phone vibrates, distracting me. LO: When did you change your name to LOML in my phone? PERRIN: While I was waiting for Jennivah to leave and let me say goodbye for the third time. LO: What does it even stand for? LO: No, wait. Let me guess… Lo: Lei
Deidre We only have a half hour til we land when Mark approaches my seat. “Conference room. Now.” “I’ve already listened to my husband’s song and dance twice today. I’m not–” “It’s not about that.” I glance up at him, annoyed. “Then what is it?” His eyebrows crease. “Conference room.” By the time I’m out of my seat, Mistra and Jason are already seated. Perrin is the only one apart from the pilot not here. “Sit,” Jason says. I place my hands on my hips. “What?” “We’ve spoken to Janas,” Jason says in a measured tone. “Sit.” I don’t. “We’ve been in the air for more than two hours. You can’t possibly think he’s screwed things up already? I mean, hell, I’m not his biggest fan but–” “Sit. Down.” Jason’s tone leaves no room for disobedience this time, and I sink into the nearest chair. I check my watch. It’s 9:00 p.m. local. The guard would have been out for a few hours. Janas was likely at the guard post, monitoring patrol movements like he always does. “Well?” I ask pointedly.
Deidre“How about this?”Mistra shakes her head, the pink dress I’m holding not doing it for her. Of course it wouldn’t. Mistra only wears dark and… darker. Except for the day she came back from vacation. From ‘visiting her son.’ Here. In Texas.“How about this?” This dress is darker, with a slit up to the thigh that should make any she-wolf her age think twice.“Too revealing,” she dismisses it. The hangers clank loudly on the rack as she disapproves of yet another rack of options.“Mistra?” The clacking plastic stills in response. “You wore pink when you came back from Texas. You think I didn’t notice?”A considering pause follows, then, “I was in a different mood, then.”“Oh?”“Yes. It was… the fresh air.”“So logic would dictate the color would suit you now as well, wouldn’t it?”Another pause. “I suppose.”I thrust my arms around the corner of the clothing rack, holding the original pink once again. She grabs it reluctantly and holds it up to her chin in front of a full-length mi
Perrin The sound of my camera phone clicks and I don’t bother checking it before sending it to Lo. Then I switch shirts, and send another. PERRIN: Blue or green? LO: Either. They each bring out one of your eyes. LO: Goddess you look good. Before I can type a response, a video call from Lo pops up on the screen. I can tell based on the angle of the camera that she’s propped me up against a glass on Dina’s counter in the kitchen. “Hey there, beautiful.” Beautiful doesn’t do her justice, even mid-meal. Her eyes are bright and full of laughter, as if she’d just been joking with Dina. She munches on a carrot stick, grinning. “You know it’s not fair for you to just send me pictures like that.” She lowers her voice. “When you know I really want the other kind of picture.” I laugh, angling the camera so she can see my bare chest. “Gross,” I hear a mutter somewhere off-camera. “I’m not going to be attacked while I’m having lunch, Jack. You can be excused for ten.” “Thank Goddess.” Ja
Deidre “Fontaine?” I flick through my mental list of scholars. Nothing registers. “Well, if he’s not a medical scientist or researcher, I probably wouldn’t have heard of him.” Mark grunts, throwing his phone down next to his lunch plate. “I’ve got nothing. The internet is supposed to be helpful. All I have are a bunch of university papers and a bunch of research I can’t make heads or tales of.” “Ah yes. My husband’s Beta, ever the academic,” I smile over the brim of my cup. “Quit it,” Jason growls, absorbed in his own phone screen. “Janas is keeping tabs on him, but other than going back to the infirmary, he hasn’t done much apart from call a taxi to take him to a restaurant.” Mark blinks. “A restaurant?” “Yes,” I quip. “The social environment in which people elect to eat and enjoy one another’s company–not that you’ve been to one in the last ten years.” “Seriously?” Jason snaps, head swiveling between Mark and I. “This is the last thing we need.” “A restaurant is not a securit
Kira The tour was incredibly boring. Ben was professional and polite, wandering at a pace that Lo could keep up with, without getting breathless and being able to contribute to the conversation. It annoyed me how courteous he was. Jack spent most of the tour looking around inconspicuously for all of the cameras, finding their hidden reflective lenses in the niches of wood and leather around the Archives. From what I could tell, he’d found twenty-six of thirty. A flashing, toothy smile catches on another camera. Fine. Twenty-seven. They were just making the far side of the stacks, near the stairway that led down to the pack Archives, when Sirius became incredibly more interested. “And what are these?” He asked pointedly, looking at the stairs and the ropes that separated them off from prying visitors. “Ah. The Royal Archives of the Aperture Pack,” Ben said admiringly. “Home of our pack lineage, royal birth and marriage documents, copies of temple ceremony proceedings, and histori
Kira I watched through the screen as Lo’s baby bump proceeded the rest of her into the frame, extending her hand to greet Ben’s. It was more formal than I’d ever seen either of them interact; but I recognized the show. It was all about appearances. Impressing this scholar. A moment later Sirius eased into the frame, his height nearly blocking out all of Lo except her belly, his own graceful hand extending to capture Ben’s as they exchanged greetings. “Good morning, Professor–?” Ben opened warmly. Smooth. And good. Since I still had no idea what this guy’s last name has to do a thorough background check. I looked at my legal pad, tapping my pen on the blank page. Mark was clear with his instructions, and so far I wasn’t doing very well. “Oh! Just Sirius, please. No need for formalities.” Lo stepped out from behind Sirius, her face beaming with that pregnant glow of hers, despite the gray-scale of the monitor. “Sirius, this is Benjamin, the scholar and historian I was telling you
Kira Janas walked me through my controls. Eight screens, two keyboards, something that looked like an old-school joystick, and enough cords and plugs to cover the majority of the Luna’s office. I wondered what she’d think of it now; it’s usually pristine surfaces now covered in a jungle of electrical equipment. “Got that?” Janas said for nearly the seventh time. “Yes,” I muttered, sitting down in the seat behind the Luna’s desk. It was the last place I ever thought I’d sit, and shifted uneasily as I put down my crutches. The ruse was still necessary in case anyone came in here with Cynthia while I was working. I had felt the glances as Janas wheeled me in this afternoon, crutches across my lap as we passed the busy lobby of the pack house. Many offered greetings and wishes for a speedy recovery, all genuine. It made my back stiffen at the deception. I made a mental note to talk to Perrin about just how different his legacy was going to be from his father’s… and despite my own sel
BenMy alarm goes off, and I don’t even want to reach for my phone.It’d be great to stop the two-day hangover that plagues me. But something else entirely when I’ll look at my screen and realize Kira hasn’t called me back. Or texted.Not like she would.I roll over, swatting blindly at my bedside table until my phone drops onto the floor, vibrating and jittering across the cheap carpet like some strange bug.I test my eyes, flickering them open against my ceiling.Well. At least my hangover is gone today. I exhale. I’d rather have the pain of that hangover instead of the anger I feel at myself. Not just anger.Shame. Annoyance.And the worst part? The self-pity.I’ve drowned in the feelings of the last few days, addicted to the self-sabotage of not eating, not consuming anything and not trusting myself. I’ve been sober for years. And doing this now? Giving into temptation? I want to blame my thesis. My stupid failed research. I want to just burn all of it to Hell and back. But gnawi
Perrin“Holy shit.”Mark softly whistles behind me, unnerved at the site of it as we drive in. The Chiyad training facilities is enormous. No. gigantic. Whichever one is bigger.“This is where Ethan’s been training,” I say unnecessarily, awed at the outside of it. I wondered if Ethan could escape being the favorite for the Beta championship by just having access to state-of-the-art facilities. Mark doesn’t answer, but drives to a series of parking spots on the side of the building. “I know Ethan’s been working hard,” I go on as we get out of the car. “And Justin had only mentioned they were working on getting their facility renovation underway. Is this the before or after? They couldn’t have done all of this in just a few months.”Mark’s neck cranes to look up the side of the building. “I don’t know.”We walk into the large side entrance, automatic doors whooshing in around us with crisp, air-conditioned coolness. I blink twice as a discreet whirring sounds, a scanning of our bodies
KiraI set the phone down on the bedside table, pulling my blankets over me at the chill that had nothing to do with the temperature of my room.What the hell?But I couldn’t help but smirk. My gut instinct about the visiting wolf hadn’t been totally off. Something hadn’t been right about Sirius. Not wrong, per se… but definitely not normal. Were all European wolves that way? And how Mark had discovered our pack had a visitor less than twelve hours after they’d left? I didn’t know. Some type of Beta secret perhaps. He’d tell me in time. I was beginning to realize just how much I had to learn.I frowned, knowing Royhill would likely come pick me up in the morning. I stared at the clock. It was way past my bedtime. Not that I cared. I scratched at the stupid fake brace on my leg.On the positive side, apparently hiding away in the Luna’s office was going to be exactly what I was up to, the joke made earlier to Jesamine in jest or not. And sooner than I had anticipated; Naineeve was her