Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Danielle

“I’ll have a mimosa,” I tell the waiter. “But can I get vodka instead of champagne, and then hold the orange juice?”

The waiter lowers his notepad and blinks. “You just want vodka?”

“Yes.” I close my drink menu. “Make it a double, please.”

 “Interesting way to start the day but a good choice nonetheless,” he says with a chuckle. “And for you, sir?”

“I’ll have the same but with the orange juice,” Logan orders even though he hates vodka. He’s a beer and whiskey drinker. Occasionally, he’ll take a shot or two of tequila. But vodka…nope. He said he drank too much during college and it ruined it for him.

“You okay?” Logan asks when the waiter steps away. We’re sitting at the end of a large table, surrounded by my sister’s friends. Two have been her friend since high school, and she met the others during college.

“Physically, I’m fine. I even agree with you that this dress looks good on me. But mentally.” I widen my eyes and make a face. “That’s a whole different story.”

Logan gives me a small smile, knowing me all too well. I can’t distract him from the question at hand with my lame jokes. He sees right through it. I flick my eyes to my sister and her friends again, and it brings up a maelstrom of emotions too messy to even sort out in my head.

They are judgmental bitches who pick others apart in order to make themselves feel better, but that’s not the only thing bugging me. I don’t have a bunch of close girlfriends. I’ve never belonged to a group like that. I don’t talk to anyone I went to high school with anymore, and while I’m F******k friends with a few girls I hung out with in college, we never see each other in real life. We don’t even message back and forth anymore, just occasionally like each other’s photos.

I’ve told myself it’s fine since I’ve always been a bit of a loner. I’m happy by myself, and even if I did have a big group of gal-pals that invited me out every other night, I’d probably turn the invites down.

So why does seeing my sister talk and laugh with her six best friends make my brain jump right to there’s something wrong with me for not having a group of friends I can pose for photos with, posting them all over social media with cheesy captions about “my tribe” and how I couldn’t get through life without them.

I’m sitting on solid ground, but it feels like the earth is crumbling out from under me. That weird sense of not knowing who I am creeps back up, and I feel the most unwelcome urge to try and fit in with these women, because I’ve been told over and over and over throughout my life that not being included is bad. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to quiet the sudden noise in my brain that’s louder than the crashing wave on the shore.

“Danielle?” Logan’s hand lands on mine. I open my eyes, and everything settles back into place. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just…” The waiter comes back with our drinks and then takes our breakfast order.

“You were saying?” Logan encourages.

I grab my drink and swirl the vodka around in the glass. And then I see someone else walking over. “Drink up,” I tell Logan in a warning and bring my glass to my lips. The vodka doesn’t go down as smooth as I anticipated, and I’m coughing and choking as my father and Peter’s dad come to the table. Peter’s father takes a seat and my own dad goes to Diana first, smiling down as he talks to her.

Then his eyes zero in on me. “Danielle,” he says as he comes over.

“Hey, Dad.” I stand up to give him a hug. I love my father, and I know he loves me. He really does want what’s best for me, but we could never agree on what that was. He mapped everything out without consulting me, and not following through with his plans caused him to be disappointed in me.

“And this must be the young man you’ve told us nothing about.” Dad looks at Logan, who stands and introduces himself. “You know,” Dad starts after shaking Logan’s hand, “Peter asked my permission before he proposed to Diana.”

I press my lips together in a smile to keep from saying what I really feel about that. This is Diana’s wedding weekend, bought and paid for. There’s no changing her mind now and making a scene would just be bitchy.

“You two work together?” Dad asks.

“Yeah,” I reply. “Logan owns the bar I work at.”

“Glad that Yale education I paid for is going to good use,” Dad laughs, but the joke falls flat…if you could consider that a joke at all.

“Danielle’s amazing,” Logan says quickly. “She already expanded the business and nearly doubled our sales.”

“Sounds like she should be a partner in this little venture. Though once you’re married, what’s yours is hers and what’s hers is yours. Though you have plenty of time to discuss that before the wedding.”

“We will.”

“Give me fair warning before I pay for another big wedding,” Dad says with a laugh again.

“I don’t want a big wedding,” I say.

“That’s good news for me.” Dad turns back to Logan. “All of us men are golfing after breakfast while the girls get their nails done or shop. I look forward to getting to know you more before you marry my daughter.”

I can see the horror flash on Logan’s face for only a second. Logan doesn’t golf. And he doesn’t hang out with pretentious, misogynist men who still brag about which Ivy League school they went to all these years later.

“Actually, Dad,” I start. “I was hoping to steal my fiancé so we could do a bit of exploring today.”

Dad looks from Logan to me. “All right. As long as you’re back in time for the rehearsal.”

“We will be.”

Diana calls Dad over, and I sink back into my seat. “I’ll do my best to keep him from badgering you the rest of the weekend,” I tell Logan.

“It’s fine. I mean, he thinks we’re getting married. It would be weird if he didn’t try to badger me.”

“That is true. We haven’t spoken much, but I know my dad does care and wants me to succeed. In life. His definition of success is different from mine, and that’s caused a lot of friction over the years.”

“What’s his definition of success?”

“Ivy League, grad school, and marrying someone who’s family has clout. A trust fund is an added bonus.”

Logan takes a drink and makes a face of disgust. “This is awful.”

“I’ll take it. The straight vodka burns.”

“Be my guest.” He hands me his mimosa and I take a sip.

“What is your definition of success?”

“Asking the tough questions today?” I raise my eyebrows and then let out a breath before taking a big drink. “I just want to be happy, and I don’t need some fancy job, a master’s degree or a Ph.D. to do that. And I’m not going to date—let alone marry—someone that looks good on paper but doesn’t make me happy either.” I look down the table at Diana and Peter.

His father is an oral surgeon. His older brother is a corporate lawyer. Peter works in advertising and works with high-paying clients. I would never say my sister is stupid. Makes stupid choices sometimes, yes…but don’t we all? She didn’t have the grades to get into Yale, even with my father’s connections. Marrying into a prestigious family is, in her eyes, one of her biggest accomplishments.

But she’s happy.

“Luckily all the attention is on Diana this weekend, and she will do everything she can to keep it that way. We have free time today and then it’s the rehearsal tonight and the wedding in the morning.”

“Right. We do have free time today.” His eyes meet mine. “How should we pass it?”

Heat rushes through me, and my throat is suddenly thick. Did he mean that to sound sexual or is my mind still stuck in the gutter? Because I’d really like to—stop.

I can’t. I shouldn’t.

But why the hell not?

He’s my best friend.

The only steady thing I have in this crazy world, and I can’t risk that.

I just can’t.