CHAPTER 1

"Good morning, Daddy!"

Margaux greeted Dad warmly who was now starting to have breakfast. She immediately kissed Daddy on the cheek and then sat down at the table.

"Good morning, son," Daddy greeted Margaux.

"Good morning," I greeted but I didn't get any response from the two people here at the dining table.

"Are you all your things ready, Magie? Today is your first day in college." I heard Dad ask my sister. I started eating my breakfast since I know I'll be invisible at this dining table.

"Yes, Dad. I'm really super excited. I just hope there are more handsome guys at university, especially in my block, so that my college days will be exciting and inspiring," Margaux said giggling. The extreme excitement in her voice was obvious. It was also evident in her exuding aura that she obviously couldn't wait for breakfast to end just to go to school right away.

"Magie, please don't get a boyfriend yet because you are still a baby girl. I want you to prioritize your studies," Dad said softly but with emphasis on every word he’s saying.

"Yes, Dad. Studying is my priority and I promise I'll make you proud again, like before," Margaux said proudly.

"That's good to hear," Dad said with a smile and then turned to me, "as for you, don't make any problem while you're studying. Prioritize your studies and so that you’ll have a good contribution in this family. "

"Yes, Dad," I answered without looking at him. I can’t make a straight eye contact with him because I can’t stand his piercing gaze.

I was not surprised that he instructed me like this. He’s always been like this. Dad treated me  differently from my sister. He loves Magie more than anything in this world while he loathes me to the pits of hell.  .

Ah, not to mention he only loves Margaux. Because ever since I was born, at least once in my life, never have I ever felt what fatherly loves feel. It’s like I was born because the world has no choice and I was meant to be unloved.

"Gotta go, Daddy. Our faculty has an orientation for all the freshies," Margaux said and immediately stood up and picked her stuff. 

Margaux immediately bid goodbye to Daddy, and of course, because he loved his princess, he guided her to the garage as if she’ll get lost on her way there.

When my lovely sister left, Daddy immediately came in but he didn't bother to finish his breakfast. He just drank his remaining coffee and then took his work stuff and without hesitation he left the dining area again.

I don't know why I'm not used to him treating me like this when there's nothing new.

Nothing will change.

I tried everything just so that somehow, he would look at me as his child. But whatever I do, still nothing happened.

I followed everything he wanted me to do just to make him happy. I’m willing to give up everything just to make him proud, do everything he pleases so that one day, he’ll accept me but, despite everything that I have done, at the end of the day, he only sees all my mistakes.

Margaux and I are twins but he doesn't look at us equally. Margaux is his pride while I am a non-existent human being and a huge disappointment to the family. 

"Tiarra, sweetie, what time is your class?"

I looked where the voice came from and automatically smiled when I saw my Nanny. I hugged her waist when got close to me.

"My orientation will start at 10am, Nana,” I said while still hugging her. A small smile crept into my lips when I felt her gentle caress on my hair. 

"Your sister left you again." I heard the frustration in her voice. I pulled myself away and smiled kindly at her.

"Nana,  she’s been like this since we were still kids. There's nothing new and I'm used to it," I said but she just frowned at me, indicating that she really doesn’t like my sister’s attitude towards me.

“Now, you need to get going so that you will not be late. You can’t wait for your Tata Berting to come back. You need to commute your way to the university.”

I quickly stood up and finished my remaining coffee as Nana Selya started to arrange my things that were sitting next to me. She kept on reminding me on what I need to do and what not in my school. From my medicines that’s with me ever since I was a kid and my locket necklace that has a spare medicine in case of emergency. She put my medicine kit in the front pocket of my bag so that I can easily find it.

I couldn't help but laugh at her instructions as she arranged my belongings. If there is one person I can be thankful for that I am part of this family, it is Nana Selya. Actually, there are two of them, including her husband Tata Berting. Nana Selya is our house helper while Tata Berting is our family driver. They have served as my parents since I was a child.

Yes, Dad still gives everything that I need because maybe, out of obligation, but the care and love that I am longing for, I only got those from Nana Selya and Tata Berting.

They became my strength so that I am able to cope up with all the things that I needed to go through. They became my foundation in all the times that I am so weak. They become my motivator when I feel that I want to give up in life. 

"I'm leaving, Nana. Since I’m going to commute, I need to leave early so that I will not be stuck in traffic.”

"When something comes up, don’t hesitate to give me a call, okay?”

"I may not be able to say this to you and Tata Berting, but I hope you know that I am so grateful that I have you both in my life. Thank you so much for everything, Nana," I said softly and caressed her cheek. When I met her gaze full of love and concern, my tears rolled down my cheeks. 

"We love you Tiarra, you know that. Be careful on your way to school," she said softly and wiped away the tears that streamed down my face.

I just gave a nod and a weak smile as I turned around to leave. I might have broken down if I opened my mouth to answer. I don't want her to see how I'm still struggling in fighting this damn battle. I don’t want her to know how much I am hurting every minute of the day because I don’t want to worry them anymore.

I said I was used to it.

I’m always saying that I am used to the treatment that I was getting from Dad and Magie.

But I was wrong.

I will never get used to it.

I’m just in denial.

Because I know, in the deepest part of my heart, I still hope that one day, my sister and father will love and accept me as part of this damned family.