89 Recluse

I think I have been feeling regret and sadness for many days, I almost feel numb now. I met my mother recently. She came to see her ex-husband one last time. She said that she regretted not building a relationship with me. That was all I remember. I couldn't understand anything else being said or done that day. It was all in a haze. I felt my heart break into two when I realised that I lost a man who had enough decency to raise me and leave me all alone. He might be a bad father because I was a bad daughter. He expected a son while I was a daughter.

He wanted me to do my graduation and marry Parker but I ended up being pregnant and married Matt and divorced him later on. The marriage didn't last but then what happened was what only movies could show. Matt came back to my life. I knew that Matt coming back was going to affect me in a big way and it did happen. I'm afraid for myself now. I had my father last time who had helped me in a way to put myself together. I knew that can't happ