Chapter 1: Losing

The wind blew so softly, and the peacefulness of the surroundings just added a gloomy and emotional sentiment in my feelings. Sitting in the same hammock in between the two coconut trees where my mom and I used to lie down always brings tears to my eyes. It has been 2 months since she passed and the pain towards losing her is still raw. The house has never been the same after she was gone. I could still remember the last words she told me before she left.

"I want you to be happy and always stay strong. I want you to grow beautifully. be a smart, kind, and brave woman.  I want you to reach your dreams and be the person you want to be. I wanna  see you grow and finished school. To get married and see you build your own family, but I guess I will never have a chance to witness that.  You are the best thing that happened to me, my Gavriella and I may leave this world but always remember that I'll watch and guide up there. Do not forget that sweetheart..."

I couldn't help but weep painfully every time I remembered her last words. Knowing her sufferings and how she battled cancer to live and survive.  She had been the strongest woman I ever knew, and I admire her for that. She never lost hope, and she didn't even blame God for her illness. She fought until the end. She tried to undergo a lot of treatment and operations, but nothing happened. Leukemia is a traitor illness. It will attack you in pull you down to death. 

My mom was the kindest and strongest beautiful person I have ever seen in my existence. She stayed 6 months in the hospital for treatments and medications. And there, I saw how she strongly fought the battle of her life. I was there and never left her in her weakest moments. I witnessed how her body slowly weakens until she can no longer absorb the treatments and medication. It has been two months now since she was gone, and I missed her so badly. 

There were times I found myself wishing that it wasn't real. Lying in bed every night crying nonstop and waking up in the morning still feeling the same pain, make me wanna wish to die.  Losing a parent at an early age was so hard. Few friends and relatives are telling me to be brave and that I'll get through this. It is easy for them to say it because they never know what I truly feel inside. They don't know the pain and emptiness I feel. she was my teacher and my best friend. Losing her feels like losing the will to live.   I just don't know if I can still live my life the same now that she was gone. 

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere." I immediately wiped my tears away when I heard the voice of Dad from afar. 

"I knew, I will find you here. Wait, are you crying again, Gav?" Worries and concerns are obvious in my father's voice. " I know you still miss her, sweetie but you have to understand that we can't go on like this forever. And she will not like it if you keep on crying mourning for her."

"I know Dad, but I can't help to miss her..." not a day goes by I don't miss her, and it gets stronger as it lasts. 

 I knew that Dad had been worrying about me for the past few days. God knows how hard I try to be strong, but the pain and sadness was so strong I can't suppress and fight it. 

"Yes, sweetie its hard now that she's gone but we have to continue our lives. Come, I have a surprise for you. I want you to meet someone." Dad said with a tinge of excitement.  I looked at him with a questioning gaze, and he responded with a reassuring smile like he was sure I will be delighted in his surprise. 

"You're going to love her, sweetie" He pulled my hand to help me stand.  

Confused about who he was talking about, we walked towards the house and into the living room. My brow furrowed in curiosity when I saw a tall, brunette woman in a red dress sitting on one of the sofas.  The moment she saw us, her lips stretched into a wide smile.

"Gav, I want you to meet Chelsea! She will now stay with us from now on."  Dad gently pulled the woman and held her to her waist in an affectionate gesture. 

Those words hit me like a punch to the gut. My eyes immediately darted to his face, desperate for an explanation. How could he be so insensitive?  Mom had only been gone two months, and I was still drowning in grief. We were supposed to be grieving together, but here he was, introducing a new partner?  A wave of disappointment, anger, and annoyance is what I suddenly feel. 

"D-Dad?"  Defiance and uneasiness were obvious in my tone. 

" I heard a lot from your dad that you are a smart and sweet kid. I think I'm gonna love you, sweetie." The woman endearingly told me.

She has a sweet voice and a beautiful white face. I had never seen such a pretty face like her, no wonder Dad chose her as a new partner. I kept my silence for I don't know what to say. I want so badly to show my objection in their relationship, but I don't want to be disrespectful or disappoint my father. I don't even need a new Mom, no one can ever replace her. 

"You're not happy?" Dad asked. Disappointment was very obvious in his voice and that made me guilty. 

Did he ever loved Mom because how could he easily find a new partner in that short period of time? I was not stupid, and I was aware that my parents weren't sweet and romantically attached. They were always formal with each other, and I have never seen them fight or even had a slight argument before. At an early age, I was not dumb to realize that my parents 'relationship was not in a good or normal condition. But to replace her in that short period of time makes me wonder if he ever cared about her?  No wonder it was so easy for him to replace my mom. 

"Listen, baby, I know you love your mom so much but you have to know that I can't raise you alone.  You need a mom who can watch and take care of you when I'm not around."  He held my shoulder then gently lifted my chin up. 

"Robert, please bear with your child. We might have shocked her." The woman stated then looked at me giving me a gentle smile. 

"Sweetie, I know I can never replace your mom on your heart, but I want you to know that you can treat me like your second Mom." I do understand what she was trying to point out but it's so hard to feel that way towards a woman you just met. I don't intend to disrespect her, but I just couldn't find the words to say so I kept remaining silent. 

"I know you're not ready yet but I'm willing to wait until you can accept me." Looking at the woman, I could see she was a whole lot younger than Dad. 

She was beautiful, tall, and has a slender body. She has pretty eyes, a Caucasian complexion, and long shiny blonde hair. She looks arrogant and hostile like the evil stepmother's you see in a Disney movie, but I can't judge her based on looks. She was a stranger so they can't expect me to like her immediately, do they? 

"How about start calling me Mom? Would that be okay with you?" My eyes automatically traveled to Dad as a sign of disapproval.

"I understand. I'll just wait for the time you can call me Mom." The woman decided to say when she sensed I'm not going to answer her.  

I don't intend to be rude or bad, but I am certain that will never happen. I don't want to call someone as Mom except my own Mother. Would it make me a bad girl if I refuse? I only have one mother, and I believe she was the only one entitled I should call that term. Would it be okay if I call him Aunt? She's not my real mother anyway. 

That same night, Dad went to my room and talked to me. I was about to sleep and waiting for the milk I asked to the maid when he knocked and entered my room. It was him who was bringing my milk and I gratefully accepted and thanked him. I know why he went to my room tonight. I know his intentions. To talk to me about that woman.

I know Dad has been trying his best to be a good father, especially since my mom passed. I might be just a thirteen-year-old, but I think maturely that my usual age. Truth is, I no longer wanted to be treated like a little girl. Life had taught me to act maturely. Losing a mom at an early age and trying to accept your stepmother without bringing trouble to your dad is an act of being mature. I love my father, and I would never stand in the way of his happiness.  I know he's going to talk to me about Chelsea and I decided to give them my approval. 

Dad is a good father and a good provider. We were rich and financially well-off because my father is a hard-working businessman. Mom taught me to be always humble and be grateful for what I have. To not exploit, judge, or belittle others. I was very thankful to both of my parents, and I will never do something that can hurt their feelings. If it's their happiness, I will never stand in their way. I may not like their decision, but I will always respect it and will not complain on it.

 I took the glass of milk he gave me and silently drank it. I put the emptied glass of milk I just drank on the bedside table and thanked him in a sluggish tone.

"Are you still upset?" he asked me.

I met his eyes then shook my head as an answer. I couldn't help to stoop my head and hide my tears that is now starting to come out of my eyes. I was not upset nor mad that's he was having a new wife; I was just surprised and sulking. He cannot just bring a woman and introduce her as my new Mom then expect me to be happy, wouldn't he? It's just two months after my mom passed. I will accept and understand that he has plans to marry again but not that too soon like this. I never expected it to be this early. I just couldn't help to sulk and get disappointed. But as his child and because I love him, I will not to be selfish. I will not stop him from getting married again just because he wanted to be happy. 

"I know you're upset. Chelsea is a good woman. I swear you'll gonna love her." Dad still tried to explain.

"I know Dad. Forgive me for acting this way. I have nothing against Chelsea but.... "

"I know, I know..." To my surprise, Dad immediately hugged me when he saw tears now streaming in my face. I just couldn't contain my feelings anymore.

"All I'm just asking is try to get to know her better. I'm not saying you should forget your mom, but you can treat her as your second mother too?" Dad pleaded. I looked at him and nodded as an approval while crying. 

"She seemed to be a sweet and generous person." I tried to utter in between sobs. It's true I have nothing against her. I can try to get to know and like her.

"She was." Dad immediately replied. 

"But is it okay if I'll just call her aunt? I hope that's okay with her?" I can agree with everything Dad is asking but not to his request to call Chelsea Mom. I just love my mom too much to bear to call another woman in her image. 

"Y-Yeah, sure." I noticed a bit of disapproval in my father's voice, but I disregard it.  I want them to respect my decision because after all, this is not easy and I'm trying my best to understand and accept the situation.

"But If you could call her mom as a sign of respect to her, don't you think it will make her happy? I mean I'm not asking you to call her Mom immediately --"

"That's all I'm asking please, Dad...." 

"O-Okay..." I heard him pull a long and frustrated sigh.  He decided to leave my room afterwards and bade me goodnight 

That night I silently cried in the bed thinking about my mother. I missed her voice and her sweet caress. I missed everything about her. I don't wanna question life but I couldn't help but ask why she has to die? Why there's death and why it was too painful to lose someone you deeply love? And why some people can easily move on and go on with their lives after losing a partner just like Dad.  I suddenly wonder if love is that too shallow. Maybe it is. I was under the impression that love is deeper than that. That's what my mom told me. She told me that love can endure pain, and it does not expect something in return. It is patient, selfless and willing to sacrifice. Dad might decide to go on with his life and forget her, but I will never ever do the same. Mom will always remain in my heart and that is a promise because my love for her will never falter and will never be forgotten. That's the love I know and the love my mom taught me.