Chapter 171

I froze.

I hadn't thought about that.

Probably not. I mean, I haven't kissed many people. Even with Jace, who I crushed on for ages, I only ever stole kisses when he was sick, half-asleep, or passed out drunk. And even then, it was just on his cheek or the back of his hand.

But earlier with Hayden... our lips actually touched. That wasn't something Jace and I did much.

Jace used to kiss me on the cheek or forehead all the time, but a real kiss? Lips meeting, like really kissing? There was only one time.

I remember him saying, "Rea, we're too close. I just can't do it."

The truth was, he just didn't love me enough. Someone once told me that when two people kiss, and it's real—like lips and tongues tangling—it's all dopamine. It's supposed to be uncontrollable.

If you can control it, well, that means you're just not that into them.

"I don't like hypotheticals," I finally said to Hayden.

His jaw tightened, and I watched his Adam's apple move as he swallowed. "But I want to know."