Stupid me. Stupid tears. Stupid Asher. Stupid Ben. Stupid feelings. I pat my pockets for my keys, I need to leave this stupid place. My search comes up empty and my feet grind to a halt. Come on.
I march in the direction I came from, speedwalking to the small gate. The first place I check is the bleacher. Nothing. I pat my pockets again, refusing to believe I have lost my key. It was here with me.
How do I get home? It’s getting late. My phone is in the car. I look up to the sky and groan. This is all Ben’s fault. I start the sad journey to my car, head cast down, arms wrapped around myself. I don’t know the first thing about picking locks. I don’t even have a bobby pin. The early November chill air hits me, the tip of my nose reddens as I shuffle to my car. I bump into someone, almost falling down for the second time today and my head snaps up.
“Watch where you are going,” I bark, ready to punch sense into the idi
Me: He likes me back. We kissed. Oh, my God. We kissed not to prove a point but because he wanted to. We seem to be doing a lot of kissing but I like it. I don’t really know him but I want to know him. I don’t know what to expect. What do you think I should do? As a guy, would you appreciate it if a girl asked you out? Should I ask him out? Does that make me desperate? It does, right? I will wait for him to ask me.I shove my phone into my pocket without getting a reply. Let was right. It’s easier to chat with a phone. He hasn’t replied my letters and I have stopped checking. If he replies, he will let me know. I walk down the hallway alone. It still feels odd doing it without Maria but the memory from our kiss has me smiling.We kissed again when I dropped him off. He made me walk him to the door of his house and we kissed again. My cheeks heat up from the memory, I almost miss a step. We kiss a lot. I like it and I don’t like
I can’t stop thinking of Olivia.Chill air blows in through the opened window, I wrap an arm around myself as Abigail darts a murderous glance at me for the umpteenth time. If she’s so mad Ben chose to be with me, why can’t she take it up with him? Same with Olivia. If she wants me to stay away from Ben so badly, why can’t she tell him that?What happened to girl power? Why must we girls hate each other?“Then X gives you five.” Mr Sam’s voice jolts me out of my reverie.He scribbles on the board, rambles some more about X. I don’t think anyone is paying attention since he has repeated the same thing twice. A paper plane hits my temple, I narrow my eyes at the sender and Ben winks. My cheeks turn a shade darker. How did I land him? Ben motions for me to pick the plane at my feet. I delay for a nanosecond to get a reaction from him. He clasps his hands and juts his lower lip.A
Maria is wrong.Ben likes me. And he proves it by coming up to our table to slide his tray close to mine. His arm goes around my shoulders, I am a blushing mess when he pecks my cheek and Maria shakes her head.“Sorry, babe. Olivia kept me waiting,” he says in an annoyed voice like he didn’t want to be there with her. He pouts and my anger dissolves. “Had stuff she needed my help with. Didn’t know it would take so much of my time. But I’m here now,” he adds with a smile and my heart riots in my chest. “Sorry.”Ben’s gaze roams my face, the pad of his thumb brushes the under of my eyes and my lips spread in a shy smile. Maria must have gotten annoyed by our interaction, she snaps. “She didn’t,” Maria says.We turn to her. “Sorry, what?” Ben says, a wedge between his eyebrows as he awaits her answer.I slide my hands under the table and take hi
I was late for class but the moments with Ben were worth it. I step out of the school building as the last bell of the day rings, head bent over my phone. My annoyance fizzles out at Let’s name on my screen. I want to be mad at him for taking this long to reply me but I want to hear from a male. He doesn’t know Ben, so he might be more objective. I throw my bag on the backseat and slide up front to wait for Ben.Let: Asking him out doesn’t make you desperate.Me: Maybe but I am not asking him out. My best friend says it’s the man’s job and I agree with her. I even asked him what we were and he didn’t give me a definite answer. I don’t want to push him away.Let: Baby steps. Let him do it at his own pace. If he doesn’t like you, he won’t be kissing you that much. Boys don’t kiss just any girl. I know I don’t. Take this time to get to know him, kay? What if you find out he dips his fry in his
I am picking Ben up today like I have been doing for the past two weeks. His bike is working perfectly well but our arrangement is better. We don’t share so many classes so this is one of our chances to get a private moment before school.The other option is to let him pick me from the house. My boyfriend might be an expert biker but I am scared to death of bikes. Ben has promised to teach me but nope, I will stick to fighting for now.Their front door swings open and Asher runs to my car with an excitement I never feel on a Monday morning. He is always so happy and I wish I could share some of his happiness. He takes his rightful position in the front and pulls me in for a hug. Ben is not the only one who stole my heart, his younger brother did too.“How was your weekend?” Asher asks. He breaks away from the hug and I smoothen the collar of his white T-Shirt. Ben comes out in a shirt of the same colour but with blue jeans. We
I don’t wear the clip. It remains in my pocket. “Why do you keep touching your pocket like that?” Maria screams. She’s so loud, thanks to her earbuds. To avoid further yelling, I retract my hand from my pocket. She inserts one earbud into my ear and her melodic voice envelopes me. I press my fingers against it to prevent it from falling off. “Sorry for taking you away from loverboy,” she offers at my glum look, “but this is important.” I respond with a wicked laughter that earns me the look. The look that says something is going on but I don’t want to find out. “What do you think?” We halt at my locker and she releases the second earbud to me. I can barely hear her above the cover of the song blasting in my ears. I tap my foot to the floor in tune to the beat, her voice is insanely good. “It is the song I want to use for AGT.” America’s Got Talent. She believes the shorter version sounds cooler. Kind of. “I need to send it today.”
My phone rings. I push it away and press a pillow to my face, screaming my frustrations into it. It is time for training. Ben has a match on Saturday and I promised to help him train. I fought his opponent once. He beat the shit out of me but I lasted all rounds. If he wasn’t so muscled, I might have won.The urge to pick the call and turn him down is strong but I left him at school with a silly excuse I can’t remember now. He had to hitch a ride with another jock. Was he able to pick Asher on time?None of my business. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to be his partner. I don’t want to be anything to him. We are wrong for each other.My phone buzzes again. I fling the pillow and a crashing sound echoes. I don’t bother to inspect the damage I might have caused as I push the cover off me. I will save both of us the hurt and break this before things get too far.I pick the phone and hesitate a
I walk out. On him, our relationship, our future. I don’t look back, I continue walking.The cold hits me once I’m outside. Tears well up my eyes and everything I said comes rushing back. We are done. I did it. Hot tears stream down my cheeks and blind my vision, my heart thuds so hard I am convinced it will jump out of my chest.The door slams shut behind me, someone barges out and curses. I have a feeling who that is and my heart wants it to be him but I am too much of a coward to turn and find out. I don’t want a confrontation.“We are done when I say we are done.” Ben's shoes appear in my line of view, I can’t meet his gaze so I count the pebbles littered at our feet and kick some of them into the gutter. His hand comes under my jaw but I duck my face. He groans again but my head remains down. “And I am not done, Gracie.”What is he saying? Didn’t he get the memo? We are done. I raise m
I feel like sexual assault against the male genders is not talked about as much as in the case of the female genders. As a friend to a few males who have been molested by people who were supposed to care for them, I knew I had to write about it someday. And I hope I was able to bring awareness to this, however little, through Ben. It’s never okay to molest a child. It’s never okay to molest anyone. That being said, here are some fun facts about this book; 1. It’s my first attempt at teenfiction. I was almost certain readers would notice and call me out on that. 2. BBTB was supposed to be a short story project. I was so worried it would be a flop so I planned to make it between 40-80 chapters. But the story grew wings and took off on its own. 3. This is the longest story I have ever written. I am just as surprised as you are and I was pleasantly shocked to see comments wanting their lovestory to go on for much longer. Those comments kept me going even on the bad days. So, thank y
It hurts too much. My body is on fire and it’s not yet right to push. Why isn’t it time? I need them to get the baby out of me. Not later, now. Sweat drips down my forehead and my eyes sting with tears. The doctor has stopped the bleeding. I have been cleaned up, changed into a hospital gown. They say everything is fine but it’s not. The contractions are ripping me from inside out and all Ben does is mutter unintelligible gibberish. He put the baby inside me, he should experience the pain too. “Are you okay?” Ben asks. I glare at him. How can I be okay? Whatever the doctor gave me is keeping me awake so I have no respite from the pain. Ben pushes my hair away from my sweaty forehead and I lean into him for comfort. I’m tired but I’m glad our son is okay. “I’m sorry, Gracie,” my husband says. Pushing past my pain, I offer him a questioning glance. Maddie is fine, right? My parents are okay too, right? Ben wipes the tears spill
I am packing up for Maddie’s weekend getaway when Ben strolls into her room. He picks a toy from the floor, tosses it into the air and catches it. I stall when he crosses over to me. All his attempts to take over the packing from me are futile. He protests by shaking his head. I am pregnant, not handicapped.When the bag is zipped up, I lower myself to the bed to catch my breath. Maybe I should have let him do it. But he never lets me do anything.Worried eyes stare into mine as Ben kneels between my legs. I’m fine, just tired. I pick the stuffed bear he dropped on the bed and sniff it. It smells like Maddie. And if I listen closely, I’ll hear her voice as she sings along with her favourite characters on TV.Maddie’s grandparents—my parents are in town because I’m due next week. They don’t want to miss it. She’s spending the weekend with them.Ben pries the bear from me and traces the
Laughter erupts from the living room, a kid’s voice follows and my lips curve in a smile. I pause the YuuTube tutorial I’m watching and set my tab down on the counter. I’m trying a new recipe I found online. Ben has been working extra hours so he can’t cook as much anymore and I’m tired of takeouts for dinner.With a hand under my belly, I meander to the living room. Maddie is on her feet, clapping and giggling at the television. There’s an old show playing. A family series I starred in one year after graduation. I clear my throat and my baby girl spins to face me. She grins and everything feels right. The nine hours of labour, the screams, the pain. They don’t matter.Running towards me, she stops a few inches from me and grabs my hand. “See Mummy,” she says, pointing at the television. I’m helping the second male lead set up his outfit for work. Her blue eyes flash with childlike innocence when she run
I feel the stare before I turn to Maria. “Will you stop?” I mutter. She says nothing but her eyes lower to my swollen belly, making it so obvious she had been staring. “Maria Vega.”“Theresa Carter.”Pink colours my cheeks. I hide my face in my palms and she bursts out laughing. It still feels so surreal being Mrs Carter, Ben’s wife. Our wedding was small and private like we both wanted. Aside from our family, we had our friends. Maria. Leah. Mira. Calum. Olivia also showed up. She and Ben are still in contact. We are kind of cool.Thinking about the wedding makes me smile and I twist the ring on my forth finger. My promise ring remains on my middle finger.I sit up and cross my legs. There are some pictures from the wedding scattered all over the living room floor. Maria didn’t get a chance to see them before her flight. She had a concert that day. I rub a hand over my stomach. Ben didn’t
Where is Ben? We will be late.I step out of the bathroom in only a towel and sashay to the wardrobe to get the gown for our date. There are a few options but I select a navy blue off-shoulder gown. Flipping through my playlist, I settle on Maria’s new single and settle down in front of the vanity to make myself up.A smile curves my lips as I brush my hair. I don’t look so bad at all. The makeup tutorial classes on YuuTube and Maria’s extra sessions come in handy as I apply foundation to my face. My gaze flies to the door. I’m in my room. Ben wasn’t in his room when I checked but he should be getting ready.The door creaks. I look up but Ben doesn’t walk in. My eye makeup is done. I apply a bright red lipstick and the door finally opens. Ben stalks into the room wearing a tux. My man is hot but in a suit and Oxford leather shoes, he is hotter. He closes the door with his foot and leans on it so I can assess
The drive to Ben’s office is a blur. I’m out of the car and in front of his office in a flash. I miss him. And I haven’t seen him in eight hours.I knock once on the door and open before he ushers me inside. Locking the door behind me, I bridge the gap between us and crush him in a hug. We live in the same house but God, I want to be in his presence all the time.“You’re back so early,” Ben says against my lips. I kiss him hard to make up for the hours without any kisses. Ben chuckles and hoists me on the edge of his desk. Then, he stands between my legs. “I missed you too, babe.”I grin. “I missed you more.”Ben touches his forehead to mine. “You’re here,” he says. His smile is sad. I nod against his body and his hands slip into my gown. I help him with the zip and pout. “I didn’t think you would make it today.”I had a pho
The mixer whirrs to life. I throw in more flour, add three eggs and whisk the batter into a smooth mix. Calum, my unwilling apprentice, watches from behind the counter. He came in last night. On my command, Calum oils the pans for the cake and turns on the oven. Done, he edges close to me. I swat his hand before he dips his finger into the mix. “Come on, Tessa. I came all this way, let me have some.” I roll my eyes. He came all this way, uninvited but I’m happy to see him. I empty the batter into the small pan. We will eat from that. “Just a taste.” “Fine.” I shove the spatula in his face and he snatches it from me. My face scrunches in disgust when he licks the spatula clean like a hungry dog. “Calum, what’s wrong with you?” He shrugs. “Nothing?” It feels like there’s something but I continue emptying the batter into the pans. When I’m done, I bring out the ingredients for the icing. Today is Ben’s
A look of fear flashes across her face. She levels me with a stare that shows she’s trying to control her temper. It’s unfair that I have to watch her kiss other guys under the guise of it being part of the job. “You are just making up scenarios that don’t exist,” she says. “Your job doesn’t even require it, Benny.” “But your job does...” I twist my hands so hard they ache. She doesn’t get it. “...and I don’t like it, Gracie.” Various emotions flicker on her face. She opens and closes her mouth twice without saying a word. The third time, she murmurs, “You asked me to trust you when Elena was involved, right?” I did. And I’ve established boundaries at the office, at school too. For fuck’s sake, she’s my screensaver, I wear my ring. They know I belong to Gracie. “So, can you please trust me on this one? It’s just a job, babe.” “Babe, it’s not the same.” Gracie stomps her feet in annoyance. I grit my teeth. She’s not the only one getti