I think Ben is depressed. He doesn’t say it but he acts it. This whole thing has taken a toll on him. We have three more days before Sunday but there hasn’t been any progress.
The phone call hasn’t come yet. I don’t want to agree with Ben that this was a bad idea but seeing him retreat into a shell I never knew he had makes me question a lot of things. What if I was wrong to encourage him to press charges? Now, look at him.
I poke his side and he looks up. “Hey.”
“Hey,” he replies. We are camped in his room. The tension in the house is still unbearable. My hand slips into his briefs to caress his balls. We have only had sex once since we got to San Francisco. Ben doesn’t flinch. His penis remains asleep. Pulling out my hand, he tries to smile. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to turn you on,” I whisper.
More specifically, I’m trying to
BENI wake up alone. Gracie left me. My heart skips at the thought. She couldn’t have left me at this point, right? I put on the nearest item of clothing next to me and rush to the door. Wait. I turn slowly. Her bags are still here. My legs remember how to function, I grab my phone and start for the door again. There are three messages from her. All of them are from two hours ago. A relieved sound breaks free from my lips and I slide down the door. Gracie didn’t leave me. She won’t leave me. We will be together forever. The pad of my thumb runs over her last message and a smile falls on my lips. My love for her is more than an exponent and it multiplies daily. A crash downstairs stops me from composing a reply to Gracie. I open the door and the source of the noise becomes clearer. Mum and Josef. This is the first time they are raising their voices at each other since the day Asher questioned them. They haven’t argued since b
Today is Sunday. Mum is calling. I should be on my way back home or planning towards that but none of that is happening. The trial is tomorrow and Ben needs my presence now more than ever.The continuous ringtone intensifies my guilt but I don’t reach for the phone. I bite my nails and clench my eyes shut but the ringing doesn’t stop.I march to the door and return to the foot of the bed. Pacing doesn’t help. Ben is somewhere in the house so he isn’t here to witness my confusion and lie practice. If I pick, it will lead to an argument.My phone stops ringing and starts immediately. Daddy. I drag a seat from the vanity to the window and push it open. The outside view is beautiful. It calms me, maybe that’s why I hit the answer button.“Where are you?” is Daddy’s first question. In my silence, he says, “Tessa, where are you?”“Here.”The heavy
The walk inside is the slowest of my life. Maddie opens the door to the room the trial will hold. Josef walks in first, Maddie goes behind him. I expect Ben to follow suit so we can get out of here sooner than later but he stops moving. From here, I catch a blurry view of the people inside. I think he did too.I snap my fingers in Ben’s face, trying to force him back to the reality where I exist. He shakes his head and stares right through me like I am translucent.Balling his hands by his sides, his face turns white as a sheet and I take two involuntary steps back. Every effort to draw him back to the present fails. His parents notice the delay and Maddie is beside me in a second. Josef blocks his view of the people inside the hall while I try to get Ben to breathe. “Benny,” I whisper, “look at me.” It takes some seconds but his eyes lower to mine. He blinks and a fond familiarity seeps into his expression, chasi
“I didn’t leave you,” I whisper. I reach for him and he jerks back, causing my hand to cut through thin air. He is here but he is so far away. “Benny.”His smile doesn’t reach his eyes, he tucks his hands into his pockets and bounces on his heels. “It’s okay. Some battles are meant to be fought alone.”My heart breaks. If I listen closely, I might hear the sound as it shatters completely. “Don’t say that. They didn’t allow me inside because of what I did.”Ben backs away from me, I match each step with a calm determination. We keep at it till he realises I’m not going to stop. The breeze blows his hair into his eyes. I swipe at the irritating strands and he sighs.All we do is stare at each other for the next few seconds. “I was scared and you were not there.”He’s making it sound like I left of my accord. I did fuck up but to hear her
We are fucked. Really fucked. It’s a few hours to the deadline of Mrs Miller’s project and we aren’t halfway done with it. Ben is behind my chair massaging my shoulders instead of trying to do the actual work. I pass him a scowl through the mirror and he flashes me a grin. Silly boy.I am letting it slide because of the outcome of yesterday’s hearing. Theresa will be spending ten years behind bars. I wish she got twenty or even thirty years but Ben seems satisfied with that.Energy floods me as I resume typing in the numbers required to complete the table. The room is silent except for the clack made by my fingers hitting the keyboard. Ben continues his massage, caressing my boobs a few times. I shoot him a glare and he bats his lashes at me. He’s lucky he’s very handsome.And calmer. He has been acting differently since yesterday, happier, more relaxed. I don’t want to burst his bubble. I finish typing
“It doesn’t taste so bad,” I say with my mouth full. The burger tastes better than it did the last time we were here. I didn’t order fries so Ben wouldn’t steal all of it. He’s having pasta with a weird leafy sauce. “How’s your meal?”Giving me a thumbs up, he says, “Super.”Ben finishes eating before me, he throws his arm over his seat while watching me eat. My cheeks are rosy pink from all the staring. He doesn’t care to hide it even when my eyes widen in warning.I finish my burger and he passes me my soda. I have to finish it or else I’ll get a lecture about ordering what I can’t finish. I belch in an unladylike fashion, Ben rolls his eyes but I know he finds it cute. He finds everything I do cute. It goes both ways, really.The waitress who served us approaches our table. Ben and I pull out our wallets and bring out dollar bills. My boyfriend is glar
Ben is quiet. If I was asked what superpower I wanted right now, I would pick mind reading.The silence is enough to suffocate me. His knuckles turn white from gripping the steering too hard.I battle with my thoughts for a few minutes, then touch his arm. “Benny.”He holds a hand up. I swallow hard. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why is he mad at me?The silence is interrupted by the call he puts through to Olivia. My fingernails dig into my palms and I try not to overthink it. The call connects and he puts it on speaker.Ben doesn’t waste time on greetings. “Did Noah put up that video of Gracie?” Olivia replies in a quiet, ‘Yes’ and Ben runs the heel of his palm against his forehead. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He cuts the call before she can reply and his dark gaze flicks to my face. I open my mouth to say something. “You knew he was the one and you didn&r
I didn’t tell my parents we would be arriving today. Their anger wouldn’t have stopped them from coming to get us from the airport. But I still didn’t tell them. Jonah, the eldest son of the family Ben is staying with, is on his way to pick us up.Ben nudges me with his hip. “Are you okay?”“I'm a bit nervous.”We are still in the waiting area because Jonah is an ass. He should have been here long ago. My parents wouldn’t have kept us waiting. People rush past us to hug family and friends while we watch and wait. Ben lets go of his box to draw me in for a side hug.“Don’t be, babe.” Ben draws my lip between his teeth and I make a throaty sound. “They will be too happy to see you to even care about that. I promise.”Not really. “Yeah.”Ben’s fingers rap on the handle of his box in a staccato that weirdly comforts me. I
I feel like sexual assault against the male genders is not talked about as much as in the case of the female genders. As a friend to a few males who have been molested by people who were supposed to care for them, I knew I had to write about it someday. And I hope I was able to bring awareness to this, however little, through Ben. It’s never okay to molest a child. It’s never okay to molest anyone. That being said, here are some fun facts about this book; 1. It’s my first attempt at teenfiction. I was almost certain readers would notice and call me out on that. 2. BBTB was supposed to be a short story project. I was so worried it would be a flop so I planned to make it between 40-80 chapters. But the story grew wings and took off on its own. 3. This is the longest story I have ever written. I am just as surprised as you are and I was pleasantly shocked to see comments wanting their lovestory to go on for much longer. Those comments kept me going even on the bad days. So, thank y
It hurts too much. My body is on fire and it’s not yet right to push. Why isn’t it time? I need them to get the baby out of me. Not later, now. Sweat drips down my forehead and my eyes sting with tears. The doctor has stopped the bleeding. I have been cleaned up, changed into a hospital gown. They say everything is fine but it’s not. The contractions are ripping me from inside out and all Ben does is mutter unintelligible gibberish. He put the baby inside me, he should experience the pain too. “Are you okay?” Ben asks. I glare at him. How can I be okay? Whatever the doctor gave me is keeping me awake so I have no respite from the pain. Ben pushes my hair away from my sweaty forehead and I lean into him for comfort. I’m tired but I’m glad our son is okay. “I’m sorry, Gracie,” my husband says. Pushing past my pain, I offer him a questioning glance. Maddie is fine, right? My parents are okay too, right? Ben wipes the tears spill
I am packing up for Maddie’s weekend getaway when Ben strolls into her room. He picks a toy from the floor, tosses it into the air and catches it. I stall when he crosses over to me. All his attempts to take over the packing from me are futile. He protests by shaking his head. I am pregnant, not handicapped.When the bag is zipped up, I lower myself to the bed to catch my breath. Maybe I should have let him do it. But he never lets me do anything.Worried eyes stare into mine as Ben kneels between my legs. I’m fine, just tired. I pick the stuffed bear he dropped on the bed and sniff it. It smells like Maddie. And if I listen closely, I’ll hear her voice as she sings along with her favourite characters on TV.Maddie’s grandparents—my parents are in town because I’m due next week. They don’t want to miss it. She’s spending the weekend with them.Ben pries the bear from me and traces the
Laughter erupts from the living room, a kid’s voice follows and my lips curve in a smile. I pause the YuuTube tutorial I’m watching and set my tab down on the counter. I’m trying a new recipe I found online. Ben has been working extra hours so he can’t cook as much anymore and I’m tired of takeouts for dinner.With a hand under my belly, I meander to the living room. Maddie is on her feet, clapping and giggling at the television. There’s an old show playing. A family series I starred in one year after graduation. I clear my throat and my baby girl spins to face me. She grins and everything feels right. The nine hours of labour, the screams, the pain. They don’t matter.Running towards me, she stops a few inches from me and grabs my hand. “See Mummy,” she says, pointing at the television. I’m helping the second male lead set up his outfit for work. Her blue eyes flash with childlike innocence when she run
I feel the stare before I turn to Maria. “Will you stop?” I mutter. She says nothing but her eyes lower to my swollen belly, making it so obvious she had been staring. “Maria Vega.”“Theresa Carter.”Pink colours my cheeks. I hide my face in my palms and she bursts out laughing. It still feels so surreal being Mrs Carter, Ben’s wife. Our wedding was small and private like we both wanted. Aside from our family, we had our friends. Maria. Leah. Mira. Calum. Olivia also showed up. She and Ben are still in contact. We are kind of cool.Thinking about the wedding makes me smile and I twist the ring on my forth finger. My promise ring remains on my middle finger.I sit up and cross my legs. There are some pictures from the wedding scattered all over the living room floor. Maria didn’t get a chance to see them before her flight. She had a concert that day. I rub a hand over my stomach. Ben didn’t
Where is Ben? We will be late.I step out of the bathroom in only a towel and sashay to the wardrobe to get the gown for our date. There are a few options but I select a navy blue off-shoulder gown. Flipping through my playlist, I settle on Maria’s new single and settle down in front of the vanity to make myself up.A smile curves my lips as I brush my hair. I don’t look so bad at all. The makeup tutorial classes on YuuTube and Maria’s extra sessions come in handy as I apply foundation to my face. My gaze flies to the door. I’m in my room. Ben wasn’t in his room when I checked but he should be getting ready.The door creaks. I look up but Ben doesn’t walk in. My eye makeup is done. I apply a bright red lipstick and the door finally opens. Ben stalks into the room wearing a tux. My man is hot but in a suit and Oxford leather shoes, he is hotter. He closes the door with his foot and leans on it so I can assess
The drive to Ben’s office is a blur. I’m out of the car and in front of his office in a flash. I miss him. And I haven’t seen him in eight hours.I knock once on the door and open before he ushers me inside. Locking the door behind me, I bridge the gap between us and crush him in a hug. We live in the same house but God, I want to be in his presence all the time.“You’re back so early,” Ben says against my lips. I kiss him hard to make up for the hours without any kisses. Ben chuckles and hoists me on the edge of his desk. Then, he stands between my legs. “I missed you too, babe.”I grin. “I missed you more.”Ben touches his forehead to mine. “You’re here,” he says. His smile is sad. I nod against his body and his hands slip into my gown. I help him with the zip and pout. “I didn’t think you would make it today.”I had a pho
The mixer whirrs to life. I throw in more flour, add three eggs and whisk the batter into a smooth mix. Calum, my unwilling apprentice, watches from behind the counter. He came in last night. On my command, Calum oils the pans for the cake and turns on the oven. Done, he edges close to me. I swat his hand before he dips his finger into the mix. “Come on, Tessa. I came all this way, let me have some.” I roll my eyes. He came all this way, uninvited but I’m happy to see him. I empty the batter into the small pan. We will eat from that. “Just a taste.” “Fine.” I shove the spatula in his face and he snatches it from me. My face scrunches in disgust when he licks the spatula clean like a hungry dog. “Calum, what’s wrong with you?” He shrugs. “Nothing?” It feels like there’s something but I continue emptying the batter into the pans. When I’m done, I bring out the ingredients for the icing. Today is Ben’s
A look of fear flashes across her face. She levels me with a stare that shows she’s trying to control her temper. It’s unfair that I have to watch her kiss other guys under the guise of it being part of the job. “You are just making up scenarios that don’t exist,” she says. “Your job doesn’t even require it, Benny.” “But your job does...” I twist my hands so hard they ache. She doesn’t get it. “...and I don’t like it, Gracie.” Various emotions flicker on her face. She opens and closes her mouth twice without saying a word. The third time, she murmurs, “You asked me to trust you when Elena was involved, right?” I did. And I’ve established boundaries at the office, at school too. For fuck’s sake, she’s my screensaver, I wear my ring. They know I belong to Gracie. “So, can you please trust me on this one? It’s just a job, babe.” “Babe, it’s not the same.” Gracie stomps her feet in annoyance. I grit my teeth. She’s not the only one getti