5

It took me quite a while to find myself back at the hospital, the anxiety that returned by the time I found my way into the hospital halls was crippling. 

It also did not help that the weather was now overcast and rain was falling with a vengeance. 

As I sat in the waiting room at the hospital, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. 

The stark walls and floors, the uncomfortable chairs, and the hushed silence all served to amplify my anxiety.

I tried to take heart in the fact that today was one of doctor Vera's working days and at the very least she would certainly look out for me and try to ease my worries before the abortion. 

As lost in a maze of nervousness as I was, I did not notice a dark haired man sit down next to me until he turned to me and asked, "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."  

I managed to offer up a weak smile and told him I was fine.  

"Are you pregnant?" he asked suddenly.  

I was taken aback by his question and a bit offended too. The very last thing I wanted to do was make small talk with a stranger so I just dismissed him with a polite "No, I'm not." 

 

I certainly would not be in a few hours. I rubbed at my eyes. They were already stinging and I felt the onset of tears once more.  

After a slight delay, the man introduced himself as Lin and began making some small talk. It turned out that he was waiting for someone and so had about a dozen and one things to say - and the time to say it too. 

Eventually, I did find myself going along and talking with him against my desire to remain mum. He just had such a strength of personality, a kind of passive aggressive likeability that made it hard to ignore him for long.

I would actually not be surprised if he was an Alpha. 

As we continued talking, our conversation veered towards the weather. It had been raining heavily for the past few days, and we both agreed that it was quite unusual for this time of the year. 

"It's funny how the weather seems to be changing every year," Lin said, shaking his head. "I remember as a kid, we used to have snow around this time of the year. But now, it's all just rain." 

"I know, right? It's almost like the seasons are shifting," I replied, staring out the window at the pouring rain. "But it's still beautiful in its own way, don't you think?" 

Lin didn't reply and we both lapsed into a comfortable silence, gazing at the raindrops falling relentlessly outside.  

"So, how long have you been waiting?" I asked him against my better judgement. I knew I should stop talking and end it there, but if I did all that awaited me was uncomfortable anxiety. 

"Almost an hour now," Lin replied, looking at his wristwatch. "I tell you what, I've been to this hospital many times, and the wait gets longer every time." 

I nodded in agreement, knowing too well the hassle of waiting in hospitals. "Yeah, it has always been like this. What brings you here today?" 

"Well, my mate has an appointment with her doctor. Just a routine check-up, nothing serious," he replied, pulling out a white envelope from his jacket's pocket. 

"But somehow, I have a feeling that it's going to take a while." 

"Probably," I said, chuckling. 

After that we lapsed into another bout of silence. I was actually content to let the rest of my wait pass this way, but Lin asked if everything was okay with me and why I looked disturbed when I arrived.  

Call me stupid but I told him that I was at the hospital for an abortion. I wanted, nay, I needed someone right now and at the moment Lin just seemed that dependable. 

To my surprise, Lin's eyes widened with what appeared to be concern. He moved his chair closer to mine, took my hand and asked me to explain in detail. 

I felt a sudden pang of guilt, as if I was confessing to a crime. It wasn't like me to share such a personal story with a stranger, but Lin had a way of making me feel comfortable around him.  

I did not tell him the real reason why I wanted to go through with the abortion - no, that was way too personal. 

Instead I cooked up something about my career, and not being ready, or having the time for a child. I guess I just wanted sympathy from someone. 

Finally, I sighed and looked up at him, expecting some kind of sympathetic response. Instead, he looked me in the eye and said, "Every child is a blessing of the moon goddess."  

I was taken aback by his statement and could feel my blood boiling despite the fact that he had done nothing wrong.

What the heck did he know? Have a child that would tear I and Zack apart? Fat fucking chance. 

I tried to express my frustration to him, but he calmly replied, "I understand it's not easy, and I'm not the one to force you to do anything. But sometimes, what we want may not be what we need. You won't know what you are missing out until you experience it. Being a mother can be hard and tiring, but it is also one of the most rewarding things you could do." 

I pondered on his words for a moment, feeling a mixture of emotions- anger, frustration, and guilt. 

Was he judging me for my decision? Was he trying to shame me into not going through with the abortion? And then I realized that he had basically no reason to do that. 

He was just giving me advice, plain and simple. But then again, he did not know my current situation so I'll take his opinion with a grain of salt. 

Lin must have sensed my hesitation and reassured me that he wasn't there to judge me.

"I'm not saying that abortion is wrong. It's your body and your choice. But before you make a decision, take some time to think it through. Talk to people who have gone through it, listen to their experiences. You might find that you're not alone.” 

I nodded, still a bit skeptical but also feeling that he was right. It was important to weigh out all options before making such a big decision.  

At that moment, our conversation was interrupted by the doctor calling out my name.

As I gathered my things to leave, Lin gave me a small smile and said, "Take care. Whatever you decide, I'm here if you need someone to talk to." 

I thanked him and left the waiting room, feeling kind of grateful for the unexpected encounter. 

I did not know if I would ever see Lin again but I knew that those few minutes spent with him had dampened my anxiety rather well. 

I would probably still be a sobbing mess as I go through with the abortion, but at least I wouldn't be a sobbing mess before going in. 

As I walked toward Vera's office, I could feel a sense of heaviness in my chest. I did not know what the right choice was, but I knew that if I was to go through with the abortion, it would not be an easy decision. 

But as dreary as the waiting room had been, I had managed to pull myself together just that little bit more. 

I was still scared, and I did not like how things had planned out in my life but I think I now had the strength to come out the other side in two pieces, and not a dozen.