Chapter One

『 AUDREY 』

"Audrey! Come here!"

I turned around and two pairs of arms wrapped around me.

"I'm so sorry about Justin, babe. I know you loved him." Zoe smiled at me. "But I'm here if you want to talk about it."

That's all I've been hearing all day. Justin here. Justin there. Justin this. Justin that. I'm almost sick of it.

In fact, I don't want anyone to ever talk about Justin.

But I have to be polite. So I turned to face Zoe.

She is so pretty. She has this strawberry blonde hair and eyes of emerald green. Whenever she smiles, she seems to charm every guy that looks at her. Zoe and I met last year and we have been close ever since.

Which makes me even sadder.

Because I've made my choice.

After finding out my boyfriend of four years cheated on me, I've had enough. Of everything.

So I decided to join my brother. He was the only one to ever care for me, anyway. He passed away a few months ago because he went hiking and fell off a cliff.

That's how he goes. And that's how I'm going.

"Eh." I shrugged. "I'll be going home soon. I'll see you soon okay?"

I won't but you don't have to know.

I feel selfish. Zoe is a really good friend and has always been there for me from the very first day we became friends.

I still remember how devastated I feel after my brother died. I'm still devastated. I remembered it like it was yesterday. Crying at his funeral. My heart stopping when I heard of his death. All the denial and tears that I went through. Imagine how Zoe would feel. I would never want to put anyone in the same position but at this point, I don’t know if I have the energy to care about anyone anymore. 

But Zoe gets along with everyone so well. I'm sure she'll be able to find another close friend soon.

"Audrey? Earth to Audrey?" Zoe called, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Yes? Sorry, I was uh—"

"Daydreaming. Yeah." Zoe sighed. "I was asking, are you sure you don't want to stay for practice? Haylee's waiting."

And, sure enough, Haylee, with her amazing blonde locks and almost Barbie-like blue eyes, comes trotting in. I never thought the high school stereotypes were true until I met Haylee. You know, the 'queen bee'. Basically, the girl who rules the school. The mean girl. The popular one. My… friend?

Also, the one who Justin cheated on me with.

For three years and a half.

"What's happening?" She looked at us, crossing her arms.

I never thought of her voice as annoying because I'm so used to hearing it. But right now, I want to claw inside her throat to make sure she doesn't speak again. Ever.

"I uh— have to go. Emergency." I replied.

"Hmm." Haylee frowned. "Why?"

"Emergency. I just said it."

"Yeah but what kind? Like cancer? Or something else?"

"No, just—"

"Oh! Trev is holding a party tonight. You guys should come."

"Oh no." I smiled at her, but really, I want to make her suffer as slowly as possible. "I have a biology test coming up. And I—"

"You're studying?" Haylee scoffed, almost in a mocking way. "Come on. Who needs to study? Especially not you. You're pretty. Become a model or a youtuber or whatever."

Some of us actually care about our studies, you bimbo.

I shook my head. "I have some important matters to attend anyway."

"That's sad." Zoe pouted. "I wanted you to come with me too..."

"Sorry," I said to her. "I'm just—"

"You're a cheerleader, Audrey." Haylee cuts me off. "You're supposed to have fun. Party. Whatever. Leave the studying to the nerds."

Fuck off.

"I told you." I smiled at her. "I have important matters to attend."

Haylee rolled her eyes.

I want to gauge her eyes out and feed them to hippos.

"Whatever," she scoffed. "Come on, Zoe."

She locked arms with Zoe, and both of them entered the basketball court, where our cheerleading practices are held.

To be honest, I joined the cheerleading squad because I thought it was fun. I thought you get to be yourself or whatever. Do some sick flips. Have great parties and bondings. Do each other’s hair. Plus, their uniform is so pretty.

I never thought I'd end up with stuck up girls who only ever cared about themselves.

Call me a fake friend or a backstabber, but I've always thought that Zoe is also like one of them.

Of course, that doesn't make me love her any less.

It's just, at times, Zoe is a stereotypical cheerleader.

And the rest of the cheerleaders too.

And they expect me to be like them.

I've tried so hard. To be a 'queen bee'. To fit in. I've seen the way they treat people or how they behave.

And I don't like it.

But the cheerleading squad are my only friends. No one wants to be friends with me because of how badly I treated them. And I don’t want to admit that it was all my fault. I got influenced. I wanted to be like them. I didn’t want to be left out. I wanted Haylee to like me.

I touched up on my make up and when I decide that it was enough, I closed my locker door and called a cab.

I mean, I want to be found looking great.

Even though I'll be all covered in blood.

I admit, even I look like an average basic girl.

My wavy chestnut hair matches the color of my eyes, and honestly, I love that about myself. I've always adored those makeup tutorials, so I've mastered those winged eyeliners, how to apply mascara, the 'perfect' way to apply lipstick and so on.

And of course, I can't deny the fact that I did it partly to impress Justin and the cheerleaders.

▲▽▲▽▲▽▲

"Thank you," I smiled at the cab driver. He, in return, sent me a wrinkled smile back.

I wonder, if he knew what I was going to do, how will he react?

I held my phone in my hand, hoping, for some weird reason that my parents would call me and at least ask me where I am.

Cause I'm way beyond curfew.

But, after climbing up the long, spiral staircase that never seemed to end, I gave up on that hope.

They're probably glad that I'm gone anyway.

I pushed open the rusty door of the rooftop with my small body, grunting at the same time to give me some power to open it.

Once I'm done, I stepped out, brushed my hands against my pants and looked around.

The top of the rooftop had a marvelous view.

I can almost see the whole town. The stars were hidden behind the haze of black clouds, but they were still trying their best to shine through. Downtown is lit by the neon lights of clubs and bars. The banners and posters painted the night in a way that not even the most talented artist could ever think of.

The small breeze made it so much better. The wind against my skin feels so good, as if that's their way of stopping me from jumping down.

Nighttime is definitely my favorite. It hides my flaws, the scars left behind and the knives behind my back are barely visible.

This is it, Audrey.

I never knew how much courage it took just to kill yourself.

They say that suicide is cowardly.

But is it?

Because of the amount of dedication and courage that you have to have, I don't think so.

I walked closer to the edge, where a small, almost rusty railing sits.

This is it. I'm jumping over that. In seconds, my heart will stop beating.

I stopped my tracks when something moved in the dark.

No, wait— it was someone.

It's a boy.

Well, his body shape says so.

He jumped over the railing, and now he's standing at the very edge.

He clutched onto the railing so hard, I'm surprised that his fist hasn't turned white.

He looks like he's calming himself down.

I can't stop myself.

"Stop!"

He gripped the railing even harder. His hoodie is covering his hair, so I wasn't able to see his face very well.

"Don't kill yourself."

I'm a fucking hypocrite.

"Please?"

What am I doing? I'm going to kill myself.

He turned around, and right there, like some Korean drama, the light flashed on his face.

And my god was he good looking.

It took me a few seconds to realize.

"Cayden?" I called out. "Cayden Nowell?"

Cayden has this wavy sandy blonde and alluring forest green eyes.

He's one of the most popular jocks and a really good football player. And, the typical high school with their stereotypes, I heard he's slept with half the school and whatnot.

But hey, I can't deny it.

He is good looking.

He didn't let go of the railing, but he stared at me.

Was he waiting for someone to stop him?

"Come on," I said to him. I let my hand out.

After he leaves, I'm jumping. Just because I'm losing a life tonight doesn't mean I'm going to allow him to.

He stared at my hand.

His white converse sneakers are so close to the edge.

"Cayden, hi. It's Audrey. Audrey Simmons? We take astrology and math and biology together. I uh— dated one of your friends."

Cayden did nothing but stared at my hand.

"Come on," I said to him. "Don't jump. Cayden."

He opened his palms, but that was when he slipped.

"Oh shit!" I yelled. I grabbed him under his armpits and dunk him behind the railing.

"Jesus." I sighed. "Cayden, you okay?"

He was breathing heavily. He nodded his head and pulled his hood down.

"I didn't want to be saved." He says.

I've always found his voice unique. It wasn't deep— like most of the guys in our school. But it is raspy. And a bit high pitched. But not as annoying or as high as Haylee's.

His voice is just right. And other than his eyes, his voice is one of my favorite features about him.

"Look—" I snapped at him. "Buddy, I don't know what your problems are, but I'm very sure suicide isn't the only way."

"Shut up." He snapped back. "I was—"

"Scared." I cut him off. "You were scared, I could tell, Cayden."

"What are you doing here anyway?" He asks, completely ignoring my comment.

"I was—" I couldn't finish my sentence. Because I have no idea what to say.

"Oh my god." He whispered. "You were about to jump too."

"No." I denied it. "No... I came here to..."

And, at that moment, Cayden pulled me close to him so fast, I couldn't even comprehend what happened.