Chapter 2

 

The drive to his office was easy, but with each passing mile, my anxiety increased. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen my father-in-law.

Facing any of the Holloways was difficult. They didn’t blame me, even though they should have. I baited the monster and paid the highest price. Haunted by memories and a never-ending vendetta complete with a promise—I would never be happy again.

Death was the only way to be free.

I arrived early, because what the fuck else was I going to do with my day? That left me sitting in my car, people watching. A few minutes before noon, my phone pinged with a text—Jack was running late.

There was no way I was going up. There were many people up there that knew who I was and what I was to Jack, and I hated the looks they gave me. The pity in their eyes.

With the temperature in the car heating up and me in need of a smoke, I got out and leaned against the side. I watched people come and go, moving about their day like it was nothing.

Average people that I envied.

I lit a cigarette and took a drag, then blew it out as I stared at the parking lot. Being the lunch hour, there were lots of people coming and going.

It was sunny out, warm, and as I took another pull, I noticed a woman walking through the lot.

There was no particular reason why she caught my eye. She simply did. Maybe the way the sun lit up her blonde hair.

Intrigued, I stared at her. She was unassuming, skittish even.

Something inside me stirred as I stared at her. The beast inside me pulled at the chains that bound him. She called to him from across the sea of asphalt and cars.

She called to me.

Feelings I’d long forgotten awoke with an interest in her.

But why?

Two men walked toward her, and I watched her change. Shoulders drew up, pace slowed, eyes down as her body went rigid as if bracing herself. From what? An attack?

It was subtle. So subtle, most wouldn’t even notice.

But I did, and so did the beast.

She was nothing, no one, but she seemed a mystery I wanted to unravel.

But not. Because nothing good came from me having an interest in anything.

As soon as she passed them, her demeanor returned. Another man came by, and she relaxed.

I wanted her.

The beast wanted her. Some unknown girl, if even for just a taste. Just a small, tiny taste.

The chains that held me in check began to loosen, and just as I was about to launch myself at her, a hand clamped down on my shoulder.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Nathan,” Jack said, breaking me from the siren’s song. His brow scrunched as he looked at me. “Are you all right, son?”

I rubbed at my neck as I tried to get a grip, an understanding of what just happened to me. I’d become completely unhinged by a woman in a parking lot who never even met my gaze.

“I’m fine. Just…lost in thought.” And possibly going out of my mind.

I glanced back at her to find a woman now walking with her, unaware of me or my internal struggle. Unaware of my strange behavior.

I had no clue what came over me, but it was apparent I needed to stay as far from her as I could. Which would be easy. All I had to do was stay away from Jack’s office.

“What did you want to talk about?”

Jack gave me a kind smile. “We’ll talk about it over lunch, but I’d like you to come work for me.”

My eyes widened, my dick twitching at the thought of seeing that strange girl again.

I shook my head. “No.”

Jack pursed his lips and sighed. “Come on. I’ll convince you over lunch.”

I wasn’t so sure about that, but what harm could come from listening to his offer?

A short drive in his car and we were at a pub I hadn’t been to since I met him for lunch four years prior. The inside was packed, but there was still some outdoor seating. While it was hot, it wasn’t too hot.

“How are you feeling?” Jack asked once we were seated, menus in hand.

My right leg bounced in agitation. I hated being out, and even more so with someone I loved. And while Jack’s hair may have gone completely white over the last few years, I knew they knew what he was to me.

“Like shit.” No sense in saying I was fine.

“Migraines still causing you problems?” he asked.

I scoffed at him. “Jack, if it was just migraines, I could deal, but I’m in pain every single moment of the day. A good day for me is for it to be a low hum that I might be able to ignore.”

I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, earning a glare from the woman next to me. What the fuck ever.

“I have a proposition for you.”

I shook my head and released the smoke. “No.”

“You met with me. You might as well hear it.”

I shook my head, my jaw tensing as I glanced around. “I shouldn’t have come.”

“Nate…”

“It’s not safe. I can’t…I won’t be responsible…” A wave of nausea rolled over me as flashes of Grace popped into the forefront of my mind.

“You’re not responsible for what happened to Grace. They are.”

I shook my head. “It’s my fault, Jack. I should be with them, but instead, I’m fucking walking on this fucking planet like the fucking bionic man, trapped in hell when I should be six feet under. I was dead, and I should have stayed dead.”

He pursed his lips, his brow scrunching as he linked his fingers in front of him. Looking up, he steeled his blue eyes to mine. “Then everyone would be safe? Is that why you’re saying that?”

My jaw ticked, and I gave a small nod. “It’s the truth.”

He blew out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. “No, it’s your paranoia. Nate, I’m worried about you. This isn’t what Grace would want for you.”

“Grace would want to not be…” Fuck, I couldn’t even say the word with her name. My wife was dead, but Grace… she was still alive, even if it was only in my cold, dead heart.

“My daughter may be dead, but my son is sitting in front of me, and he needs help,” Jack said, his hand reaching up to wipe at his eyes. He pulled an envelope out from inside his suit jacket and placed it on the table in front of me. “I have a position that I think would be good for you.”

I shook my head. There was no way. I couldn’t do it. Leaning forward, I rested my forearms on the table. “Jack, I can’t go back into the courtroom. I tried, remember?” It was a fucking disaster. I lasted two weeks after the accident. After that was when I pulled away. I sold our house, all of our things, and did my best to stay away from everyone I loved.

“This isn’t litigation.”

Not litigation? I quirked a brow at him. “What, you want me to be fucking support?”

“Transactional attorney,” he said, confirming my suspicion. “You’ll mostly be going through contracts to make sure there are no loopholes and everything is correct. Secluded, only a client here and there as you explain to them what they see as a foreign language.”

I took another drag and held it in. It wasn’t the position for me, but then again, I was far off from the man I was.

“Sounds like busy work.”

“What else are you doing with your time?”

Fuck, he got me there.

The waiter took our order of drinks and food, giving me a buffer of time, but that didn’t stop Jack from staring me down.

“My license lapsed, and I haven’t done continuing education in years. There’s just no way.”

Jack held up his hand. “I’m not talking about now. The position is currently filled.”

I scrunched my brow and let out a stunted laugh. “Then why are you offering it up?”

“Because I hope that I will have grounds to fire her soon or that she will quit.”

“That bad? How long has she been in the position?” I asked.

“Four years, but between the two of them, I’d much rather keep the other woman who’s been doing it two years.”

“Other woman?” I asked, then paused as the way he worded it clicked. “Wait, it’s a partnered position?”

“Don’t worry. Delilah works very hard and is very dedicated to her job.”

Delilah? What kind of name was that? How old was she? The name alone sounded ancient, especially since she was obviously born before the song that made it a popular name again. Grace once had it on her list of names for girls, along with a hundred others.

Maybe Delilah moved to the position as a transition from the courtroom.

“There’s time, but please, think about it, Nate. I really think it would be good for you.”

I nodded and agreed to at least do that. As we ate, the idea grew on me, festered under my skin. The idea of working with the law again perked up a forgotten part of me.

After eating and getting updates on the rest of the Holloways, we loaded back into Jack’s car and back to his office.

“Mary wants you to come to dinner.”

I shook my head.

He glanced over and grimaced. “Yeah, that’s what I told her. She misses you. We all do.”

All. The Holloways were my second family from the time I was nineteen—brothers, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles.

“Maybe once you’ve agreed to take the position, I can then convince you to come to a celebratory dinner.”

“I don’t celebrate anything,” I said. Celebrations were nothing but a reminder of what I lost.

Jack nodded. “Right.”

“But I might be convinced to come to a regular dinner.” For Mary.

His lips twitched up into a small smile. “She’d like that.”

After pulling into a parking spot, we exited his car. I stepped around to say goodbye before heading back to the emptiness of my apartment.

I held out my hand, and Jack narrowed his eyes on me before opening up his arms.

“They’re not going to kill me over a hug,” he said.

Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him. Enveloped in the arms of another person was almost foreign, but my body hadn’t forgotten how good such a small sign of affection could be.

“Think it over, and I’ll give you a call in a few days. Sound good?” Jack asked as he pulled back.

I nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

He headed back into his office, and as I walked back to my car, I found my gaze searching for the woman from before—my enigma. It was best she wasn’t there anyway. Better to forget I’d even seen her. Then again, taking Jack up on his offer could result in bumping into her.

Part of me was excited for that, my beast, but the rest of me closed the door on any more thoughts of her.

Climbing into my car, I turned it on and rolled all the windows down to let the hot air out. I sat there, thinking more and more about his offer.

Jack had me by the balls—what the fuck else was I going to do with my time? Just fucking sit around and wait to die? Fucking die of boredom, but at least his way I’d be doing something I once loved, or at least something in the same vein.

My whole life was going to have to change, starting from the outside, if I took him up on his offer. Effort would need to be exerted, strength I hadn’t called upon in years, and I would need help from my parents.

I stared into the vanity mirror at my tired eyes and dull expression. Could I even put on a front for eight plus hours a day? Every once in a while was fine, but was it possible to do it all day, every day? If I dug deep enough, called upon the person I was before Marconi and the accident, maybe. Back when I had strength, was cocky as fuck, and charismatic.

It was the only way working at Holloway and Holloway was even a possibility.

Grabbing my phone, I swiped at the screen and pulled up a number a good son would call more often. The phone ringing resonated in my ear, and I waited for someone to pick up.

“Hello?” the familiar male voice said.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Nathan? How are you?”

“Another bad day,” I said with a sigh.

“Anything I can do to help?”

Yeah, I’d been that much of a shit of a son that my own father was chomping at the bit for any interaction with me.

It’s better this way, the beast reminded me.

“Are you free? I’d like to come over.”

I didn’t really want to, but if I was going to take Jack up on his offer, I needed their help. Starting from scratch wasn’t going to be easy.

“I’ll be home in ten minutes.”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up the phone and stared out the window for a moment before throwing the car into drive. Maybe I could do it, but maybe I couldn’t. Maybe I should talk to Darren.

Either way, I was giving it the most serious consideration of anything since I woke up from the coma. Something that threw me into the world instead of away from it, and that alone was anxiety inducing.