"I may have a crush on Jackson, the redheaded guy from Accounting," Amanda confesses while she stares out at the foggy morning view from our spot in Buena Vista Park. The smell of cinnamon lingers between us, evidence of our sugary brunch meeting."I knew it!" I throw my crumpled napkin in her direction. It doesn't make it anywhere near my intended target. "Last week I saw you talking to him by the break room. You were doing the whole giggling school girl routine."Amanda blushes."Men are fucktards," Marissa comments before her head turns to me. Her eyes flicker when she remembers I recently finished a gush fest on Finn. "I mean except for Finn." She rushes to get out, "I'm sure he's a great guy, who won't lead you on for four years then months before your wedding get caught fucking a co-worker under a desk."I'm pretty sure there were no desks involved with the Cody situation, but Marissa has hit the angry phase of this breakup and it's best not to correct her at this point i
"Well, maybe we can play more this week. It might grow on you."My reply is cut off when the cab stops again. This time we're in front of the large sign for AT&T Park, the Giants baseball stadium. Tall brick columns flank the opening for the Willie Mays Gate, the name written on the sign above the entrance, and palm trees grow out front.I get out of the cab and am busy enjoying the view when my brother rushes to my side and throws me into a big Ben hug."Ben!" I squeal as he swings me from side to side."What are you, a tourist? Standing there gaping at the buildings. You've seen a baseball stadium before."I don't explain to him that the first time I saw this particular stadium was the night Finn and I peeked through the fence and watched a few minutes of the game. My visits to Ben's were limited while I was in college. The city is still new for me. I want to enjoy all the cool places before they become part of the scenery.Rebecca, with her blonde hair swept back in a po
"Did you try to leave this dress back there?" Marissa questions me as I walk down the aisle.I pause and give the fabric one more glance. "I don't like the green one. Don't you think it's too sparkly?" The floor length emerald dress in question shimmers even under the dull lights of the large shop. Small sequins cover almost every inch and it has to weigh no less than fifteen pounds."What's the point of going to a charity gala if you can't sparkle?" Marissa stretches the floor length gown across the few others on top of my cart. "You're trying it on.""Yes, Mother." I roll my eyes but face the opposite direction so she doesn't see. Marissa is spunky, she could probably take me.Racks of dresses spread out before us, organized by color not size. My mission feels more and more impossible. I've never been to a charity gala, and even the words sound intimidating.Marissa stands on the other side of the rack with her big brown eyes downcast as she sorts through evening attire and
Marissa moved to Oakland when she finished college because she wanted to be with Cody. She's always missed the warmth of Southern California and has vowed to never make a major life decision for a boy ever again. Now I'm worried the mild temperatures of the bay will send her running home to warmer waters.I throw my keys on the kitchen counter, leave the lights off, and carefully lay my new dress over the back of a stool. At the fridge I consider finishing off the bottle of wine staring at me, but instead go for a soda. I'll make better choices tomorrow. It's barely eight o'clock, but it's been a long day.The black console sits on my entertainment center across the room. Finn left his game system here and since he's playing at the office and spending most of his free time with me doing other activities, he hasn't missed it. The blinking light on the front calls to me from the semi-darkness.I can't imagine Finn, my cute nerd with the dark brown hair and crinkles near his eyes ev
"Oh Shit, no. No. No! No!" my cries grow louder with each new item the dragon sets on fire. I'm sitting in a house made from kindling, but I'm more worried about how upset Finn will be at the discovery our tree is gone. My thoughts are no longer rational."You mother f'er." I shake my fist in frustration at the TV as the dragon flies off to torment other fictional game characters. It's official, I've gone crazy. I can never tell anyone I spent my Thursday night yelling at mythical dragons in a game where I'm dressed like Maid Marian."Aspen. Aspen!" My door handle jiggles, but the lock doesn't give. "Aspen, are you okay?"Finn's voice is muffled, but I pick up the frantic element in it through the thick wooden door. Shit.The handle jerks again. "Open the door.""I'm coming!" I try to appease Finn. I toss the controller toward the console and flick off the TV with the remote next to me.I twist the deadbolt and throw open the door. "What's wrong, Finn?" I've decided to play
"And don't accept drinks from anyone you don't know.""Yes, Ben. I promise no drinks. I won't smoke and I'll use protection."Ben's terrified gasp surges through the phone. "Aspen! Don't tell me about those kind of plans with Finn. He came off as a nice upstanding young man. I would hate to have to kill him."I laugh. He might be a mere five years older than me, but Ben definitely has the big brother and father protector part all rolled into one. "Yes, Ben.""This is serious, Pen. There are a lot of dangerous people out there. I want to make sure you're safe. Do you and Finn need a ride?"What a horrific thought — Finn and I arriving at a charity event in a San Francisco Police cruiser. The thought alone makes me shudder. "No. That's okay, I'm sure Jake is going to drive us." I tuck an errant piece of hair behind my ear not used to the smoothness of tonight's straightened style."Well make sure to wear a seatbelt." He must hear my overdramatic sigh-moan combo at his last co
Our black limo stops outside the cobalt blue office building Finn picked up the baseball tickets from last weekend."The party is at your office building?""Yeah, the renovations are done. Trey figured it was time to show it off and save us some money on our first annual RDA – Kids in Technology event." Finn shrugs over his answer.The door facing the street opens and he steps out before reaching a hand back in for me. Jake's pleasant face greets me as I stand on the curb. "Have a wonderful evening, Ms. Adams." My nerves decide to make an appearance and I only tilt my head back in reply. Jake closes the door behind me and I brace for what I'll see when I turn to face the building.Finn slips his arm through mine and we turn together. I expect to see a red carpet and people taking pictures. Isn't that what happens at big charity events? I've only ever watched these things on television. The front sidewalk is empty and I release the breath and overly happy expression I was forcin
The conversation between them gives me time to survey the area. This room is fairly generic. It doesn't match the restored grandeur of the lobby. White walls meet a tough beige carpet produced for heavy use. The main outstanding feature is the tall windows, which line the walls and look out to the street on all four sides. To my right the view looks to the bay and I bet the people who end up living in this building will have a spectacular view regardless of which way their apartment faces."Any chance we can get to the top floor tonight and see your new space?" The question from Finn's father brings me from my perusal of the room. It's a question I want to hear the answer to as well. I hadn't considered I might be able to see Finn's new place, but now I want to desperately.Finn glances in my direction. It's quick, but I definitely don't miss it. "Sorry, not tonight. The workmen still have it locked up. It should be done soon though. My deadline is coming." His words sound grim rat
Six months later"I thought you were painting this room silver?" Hudson asks dropping his half of the couch inside of our brand-new tiny living room. That's not fair. It's bigger than the apartment when I lived with Marissa. Living here will be like me having my own special mansion. Except this time the rent is higher.I put my end of the couch down and then promptly sit at the end of it. I've done my part of moving. This is why we hired movers. I don't know what it is about men wanting to lift heavy objects. Plus, it's not like there's much furniture to move. The old apartment came furnished. This stuff is new.I look at the wall, which shimmers in the bright light from our large open window in the new living room. "I did. It's Silver Fox.""This color is gray.""No, it's Silver Fox.""It looks gray to me."I shake my head in dismay. "Gray is darker."He nods slowly. "Uh-huh. Whatever you say."Hudson and I have been living together since he made the permanent move t
A few weeks later"Wow, Finn hooked you up." My eyes blink a few times trying to adjust to the overpowering glare of so many television screens in one room.Hudson laughs as he steps behind me. "Ridge taught me you can never have too many cameras.""Well, you definitely put his words into practice." No less than thirty flat screen TVs line a wall in the room Finn and Hudson started calling the war room. I'm pretty sure Finn has a camera everywhere Aspen may go in San Francisco. There is even one in the comic shop. The transition has gone well for the most part. Finn and Aspen had a heated debate over her bodyguard situation.Once Hudson accepted the position, he didn't waste time. It's been less than three weeks and he has a war room set up and is spying on half the residents of the city. My man gets shit done."Are you happy?" I ask turning around so we are face to face.Hudson rolls his eyes and says something silently to the ceiling of the room. He's recently taken up pr
The glass automatic door at the airport entrance slides open and I saunter in with a purpose. No woman has ever been as determined as I am to put a man in his place. Full Marissa style.And then maybe win him back. It depends on his response. I've been through tons of shit the last few weeks. I need someone who can handle me and won't chicken out.Aspen and Finn checked me out of the hospital and then took me back to my apartment making me promise I wouldn't leave when I asked to be alone. My mother even listened when I told her it was a great time to visit my brother in Washington. He'll love it.Besides my shattered heart, I'm medically fine. There's no reason for people to be stuck hovering around me. Hurt or not, I've still peopled too much these last few days, so it wasn't hard to press that I needed quiet time. I promised to head right into bed and sleep for a few more days.But I've broken many promises lately. And kept secrets. I am not the same girl I was last year. An
I hate to be a bad friend — who am I kidding, I'm always the bad friend — but Aspen could not have picked a worse time to make her visit. And I love her. She was here all day yesterday. Getting water, refilling water, fluffing my pillow and accidentally pulling on my IV before doing it again while apologizing for pulling on the IV. Hudson and I haven't had two minutes to ourselves. I tried to fake sleep yesterday afternoon, but then they stood around the bed looking and me and whispering."Do you need your pillow fluffed?" she asks for the thousandth time. It's become her filler question. What she asks me if she doesn't know what else to ask.I shake my head, giving Finn my best "calm her down" look, but he doesn't notice. He's so madly in love with Aspen he thinks everything she does is adorable. "I'm fine, Aspen. Relax."My best friend is definitely more put together than Hudson in the last two days, but not by much. Her hair is flat on one side, a little curly on the other, an
A STEADY STREAM of beeps wakes me up to a stream of light.A hospital. It's the place I've woken up the last two days. I can't complain. It's one hundred times better than a concrete floor in an abandoned factory in Oakland. Even still I fight the panic as my brain comes into consciousness. The hospital therapist says eventually there will come a day when I don't wake up ready to flee, but I'm not sure I believe her.My awake body is heavy and sluggish. Yesterday I spent most the day sleeping as my conscious mind worked around what happened after I was taken from the sidewalk in front of Cosmo's.Hudson was shot. I watched it with my own eyes. What I didn't know at the time was the bullet grazed the side of his body and most of his injury was due to the shock of being shot. Even though my mind didn't want to believe it at the time, he led the charge to rescue me. And yes, he absolutely shot Jimmy in the head — a scene I never ever want to see again, but one that plays on repeat e
Breathe. I hit reality with a start. Tears form as I blink my eyes to open them. My shoulder hurts, a tingling stiff sensation like I slept on it wrong. At one point I must have broken out in a cold sweat and my skin is clammy, moist yet chilled. My knuckle scrapes the hard ground underneath my body as I sit up and the events of what happened flood back. It wasn't a bad dream. I've been taken right from the front of Cosmo's. Kidnapped.They shot Hudson.I have no idea how long I slept or where I am. No longer in the van, the room is dark around me and it takes longer than I want for my eyes to adjust. Of course, there's no positive to be found when they do. Sawdust and dirt smells permeate the air. On the ground there's not only cold hard concrete but sharp pieces of wood. I wipe a few from my pants legs only to have them stick to the skin of my fingers.As I try to stand, there's a clink of metal. I tug my foot to find it doesn't move. My leg is bolted to the ground with thick m
"Are you sure you won't walk in there and start crying?" Hudson asks as we stop in front of Cosmo's Comics and Café.I take a deep breath and check myself before I answer because frankly he's probably right to be worried. It's been two days since we met with Drew at the restaurant in Oakland and I spent most of that night crying. I haven't talked to anyone since then. More than likely they think I've been taking this time to apologize to Hudson. He promises he's forgiven and forgotten and even understands why it took so long.Hudson spent the last few days consoling me as I came to terms with finally admitting what happened that night and saying goodbye to Drew if only in my own mind. He's been perfect. He didn't push or yell at me to do it faster or tell me I was being ridiculous. He listened and held me when I needed him. I couldn't ask for a better man.Hudson is everything I've ever wanted in a guy. Sensitive enough to figure out when I'm hurting, but strong enough to tell me
"That's your answer?" Hudson's eyebrows lift.I hit my knee against his. "Hudson."He sighs in agitation."Well, Drew, the way I look at it Amanda doesn't have much to tell. It sounds to me as if in her story you were a friend who was there to help her out. Who didn't want to get involved in a police investigation. But before I can trust her opinion that you're a nice guy, I need proof."Drew laughs even though it's inappropriate for the time. "I don't think I'm a nice guy, but thanks, Amanda.""Um, you're welcome?""I started working construction jobs part time when Clare and I were in foster care." He stops talking right as the story gets good."But you don't do construction work now, do you?" Hudson asks the exact question I've been thinking.It's like pulling teeth to get facts out of Drew, but what he doesn't understand is Hudson will have no qualms telling Ben if he's not satisfied with his answers."Yes and no. From time to time my boss asks me for extra favors
"Sorry, Dean, I've got to get home. Lots of Christmas prep to do."There's no time to chase another raid with so much work to do for Aspen's Christmas celebration. They overdo it for most holidays, but the big ones are the worst.He nods, accepting the answer. I rarely take him up on offers for more raiding or the hundred times he's asked me out for coffee. "Okay, see you next time." He waves, following a large group of people making their way to cars and bikes before heading toward the wharf.I step onto the sidewalk outside the baseball stadium to look for a cab. The road is eerily quiet since there isn't baseball in December and the people from the raid snatched up the cabs. Even though Grant, Clare's boyfriend would kill me, I scroll through my phone and find the Uber app. If I have to call for a ride anyway, I should at least make it a cheap one. He'd be pissed over how close I am to his neighborhood without someone here with me, but it's too late to worry about that now.