Chasing Shadows

"You deserve better," Cara said softly. "You don’t have to settle for him or anyone else. You’ll find your way through this."

I gave a faint smile and was very grateful for their support, but deep down, the pain of Romer’s rejection still burned. He believed I had betrayed him, and no matter how many times I replayed our last conversation in my head, I just couldn’t figure out how to convince him it was all a misunderstanding. He had trusted me, and now that trust was shattered. How could I ever make him see the truth?

"Thanks, girls" I murmured with my voice barely audible. She leaned back against the bench, staring up at the sky through the branches, and started thinking how could I ever move on when my heart still belonged to the one person that I could never have anymore?

Tara gave a gentle squeeze to my hand, bringing me back to the present. "Let’s not think about him right now. Let’s just focus on getting through today."

Cara, always the optimist, flashed a bright smile. "How about we do something fun tonight? Let’s go out for dinner. Just us girls. We’ll get dressed up, eat too much food, and maybe even laugh a little. You could use a distraction."

I hesitated, the idea of having fun felt so foreign, but the look on the girls’ faces was enough to make me reconsider my self inflicted isolation. "Dinner, huh?" I asked with l a small smile. "That sounds… nice."

Tara and Cara’s faces lightened up with a huge incredulous smile."Yes!" Tara exclaimed "You need this, Lya. We all do." Cara nodded eagerly. "It’s settled then. We’ll go somewhere nice, somewhere with good food and no drama."

For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a flicker of excitement. It was small, but it was something. "Alright, let’s do it."

While walking back toward the campus, I took out my phone to send a quick message to my parents, letting them know i’d be out with Tara and Cara for the evening. It was the usual check-in, and my own way of assuring them that things weren't spiraling any further. My parents had been extra careful with me ever since the breakup, trying to be supportive while also encouraging me to move on. They didn’t understand the depth of the bond i had lost, but they were trying to be as helpful as they could.

Without even thinking about it I found my fingers writing a message to Romer.

“The girls and I are going out for dinner, wish you could join us. If you need me you can call”

I sent it, and the read tick didn't appear. He hadn't read any of all the messages I sent him in the last 6 months. He hadn't obviously replied to any of them, but I just couldn't bring myself to stop reaching out for him. Maybe one day, he’d answer. Maybe one day, he’d give me the chance to explain and to make it good again.

With a heavy heart I put away my phone and tried to put away also the thoughts of Romer. Tonight was about enjoying the little things and have finally a moment to really breathe and not just survive. I owe it to myself and also all those around me who have supported me.

The restaurant the girls chose was a cozy little place nestled in the heart of the town, with warm lighting and rustic decor. The atmosphere was comforting and , the scent of freshly baked bread and herbs made me feel really hungry. I hadn’t been out to eat in what felt like ages, and as we were seated by the window, a sense of calming normalcy warmed my heart.

"Okay, tonight is about fun," Cara declared,while looking over the menu with wide eyes. "No thinking about anything stressful like university, no worrying about the future, just good food and good company."

Tara raised her glass of water in mock toast. "To us, and to Lya finally letting loose a little."

I rolled her eyes but couldn’t totally hide the smile on my lips and said "I’m not sure how much ‘letting loose’ I’m capable of right now, but I’ll try."

We laughed and chatted about everything from our different classes to the latest gossip around campus, and for a few brief moments, i really felt my body tension relax. It felt good, even refreshing to o not let the constant weight of my own thoughts drag me down. And then I looked across the room and my breath stopped in my throat.