CHAPTER SIX (ELI'S POV)

The gun felt like it weighed a ton. 

I could see the impatience beginning to crawl into Luca's eyes. Matteo on the other hand was happy about the position I had been put in, he found it entertaining.

The man was pushed to his knees before me. He shook violently, his breathing becoming panicked and frantic. He knew that he was going to die either way but the question was whether or not I was going to be the one to pull the trigger.

I had killed before but not like this. Not in cold blood.

Not to prove loyalty to men that I had vowed to destroy.

My mission. That's what I had to focus on.

My grip on the gun tightened, time was ticking. My heart raced in my chest so fast that I thought it would burst out. My instincts screamed at me to do something — to move, to run.

But I didn't move. I couldn't.

Matteo let out a slow airy laugh then walked behind me. He was way too close for comfort as he pressed his chest against my back, letting his heat seep into my bones. 

His fingers trailed from my arm up to my neck, he wrapped his hand around it briefly and squeezed before letting go, continuing to brush his fingers lightly on my neck. The squeeze was a show of dominance.

He leaned forward, lips brushing my ear, then he whispered. Voice low, dark and dripping with sin. "Do it, my little soldier. Watch his eyes go dull. Feel the way his body jerks. There’s nothing like it. Power, raw and fulfilling.”

I swallowed hard.

Matteo chuckled softly.

"You’re trembling, Eli. But it’s not fear, is it?"

His other hand moved to my hand that held the gun, tracing my wrist with a featherlight, teasing touch.

"It’s excitement."

My breath hitched but I quickly cleaned my jaw. However, Matteo being the devil that he was, still noticed the hitch. He saw the way my grip on the gun tightened instead of loosening.

Fuck.

"I’d rather you tremble this way underneath me," Matteo murmured with a slight purr that made my body react in ways that I hated. I felt filthy but I liked it.  "But this will do. For now.”

He lightly bit my earlobe, dragging the piece of flesh lightly before releasing. "No one will judge you for liking the kill.” he said, his voice was now much deeper than before. "Not here. Not us."

He pressed impossibly further into my back. “Pull the trigger, my little soldier.”

My restraint snapped.

I looked at Luca whose eyes seemed darker. He said nothing. He didn't need to. 

Deep down I knew that I should have hesitated longer, I should have fought harder. But Matteo’s words had already sunk deep into my mind.

A dark side of me wanted to see if he would make his words come true if I pulled the trigger. If he would make me tremble beneath him.

My body betrayed me as I lifted the gun.

Something foreign flooded my veins, settling deep in my mind and gut. It wasn't adrenaline or the need to survive. It was a sick, twisted thrill.

It was power.

The man started sobbing and shaking.

"Please," he pleaded, his voice breaking. "I—I'm just a messenger—I have a family—"

Matteo made a mocking sound. "They always do."

The man wasn't a hardened criminal. I could tell that his only crime was in choosing the people he works for.

My stomach twisted.

Not in guilt.

Not in hesitation.

But in want.

The anticipation of it. The power of knowing I held his life in my hands.

I shouldn’t have liked that. I shouldn’t have craved it.

But I did.

Matteo's words kept playing in my head.

"Feel the way his body jerks."

"Watch his eyes go dull.”

I pulled the trigger.

The gunshot echoed through the silent building like the sound of thunder. I watched as the man's body jerked, his eyes went wide in terror before going blank and he collapsed. His blood pooling around him.

Silence.

Then a slow clap. Matteo.

"Beautiful." he said, stepping into my line of sight. His eyes were lit up with happiness— delight. My tongue darted out to lick my dry lips and his eyes flickered to my lips and stayed there for a moment too long.

I felt numb.

Empty.

I was panting and shaking. Not out of fear or disgust at what I had just done. But out of the rush.

The moment the man's body dropped, something inside me snapped.

I told myself that I had done it out of survival instinct because if I hadn't, I would have been next.

But that was a lie. I had liked it and Matteo fucking knew it.

Luca exhaled then walked forward and took the gun from me. He studied me for a long, silent moment before speaking.

"You hesitated."

I said nothing.

Matteo’s grin widened. "But he did it."

Luca nodded once in satisfaction. "Welcome to the family, Eli.”

*****

I barely remembered walking out of the warehouse. My head was a fucking mess, my was body tense, my body still tingled from the aftermath of the adrenaline. The smell of gunpowder and blood clung to me like a strong cologne.

I felt powerful.

The control I had spent years perfecting? Gone.

The line between my mission and my own desires? Blurring.

I exhaled shakily, flexing my fingers, my body still buzzing.

Matteo had been right.

*****

The drive back to the mansion was silent. Thankfully, Matteo hadn't bothered me as I had my internal battle.

I sat in the back seat, staring out the window, watching the city lights blur past. My skin was damp with sweat as I kept replaying the moment I pulled the trigger and the moment the man's body dropped to the ground.

I had killed a man and I liked it.

By the time we got to the mansion, I was exhaled. Taking a deep breath, clenching my fists, I waited for them to get down before I followed suit.

My legs felt like lead as I slowly walked behind them, carefully keeping my distance.

Matteo shot me one last smirk as we got into the house before going his way. Luca, however, lingered behind.

II ignored him.

I needed a shower, needed space, needed to process the fact that something inside me had shifted and there was no going back.

I climbed the stairs two at a time, pushing open the door to my room. The second I stepped inside, I exhaled, a long breath that I didn't know I had been holding. It was a poor attempt at grounding myself.

Just when I thought I had finally caught a break, the air shifted as the sound of the door clicking shut echoed through the room.

My body tensed before my brain caught up. I turned fast only to find Luca standing in my room.

What does he want? I wondered.

He didn’t speak, didn’t move. He just…watched. The air became thick and suffocating as I waited for him to state his reason for being in my room.

Then, he started to take slow, predatory steps towards me. I didn't flinch.

He got close. Too close.

The warmth radiated from his body, his scent filled my lungs and clouded my mind. He reached out, fingers brushing my waist, making my breath hitch.

Matteo was the one who usually touched me. This was foreign coming from Luca.

I hated how easy it was for them to do this—to unnerve me and make my body react in ways I had never known was possible.

He leaned in, lips near my ear as his breath fanned my next. Then he buried his nose in my neck and inhaled deeply.

He was smelling me.

My stomach twisted but not in discomfort.

He spoke in his smooth sinful voice, whispering, “congratulations, Eli.”

He fully wrapped his hand around my waist, pulling me into him, his fingers pressed firmly against my lower back, his grip tight and possessive.

I forgot how to breathe.

I should have pulled away.

I didn’t.

I felt his lips curved into a smirk on my neck, he planted a barely there kiss before pulling away.

He scanned me once more, then with a satisfied hum, he turned and walked away.

Leaving me breathless and wanting more.