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Chapter 11: All I Ask For
Last Updated:
2022-09-24 00:09:47
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Bone Thin Chapter 12: Goodbye
Thursday is over. One more day and the weekend will be here. We leave Aunt Tara's house. I don't want to go home; knowing the divorce is coming is utter hell.The hell of tomorrow hangs over my head. I need to hear my dad out, but I would rather hang with Collin and get lost in the woods.I text Collin. I need to tell him the truth. I know he hasn't seen me since grade school. But I don't want to restart our friendship with lies.Me: Hi Collin....bad newsCollin: What's up?Me: I can't hang tomorrow.Collin: It's not a date, remember?Me: I can't... Going to dinner with my dad.Collin: Cancel?Me: Can't he's going to tell me about... personal shit.Collin: Like?Me: My parents are getting a divorce.I hit send. Seeing that written in a text message makes me sick. Were my parents not trying hard enough? They loved each other once; maybe they still could. Should I try to convince my dad otherwise at dinner?I don't want to be a broken family. I know we already are, given Sammy is my hal
Last Updated : 2022-09-24Bone Thin Chapter 13: Why'd You Stop
I go to school. Everyone asks how Sammy and I are feeling. Oh right, we had the "flu" yesterday."Hey, Natalie, are you okay?" Selah yells.I'm a terrible friend. I haven't told her about Collin, the divorce, or wanting to run away."I'm not okay. My parents are getting a divorce," I manage to say while choking up on my damn tears. These tears are a gift from my horrible parents."I'm sorry, anything I can do?" She asks."Gum?" I ask, holding my hand out in desperation. She hands me two packs of gum. "You need these more than I do. What are you going to do?" Selah asks."Runaway," I admit while showing her the photos of my packed bags."Shit... You can't. Stay with my family. My dad loves you," Selah says."I might take you up on that. My aunt has offered for me to move in with her. So, I have options," I say.The first bell rings, and I feel my feet dragging me to class."Miss Ashman, a word," Mr. Henry, the art teacher, says."Yes," I stop."A few weeks ago, after you left the art
Last Updated : 2022-09-24Bone Thin Chapter 14: Open Up
Collin takes me home. He has put me in a good mood. I'm not sure where we stand now-no time to think about that. I'm a little annoyed to be happy. My dad will only ruin it with the "divorce" news.My dad opens the door. We don't talk about Collin. He hugs me instead."Want to go to Olive Garden?" He asks."Sure," I reply.I can eat a salad or soup. Those aren't worth a whole lot of calories. And if I feel like purging later, soup is the easiest for me to get rid of. We get in the car and don't talk. I hear the humming of the wheels beneath my feet. The air conditioning is making my goosebumps appear. I turn it off."You cold?" He asks. I roll my eyes; he knows I'm always cold. I haven't been warm in years."Sure, Dad," I say. My attitude is hard to hold back. The actress in me will be hard to summon this night.We get to Olive Garden. The first wave of breadsticks is brought out. I used to love eating them. They are a calorie stick I can't devour. My dad puts three on his plate. Disgu
Last Updated : 2022-09-25Bone Thin Chapter 15: A Mother's Helper
Collin encourages me to return to his car. He hugged me for a long time. Darkness surrounds the woods. I like the dark. It's quiet, silent, and nonjudgmental. The daylight brings drama and chaos."Let's go to the tavern. Maybe I can make you a smoothie?" He says."Thanks... Sure," I reply.We get into the tacky tavern. This cheesy cafe is growing on me. Maybe it reminds me of Collin, or it's a place to let down my guard. He grabs my hand and takes me to a table. We sit down for a long time."I'll go get you a smoothie now," he says.I wait for him and turn off my phone. My parents don't deserve to get a hold of me. The clock on the wall reads 10:30 pm. I ran away from dad two hours ago. Oh well...Collin returns with a pink smoothie. There must be strawberries inside. And in his other hand, he gives me an ice pack."What's this for?" I ask."Your arm got hurt in the woods. I want to make sure it will be okay," he says.Mrs. Abernathy comes into the tavern."Hello, Natalie. Collin told
Last Updated : 2022-09-25Bone Thin Chapter 16: Kindness
I wake up to the vibrations of my cell phone. Selah's name appears on my screen. I answer."Hello," I say."Natalie, where are you? We haven't seen each other in ages. Have you forgotten about me? You didn't say goodbye to me. Whose car was that anyway?" She asks.I've been a shitty friend to Selah. I deserve all these questions and ridicule."I'm sorry, Selah. It's been a hard week. I haven't felt like me for a long time. Do you remember Collin Abernathy from grade school?" I ask, knowing I don't want to tell her about him. I want Collin to be my secret life away from the world."Yes, I do. Why?" She asks."Well, the guy I kept staring at in the tavern was Collin. We've been hanging out a lot this week. And we've been catching up. It was his car I got into at school. Sorry I've been distant. It's been hard," I say."Well, I understand. So where are you now?" Selah asks."I'm at Collin's. I stayed here last night," I reply."You did what now?" Selah asks."It's no big deal, Selah. My
Last Updated : 2022-09-25Bone Thin Chapter 17: What are We?
Collin takes me to the Penna Bakery. I've never been a cashier before. I can handle touching debit cards, checks, and cash. It's work I'm nervous about. Fortunately, I'm too young to be asked to bake or cook. Minors are only allowed to be dishwashers and cashiers. The bakery smells like salt, sugar, and flour. I want it to smell good, but it smells like things I have purged over the years. The thought of it makes me sick."Natalie, you don't have to work here," Collin says, seeing my sick expression."I need money," I say."If being around food is too much. Can you give more horseback riding lessons at your aunt's?" Collin suggests."I don't know. I will have to ask," I reply."You'd better get started. I have math to study. Gross," he yawns."Bye, Collin," I say.I kiss him, and our eyes meet. His light green eyes have cast their spell on me."Good afternoon, Natalie," Mrs. Penna says."Hello, Mrs. Penna," I say."Here's your apron and name tag," she says while handing me my new empl
Last Updated : 2022-09-25Bone Thin Chapter 18: Unexpected Voice
The life I'm facing is hard. The life I'm facing has new joy. If I focus on Collin, I can be happy. If I focus on purging and divorce, I will lose myself. I open the door to my house and know I can embrace anything."Hello, Natalie," a familiar voice says. I look up."CHAD! What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York?" I say.What the hell is he doing here at my house? I don't need him dropping into my life only to ruin my new relationship with Collin. Chad and I used to be close. We used to love each other. But with Collin around, I can see Chad for what he is. A bad influence. He taught me to smoke, he taught me to shoplift, and he taught me how to break myself to my core."Chad get out?" I yell."Wait...Natalie...Hear me out? Please?" Chad begs like a dog."No, I have nothing to say to you," I groan."What happened to you? We didn't break up that long ago? What's changed, baby?" He asks."You moved...I got over you. And I'm not your baby anymore. Goodbye," I say, holdin
Last Updated : 2022-09-25Bone Thin Chapter 19: The Cave
It's a Sunday morning. I hear the rain. The smell of sweet water rises to my face. I quietly leave Sammy and Selah behind me. They are dead to the world. The clock says it's 5 am. I still haven't spoken with dad since Olive Garden. I've been distant from him. Dad finds me in the kitchen making coffee."Hello, Natalie... I'm sorry I yelled the other night. It was wrong of me. I took the divorce out on you. Please forgive me...when you are ready, of course," he stops.I don't reply. The coffee timer goes off, and I pour dad a large cup."Thanks, dad. I appreciate that. I need to be with Aunt Tara," I say."I agree...and so does your mom. We will help you move there later this week, okay, sweetie?" He asks.I nod and hug dad. I don't make eye contact with him. I will only cry if I do. Crying makes me purge if I'm struck hard enough with sorrow."Thanks. I'm going to Aunt Tara's now. I'm going to ride Carmel. I need to feel the rain," I say."Have fun. You're just like your mom. She loves
Last Updated : 2022-09-26
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Bone Thin Chapter 40: Open Door
"Natalie, what are you doing?" Aunt Tara sees me on the scale. I feel sheepish for standing on one. I know she admires me for it. It's an accomplishment, and we both know it."I've gained three pounds, Aunt Tara. It's been a long road. I'm ready to be healthy again. I'm ready to feel good about myself."Aunt Tara looks at me. She hands me a bowl of oatmeal. This is the test. I used to put it down the garbage disposal. I take the bowl and eat it slowly. It takes me 30 minutes to eat it all. But I did it. "I'm proud of you. I know that wasn't easy. But you are happier. How are you dealing with your other issue?"My other mountain to climb is my rape. Aunt Tara has a hard time saying those words to me. I have a hard time hearing them. Hearing them means it was real, that it wasn't all in my head."I don't know. I feel like I keep blocking it out. I don't want to ruin Collin and me. I know we were playing with fire when we had sex in Italy. I know I wasn't ready then. I just needed to be
Bone Thin Chapter 39: Butterfly Wings
A month goes by. I still haven't forgiven Mrs. Moore. I've needed space to heal. I've needed alone time. Collin has given me space. He takes me to therapy, the beach, and the tavern.Maria Byrd is still an ally for now. We talk about eating. We talk about Mrs. Moore. We talk about movies. It's hard to wrap my mind around all these people in my life. They are beautifully broken people. We are a community of broken puzzles, coming together to make our community picture whole. Imperfection is a beautiful thing.I get on the scale. 113. I'm gaining my weight back. I count calories like a drug addict. It's fucked up thinking. I'm obsessed with the numbers behind food. I'm scared of purging. The toilet used to be my temple. Now my eyes are focused on healing. If I don't heal now, I never will.This year has taught me to trust myself, to make friends, and to love again. Meeting Collin wasn't for nothing. He balanced my inner ying-yang with his peaceful heart. It's taken me to heaven and back
Bone Thin Chapter 38: Puzzle Piece
"How was your session?" Aunt Tara asks."Better than I expected. Where's Sammy?"Aunt Tara points toward the hallway door. I open it. Sammy appears along with Selah and Collin. "Selah, you're here?" I say while hugging her."I'm here. It's good to see you. Sorry, we haven't spoken since Italy. I told my mom everything in detail about Chad, the breakup, Collin, and your therapy. She's sorry. I think you need to hear that from her."Mrs. Moore walks toward me. She looks down, ashamed to admit she was in the wrong. I'm not sure I want her to be here. But I will be the better person. The world has called me to be the bigger person. I can be that for Selah."Hello, Mrs. Moore. How was your return journey?""It was awkward. I felt awful for saying all those harsh words to you. Of course, you need Selah right now. I know I'm not a gentlewoman. I have never been. But I will try better to understand whatever it is you're going through. I'm sorry I took Selah away from you. Will you forgive me
Bone Thin Chapter 37: Ursula
Two weeks pass. Selah still hasn't said a word to me. I can't believe it. Her mother defeated her-no fair. I'm over the summer. It's been nice going with Collin to pools and beaches. But I'm ready for fall. I'm ready for the chilly air, pumpkin carvings, and apple cider.School is around the corner. I wish Collin weren't homeschooled. He could protect me in the halls. I know Selah will talk to me at school. She's probably waiting for the death of summer to rekindle our friendship. Her mother was a terrible bitch. It's not her fault.I touch the half-heart necklace. It reminds me of Selah. Wow, my birthday was shit this year. Collin and Aunt Tara took me horseback riding as promised. But without Selah, it was hopeless.My sister is glad to see me head back to school. I've been riding Carmel a lot lately. My beautiful horse takes me to all the hidden trails. I forgot about most of them.I'll be starting therapy soon. I am not looking forward to that at all. I don't want to face my ghost
Bone Thin Chapter 36: The Witching Hour
Jet lag is the single most terrible feeling on earth. It's like experiencing 18 daylight savings changes all at once. Being drunk is more fun. It's 3 am. How on earth did I nap this long?Sammy is still in the room. I'm glad she's here. I know what they say about 3 am.They call it the witching hour—the hour of ghosts and ghouls. I know ghosts are real.Mine lives upstairs in the untouchable room, my room. His name is Chad Jefferson. His physical body is in prison, but his spirit dwells within those walls.I never want to open that door again. No amount of therapy will ever make me.When one door closes, another door opens. I don't know if I believe that overly used phrase. What if my life is a hallway with millions of doors, and they are all locked? Where is the key?The door on my time with Chad has closed. I'm in a hallway, waiting for the next door to open. The next window cracked open will invite me in. Dating Collin was by chance. The door was ajar that day. It was never fully o
Bone Thin Chapter 35: Ghosts
I arrive at the airport. Sammy greets me. It's so good to see my big sister again. I almost forgot I had one. With all the drama that Italy was, I forgot other people liked me."I'm sorry your trip had to end so quickly, " Sammy says."I'm not. I'll tell you later. Bottom line..." Aunt Tara cuts me off."That Moore woman is a bitch, " Aunt Tara says."Go, Aunt Tara, " Collin says."COLLIN, " Aunt Tara barks.Collin blushes and retreats into his hoodie like a turtle going into its shell."What happened?" Sammy says."Let's just say Mrs. Moore has no compassion for anyone whatsoever. She thinks I'm a problem, and now she doesn't want Selah and me to be friends anymore. Fuck her, " I shout for the entire airport to hear."Are you ready to go home?" Sammy asks while handing all of us Starbucks."Thanks for the coffee, darling. And yes, get us out of here, please, " Aunt Tara says.We are silent in the car. We are exhausted and ready to get on with life. Today would have been another Itali
Bone Thin Chapter 34: Best Friends
My Aunt Tara changes our plane tickets. Most people would be upset to cut a trip short. I'm not like most people. I'm Natalie Ashman, and the world likes me to keep spinning. I take out a piece of Italian gum. Chewing calms my nerves. Chomp...chomp...chomp. This gum loses its flavor too fast, damn it.I repack my suitcase in Aunt Tara's room. This is fucked up. Mrs. Moore should be leaving, not us. I know she's from Italy, why can't she go be with her brother Mario and leave us alone?I'll never see Selah again. Even after hearing my god-awful truth, Mrs. Moore still hates me. What if I were your daughter Mrs. Moore? Would you care then? Probably not.I sit on the bed and spit the gum into a nearby trash can. This is bullshit—all of this. I love Selah. I know I'm not perfect, and perfect is not me. I'm okay with that. I need Selah, now more than ever. And now I will...never...see...her...again.I cry. My hands make fists on my lap. Aunt Tara comes out of the bathroom."Oh sweet, Natal
Bone Thin Chapter 33: Forever Sucks
Fighting with Selah is not how I imagined our trip to Italy would be. I've changed since we made our plans. I dated Chad back then. Since then, I've fallen for Collin, fought anorexia, and found out my parents are divorcing. As selfish as this sounds, I don't have time for friends. I want to focus on getting me right. If I'm not me, I can't be a good friend.I know having sex with Collin is playing with fire. The ghosts of my rape will find me and take me captive. I'm ignoring the sirens. Sirens are dangerous creatures that consumed the Greeks with their vocal lies.My life is a web—an intricate entanglement of the choices I have been forced to weave. I've created a web and have pinned Selah in the middle of my problems. I'm the hungry spider that feeds on the fly that she is. When my web breaks, I spin another barrier.... another lie. I wrap Selah around and around like a mummy for later consumption.These are the ways of spiders, and as for myself, I've become a black widow. If you
Bone Thin Chapter 32: Busted
My Aunt Tara looks angry. She has every right to be concerned. I'm such an idiot for coming back into Collin's room. I'm not sure what compelled me to come in here again. Other than Selah's stupid shower habits cock blocking my purging ones."Out with it, Natalie?" Aunt Tara barks."She didn't do anything. It was my fault. I hurt myself and called Natalie's hotel room for help. She came. I'm fine. I fell down in the bathroom, " Collin lies.I didn't know Collin could lie. He's so innocent. Maybe he's more complex than I thought. Collin Abernathy, you have just gotten sexier."Is that all, Nat?" Aunt Tara asks."Well, yeah. That's it. We thought you would be mad at me for helping him out.""No, why would I be mad about that?" She asks, raising an eyebrow."Well, this isn't my room, " I point out.Collin smacks the middle of his forehead with his palm. His skin turns pink from the self-inflicted slap. I shut up. God, I talk too much. This is Aunt Tara, the woman who knows I smoke cigare
