OPEN DIVORCE

It took me hours to finish with the catch. I loaded the trolley for Carspey before selecting two choice fish for my mother.

     By that time, the excitement of my experience with the warrior had vanished, replaced with the sobering reality that Carspey lived, that I was his mate and that I had enraged him.

    Wind whistled down the mountains, carrying with it the smell of melting snow, and I breathed, grateful to be away from the stink of fish and intestines and my guilt, though a fair quantity of all three still clung to my garments.

     Pine needles crunched beneath my boots, filling my nose with their strong aroma and alleviating the tightness in my shoulders. It was fine. It would all be alright. 

      This wasn’t the first time I’d battled with Carspey, and it wouldn’t be the last. I’d survived a year with him already and I’d withstand another. And another.

But I wanted to accomplish more than just survive. I wanted my days to be more than the time I needed to endure. I wanted to live them, to savor them. 

     To discover passion and excitement in them the way I had for that little time on the beach with a stranger. Gripping the wrapped fish under my left arm, I bent and scooped up a stick.

Twisting, I smashed it against one tree and then another, moving down the trail as though the trees surrounding me were a swarm of raiders, not caring that I was acting more like a child than a grown woman. 

    I hoisted my packet of fish like a shield, battling back phantom attacks, my breath going to fast pants, sweat soaking the hair adhering to my temples.

I liked the fire in my muscles as I attacked and defended, devoured every drawn breath, and rejoiced in the sting in my palm each time my stick struck a tree. 

      This was what I dreamed of: not of gutting fish next to the sea to sell to the same peasants every day, but of battle. Of joining the Alpha’s war band on raids against our competitors to the east and west.

   My older brother, Declan, had pursued the same aim, and he was well on his way to realizing it. Now, at twenty-two, my brother was a respected warrior.

Yet when I’d stated my wish to follow in my brother’s footsteps, my statements were received with laughter until my family discovered I was serious; then their humor had shifted to silent fear.

“You cannot, Andronika,” my father had eventually declared. “It would be only a matter of time until they discovered what you are, and then you’d never choose anything ever again.” What I was.

 My secret. My curse.

    Once you have a baby, Andronika, you’ll give up these foolish desires to always do what your brother does,” my mother had remarked. “You will be content.” “I am not content!”

I cried at the memory, tossing my stick into the trees. But as I did, one of the fish slid from its wrapping to fall on the forest floor.

Kneeling, I picked it up and did all I could to clear away the needles and filth that clung to it, silently blaming myself for dreaming about things I couldn’t have.

      I hope that wasn’t intended for my belly.”I leaped to my feet, whirling to find my brother standing behind me. “Declan!” Laughing, I closed the distance to put my arms around his neck. 

     “What are you doing here?” Rescuing my lunch, it would seem.” He straightened his arms, giving me a critical check and I did the same.“

You should eat more—you’re scrawny,” Declan observed, then added, “Alpha Orion is in our pack speaking with your mate .”

My skin prickled with anxiety, for while Carspey was regularly summoned to talk with our Alpha, Alpha Orion had never had cause to come to him. 

    On what matter? Declan shrugged, then took one of the fish, making its gills flap with his thumbs. Fish, I expect. What other incentive is there to talk with Carspey ?

Truer words were never spoken, I whispered, taking the fish from his hands and going down the path toward our pack home. How swiftly the glow of new marriage fades.

Declan dropped into step next to me, his guns clinking. The axe were familiar, but the sword was unfamiliar. What glow? There was never any glow. Fair. My brother kicked a rock, sending it crashing down the path ahead of us. Reaching up, I tugged at it. 

     “What does Eleanor think of this?” With his excellent looks and charisma, Declan had the pick of ladies, yet I knew he only had eyes for my friend Eleanor, whom he’d loved since we were children.

She loves it. Especially the way it tickles when, I gave him a shove strong enough to make him stagger. You’re a pig, Declan smirked at me.

 Guilty. 

     But you changed the subject, Andronika. We all know Carspey is a selfish prick, but he is your mate. With Father gone, the burden belongs to me to, I grasped his ankle with my own and jerked, smirking as my brother collapsed onto his back. 

      Stepping on his chest with one foot, I murmured, I love you, brother. But if you start lecturing me on my wifely duties, I won’t like you half as well.” I leaned my weight on him. It’s not been so many years since I beat you bloody that I’ve forgotten how. 

     I waited for him to laugh. For him to mock Carspey and call him a land fish. To say he was sorry that I’d been forced into this marriage against my will.

To tell me I deserved better. Instead, Declan remarked, We aren’t children anymore. Then he grabbed my ankle and yanked.

The impact of my arse hitting the dirt rocked my spine and I nearly bit my tongue off, but Declan disregarded me spitting blood as he sat straight. 

    Carspey has wealth and influence with Alpha Orion. I may have been given my arm ring because of the goodwill the Alpha still holds for Father, but it’s because of Carspey that the Alpha pays me to battle for him all year round. 

     If you irritate Carspey enough that he pushes you aside, Alpha Orion might not let me keep my place. And if I lose my place, how will I obtain the riches I need to marry Eleanor? And if you don’t care about me and Eleanor, think of Mother.”

     Declan rested his elbows on his knees. Carspey ensures she’s cared for. Pays for guys to weed the farm and feed the animals. If not of her, then think clearly of your position.

You have a mansion that others envy, and the wealth to acquire infinite ornaments.” He leaned over to flick one of the gold bands surrounding my long hair. “What would you do without Carspey ?”