Ruined 1

Avery- Now

Sometimes in life, you just don't have a choice.

I didn't have a choice the day I was forced to leave this God-forsaken town. And I didn't have any choice but to come back to it now.

Of course, that wasn't quite true. The choices I had made in the past had set into motion an avalanche of shit that had shaped my entire life for the last thirteen years.

One wild summer

A little teenage rebellion.

Which was meant to be nothing but a giant screw you to my father for trying to sell me off like a broodmare so he could keep a position in the club.

One mistake.

Had set me on a path I couldn't get off of. 

But the truth was I had never expected to ever come back here. I had put this town and its people behind me. 

This was where Avery Waters had grown up. And I wasn't her any more. I hadn't been for a long time. I was Ava now. 

Ava George. 

” I am Ava George.” I mumbled to myself as my car idles at the red light that seemed to be taking forever to change. ” I am fucking Ava George. I am not Avery.” I swore again, my fingers tapping against the leather of the steering wheel. 

The truth was, being back here I didn't feel like anyone but scared Avery Waters. And with every passing minute, the feelings were getting worse. 

Nothing had changed, the same people, the same run-down shops. The bikes outside Cooks Bar just like there had always been. 

It was like stepping back in time. 

No wonder I was feeling like a terrified teen again. Being back here. With all the memories, it was kind of expected. And being back here and having to face him? The man who had kicked me out of my home and away from my family without a penny to my name?

The very thought of it made me want to turn the car around and go home. But then I couldn’t do that either. Not anymore. That wasn’t even a choice. 

And again it came down to not having a choice. 

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

And facing my father seemed the best option right now. Which was why I was here. Because after thirteen years of being shunned, my daddy dearest had called me home. 

He hadn’t wanted to of course, but then again he had always been a stubborn son of a bitch. But he was sick, and it wasn’t like he could afford nurses to come in and look after him. Even if he could, they would quit. I couldn’t see a nurse lasting more than a day or two before they got tired of his groping hands.

There was a very real possibility that I would get back to my childhood home, and he would kick me straight back out again. From all accounts, my daddy dearest was… bat shit crazy was the words they had used. And drunk to boot.

It wasn’t just the town that hadn’t changed

“Mum?”

I came back to myself with a start at the sound of my son's voice. And slammed my foot to the floor, sending the car off with a jolt. The sudden movement sent us slamming back into our seats. 

Jesus, I had to calm down. Had to get myself under control. At least enough that I didn’t crash the car and kill both of us.

“You’re fu….” my son cut off and I saw him side-eye me with a grin. “Flipping weird mum.” He finished and I couldn't help but laugh. Yeah weird, or maybe the word he should have been using was wired. 

I was so nervous about seeing my father again that my palms kept sliding off the steering wheel. Which was all kinds of strange because I wasn't that girl anymore. 

I was a grown woman.

I wasn't Avery. I was Ava.

”Why do you keep saying you're Ava? Are you losing your memory like your father?”

This time I didn't give my son side-eye, I turned my face fully and glared at him. “Be quiet and stop talking about things you know nothing about Parker.”

Almost instantly I regretted my words. His face closed down. His bottom lip stuck out as he crossed his arms about his chest. It made him look like an insolent toddler and not a twelve-year-old boy.  

“I’m sorry,” I said finally, not looking at him. He deserved my apology. I shouldn’t have snapped at him. “I’m sorry ok? I’m just stressed out about being here. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

He shrugged and didn’t say a word. I didn’t expect him to. He was almost a teenager, he almost always communicated in huffs and grunts. I was getting pretty good at translating them.

“I don’t even know why we are here if you don’t want to be. We could be doing anything we want with dad being away and we are here….” 

The truth was I didn’t know either. It wasn’t like I owed anyone in this town anything. They had all turned their backs on me when I needed them. And yet…

Yet he was my dad, my blood. And I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he died and I hadn’t at least tried to make amends. 

It had everything to do with my own conscience and very little to do with wanting to be back here. 

“I know but I promise I will make sure we have some fun whilst we are here ok?” I tried to smile at him and failed. “How about we start with ice cream? There used to be the cutest little ice cream place just around the corner we could….”

Something caught my eye and I craned my neck to look at the beat-up truck parked at the curb.

“Ice cream would be cool.”

Smiling, I pulled into the next available parking space. Parker might think he was too old to be spending time with his mum but one mention of ice cream, even when the weather was barely above freezing and he reverted into an excited kid. 

“Go. It’s just around the corner.” Pressing a twenty into his suddenly was. “And then straight back ok?”

Eagerly he nodded. “Where are you going?” Parker paused, his gloved hand on the door handle as he turned to me. 

“I need to use the ladies room, I should be back before you. Chocolate for me, remember.” I leant over and pressed my lips to his cheek. 

“Gross mum.” 

***

*

Cooks, it hadn’t changed at all. And by hadn’t changed I mean it had not changed. One bit. 

Right down to the bearded, smoke-stained drunk in the corner. It was barely one in the afternoon and he was already drunk. And he wasn’t the only one. So yeah nothing had really changed.  At least it wasn’t particularly busy. 

Straightening my shoulders, I made my way to the bar. A half-moon shaped piece of wood that once upon a time must have been beautiful. Now it was just a mass of scarred and dull wood. 

“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes pretty lady.”

I didn’t turn, I didn’t even glance in his direction. I knew his type. I had spent all of my teenage years avoiding them. 

Biker.

Instead, I leant over the bar, instantly regretting it when I felt stale alcohol seep through the wool of my coat.  “Is Mal here?” I couldn’t be bothered with pleasantries. The sooner I found out whether he was in here the sooner I could leave and get back into my nice clean car. 

“And who are you?” The woman behind the bar was younger than I was, I was sure of it but she looked harder. More worn. Maybe it was the thick makeup or the overly teased hair. Or maybe it was just the fact that she looked tired. 

But I knew her type. 

There had always been a line drawn down the middle of the two types of women, Bikers attracted. The girls who would never be anything other than be a warm hole to fill and then there were the women who claimed the title of old lady or daughter. 

“Is he here or not?” I kept my polite smile in place but my voice had turned steely. “Actually don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I know where he sits.”

Walking towards the back corner, I could feel eyes on my back. I didn’t belong here, my walk, my voice even my clothes and hair set me as an outsider but the scariest thing wasn’t the looks people were giving me. It was how quickly I had reverted back into my old persona. 

How quickly I had become Avery again.

“Hello, dad.”

My dad had aged and somehow that made me suck in a startled breath. But seriously what had I been expecting? It had been thirteen long years since I had last seen him. Back then he had been larger than life, intimidating everyone who came into contact with him, his family included but now… now he just looked old. Old and tired. The eyes were the same though. Red rimmed and hard. And it was those lined eyes he turned to me, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. “Well if it isn’t my long lost daughter.” He said it loudly enough that several people turned to stare. A hush fell.

Great, just awesome. 

“Hi, Dad,” I repeated when he didn’t say a word and just continued to stare up at my face. 

“I didn’t think you would come.” He finally said. “Was kind of hoping you wouldn’t,  to be honest. Life’s been quieter without you.”

His words would have hurt the old me. But now? Now they seemed hollow, almost like he was saying them just to get a reaction. 

I didn’t give him one. 

The nerves I had in the car evaporated. My hands clenched into fists at my side. 

“I said I would come, Dad, so I am here.” I cast my eyes around the bar. “Your grandson is in the car. Waiting to meet you and I find you….” I waved my hand around the bar.  “Not that I’m

Surprised to find you drinking … nothing you do surprises me anymore.” 

Why the hell was I here? Why had I dragged Parker all this way? For a man who didn’t give two shits whether I was here or not. A man who couldn’t or wouldn’t give up drinking, not even to save his own life. 

“No you were always the one who was full of surprises weren’t you Avery?” His voice dripped venom. “ but it looks like you landed on your feet? Didn’t matter to you, did it? How much your fooling around cost me and the club?”

I groaned and I didn’t even try to hide it. 

It had been thirteen years. Thirteen damn years and he was still going to punish me for my mistakes. “I wasn’t yours or the clubs to give away Dad. And I won’t feel guilty for not letting you dictate my life.” 

For several long seconds, he just stared, and then the lips under the beard quirked upwards in a small smile.“You’ve grown some balls, Avery.”

Yeah, I had. “I’m going to go and find me and Parker a hotel or something. Sober up and give me a ring tomorrow.” I made a move to turn and then thought better of it. “I mean it Dad, sober the hell up.”