Ruined 11

Avery

What right did he have to tell me who I could or couldn't sleep with? And yet he had done it without a second thought. I got that we had a past, I really did but it was the past.  And I wanted it to stay there. Except it wasn't in the past, it was very much my here and now. I knew coming back here would come with risks, and one of those risks was running into Ruin. I just hadn’t expected it to be so damn hard.

I hadn't expected him to make my body react to him like I was still the same teenage girl who couldn't believe he would even look twice at her. Even now as an adult he made my legs weak with that shit-eating panty-dropping smile of his and I hated it.

I hated the fact that even after all these years, even with as much as I hated him. He still made me want him.  Just like he had back then.

Tearing the brush through my hair, I groaned. What the hell was I doing? It wasn't like he could actually make me go to dinner with him. I could refuse to open the door, although I wasn't sure my father wouldn't open the door to him anyway but even if he did, I could just say no.

 No, we are not going to dinner with you.

 It wasn't like he could physically kidnap me and make me go.

And yet here I was, brushing my hair out, my lips shiny with gloss. Acting like I was going out on a date when I should be locking the doors and protecting my son from my past.

He wasn't my past though, not really. We had a child together. He may not have known about Parker before but he did now. Didn't I owe it to the pair of them to let them build a relationship?

I just had to paste over the cracks in my hard outer shell when it came to Ruin and be civil for the sake of my child. And that meant no more dirty thoughts, no more thinking about the past and most definitely no more getting drunk and ending up in his bed trying to cop a feel.

We had to leave that part behind us.

It was the only way either of us would be able to get on with our lives and I planned to restart my life far away from all men who thought to control me.

“You look beautiful.”

Ruins voice made me jump,  I hadn't heard the sound of his bike on the road or the front door being opened, yet here he was, leaning on the door frame of my old childhood bedroom like he owned the place.  “Don't you knock?” My voice was combative, I just couldn't help it. It was the effect he had on me., he instantly got my back up and I went on the attack. 

So much for being civil.

“Your door wasn't shut.” He glanced around. “Where's the lad?”

“He will be back soon, he went out with my dad to grab something. I'm not quite ready yet so make yourself at home downstairs….” I shot him a look and he stared right back, his eyes boring into mine before drifting down lower still, and that damn smile tugged up the corners of his mouth again, deepening his dimples. 

“You look beautiful Avery.” He repeated and I shook my head at him.  Did he really think I was going to fall for those kinds of lines again like I had done before?

“Yeah, you have said that already'' I turned back to the mirror, reapplying another coat of gloss over my lips. It was a nervous habit but I just couldn't help myself.

He made me nervous, made into a bumbling teen and not the strong woman I had been forced to become.

“It deserved to be said again…. Here” His hands were suddenly on my shoulders and my head turned to him instinctively “You smudged your gloss…” His thumb brushed the corner of my mouth and my lips parted in a gasp that seemed to echo in the silence.

Why did he have to have such a hold over me?

“You're killing me, woman.” He muttered, his eyes darkening but he didn't move his thumb from my mouth, just kept sweeping it back and forth.

“You could try just leaving me alone?” I whispered it but I knew the moment he heard it. His features tightened into hard lines. “I can't” He shook his head and the finger he had been caressing my lips with dropped lower, his hand closed around my throat as he drew me up and out of my seat. His grip was hard but not uncomfortable, he wasn't doing it to hurt or scare me I realised with a start. It was purely instinctual. “Don't you get that yet Avery? I CAN'T LEAVE YOU ALONE” He punctuated every word with a hiss as if he was as angry as I was. And maybe he was. Maybe I wasn't the only one who was struggling with separating the past from the present. “Not now I have you back”

“Have me back? Ruin I was never yours, to begin with. All we had was one summer. And I sure as hell wouldn't have spent that summer with you if I had known who you were.”

He cocked his head. “Yes you would have, you would have done it to give the finger to your old man whether you knew who I was or not, let’s not pretend otherwise. That whole summer was one big screw you to your dad.”

“Well backfired on me didn't it?” I sounded bitter and I didn’t care. Sure on paper, my life looked pretty damn good but in honesty, it was a shit show. A shit show I would have lost years ago if I hadn't had Parker to protect.  “I actually did…” I paused. What the hell was I doing? I had been about to tell him that I had been more than half in love with him when we had finally spent the night together. If he had asked me to leave with him I would have. 

“It may have started out with me trying to get one up over on my dad and club but in my position what would you have done? He was trying to marry me off to…”

“To me.” Ruins voice was soft but his grip on my throat tightened as he tugged me towards him. “You were meant to be mine Avery,  and you went and slept with ….”

“Jesus I slept with you, only fucking you. That day when you threw me under the bus? You knew full well I had only ever been with you and you didn't give a shit” I knew my words were having the desired effect.  The fingers around my throat slipped down my arm. He looked troubled, a tiny line appearing between his eyebrows.  “You ruined me to save face. You could have said no to all the shit they were demanding of us. Said that  I should have been free to make my own damn decisions but you didn't... You made it so every single person I loved and cared for turned their back on me... You all go on about the club being family but you didn't think twice about taking mine from me.”

“Would you have married me? If we hadn't met before I mean?” His eyes searched my face. “I didn't want to be told who to marry either Avery.” His voice was ragged as I shook my head. “I was twenty fucking two. I didn’t want to settle down and then I saw you. Standing there and it was like I had been sucker-punched. I thought you had been playing me, and I opened my mouth without thinking.  Do you seriously not think I've not spent years wishing I had acted differently? Because I have. Jesus, every time I hear someone shout my name it's like I'm being punished for what I said that day. I should have had your back. I would have had your back if I had known you were pregnant or at least I like to think I would have.” He gave a sheepish shrug. “I can't take back the past Avery, all I can do is ask for the chance to make it up to you..,” His lips dropped to my jaw and for a second I let my eyes close as the anticipation of his kiss flooded me.

“Because of Parker?”

“Because of you Avery, thirteen years and I have never had a serious relationship. Not one. That's because no one ever came close to you. I was a fucking immature boy back then but I’m not a boy now. And I know what it is, I want. And that's you.” He held up a hand. “I'm not saying we should jump into a relationship or anything but don’t we at least owe it to ourselves to try? You still want me, you can't deny it., and we have a kid. A kid that is from what I have seen amazing. You did that alone Avery and I am in awe of you but I want to be in his life. As much as I want you in my life. I want to be a father to Parker.”

“You're my biological  dad?”

I scrambled out of Ruin's arms so fast I almost fell. “Parker….” my voice came out wrong, all high pitched and nervous. I had been planning on telling him but not like this. Never in a million years had I wanted him to find out like this. 

My son's eyes were wide as he stared between us. He shook his head. “I have a dad, and he was right.” Those eyes settled on me and I had never seen such hatred in them before, it made me take a physical step back. “We came here so you could have an affair, didn't we? You left dad… my real dad, so you could fuck around with scum..” spittle flew from his mouth. “Dad was right.”

***

“Where is he?” angrily I wiped at my eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last five minutes. 

Parker finding out by overhearing a conversation had been the last thing I had wanted but him running out of the house was even worse. He didn't know the town, hell he didn't even know the area, and he was out there alone and upset. 

“Ruin and the boys will find him, Avery.” From across the living room, my father’s red-rimmed eyes met mine, I could see a million questions there, I was just hoping he wouldn't start asking them tonight. I needed to keep my mind on finding my son and not his pointless questions but I knew as soon as his eyes narrowed I wasn't going to be allowed that luxury.

“Parker is Ruins kid isn't he?”

For a second I just stared at him. And then I shrugged. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters if anyone had known you were carrying his kid…”

I cut him off with a snarl. “You would have what? Thrown me a party? Because I got knocked up by the enemy and you might have been able to keep the club in your hands? You were my dad, you should have had my back no matter what. Mum would have. You didn't, the club didn't and Ruin sure as hell didn't….”

“We didn't know…”

I rolled my eyes at him. “It shouldn't have mattered, and it doesn't matter now. All I care about is getting Parker back safe and sound and then we are gone… I can't do this anymore. I can't put my son through this shit.”

“Ruin isn't  going to let you go, Avery, not now he knows about Parker.”

And there it was, the truth as my dad saw it. It was ok for them to all turn their back on me and kick me to the curb but yet again I was meant to do what they wanted me to.

Nothing had changed in thirteen god damn years. They all still thought I was just another old lady to be bossed around.

But I wasn't anyone's old lady, I never had been. And the sooner they realised it the better.

I speared him with my eyes. Thirteen years ago these men had thrown me out, for thirteen years I had been on my own, family less apart from the family I had made around me. They had no right to try and tell me what to do with my life now. “Ruin will just have to get over it, won’t he. As soon as Parker is home we are leaving.”