June 7th, 1990The boardwalk creaked under our feet as we made our way along the sandy planks. Small local shops had their doors open to let in the warm ocean air and passing customers. The smell of hotdogs and popcorn drifted by, and music played softly from the inside the shops."I'm starving. You want something to eat? My treat." Dean let go of my hand, eyeing the food stand."Sure. I'll take a hotdog. Thanks!" I flashed him a big grin as he hurried over to the line. I was about to follow him, but something caught my eye.On the edge of the boardwalk, facing out toward the ocean, a street vendor was selling his paintings. They were amazing. The seascapes caught my attention, particularly one of a storm about to roll in. A woman stood silhouetted in the foreground, tiny against the powerful thunderclouds and swelling waves. I could feel the surge of the water, the light fading quickly into the clouds as the storm threatened to overcome her. Despite the storm, she stood strong and re
June 8th, 1990When I woke up in bed again with Dean, it was the first time that I didn't feel like things were perfect. This was the last day that I would spend with Dean, and I knew that none of us girls were ready to say goodbye. If there was ever a time when I felt at home, it was here in Florida, with my two best friends and the three guys that made us happier than we had ever been.Still, when he rolled over and smiled at me, I couldn't help but grin back. "Hey," I said."Hey, Beautiful," he said. He looked completely at peace.I turned on my side to face him. The sheet was down around my waist, and my breasts were exposed in front of him, but it seemed like it had been forever ago that I had any modesty around him. "What do you have planned for today?"He shrugged. "I was hoping I could hang out with my girl," he said with a grin.I beamed. My girl. The words sounded perfect coming out of his mouth."Well, yeah, but what are you going to do with your girl?" I asked, putting the
June 8, 1990- EveningAt some point when it started to get dark, Tony and Kim sneaked away and started a small fire down on the beach while the rest of us were on the volleyball court. Tony put some hamburgers on the grill that his aunt kept in the garage, and by the time we were done with the last volleyball game, he had paper plates full of food for us to eat. We opened a bag of potato chips. Tony removed the grill from the fire and began to throw more and more fuel into it, quickly turning it into a bonfire. We cracked open some beers and all began to eat. None of us spoke much, busy eating and simply enjoying the good company.I sat on the sand and watched the fire as the sun finished setting, leaning my head against Dean's shoulder as we munched on potato chips. The waves crashed against the beach below, and soon a cool wind began to blow in from the ocean. Dean graciously slipped my tank top off his neck and let me have it back. It was just the right amount of clothing to be com
Two Years AgoI sat in my office, typing on my laptop. In a few short hours, I would be free for the weekend. Jack and his secretary, Brandi, were on their way to the Caribbean, and I was going to have a few days off. It felt wonderful to know I was going to have a weekend for myself. Things at work had me running overtime. Jack was about to transition to CEO of DS Oil and Gas, now that Daniel's failing health was making it harder for him to work. We had hoped to delay the transition another year, but Daniel's cancer was growing more aggressively than expected. The doctors were only giving him maybe another year.I shook my head, ridding myself of the negative thoughts. I was going to have a weekend to myself. I had reservations at a charming little bed and breakfast in upstate New York, complete with a spa and relaxation package. It was going to be a great weekend.My phone buzzed on the desk, and I picked it up. I frowned as soon as I saw it was Jack. He was supposed to be on a plan
June 9th, 1990The day I was dreading had arrived. Somehow, my week had flown by on silent wings, gliding past on sunshine and happiness. I felt as though I had only just arrived, that I had only just found the starting point. Dean and I were about to begin something wonderful, and it wasn't fair that Dean had to leave. It wasn't fair that we had only had four magical days together, and now he had to leave for the horrors of war. It made my stomach hurt.I sat on his bed, my arms wrapped around my legs, watching him pack. He had the door to the ocean open, and the salty air was making my hair ripple down my back. Despite the Florida sunshine and the warmth of the breeze, I felt cold.Dean carefully packed his dark green rucksack, placing his boots and clothing in the hard canvas with care. His slow, methodical movements were hypnotic, the muscles on his arms flexing and relaxing with an attractive rhythm. Maybe if I watched him long enough, his bag would never fill and he would never
June 9th, 1990The airport reared its ugly gray head all too soon. I swallowed down tears as a plane soared overhead, the jets rumbling through the air. Matt parked the car in the rental station, handing the keys over to a man in a red vest. Matt carried his bag like a suitcase to the check-in line, his big biceps flexed as he moved across the shiny floor.The moments seemed to blur together, my brain refusing to accept what was going on. I turned to see Tony walking up, his arm draped protectively around Kimberly. She had tears running down her face. The tissue balled in her palm was past its usefulness, but she kept wiping her nose with it anyway.Dean squeezed my hand, letting me go for a moment, as he checked his bag and picked up his ticket. The three men were ready to head to the gate in less time than I had hoped. I wanted every moment, every step, to take twice as long as it should because that would be twice as long that I could spend with Dean.We were at the gate all too so
Two Years AgoI had to turn on the GPS guidance on my phone when I got into town. Everything was different, and even though the bar was still in the same spot, the buildings, and even the beach, were not. I finally found it, maneuvering the rental car into the quiet parking lot.What had once been the hottest disco bar in the small town was now a rundown country bar. Gravel and sand crunched under my feet as I headed up the rickety wooden steps toward the open door. It looked as though they had covered the open air portion of the bar. Bad country music blared out into the parking lot, the dim light from the bar glowing neon yellow and red.Inside, a girl with full tattoo sleeves leaned against the jukebox, feeding it quarters and singing along with the music. I could see where a fight had occurred earlier, a chair in pieces by the door. Several males were in a smoky corner, taking turns around a faded green pool table, but I wasn't there for them. I was there for the long-legged man s
June 16th, 1990I stumbled into my apartment, dropping the stack of bills on my kitchen table. They merged seamlessly with the other bills and junk mail, all waiting for me to be responsible and look at them. Nothing I was hoping for had come in the mail. I closed the door and kicked off my shoes, letting my toes stretch out and relax. I had been home for a week and was missing the beach terribly. No, I didn't miss the beach. I missed Dean. Six days, eight hours, and thirty-seven minutes since I had seen him last. And I had no idea how to fill the hole that was growing in my heart.I leaned back against the door, closing my eyes and remembering his face. Maybe a letter would come tomorrow. I had sent one off two days ago, carefully checking and then double-checking the address. It had been hard to write, not knowing where to start and then not knowing where to curb my words. I wanted to tell him that he was all I could think about, that I would wait for him to come back if he wanted.
I never thought this day would come.Maybe when I was a little girl, I had hoped that someday it would. But I never actually believed it. It feels like a dream, but I know it’s not because it’s even better than anything I could have dreamt up.I’m marrying Gabe Honors. In just a few moments, I’ll be wed to the love of my life.I’m beyond nervous, but also ready. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes looking at myself in the mirror, making sure that my hair and makeup look absolutely perfect for him.“Hey, it’s almost time,” Cora says, as she steps beside me. “You look perfect, Harper. Seriously, you look gorgeous. Gabe is going to melt.”I hope she’s right.“Well, let’s do this,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m ready.”Just outside, my mom is standing there, holding my little nephew’s hand. He breaks away and runs up to give me a quick hug before she tells him to go take his seat. Mom looks almost more nervous than I am. She can’t keep her hands still and she’s tapping her t
The following week I finally sat down to prepare for my final blog post. My decision was made. It was time to say goodbye and pass the reigns onto a new owner. It made sense and it felt right.Gabe had told me to sleep on the decision, and for most of the week I had made my home at his house, which made sleeping really easy. But the truth was that it really hadn’t taken much deliberation; the blog seemed like a thing of the past, something that opened the door to new writing feats, and I was ready to walk through that door.During our time together I had allowed the blog to slip even further off my mind, which was entirely okay with me. I had checked in periodically and had found a quick selection for Worst Wednesday. But besides that, and for the first time in a long time, I hadn’t paid it much attention. It seemed that the blog and I had finally begun to outgrow each other. At one time it had been my baby, but now it was moving out, and Cora was the perfect guide.If there was anyth
I had been fairly sure that I would never see the inside of Gabe's house ever again, but now I was standing on the deck watching the ocean once more. Not that I was complaining, though. I was happy to be there. In fact, the view of the ocean with the sun overhead never looked so good.“I’m glad you came over today. We need to talk. I’m ready to work through this and make things right again. But first, we both have to come clean with each other,” Gabe said, leaning against the railing of his deck.“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” I agreed. My palms were sweating, but I felt calmer than I had in weeks.His surprise visit at the restaurant had happened just the night before and this was the first time we had really had a chance to hash things out. This conversation needed to happen. It had been a long time coming.“Where should we start?” he asked. The breeze from the ocean ruffled his dark hair.“I guess what I really don’t understand is why you hid it from me?” I asked, starting th
“So all of your readers think you’re out with Brian right now?” Cora asked.I nodded. “Yep, I’ve duped them all into thinking Brian is a real person that loves me just the way I should be loved. It’s too bad I had to make all that up, though, isn’t it.”“Whatever. I think it’s fine.” Cora just shrugged. “But I have to ask you an important question, Harper.”“What is it?” I asked, a little nervous.Cora turned to the side and set her jaw, making a serious face. “Do I look like a Brian to you?”I busted out laughing. Her goofy antics got me every time.“You know, you actually do!” I exclaimed. “You make a perfect Brian! Wow, I’m one lucky girl to be on a date with such a handsome man.”“Aw, thanks!” she said, as she turned back to face me and grinned. “If I talk like this does it make me sound like a Brian, too?”She lowered her voice as much as possible and crinkled her eyebrows together. I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. The good kind of tears, though, not
I sat down at my computer and clicked on the Internet. It was always the first step in starting a new blog post and I could almost feel the writer’s block start to set in as a blank window popped up on the screen and began loading.It had been just over two months since the breakup and about a month and a half since I had introduced Brian.Brian was a tall guy with a toned body, dark hair and eyes bluer than an open sky on a summer’s day. He was funny, smart, a hard worker in his career as a physical trainer, a huge sports fan and… completely fake.I had decided to create Brian in order to appease my Mother and to use as a marketing tool for the blog. After my readers had obsessed over my relationship with Gabe, Brian was designed to be Gabe 2.0 and to carry the burden of a new and passionate relationship. And completely fabricating a fake relationship was much easier than actually getting consumed by one.Brian took me on elaborate dates to all the exciting places around town without
I took a break from watching my blog to make some belated dinner. I heated up some left over lasagna and made a milkshake with some of the ice cream still left in the fridge as post-breakup comfort food. I couldn’t help but make fun of myself and my current state of affairs. It felt only fitting to throw on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix.After about a half hour I heard the phone ring.Immediately my heart skipped a beat. I had posted my blog late at night and had done so purposefully to avoid an instant reaction from Rosie or my Mom. But with as late as it was, realistically they were the only ones that would be calling.I checked the caller I.D. on the phone before answering. It was Rosie, which was better than Mom. I took a deep breath and clicked to accept the call.“Hey, Rosie,” I attempted cheerfully.“Hey, Big Sis!” she exclaimed.“What are you doing up so late?” I asked.“I fell asleep kind of early, and then the baby woke me up. My sleep schedule is so crazy now, thi
Well, the time has come. Every beginning has an end, and my relationship has found its end. Two weeks ago, Mr. Perfect Match and I broke up and it is time for the corresponding blog post (because blogging about breakups is the best way to move on, right??)It’s not the typical kind of post I’m used to writing. My life is filled with many more bad dates than bad breakups, and maybe that’s a good thing. But it also means that I’m entering new territory without the right map to guide me. They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have lovedI stopped writing and glared at the screen. I highlighted the last sentence and hit delete as if the force of my click would hurt the words as they left the page. Love. It was like a bad word, something I had been conditioned not to say. And Gabe deserved no exception, even if it would appease an old stupid cliché about breakups.After a few moments of contemplation I picked up again where I left off.Time is a weird thing. It has the a
The plane ride to Orlando only took less than an hour, but it felt like an eternity. I spent the entire trip trying to hide my sobs, but of course it was impossible. Luckily, I had sat in the window seat and was able to face away from everyone while I cried, but I still knew that people were looking at me. The older lady sitting next to me even asked if there was anything she could do to help. I responded with, “If you can make men honest, that would help.” She just laughed and said, “I don’t think there’s anything I can do about that one.”My makeup was ruined, my hair was a mess and the clothes I had on were a day old. Needless to say, I wasn’t looking like I was ready to hit the town when I crawled off of the plane. It didn’t matter, though. Cora didn’t care what I looked like. She wouldn’t judge me. That was why I had come to see her in the first place.I had only taken a few steps out of the front doors of the airport before I heard Cora calling out my name. I hadn’t even gotten
After storming out of Gabe’s office, I went back to the bedroom and got dressed as quickly as possible. I was teeming with emotion, but I didn’t want to let out a single sob. I could save that for later, when I could enjoy a pint if ice cream and a few days of binge watching my favorite TV show. But for now, I needed to keep it together and act tough.So once I was dressed, I gathered my makeup from his countertop in his bathroom and tossed everything into my overnight bag. To think, I was considering what it would be like to spend my life with the guy and now I was doing everything possible to speed up the process of leaving his house for good.I can’t believe this. I should have known that it would only be a matter of time before something like this would happen to me, I thought. Why did I fool myself into thinking I could actually meet a decent guy?I zipped up my bag and tossed it over my shoulder. Before leaving the bedroom, I took one last look at the bed, where the blankets wer