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Chapter9 Ineffable Feelings
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2024-11-16 20:00:00Riley is in the golf course, together with Rex and Shawn.
“These days are so busy. We finally get a chance to go out, and you’re not even saying a word.”
“I did say something.”
“You don’t seem to be in a good mood.”
“I’m fine.”
“Take a look in the mirror. You’ve been wearing that same expression all day. You call it a good mood?”
“……”
Riley grips his golf club with both hands, bending slightly forward, eyes focused on the ball. He raises the club to shoulder height, twists his torso, and swings forward.
Eagle!
Rex draws a long sigh. “Riley! Can’t you go easy on us? We’re friends here, you don’t have to be so ruthless.”
Riley surveys him coldly, clearly irritated. “I don’t waste time on pointless things, and I have no interest in losing to you.”
Rex sha
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As Riley broods, Rex speaks up again. “Riley, seriously, just call Amanda over. Give her a raise or something. Or I’ll pay; I won’t let her come for free.”Rex doesn’t notice that Riley’s been a bit depressed and keeps speaking, “By the way, I never understood why you made her your secretary. She’s beautiful, capable, and it’s obvious to anyone that she likes you. You’re married now. Can’t you put her out of her misery? There are plenty of guys at the company who want to date her, and she turns them all down, saying she’s already married. How could she really be married? If she was, would she still show her feelings for you so openly?”Rex shakes his head dramatically.“You broke their hearts! Amanda falls in love with you, Faye is enchanted by you, but you’re already married. They must be devastated!”Riley freezes, for once at a loss for words. He’s usu
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Meanwhile, Amanda is out having lunch.That day at the cemetery, it struck her that it had been ages since she’d had a dining get-together with Kara and Grace.Ever since she got married, it was like she’d become a puppet, her every move revolving around Riley. Thinking back, the past three years feel shrouded in a fog—heavy and cold.She called her friends right away, asking if they had time to meet up for shopping and dinner. They’d set a date immediately.Now, she’s finally sitting in that restaurant she’d been wanting to try, laughing with her friends.The old Amanda would have thought of Riley right away, and she’d know he’d have no time to join. His time was always wrapped up in work and his friends.But now, it’s been days since Riley even crossed Amanda’s mind. She’s been decorating her cozy apartment, reading, writing, making crafts. Sometimes she cooks just for herse
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After spending the day with Kara and Grace, Amanda heads over to the home of another friend she’d known since college. Lily Edwards—a friend just a year younger and someone Amanda stays in close touch with—insists Amanda join her for dinner after hearing about her intention of divorce.Amanda rings the doorbell and then glances down, adjusting the bouquet of flowers in her arms.Lily loves flowers, so Amanda had taken the time to pick out a delicate arrangement.Yellow alstroemeria and violets—a fresh, gentle combination.When she hears some movements, Amanda raises her head, only to be greeted by an unfamiliar man standing in the doorway, one hand resting on the door handle, still holding it open.The man is dressed in formal suits, as if he’s just returned from an evening out, with a pair of glasses perched on his nose. The lenses are thin, clearly only slightly corrective. He is a handsome devil. But he looks
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Amanda remembers, back in college, being asked to help with a school publicity event with Riley.Riley had left after his photo shoot, but Amanda stayed behind to handle some editing. Since the organizers knew she and Riley were acquainted, they asked her to bring him a small gift—some flowers, sweets, and a drink.She went back to the dormitory first to put her gift away. At that time, she caught a glimpse of the pin on the table, which she had made only the day before.Without thinking, she carried that gem pin, secretly hoping he might notice it. But she worried he’d guess it was from her, and it made her nervous.Sitting on the campus lawn, she hugged the gift bag, rehearsing in her mind how she’d explain it.Shortly afterward, no sooner had Amanda gone to Riley than he showed up in front of her.Back then, he was in graduate school, and Amanda would occasionally ask him questions as an excuse to get c
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“No wonder you used won’t be."Amanda suddenly breaks into a smile. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re savage?”She changes her opinion of him in a short period of time. By his appearance, Amanda had assumed he’d be the type to speak gently, maybe even in a roundabout way. But to her surprise, his words are straightforward, without a hint of pretense.“It’s better this way, isn’t it? Misunderstandings happen because people hold back instead of just saying things clearly.”Amanda nods in agreement. If Riley had been this direct from the start, she wouldn’t have waited three years to divorce.Originally, she refused to get close to anyone connected with Riley. But maybe Lily is right; she’s starting to like Shawn. Maybe they really could become friends.“By the way, I’m not one to spread gossip. You don’t have to worry about that,&
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Amanda gets into her car, drives slowly, and finally pulls up in front of a shop. She rolls down the window to let in some fresh air.Spring is almost here, but the night breeze is still chilly. It isn’t strong, yet it slips through the gaps in Amanda’s clothes, seeping into her skin and leaving her bones aching from the cold.In the shop window, children’s clothes are on display—outfits for boys, girls, different styles.Amanda quickly looks away, as if burned, and closes the window.She turns on the heater, but no warmth seems to reach her frozen heart.Endings happen in an instant, but letting go of a goal she’s chased for eleven years? That’s like carving into flesh with a dull blade—agonizingly slow and painful.How many eleven-year spans does a person get in a lifetime?Even now, thinking of Riley brings her a familiar, reflexive ache.Amanda is an adamant person, but some things
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Amanda gets home, washes up, and goes straight to bed.Amanda sleeps well. She learned long ago not to let her emotions interfere with her sleep. Besides, her mood is not affected by Shawn’s words.She’s been sleeping well all these days. She no longer waits for Riley’s coming back home, nor worries about his bad mood.The whole space is totally belonged to her. And there is filled with things she loves. She even has a dedicated study and workspace.When she takes a bath, she lights her favorite incense. By the time she’s done, the incense has burned down, leaving the room with a lingering scent she adores.And then, she drifts off to sleep, surrounded by that gentle fragrance.As daylight steadily bleaches darkness from the sky, Amanda wakes up.She walks to the window and pulls back the curtains. The bright dawn floods the room, sweeping the dreamy shadows into the dusky corners. The lawn lies beneath a shrou
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Amanda pauses for a moment, staring at her phone. Finally, she begins to respond to Riley’s messages, one by one.“I’m fine, thanks for asking. Mr. Griffin.”“No need. I won’t be coming back.”“I’ve already taken my belongings from the villa. Don’t worry about the rest—it’s just trash. The cleaners will handle it.”“If you have any additional requests regarding the divorce, feel free to contact me. I’ll cooperate. If you need us to consult a lawyer together, let me know. I hope we can settle this quickly and avoid wasting time.”She pauses again, her fingers hovering over the screen. After a second thought, Amanda retracts the second-to-last message.There’s no point in spending energy on matters Riley never cared about.With the messages sent, she sets the phone down, gathers herself, and begins preparing for her day.After re
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He flips another page. This one lists his favourite foods:“Simple tastes. Grilled salmon and salad. Always skips dessert but secretly loves lemon tarts. Prefers red wine over white—Merlot especially.”He chuckles under his breath, the sound surprising even himself.She had always been spot-on with his quirks, even the ones he never admitted.How many times had she left a lemon tart on the counter, claiming it was “leftovers” from her baking, just so he wouldn’t feel guilty eating it?Further in, a recipe catches his eye:“Cinnamon coffee—Riley’s favourite.”Beneath it, Amanda had carefully outlined the steps: • Freshly ground beans, dark roast. • Two teaspoons of cinnamon powder. Must be fresh, not the old jar in the pantry! • Brew
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Still, life doesn’t pause for reflection, and Riley forces himself to carry on.Determined to find a solution, he resolves to speak with Shawn and Rex, hoping their perspectives might offer clarity.But before he can arrange a time, his butler, Mr. Harris, calls to inform him that the villa’s cleaning has been completed.It has been a while since Riley last set foot in the villa.Ever since Amanda moved out, he’s only been back a handful of times.The place feels empty, too vast for one person, and its silence is oppressive.Riley has avoided it whenever possible, preferring the comfort of his more modest city apartment.Now, with the villa cleaned, he decides it’s time to return.Mr. Harris mentions something peculiar before ending the call.The janitors had discovered a few items in the rubbish bin that didn’t look like trash. Uncertain about what
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Riley bites his lip gently. He’s thinking about how to explain their relationship.He thinks about the photo Amanda has posted to insta—that mysterious man.He also remembers what Rex and Shawn has said to him.Riley takes a deep breath. His fingers clutch at his pants.“I wonder if... you can give me a moment,” he begins. “to talk about Faye.”Amanda sits upright and gently pushes her hair back off her forehead. And then she nods to Riley to show she’s listening.“Sure.” She answers.He exhales slowly, trying to find the right way to say it. “Do you know how my mum passed away?”Amanda freezes for a moment, giving Riley a sad look.She shakes her head slowly.It suddenly hit Riley that Amanda had asked him about his mom a few years ago but he didn’t tell her.He lowers his eyelids, his gaze dropping to the floor. “It was a air cr
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Riley feels the weight of her words settle into his chest.He looks down at the roses he has brought, now resting on the table between them.They seem ridiculous, almost insulting, in the face of everything Amanda has endured.“Is there nothing I can do?” he asks softly, his voice barely audible.Amanda stands, smoothing her hands over her dress.“You can let me go,” she said gently. “That’s what you can do, Riley. Let me live the life I’ve built for myself.”Riley lowers his head and doesn’t speak for a long time.Amanda ignores him and walks into the room.A few minutes later, she walks out of the room, a necklace in her hand.She hands Riley the necklace and says, “Give it back to you. It’s yours.”Riley looks up, surprised, at the necklace in Amanda's hand. “This—”“Maybe you don't rem
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“Why? You don't want to be beholden to me?”“No, of course it's not because of this. Just because it's not working for us anymore.”Riley gives a puzzled look. “What does that mean?”“I’ve already took Kara to Dr. Hayes a long time ago.” Amanda explains.Riley stares at Amanda, her words settling heavily between them like a stone dropped in still water.“You already saw Dr. Hayes?” Riley repeats her words again, his voice barely above a whisper.Amanda nods, her fingers lightly resting on the edge of the table. “Yes, about a half year ago? Kara had her first appointment shortly after I called you.”Riley’s brow furrows as fragments of memory begin piecing themselves together.He remembers that phone call vividly now.He had been in a hotel room on a business trip, rushing to prepare for a major client meeting. At the tim
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He looks down, his voice breaking slightly. “You left, and I thought I’d get used to it. But I haven’t. I can’t. Every moment you’re gone, I think about you. About us. And I realized… I love you, Amanda. I always have. I was just too blind, too stupid to see it.”Riley looks back at her, his eyes pleading. “I know I’ve been awful. I know I don’t deserve another chance. But I want to change. I will change. Please… don’t divorce me. Let me try to make this right.”“Please give me a chance to make it up to you.”Amanda looks away, her gaze flicking to the roses, then back to Riley’s face.“And I hope you can meet some of my friends—Rex, Shawn, even Faye. I want you to be part of every part of my life.”He pauses, running a hand through his hair, clearly struggling to find the right words. “I know I’ve got a lot to
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Amanda stays a whole day in Kara’s house.The sun is setting as she steps out, the soft glow casting warm hues across the quiet street.The day has been long but strangely soothing—a much-needed pause after everything that’s happened lately.She tightens her scarf against the crisp evening air, feeling the faint scent of the incense still lingering on her coat.Sliding into the driver’s seat, Amanda takes a moment before starting the car.The leather of the steering wheel is cold against her fingers.She glances back at Kara’s house.Through the window, she catches a glimpse of her friend, curled up on the sofa, the faint glow of the lit incense stick flickering in the dim room.Amanda smiles softly to herself.It looks like she comes at the right time today.As the engine hums to life, Amanda adjusts the rear-view mirror.The drive bac
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Kara’s parents look stunned, their faces a mix of anger and disbelief.Amanda doesn’t waver, meeting their gazes head-on.Kara breaks the silence, her voice quiet but firm. “She’s right. You’ve done enough damage. I’ve had enough.”She stands, moving to Amanda’s side, her posture strong despite the tremor in her hands.“Get out.”Her mother sputters. “Kara, we’re trying to help—”“No,” Kara says, cutting her off. “You’re not. You never have. Now leave.”Her father looks like he’s about to argue, but something in Kara’s expression stops him. He grabs his coat and heads for the door, her mother trailing behind him.As the door slams shut, Kara sinks onto the sofa, her face pale but determined. Amanda sits beside her, placing a steady hand on her shoulder.“You didn’t ha
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“No, it’s not!” Kara snaps.“You come here, uninvited, and demand I help Fiona? And you expect me to be okay with it? After all the crap you’ve pulled? You’ve badmouthed Amanda—yeah, I know about that—because you don’t like me and she is my best friend. You’ve criticized every decision I’ve ever made, and now you think I owe you?”“Don't forget, I'm sick too. And you're the contributors.”Her mother stands abruptly, her hands trembling slightly. “That’s not our fault. We didn’t do it on purpose.”“Yeah, but it's true that you caused it. Double standard. Treat Fiona and me differently, right?”The room falls silent for a moment, the tension so thick Amanda feels like she can’t breathe.Even though it's Kara's family business, Amanda feels like she should say something.She couldn't interject just now, but
