I threw my cell phone hard on the floor. I needed to break something, and I could always buy another case if it really broke. I couldn't stand to feel the same pain as Rebecca when she asked to be punished. Because I had already realized that it wasn't right since the last two months.Even though I wanted everything to be done responsibly, I still felt the need to have it, but not for a contract. I wanted you to give yourself to me by will, not by benefit, not because I thought I could provide that reverse therapy of your traumatized head.I saw the pain in her eyes, and she already knew what I felt for her, and her eyes were always sad. Sad because she couldn't reciprocate, she couldn't love me, and because she knew that sadomasochism was a limit to me, especially when used negligently.Taken by anger, I threw another object from the top of my table, listening to the snap in contact with the floor. It had been past 5 a.m., and I hadn’t closed my eyes. My head hurt a lot, and I let my
I felt dizzy for a few moments, as I desperately fled to my room. I entered and before closing the door, Fred had already entered. His green and bright eyes contained a thin layer of water. My God. He would cry."Are you going to tell me what's going on? Damn, you went crazy overnight. I'm going crazy. I don't know how to act in these situations. "I demanded to know, already without the pretext of the contract to maintain that obedient posture. "Say something! "I screamed once again.His eyes were still on mine. His body looked tense, not even his gray sweater could hide it. He ran his fingers over his rebellious hair, trying to control it, maybe."I can't do that to you. Not anymore. "His breathing seemed to fail. "And you should have made it very clear what was happening, Rebecca. I shouldn't have lied at all.”" But I want you to do it. “I got closer. "I want the pain. I want to be punished.”“No. "He walked away. "You don't want to, you really don't want to. I can't make you suffe
Before I met Fred, I had gotten involved with another man. I was in love. She was silly, and immature. He just took the opportunity to have someone to fuck with. I thought he had a different way of making love, but he didn't love me. He made me a bad person. Unable to break the ice in my heart, I could never love anyone. Feeling attracted, yes, that was easy. But loving... I thought I never knew the meaning of that word.Fred moved me as soon as our eyes met the first time we saw each other, his unusual tastes made me see in him a man who could give me a greater reason to be happy. Without chocolates and flowers. Not with all the luxury. All it was was enough for him. Did I love him too? I didn't know.I felt an electric current wandering through my body whenever it was around, but that was nothing in relation to the chills inside my belly or the acceleration of my heartbeat. He had me, but he wanted me to have him too. But I didn't feel worthy of it. I couldn't delude myself again. A
The notes that sounded from my piano were the saddest I could ever play in my entire life. Nothing else made sense in all that. It had only been fifteen hours since she left, and it was as if I expected her to enter the door again, smiling, hiding her fear. It doesn't matter, even pretending not to. We knew how to do it very well. Pretend not, when the will was yes.My cell phone vibrated once again on the piano, I picked it up on the second ringtone, thinking it was her. But it wasn't."Hanson" I spoke in a hoarse tone, letting the discouragement dominate my voice."Fred. My God, I'm calling you on time. What happened? "It was Elide's voice."I'm fine, Elide. I'd just like to be a little alone. I'll call you back later.”Before I pressed the red button to end the call, she kept talking."It was that submissive of yours, wasn't it? "I was silent. "I told you she wasn't right for you. She said she shouldn't spend so much time at her house, so as not to mix things up. You didn't want to
I woke up with the sunlight hitting my face hard. I had left the window open, without even knowing it. I got up lazily, adjusting my silk pajamas to my body. I had a strange dream last night, but I preferred not to think about it too much.I had slept well, despite everything. Even waking up a few times, with the impression that there was someone in my room. But it was normal, since I was in a new place. New, I mean, it was in my old apartment. With my friends, what could I fear?"Good morning. "I told Elizabeth that she was sinking on the couch having a cup of coffee."Good morning. You look better. Did you sleep well? "She smiled, fixing her beautiful blonde hair on top of her head.“ Yes. I missed it. "I got a cup of coffee for myself too.“you miss sleeping well?”"Almost that. "I stammered, taking a sip of coffee."Hm... and your boyfriend was also in the hospital with your mother?”"He's not my boyfriend. "I spoke harshly, biting a toast. "In fact, he was never my thing. Just a
"One hundred and forty-five confirmed guests, Miss Swan. The buffet confirmed all the food ordered and the designer also confirmed that all the decoration was made. Would you like anything else? "I said on the phone. “ Of course. Right now. The satisfaction is mine, Miss. See you later. "I put the device back on the hook. Getting up from my desk and going to Jack's room, knocking his door three times.”Jack was wearing a black suit and looked extremely impatient as he stared at his notebook. I entered the room, closing the door behind me."Hello, Becca," he said, sounding happy. I had already been pampered by all the employees (including Jack) at the time I stepped in the office, even so, his tone of voice was unbearably sweet and kind. "What does it bring to me?”"Sir, Miss Swan asked for a new place for your party. She thinks the chosen place is too small for her guests. "I informed in a firm tone, in a professional way. Even though I knew that man moved me intensely.“ Hm. I alread
The night had already arrived and had not received any response from Becca about the roses. Perhaps due to the lack of a note he could think that someone else would have sent him the gift, although those red roses have a meaning of their own for both of us. She said she liked the color red, brought her strength.She always said that her mother sent red flowers on her birthday, precisely because she knew she felt good about it. I felt the need to redeem myself in some way, his grudgeful words still invaded my mind, while I ate his favorite dish for dinner.In a strange way, the dinner table seemed bigger than it used to be. Your absence caused this. I blinked a few times trying to get rid of those thoughts, even though I thought it was impossible, since I felt his perfume everywhere.As soon as I finished my dinner, taking one last sip of my wine, I opened my macbook to read my emails. There was nothing but more work. I spent the night to solve everything and I could hardly sleep.I wo
Elizabeth went down with me to the outside of boarding at the airport terminal, she hugged me as if it were a definitive farewell. I confess that this caused me some fear.Not that I was afraid to fly, I had already done it once or twice, the third would not kill me. I had a very logical and confusing theory for some things. If I didn't die doing something dangerous for the first time, it wouldn't be the second time that I would die.Even though it was a crazy theory, and made by my disturbed mind, thinking about it calmed me deeply." Call me as soon as you get there, or I swear to God, I'll go after you.” She said with tears in her eyes."If you keep looking like that, I won't go anymore. You know I always have a theory for everything. Any turbulence and I'll throw myself out the window.”"It's not going to work very well, silly.” She laughed."I love you. Everything will be fine.” I hugged her once again, feeling her almost fraternal warmth."I love you too. See you in a few days.”