4. Katya

Katya

I pace back and forth in Andrei’s office, the one place I used to feel safe, where everything felt secure, and now it feels like a prison. My heart pounds in my chest, my breaths coming in uneven, angry bursts. 

I’m furious. Not just at Ruslan, though he’s a big part of it, but at myself.

How could I let this happen? How could I let that Rogue get under my skin like that? The way he looked at me, the way he spoke to me like I was nothing. Like I didn’t matter at all. The nerve of him, sneering at me, laughing like the bond was some kind of joke. 

I grip the edge of the desk, my knuckles white, trying to steady myself. But nothing helps. 

I want to scream. I want to tear something apart. I can still see his face, the way his cold silver eyes locked onto mine, that damn smirk on his lips. He acted like he didn’t care about any of it—about me, about the bond. Like he’s above it all. 

What’s worse is the way my body responded to him, like it was out of my control. The bond hit me like a freight train, and I hate that I felt anything for him. I shouldn’t. He’s the one who killed Andrei. The man I loved, the man whose child I’m carrying.

I stop pacing and press a hand to my stomach. There’s no way I’ll let Ruslan be a part of this. There’s no way I’ll let him ruin the last piece of Andrei that I have left. I don’t care what the bond says or what the consequences are. He means nothing to me. Nothing.

But even as I tell myself that, there’s this gnawing feeling in my chest, this stupid, primal pull that I can’t get rid of. It’s the bond, I know it, but it doesn’t make it any less maddening. How could the Goddess be so cruel? To bind me to the man who destroyed my life? It’s like some kind of sick punishment.

The door swings open, and Tomas storms in, his face twisted in anger. He doesn’t even bother to knock. Not that I care right now. I’m too worked up to care about formalities.

“Luna,” he says, his voice sharp, barely controlled. “What the hell was that out there? That Rogue talked to you like you were nothing. I should’ve killed him where he stood! Why would you invoke The Gallows Law when that fucker should be dead?”

I shake my head, trying to push down the wave of emotions surging through me. “We don’t know what killing him would do to me. I just reacted!””

He stands in front of me, his eyes blazing with the same fury I feel. “What the hell are we supposed to do now, Katya?”

Hearing him call me by my name instead of “Luna” feels wrong. But that’s not what I focus on. I focus on the anger burning through both of us, the helplessness that’s gripping every inch of me. 

“You think I wanted that?” I snap. “You think I asked for this bond? It can’t be real, the Goddess wouldn’t curse us like this. But…” I trail off, not sure of what else to say. There was no mistaking the mate bond sighting, no mistaking what I felt

Tomas’s fists clench at his sides, his whole body radiating tension. “It looked real enough to me. The pack—what are we going to tell them? They won’t understand, Katya, especially not after The Gallows Law is announced. They’ll think you’re...”

He doesn’t finish, but I know what he’s implying. They’ll think I’m weak. That I’ve betrayed them by not executing the Rogue on the spot. And maybe they’re right. Maybe I should have let Tomas finish him off. Maybe that’s what Andrei would have wanted.

I turn away, staring out the window, trying to calm the pounding in my head. “I didn’t ask for this, Tomas,” I whisper, my voice breaking despite the anger trying to keep it together. 

He steps closer, his voice low and harsh. “You don’t owe him anything. He killed Andrei. You have every right to reject him.”

I whirl around to face him, my chest heaving. “You don’t think I know that? I want to reject him. I don’t want him. But it’s not that simple. If the bond is as strong as it feels... if something happens...”

Tomas slams his hand down on the desk, causing the papers to scatter. “What are you saying? That we just... keep him alive? Let him live, after what he did?”

I close my eyes, trying to find some semblance of reason in the chaos swirling inside me. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m just—” My voice cracks, and I swallow hard, forcing myself to continue. 

“I don’t know what to do. This bond is... it’s messing with my head. I hate him. I should hate him. But the bond—” I shake my head, disgusted with myself. “It’s strong. Stronger than I expected. And if we break it, if we reject it without knowing what it’ll do... it could destroy us both. The force of the rejection could kill my baby; the last bit of Andrei I have left!”

Tomas blanches. “You’re pregnant? Katya…” he trails off, and I realise then that I still haven’t told anyone about my pregnancy.

“Yes, I am. It’s the only reason that Rogue is still alive; we don’t know if… I can’t—”

I can’t bring myself to say it out loud, but the truth is, part of me is drawn to him, despite everything. And that only makes me angrier. He’s a murderer. He took Andrei from me. He shouldn’t have any power over me, but the bond doesn’t care about logic or reason. It’s primal, and it’s pulling me in directions I don’t want to go.

Tomas steps back, his eyes dark with frustration. “So what, Katya? We just keep him in the cells? Keep him alive because you’re scared of what’ll happen if you reject him? He’s a threat to the pack. He’s a threat to you.”

I bite down on my lip, torn between my duty as Luna and the twisted bond that’s forcing me to question everything. 

“I don’t know,” I admit, the words falling from my mouth like lead. “But I can’t let him die. Not yet. Not until we figure out what we’re dealing with.”

He scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “So we’re supposed to sit here and wait? Wait for what? For him to try and take over the pack? For him to hurt you? This isn’t a game, Katya. You need to make a decision.”

His words cut deep, and I know he’s right. But it’s not that simple. Nothing about this is simple. I can’t just kill him and hope the bond goes away. There’s too much at stake—my life, the pack, and this child I’m carrying.

I press a hand to my stomach again, trying to hold on to the one thing that still feels real. The only thing that still connects me to Andrei. I won’t let Ruslan take that from me. I won’t let him win. But I also won’t let myself be consumed by the bond.

“I’ll make a decision,” I say, my voice quiet but firm. “But not yet. I need time.”

Tomas opens his mouth to argue, but I hold up a hand, cutting him off. “Just trust me. I know this is a mess, I know none of this makes sense. But if I kill him now, without understanding what the bond will do to me... I can’t risk it. Not yet.”

He’s silent for a long moment, his jaw tight, his fists still clenched. Finally, he nods, though I can see the frustration still simmering in his eyes. 

“Fine. But we don’t wait forever, Katya. We need to protect the pack. We need to protect you.”

“I know,” I whisper, turning back toward the window, then I turn back to him, my eyes hard. “You may think this gives you a reason to disrespect me, but you will still address me as Luna, Tomas. I am not someone beneath you.”

Tomas blanches at my words, then he bows his head and leaves the office, the tension in the air thick enough to choke on. My heart still races, my thoughts still in chaos. Ruslan’s face haunts me, the bond’s pull digging its claws deeper into my soul.

But I won’t let it control me.

I can’t.