Chapter 5 - Insecurities

Ashley POV

I have been avoiding Tobias the last couple of days, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I can't seem to let go of those blue eyes. And Beth wants to go out again tonight as it is Saturday and none of us work Sundays. I try to make myself look presentable in front of the mirror, but since that night, I haven't been able to feel sexy. I feel like everyone is just trying to make fun of me.

I hear my doorbell, and I open the door knowing perfectly well that Beth will be straddling in, looking like a model while I look like an Orca in this black and white dress that does nothing for my figure. I put on some light lipstick and smile as Beth enters my house.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" she asks as she looks at me from head to toe. I look at my body and shake my head. 

"It's the only thing that will cover my body," I reply, and she shakes her head. 

"Bullshit," she snarks at me as she walks into my closet and pulls out a short black dress. I look at it and shake my head. It was the last dress that Tobias bought for me. It's Valentino, and it's absolutely beautiful.

"Giiiiiirl, this is stunning," She says, and I nod my head, grabbing the dress from her hands and hanging it back in the closet. "What are you doing?" Beth asks, stopping me. I look at her with tears threatening to spill.

"Hey, what is going on?" she asks, pulling me into a tight hug and then pulling me to the couch where we sit as she pours us some wine. I grab my glass and take a sip as I clear one tear that has escaped. 

"Tell me what is going on. " This is not you, " she says, and I nod. I am not the most confident person in the world, but I never allowed myself to think less of myself. I don't hate my body. I don't particularly like it, but I don't hate it. It keeps me alive and moving and seems to pleasure Tobias well enough, but I have been feeling a little weird since Killian's hands roamed my curvy body.

"Is this about the other night?" she asks, and I nod my head. And she smiles. Of course, she is smiling, and she is entirely unaware of Tobias. 

"He was sexy as hell, and I still don't understand what happened that night, why you left, and he looked like you had slapped him across the face. He looked miserable the rest of the night drinking. He didn't look at any other girl, and a man like that, we have to say, girls tried, and he sent them all packing", Beth says, and I shake my head. This is not making me feel any better, only worse.

"I have someone," I say between sips, and Beth's eyes almost pop out of their sockets as she looks at me, placing her wine glass back on the table. 

"I'm sorry, what? Why have you been hiding that information from me?" she asks, and I shake my head. Tobias never really said I had to hide it. I just thought it would be better, he is my boss at the end of the day, and I never wanted to be accused of sleeping my way to the top. I have been working very hard to get where I am right now, to meet the people I need to meet to get where I want to be. 

"He is kind of important," I say, and she smiles as she grabs my hands between hers and kisses them. "Babe, who is it? Please don't tell me it is Tobias", she says, and I look down at our hands, and she starts laughing out loud like a crazy person.

"I can't believe this, and you actually managed to bag Tobias? How?" she asks, looking at me, and I realize she thinks I am not pretty enough or hot enough. That's what everyone thinks. I stand up and hug my body, walking towards the window. She walks behind me and makes me face her.

"Babe, how did it happen?" she asks, and I look at her with tears threatening to spill again. "Hey, why are you crying? That is amazing, and he is fucking hot and rich, well not as hot as the guy from the club, but hot", she says, laughing.

"I know what you're thinking. How can someone like me," I say, moving my hands up and down my body and showing it off, "manage to get two hot men to look at her" I let out, and her face dropped, and she shook her head.

"What are you talking about? You are fire. You have curves for days, an ass that can knock out any man out of their high horses, a pair of boobs that cause envy anywhere you walk into, and that face. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, not to mention your sick sense of humor and your incredible capacity always to know what to say", Beth says, and I frown, looking at her. I didn't know this was how she saw me.

"I, I didn't know you thought all of that about me," I let out, and she pulled me towards my bedroom, where we stood in front of the mirror, and she stood next to me.

"Tell me what you see," Beth says, and I shake my head, looking at her.

"Come on, babe, tell me what you see, and then I'll tell you what I see," she says, and I nod my head. I look in the mirror and take a deep breath.

"I see fat," I say as I hold on to a roll on my back, and Beth smiles. Then I grab my legs and keep saying fat. I hold on to a lot of places and point out the extra fat. Beth turns me to the mirror again and smiles behind me in the mirror. She is taller than me and looks like a top model.

"I see curves that make you look sexy, your smaller waist making your hips and your boobs more salient, making you into a guitar shape that makes guys drool. I see those beautiful legs that will make a man crazy when he wraps your legs around his shoulders. I see big breasts that fill the dresses and make every woman desire to have the same", Beth says, and I smile at her.

"Thanks, babe, but I really don't see it," I say, and she shakes her head.

"What does Tobias say about your body? I bet he likes it", she says, hiking at me, and I smile. He does like my body. He can't keep his Hans to himself, but I am not about to say that to my friend. It would be too much information.

"And the way that guy had his hands on you, it was like you were the last glass of water in a desert. You need to understand that you are beautiful just the way you are. You are fucking stunning", Beth says, and I nod my head as I grab the black dress from the closet and decide I will wear it tonight. I will make myself look sexy and desirable, and after the club, I will see Tobias and show my man how sexy I am.