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Beautifully Unfinished 30
30THEAThree years ago...Is it wrong to fall in love?Wait. No, my thoughts doesn't really only revolve on that simple question since my life is as complicated as a puzzle that's hard to solve.My question is more like.....Is it wrong to fall in love with a thirty-four year old man who has three sons from his previous failed marriage while you're still seventeen who works as a stripper and a private escort?Seventeen years of age gap.It sounds more complicated whenever I think about what has been going on with my life lately.After that night with Mr. Skarsgard, I was planning on not seeing him anymore because he was different among the rest and it scared me. He drove me home so he knew where I live. After we had sex, we showered together and we talked on my way home. He asked me what club I worked for so I answered him the place. He asked me if it was okay that he will visit and probably watch what I do and I said yes he can. I even told him he could meet and see new women from t
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31BENEDICTPRESENT TIME...I have done so many things for her and I am eating this meal that doesn't even taste that great. It's like I'm eating tasteless foods but I'm still eating it. I usually scold people who serves me foods that taste as ridiculous as this but I'm enjoying it. I usually get mad because I find this disrespectful, yet I am eating it what Thea cooked for me. I just can't believe that she makes me do things like these that I don't even want to do and things that I haven't even done before.All I thought about was to make sure she was okay and that she wasn't feeling to hot because of her fever. To be honest, I worried about her right when that security guard told me rhat Thea wasn't feeling okay. All of a sudden I felt worried for someone from the opposite sex and I only have that kind of feeling towards my mother and my siblings. But that moment, all I ever thought was to come rushing here and buy her foods or fruits or anything that would help her.I know she does
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32THEASEBASTIAN: I'm not giving up not unless you say yes to me :) please have dinner with me this 7?I sigh.I've been staring at his text ever since I received it two hours ago. He asked me to go have dinner with him and promised that it will be safe this time. No entering a closed company but just two people having dinner. I don't need to worry when I'm with him but he's friends with Benedict and I'm afraid that he will see me with Sebastian. I don't want him to think other stuff.It's only an hour left and my shift is finished. Only three days left before the new issue of Lure Mag will be out on Monday. I have so many things to look forward to and I have been trying to keep myself busy after a week of what happened between me and Benedict inside my home but when I reach my apartment all I see is the scene of how I pushed him out of my apartment.My phone vibrates again inside my pocket and of course it was Sebastian.SEBASTIAN: I'm picking you up after work? Please please have d
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33"I want you to meet my date Benedict. This is Thea." Sebastian gestured to me.I don't know if I should smile at Benedict because his facial expression shows that he seemed displeased of what he his hearing and witnessing."Thea, I'd like you to meet the Alpha wolf of the pact, Benedict Saintclare." Sebastian says.Sebastian leans to my ear and whispered, "Have you interviewed him? Now would be a great time."Sebastian smiled. He was nice despite having that bad boy look that everyone sees him. He's caring and thoughtful. Bad boys should be mean, grumpy and moody but he's chill most especially when he's with his friends. I could see how he loves dearly these men on this table. I could see how he enjoys his time spending with them. I could see how close they are and it's beautiful to see this kind of friendship.I nod. "I did.""So Miss Thibault." Benedict's voice caught my attention. Now he sits right across me next to his beautiful blond.So I'm Miss Thibault again. He's setting b
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34It has to be him. He has to be in the same elevator while I'm also heading back up to the rooftop.Are you playing with me, Jesus? You're making everything more awkward for the both of us. Most especially, for me. I have been trying my best to avoid him and yet you play with me.He stands there perfectly and handsomely as he leans his butt against the elevator's wall with his hands inserted inside the pockets of his slacks. His green eyes met mine the second the elevator opened while he looks at me under his eyebrows. Both of us froze when we saw each other unexpectedly and we were just silently staring at each other. I wanted to get in and ride the elevator with him but at the same time I don't want to because I'm too scared to be around him. I might say words that will hurt him again. Actually, I want him to go up first to the rooftop and then I'll take the other trip.When the elevator door was about to close, Benedict was fast enough to press a button which made the elevator's
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35BENEDICTI sit on my favorite chair at home, the spot close to my infinity pool, after leaving Sebastian's party while I look far ahead in the view. After that incident inside the elevator and confessing to Thea, my mind was blank and at the same time I was tired even if I didn't do anything but I was damn tired. I was tired of everything that happened tonight. My heart felt heavy too.Why?Because I'm jealous of Sebastian.Yes.He's the potential boyfriend in every woman's dream because he is boyfriend material. As for me, I'm the potential fuck buddy or one night stand and women doesn't want a man like that.Fuck.He's a strong believer in love, growing old together with the one he loves and starting a family of his own. He's Romeo. He's a bad boy but he loves love. But I'm not Romeo. I don't like sugarcoating things. I don't romanticize. I don't give flowers, chocolates, teddy bear and other shit to impress women. I impress women through sex and that's it. That's the huge differ
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36THEASebastian's car finally pulled over in front of my apartment but even if I was with him the entire time, I was still thinking about Benedict the entire time. Those words that he said to me before he left is still stuck inside my head."Because I think I'm already in love with you Thea Thibault."Please let that be just a joke."Thea?"I turned my attention to Sebastian who has been looking at me for a while now. I smiled at him but I wasn't really paying attention."I have been calling out to you but it seems like you're thinking about something else. Are you okay?" He asks curiously.I nod."Of course. Yes. I'm okay." I faked a smile.He smiles back calmly. "I thought something was wrong. So do you have any idea why Benedict left the party without telling me?"I gulped."Umm... No." I lied.I went quiet for a while. "I don't know. Sorry."He nods. "I have been trying to call him but he's not picking up."I think Benedict is mad at me. But I didn't do anything wrong. Did I? He
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37THEAI froze when I was holding my fork when Benedict said those words unexpectedly.For a second, I dropped my jaws because I was immensely shocked, but quickly clipped it back together once I recovered. His eyes were looking at me intently, sorrily and sadly as if he had done somethint terribly wrong. That's when I knew he was serious with what he was telling me.He is willing to give way for Sebastian.I ran out of words with what he just said and all of a sudden I felt sad for no reason. I felt sad but I didn't know why. I felt sad even if I know I should not be. I know I should not feel sad because what he said just means he will not fight for me. It simply means that he will stop annoying me, he will stop asking me for more dates and he will stop persuading me to give him a response to what he feel. He will stop seeing me. He will stop coming over here. He will stop everything because he wants Sebastian to chase after me.Benedict will not fight for his love for me. The thoug
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87 T H E A Sebastian committed suicide. He ended his own life with a gun in his head. No one even knew how he had a gun in the first place and no one had any idea he was going to do that. He was supposed to meet Ben and the others tomorrow for a reunion. He was supposed to live a new life after being sentenced in prison for seven years. He was supposed to live in a tropical place and start a new life for himself. He was supposed to live a life filled with dreams now that he is out in prison. Sebastian was supposed to live. I was supposed to forgive him. The autopsy report stated that it happened around twelve midnight which means just a few hours after he left our home. I have never felt so depressed in my entire life that I wasn't even able to tell him a lot of things that I wanted to say. I didnt know what I was exactly feeling, completely lost in my thoughts and emotions after Sebastian's passing. I knew that there was something wrong in his eyes when he talked to me becaus
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86T H E A"How have you been?" He asks.Sebastian wore blue, white and light pink plaided top, a pair of faded jeans and a dirty white sneakers. He looked older than the last time I saw him and his hair has gotten longer too. He looked different, but those eyes still frightens me.Those merciless eyes.I couldn't stare at him longer and I had to look away from his gaze. I clear my throat, "I have been well." I answered."I'm really glad that you are." Sebastian tells me."Um, do you want to drink something Sebastian? Tea?" Ben offers.I quickly held his wrist, stopping him from leaving me alone in here and stared into his eyes as I said to him. "Please don't leave me here."Ben stares intently at me before he turns to Sebastian who speaks, "You dont really have to offer me anything."I bite my inner cheek and breathe in some confidence before I faced Sebastian. "What are you doing here?"Sebastian stares at me eagerly."What do you want?" I asked firmly."I came here to see if you ha
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85T H E AI couldn't sleep the entire night as I was bothered about Sebastian's release happening in just a few hours.Thoughts were filling and piling inside my head one over the other and I don't know if this was going to let me sleep at all.So I slipped out of the bed where Ben was sleeping soundly and headed out of bedroom to get myself a glass of wine from downstairs. I hate myself when I turn to alcohol every time my thoughts are fogged up and fucked up. I hate when there are questions left unanswered and my solution is alcohol.I hated it.I hated it so much I hate myself too.I finished two glasses of wine and spent almost thirty minutes just sitting on a chair where I tried to drown and sort my troubled thoughts. I finally pulled myself up and headed back to my bedroom only until I saw Xavier heading out of his room, crying. I rushed to his side and wished that he wouldn't smell the stingy scent of alcohol from my breath."Xavier." I cooed. "What happened?""Mommy I had a n
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84T H E A“Why didn’t you tell him?”Benedict's question still lingers in my mind.Why didn't I tell Sebastian back in the day?I have been asking myself that same question over and over again for the past couple of years. I used to tell myself that I wasn't ready and I know I wasn't ready. I lied to myself when I said I was ready to confess to him about our child but I was absentmindedly denying the fact that my mind was filled with so many thoughts as soon as I faced Sebastian.When I saw him, I was reminded of how he raped me mercilessly. When I saw him, I was reminded of how dirty of a woman I was. When I saw him, I was reminded of how I didn't want this baby to be born if only it hadn't been for Ben.Ben has always been my rock and my strength after everything that happened to me. All these years, he accepted me no matter what and I have been beyond blessed to have a man like that in my life.That kind of love and care he showed me is going to be something I didn't want to waste
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83T H E AI stare at my own reflection in front of the mirror, I gained weight but I look different compared to the old me a few weeks ago. My eyes travelled down to my baby bump and as I turn to my side, I feel more anxiety building in the back of my head. I am not confident enough that I will be a good mother to this baby once it’s out when I know this baby came from a man who I trusted so much but just raped me. My bump is starting to show now and I know I have a lifelong responsibility waiting ahead of me. I just hope I will be responsible enough.I rub my hand over my small tummy then smiled at myself.“You will be fine.” I told my baby.Ben is here for me and for us. He always has. He made everything feel better. He made me better and happier without asking too much in return. He is a very selfless man and I owe him my life. My everything and all that I have left.I breathe out heavily and tucked my hair behind my ears as I stare at myself wearing this white dress and white ba
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82B E N E D I C TShe stands by the balcony sliding door, staring at an empty space wearing my shirt and some pajamas. Standing here afar from Thea, looking at her, I can see and I can feel that her mind is full. It’s full of endless thoughts and worries. I wish I could take some from her restless bothered thoughts and I wish I could help her with what she is going through.Thea is strong but I don’t want her to have another breakdown. I hope I can share the pain and confusions she is going through right now. I wish, at least I could make her happy despite of what has happened lately.But I don’t know what to do as well.I am bothered too, restless, anxious, troubled and angry. I still have this growing hate in me and unwillingness to befriend Sebastian.I hate him.I walk towards Thea and wrapped my arms around her. She didn’t budge but still sets her eyes out the window. “There are no stars tonight.” I say.She sighs heavily.“Aren’t you hungry sweetheart?” I ask.She didn’t answer
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81B E N E D I C T“The CEO of Saintclare Enterprises , finally off the market!!”I read mentally the newspaper’s headlines as soon as I got into my office. I scan through the magazines which were also over my desk, and the headlines were also all about me.I sigh. “I knew this was gonna come out first thing in the morning.”The phone on top of my desk rings, I quickly picked it up, “Yes.”“Mr. Saintclare everyone is calling in for an interview with you. They’re all asking if you have any available time.” I can hear telephones ringing from my secretary’s background.“Cancel all interviews. Tell them I have a busy schedule up until next week.” I hung up.Suddenly the phone in my pocket rings. I stare at the screen and it was Mrs. Brown, my PR.I sigh as I answer, “I know what you’re going to say.”“It’s everywhere. My phone has been ringing since six o’clock this morning. I don’t know what to answer them.”“Did you say anything about Thea?”“No. Not unless you tell me to. I’m only wait
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80BENEDICTI stare at Thea, and she has been looking out of the window for minutes now. I know she still has a lot of things in mind with what has happened lately and I’m sure she’s tired of thinking about it too. She has talked to Khaleel and I have had talked to him too. Despite her past, we wanted to keep it to ourselves than letting the others know about it. They wouldn’t understand what she went through to survive and it isn’t our story to tell.I have asked myself a couple of times why she had to choose such job but then I didn’t have the courage to ask her. I don’t want her to feel bad about herself and the more I ask about her past, the more she would think it bothers me.Honestly, it has been in the past and we all have had done crazy shit a thing or two. All of us deserves a second chance and women like Thea who strives hard to change herself to become a better woman deserves more than that. I am proud of her and she knows it.A smile creeps on her face as soon as I rubbed
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79THEASometimes, in our lives there are instances when you just want to disappear because of awkward situations or embarrassing moments. And right now, that’s what I want to happen. I want to teleport to another place far from here.It feels like everything inside my system malfunctioned and brain feels dead. I have never felt more disgusted of myself and my past than how Sebastian is embarrassing me right now in front of Ben. No one has ever made me feel so little of myself, only Sebastian.This bastard. This one of a hell man. I wish he dies.My tears were just flowing from my closed eyes and I feel this growing pain against my chest. I try to breathe in but the pain grows as I exhale so I remained quiet. I don’t want to face anyone or see how they look at me with disgust and filth. I just want to disappear like one pop of a bubble or run out of this house and never look back.But I cant, I know I have to face them now. I have to face Khaleel. I have to face Benedict even if it’s
