Chapter 2: YOU'RE JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH

She kicked off her pumps at the door and put everything on her dining room table. She was proud of her two-bedroom condo. She had always hoped that it would be her and DeAngelo's…she grimaced and was preparing to strip out of her suit and put on a t-shirt and sweatpants when the phone rang. For a brief second her heart leaped in anticipation—and then dread. He had called her once, but it was to return some clothes of hers that she'd left at his apartment.

She knew that he lingered, hoping that she would invite him in; into her home, into her bed, back into her life, but he'd honestly hurt her too bad for her to forgive him. And she'd taken her belongings and closed the door after a brief thank you. She had been strong that day. She didn't know if she would be as strong the next time.

"Hello?" She said breathlessly as she'd had to hurry into her pants and then to the phone.

"Ash? Are you exercising?"

It was Lance. "Hell no!"

"Well why are you breathing so hard?"

"Um…so I can live."

He laughed. "Pretty In Pink is coming on at eight-"

She squealed. "Pretty In Pink!"

"Yep, I'm coming over with a pizza-"

"I already got PF Chang's! But not enough for you," she added. "So you better eat before you come over…and maybe pick up some ice cream to go with this cheesecake."

"Mmm. Cheesecake. I'll be there in an hour."

"Is Kendra coming?"

"You know she's not going to watch a John Hughes movie. I don't think she watched a John Hughes movie when she was sixteen!"

True. And it was cool with just her and Lance because he was like her little sister… well if she had a white sister with a penis.

Everyone always made fun of her for being a grown woman who would drop everything to watch Sixteen Candles or The Breakfast Club, and her personal favorite Some Kind of Wonderful. She always wished that she was the star of a John Hughes movie because then she would always have a happy ending. There would be some achingly handsome guy holding a boom box above his head right outside her window, or the school jock would dump the cheerleader girlfriend for her. But in reality the cheerleader always got the man.

Several hours later, the two friends were listening to the music playing at the ending credits and contemplating the nature of life through the eyes of a sixteen year old. Lance always took the most comfortable seat; the chaise while she flopped down on the couch. He had brought pizza anyways and her stomach was making strange sounds since she couldn't help herself when she grabbed a few slices even though she was bursting from the PF Chang's.

"God," he groaned. "I can't believe she didn't choose Ducky."

"I know. Why couldn't she see that they were so perfect together?! Blaine was such an asshole."

"Yeah, he threw her to the wolves and then had the nerves to show up at the prom with that bad wig trying to look pitiful."

Ashleigh chuckled. "Yeah. That wasn't a convincing wig. And Andie just caves in and takes him back." She got up and carried their trash into the kitchen. Lance helped her.

"Well you know why that is," he said.

"Why? He had a big penis?"

Lance hesitated. "No. Blaine doesn't have the big penis, Ducky does. But Andie will never know that because she was too wrapped up in the fact that he has money and popularity, something she secretly wants but can never have."

"Shallow bitch."

"Aren't we all? I read a list stating the top five reasons why a person that has never married is single. Number five said it's because you're just not good enough."

"Ouch. That's harsh."

"But true." He leaned against the counter still holding an empty diet coke can. "Think about this, we're single because we aren't looking for partners that are our equals. We're looking for somebody better than us; more money, better looking, yada yada yada."

She nodded conceding to that one. "And number four?"

He scratched his neatly trimmed chin hair. "I think number four is you're selfish, number three is you're a slut, number two—"

Ashleigh held up her hand to halt him. "A slut? How does that factor in to not being married?"

"Because you are giving the goodies away instead of holding it for ransom." They both had to burst out laughing at that one.

"Okay and what is number two?"

"Two is you're shallow; which we both determined was accurate and the number one reason for not being married…is because you're a bitch."

"Really?" Ashleigh crinkled her nose. "I don't know if that's true."

"Oh…Ashleigh," he nodded his head with a grin. "You've been a bitch before. We all have. Remember when the heating and cooling guy couldn't get the thermostat to work in the office and-"

She blushed. "Yeah yeah, I remember!" She sighed. "You know what? I think that list is actually pretty true." She looked at him and her eyes shined a little too brightly with something that looked like unshed tears. She tried to offer a smile, albeit a shaky one. "But I still would have chosen Ducky over Blaine!"

Lance smiled softly and hugged her.

~*~

Ashleigh wore a cream pantsuit that cost almost as much as her car payment, but she looked great in it. Big women that wanted to also be stylish knew the secrets for hiding the added pounds. It was all in the cut of the jacket that cinched her waist, hid her belly and showcased her cleavage where her low-cut blouse showcased her 'crowning glory.' She wore heels that matched the earth tones of the blouse and big loopy earrings.

As she hurried into the restaurant, already a few minutes late, she knew she looked good but felt far from confident. Pretty face…fat body. It was just a matter of preference whether someone would like her or not. It made her feel ill that she found herself praying for some complete stranger that she'd never before met to like her.