FIVE

A ghostly smile lingered on her face as she stared blankly at the flat screen, true that the movie was indeed very interesting but what caught her attention and held it was the fact that it brought up so many memories, good memories.

Regardless of her smile a tear drop slid down her cheek, who was she deceiving anyway? She let the smile fade slowly, she took a deep breath and brushed off the tears with the back of her hand, the emptiness and quietness of the house was usually comforting but it suddenly felt depressing. A house which had been so alive with people was now hollow and depressing, first her parents, then Aunt Zarah, even Ima had left when she got married, she probably didn't think she'd come back anytime soon, it felt as though she was leaving with ghosts, the cleaners would come and tidy the house five times a week when she wasn't home.

It was better that way, or at least that's what she told herself. The less people you chill with the less bullshit you deal with.

She tried to laugh at the crazy joke but it only made her feel even more pitiful, she clutched the throw pillow she had been holding even more tightly against her chest hoping she’d feel better.

The doorbell rang; nothing could have sounded more irritating, she wasn't expecting anyone, the mere thought of walking to the door disturbed her. The bell rang again, she knew she had no choice but to abandon the comfortable spot she'd found on the couch and check who it was, she set the pillow aside and stood up. She walked to the door lazily, hadn't she told the security men not to let anyone in? God they were hard to deal with.

Slowly she cracked the door open and peeked out to see who it was.

Her breath hitched on seeing Raysham standing there, his smile immediately chased away the blues and for a moment she was reminded of those days of welcoming him home after a long day at the office. He hadn't changed at all, she hadn't seen him in the last four months but he looked exactly as he had looked last time she saw him, the white kaftan he wore complemented his fair skin and the black cap he had on matched his black leather cover shoes.

He stood with one hand shoved into his pocket while the other held his car keys and cellphone, he was as handsome as ever, his eyes however betrayed his looks with how dull and weary they looked, one who didn't really know him would think he had never been more handsome, but in truth she knew he looked drained of life; a shadow of his former self.

It wasn’t till she opened the door fully did she realize her state of undress, she was merely clad in a silk purple pajama bottoms and a black tank top, her hair was held up in a messy bun and tendrils dangled down to her shoulders.

They both stood there for a while, he stared at her and she stared at the floor, it seemed there was a rising tension, one which could only be dissipated by being lost in each other's embrace.

"Um....come in". She said as she stepped aside.

She hadn’t expected him to be here at all, and in every honesty she didn’t know what to say or how to react.

He nodded and stepped in.

"Thanks". He said as she quietly closed the door behind him.

They lapsed into silence again, she stood there fiddling with the soft fabric of the pajama bottoms, she could feel his stare and it made her skin tingle sweetly, she needed to get away from him or she'd crumble.

"I.....l'll get you something". She stuttered quietly.

She turned to leave but he held her hand and gently pulled her into a hug. The sweet scent of his cologne filled her nostrils and invaded her senses, she leaned into his arms fully.

Their heartbeats had reached their peaks, there was no controlling their emotion or quelling the growing need to be closer, she let her body go lax in his arms and she let her head rest against his chest; with him came a feeling of home.

"Why didn't you tell me you're unwell?". He said softly against her head.

Her eyes widened in horror and she pried her head from his chest at once.

"Who told you?”. She asked alarmed.

"Hytham. He called this morning and told me you're unwell, what's wrong?". He said.

Her gaze darted around uncertainly and she had to think quickly to come up with something.

"It’s....it’s nothing, I had a slight fever that's all". She said relieved that Hytham hadn't told him everything.

"Nothing, you say? Sayya do you really not understand that I'll go crazy if anything happens to you?". He said as he took her hand and lead her to the couch, they sank into the couch in unison.

He would go crazy ? He was so worried because he believed she had a fever? What would he do if he knew she was dying?

A miserable tear drop slid down her cheek but she wiped it away quickly, she took a deep breath before saying;

"Don't say that".

"I mean it". He said.

"And so do I, don't say such things to me, Raysham, they hurt". She said.

He remained quiet for a while, his gaze lingered on their entwined fingers.

She fought hard against the tears that lurked so close, she wouldn't let them fall, they'd only hurt him; the last time he'd been here he had told her just how much seeing her tears hurt him.

"You've grown pale". He said at last. "Your eyes.... They've lost their shine, it seems as though I'm staring into hollow pits, how can you say it nothing?".

She tried to smile but appeared pitiful.

"Raysham I told you, I'm fine". She said.

He nodded once before he said;

"Of course Sayya, you'd say that, I can't blame you for lying to my face, after all we've become mere strangers". He said and smiled, a ghostly that had her heart clenching painfully.

Oh Raysham, her sweet, sweet Raysham.

How could she begin to tell him that she had less than five months to live? How was she supposed to tell him she had a tumor in her head which was hell bent on killing her, how could she possibly hurt him like that? No. She'd never cause him such pain, she'd die first.

"Raysham". She said, she pulled on a faint smile. "You should be at the office".

He chuckled bitterly.

"I know that, since when did you take on the role of my secretary?". He replied.

She remained quiet. What more could she say?

"I came to spend the day with you; we can do whatever you want". He said as he scanned around the living room. "Ahh, you've got the movie aspect covered".

She dragged in a deep breath to calm the heated emotions swirling within her.

"We could go out if you're feeling better, you know, make up for lost times". He continued.

"I'd love that". She said.

He smiled, and his eyes actually lit up a bit. He raised her hand to his lips and planted a soft kiss on the back of it.

It all seemed good, seemed like a day to look forward to, but her conscience just wouldn’t let her be.

"But what about Lateefah?". She said quietly.

His eyes darkened as what seemed to be guilt and hurt crept into them.

"What about Lateefah?". He repeated bluntly.

"We talked about this, Raysham, she's your wife, you can't......". She began saying but he cut her short.

"You're my wife". He snapped, and for a moment he seemed agitated, but then he calmed himself and continued. "For God's sake Sayya, you're my wife, I see no one else like that".

"You can't treat her like this, Raysham, this isn't you". She said as she squeezed his hand gently.

He let out an exasperated breath as he leaned fully into the couch while taking her with him.

"You know, she made me feel like a monster this morning and you're doing the exact same thing right now". He said, he averted his gaze from hers. "I can't be who she wants me to be…who you want me to be".

"So what then? You won't let her into your life?". She asked in disbelief.

He nodded.

"Not in this life time, not when I have you".

The tears were now breaking the barriers and trying to force their way out but she held them back still.

"You're crazy Raysham". She choked out. "Your mother didn't want me anymore because I failed to give her the one thing she wanted, I failed to give her a grandchild and she got you someone who can, I left, I stayed away from you so that you could grow fond of her but you're throwing all that away".

She blinked even she knew there was no holding her tears back; they broke free.

"You're being selfish Raysham". She sobbed.

He rubbed his temple wearily.

"The world will have to forgive my selfishness. When I said there'd be only you, I meant it, heavens bore me witness and I will keep my word to you". He said.

"What...what if I'm gone?". She said quietly. "Will you love her as you should? Will you be happy?".

A frown crossed his face at once.

"What are you saying?". He said as his gaze snapped back to hers. "Don't ever say that to me again".

Her heart mourned as she caught glimpse of the evident pain in his eyes.

"Where will you go that I won't follow you? Out of this world?". He scoffed. "Even then ,I'd still follow you, I have no reason to live if I'm without you".

Her tears knew no bounds now.

"Every breath I take will choke me, every streak of sunlight at every rising hour will burn me, every step I take will lead me to you, so no, even if you're gone I won't love her, I won't be happy". He said.

She needed him to stop this madness or she'd lose her mind.

"And what if I don't want you anymore?". Her words hurt her more than anything ever had. "What if I no longer want to be with you?".

Gently he raised his hand and his fingers smoothened her disheveled hair before they caressed their way down her cheek to her neck.

"Then I'll be the one who would be gone first". He said simply.

Her eyelids drooped involuntarily as a result of the sensation of his touch; she dragged in a shuddering breath.

After all this time his touch still made her shudder, still made her stomach clench in anticipation, still made her want to melt against him.

He leaned closer to her so their faces were merely inches apart. His breath fanned her skin hotly, tantalizingly.

After all this time his breath against her skin still made her quiver ever so sweetly, and his closeness still made her shiver.

He lowered his head and his nose brushed the soft skin of her neck, he took in her sweet scent of roses.

She suddenly felt hot all over, the most bothersome heat was at the pit of her stomach, it sort to drive her to insanity, she found herself tilting her head to give him better access to her neck, he planted a lingering kiss on the racing pulse there.

"Come back to me". He breathed against her skin. "Be mine again".

His alluring whispers still tempted her.

"Let's go home and work things out". He said.

He raised his head so he could meet her gaze, he took in the changes in her eyes, how they'd darkened, he felt how her skin's temperature had heightened and how it had become clammy, her bosom heaved heavily with every breath, her lips were parted slightly, an invite he could never decline.

He leaned in and his lips met hers softly, they moved against hers in a slowly and passionate kiss.

The last of her restraint shattered and she let her hands snake around his neck, she pulled him closer so her body was molded against his; they fit perfectly.

His hands traveled from her face to her neck to her shoulders and her back leaving a trail of burning tingles on her skin.

She breathed out a quiet moan against his lips, the sound of it drove him further into the blissful abyss, he pulled her up against him so she sat on his laps straddling his hips, his fingers expertly slid into her hair and freed it from the bun so wavy locks fell down to her shoulders.

He ran his fingers through her soft silky locks before they settled at the back of her head to guide her head even closer.

Everything at that moment seemed right, except the soft ringing of his phone.