Still Thinking of Him

Rebecca

Rebecca pulled up to the large electronic gate, the apartments looming above her. It wouldn’t be long before she’d be in her new house, the builders hopefully sending out the new contractor on Saturday to do a final walk-through of the structure and talk about the design for the pool. If nothing else in her life was working out, at least her house was almost done and her business was booming.

Having graduated at the top of her class from the University of Houston in business, she’d worked for a few accounting firms and gained a reputation for being brilliant, bold and innovative. A few years after working hard for the man and bringing him and all of his good old boys loads of money, she’d left and opened Martin and Co, a company led by a group of hard-working business professionals. She had an MBA and her license in accounting, and Parker, her business partner, had his masters in marketing with a specialization in multi-generational advertising. They were a one-stop shop for business strategy and practicality. It worked well, and they’d grown to be very much like brother and sister, which was nice, since Rebecca had no siblings.

She parked the car on the last level of the garage, the silence greeting her as she slipped out of the car and walked through the cold concrete jungle to the elevator. The best part about living in Houston was that there were always people out and about. It was no New York, but the oil and gas capital of the world was booming with life and not hurting much for business. Now, if only all the other parts of her life could work out. A little adventure and romance wouldn’t hurt at all. Or would it?

“I need to get a pet,” she mumbled, moving into the cold confines of her one bedroom apartment. The place was decorated in crimson and black, the modern appeal making her feel at home, seeing that her mother’s house was very similar in style. She slipped off her black heels at the door, dropping her purse and rolling her shoulders to get her long-sleeved black jacket to release her from its tight hold. A quick reach up to her hair, and the clip was history, half thrown across the room to land amongst the rest of the hair accessories that found their way to the graveyard as she arrived home each day. To say that she wasn’t tidy would be a vast understatement, but when you were busy trying to figure out how to rule the world, you didn’t have time to clean the house.

The idea of what Kade must look like sixteen years later swirled around in her mind as she moved toward her bedroom, pulling and tugging at various items of clothing until she stood in her undies and bra. Her bookshelf was filled with romance novels aplenty, since reading happened to be her favorite pastime. She loved to dive into a love affair that she figured could only be found in the confines of a book, seeing that her own life showed no possibility of a steamy night to come. She knelt before the tall wooden structure, opening the door to the cabinet at the bottom and pulling out a handful of old yearbooks from high school and junior high. It hadn’t been but a few weeks before that she’d been in a similar position, looking for the same picture, and yet she couldn’t help herself.

The class of 1993 yearbook was the prized book, their senior year giving her the most grown up version of Kade. There was something so very wrong about staring at an eighteen-year-old boy, but she’d been eighteen back then too. She brushed her thumb across the picture of them together, her smiling at the camera and him looking at her with a goofy grin. She smiled, unable to help herself. They’d been best friends, but there was always something more to it. She’d never really given anyone else the time of day, and the two of them had been to almost every dance together, though she’d been asked by other boys. Kade had dated some, but always returned to her so that they could spend the weekends holed up at one of their houses, talking, swimming, biking, whatever, as long as they were together.

But nothing ever came of it. She tried to think back on why for the hundred millionth time and came to the same conclusion she always did. He hadn’t been interested in her the way she was in him. Why else would he not have made a move? He wasn’t shy, and even though he was brilliant, he still played football and hung out with all of the meatheads at school. He was a well-rounded guy, the guy that everyone loved and wanted to be around. He was talented in sports, and yet he could play the guitar and sing like an angel.

Why had he never asked her out?

She bent over, yelping softly as the cold book touched her exposed skin. She’d been pretty back then, nothing to gawk at, but definitely pretty. She brushed her fingers over the picture once more and closed the book, sighing heavily and putting her treasures back where they belonged. Why would forever be the question.

She moved to her knees and then stood, using the bookshelf in front of her to assist her. A groan lifted from her lips, her body sore from the long day and the unusually long evening with Trisha. It was just after eleven, and she would normally have been in bed for more than an hour by now. She slipped into her pj’s, promising herself that she’d wake up extra early and shower in the morning. Doubtful.

The darkness tucked in around her, and she let herself imagine a more grown up Kade, his body filled out, with strong muscles cording down his arms and down the length of his back. His sandy brown hair was a little long, his smile still wide and welcoming, and his sky blue eyes were filled with promises she could only hope to enjoy. She chuckled at herself as the visions of a first date, their wedding day and a white picket fence swam through her mind’s eye.

“Slow down there … you haven’t even found him again.” Found him again?

Was she going to look for him? No, she couldn’t do that. That would appear desperate, and if she were being honest with herself, she knew he was most likely happily married to some hippy chick he’d met in California, and they probably had a band and a house and four boys they were raising.

She exhaled slowly, her mind moving through various scenarios fast enough to give her heartburn. If he was in the world somewhere, one thing was for sure, she needed to find him. Rebecca just needed to know why he never saw her the way she saw him. She needed to see him to make sure that whatever had existed between them, at least in her mind, was gone.

Then she could get on with her life. Then she could date other guys and not compare them to Kade. He hadn’t been a part of her existence for sixteen years, and yet he was still haunting her almost daily. She turned onto her side and tried to swallow the sadness that moved in swiftly and hung over her. She just wanted to be happy. To have a husband and a few kids, like all her friends did. Here she was, mid-thirties and still single, with no romantic prospects.

“Pathetic,” she whispered as a tear fell onto her waiting pillow.