Chapter Two

If Alex got a dollar for every time he refreshed his email hoping for a letter of acceptance, he'd have being a millionaire.

Groaning, he shut his laptop and got up, quickly concluding him roaming around his mail and the school page wasn’t going to make things happen any faster.

He flipped his hood over his head and then headed downstairs. Shoving his hands down his pocket as he got halfway down the stairs, he began to mentally picture what the interior part of the fridge looked like and what he could have as a snack out of it.

It was a Monday and as expected, he was home alone. His dad was off to work, leaving him, who had successfully graduate high school few days ago, home alone.

Grabbing a bag of chips immediately he opened the fridge, he headed towards the living room. Plopping into the nearest seat, he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

“Goodness!” Alex exclaimed as he stared at the TV screen in front of him, immediately reaching to change the channel. In front of him, were two guys kissing in the most passionate manner ever.

“Oh my,” he could feel goosebumps crawl towards his skin as he changed the channel. He changed the channel again a few times and on his fifth change, he turned the TV off.

Hugging the bag of chips, he laid down on the rather comfortable sofa. The past few days had been torture for him and it only seemed like the whole universe had ganged up against him to make the torture even worse.

His dad had strangely taken it upon himself to remind him to tell him anything he was hiding from him every morning to the point where Alex was beginning to dread breakfast. Whenever his dad managed to get out of the picture, he was ‘coincidentally’ seeing an AD pop up or a post on the internet or just anything about being gay.

He groaned again as he tossed the bag of chips to the floor. All those thinking had finally managed to make the chips taste no better than dried paper.

Fortunately or rather unfortunately- Alex couldn’t pick a side, the whole seemingly coincidental occurrences had finally gotten into him. He had made up his mind to get something off his chest and by doing so, give his dad the something he seemed really curious to know. To do that, he decided to come out to his dad. Whether he was ready or not, he wasn’t sure but he just knew he needed to get it over with.

However, he wasn’t completely stupid. To take such a big risk, he knew he needed a backup plan and after hours and hours of reasoning, all he could come up with was to get accepted into college first. That way, no matter what reaction his dad gave, he’d know he’d be out of the house and several miles away from him in only a few days.

Without hesitation, he got up to head to his room to continue his job of the day-refreshing his mail until he received a letter of acceptance into college.

“Please, please,” Alex muttered to himself as he grabbed the mouse. Covering the majority of his face with his palm, he peeped through the space between his fingers as he refreshed his mail again.

"Please, please... pretty plea- YES!"

Alex read his acceptance letter as fast as he could then jumped off his seat to begin dancing to an imaginary victory tune in his head. He danced round the room, on his bed and even walked to the bathroom to dance.

By the time he was done rejoicing, he was laying on his bed completely out of breath. Breathing heavily, he smiled at himself trying to remember the last time he felt that happy. For a while he forgot about every other thing and for that moment, decided to focus only on his happiness on getting into college.

The moment he felt his breathing was back to normal, he got up from his bed and headed downstairs. He was suddenly feeling very hyper and he needed ice cream to match his mood. He opened the fridge to take out a bowl of ice cream and much to his disappointment, he found none.

However he wasn't going to let the absence of ice cream dampen his mood as he quickly shut the fridge and headed out of the house. He barely stepped out of the house as his dad always did all the groceries shopping on his way home but he still knew a few stores around.

In about ten minutes, he got to one of the nearby stores he could remember. Pulling off the hood of his hoodie, he stepped into the store and instead of the big bowl of ice cream, something else caught his eye.

By a corner on the counter in the store, were flags. Flags having the color of rainbow and from his years old research, he immediately knew they were pride flags.

He was suddenly reminded of the risk he promised himself to take if he got into the college of his dreams.

He returned the hood of his hoodie to its original position and walked up to the counter. With his head hung low, he pointed towards the flags and coughed to clear his throat and call the attention of the girl at the counter.

"These," he said, his head still hung low. "Are they for sale?"

"No," she replied him and though Alex wasn't looking up at her, he could guess she was smiling at him from the cheerfulness in her voice. "They're for free. Do you want one?"

"Uh," he finally looked up and just like he predicted, she was smiling at him. "No, I don't. I was just asking."

"Are you sure?" she titled her head to stare at him, still smiling. "It's that time of the year so why not stand tall and be proud?"

"What?"

She obviously sensed the confusion in his voice as she pulled out a flyer from her drawer and handed it over to him. He reluctantly collected it and instead of reading it, looked at her hoping she'd sense his reluctance and explain whatever it meant to him herself.

"It's a flyer," she stated the obvious. "Ah, come on, check it out. It's about the upcoming pride parade. It's pride month, you know?"

He did remember reading something about members of the LGBTQ community having a month to themselves but had completely forgotten it was June and had began few days ago.

"Ohh," he suddenly realized why it felt like everything around him felt gay. "Ohh, that's why."

Not caring about what he meant, she handed the flag to him and wrapped his fingers around it.

"I-"

Her smile seemed to have magical powers as Alex shut his mouth the minute they spread around her face. Leaning forward, she reached for his arm and pat them. "Be you with pride."

Like he hadn't come to the store with ulterior purposes, he collected the flag, nodded and left the store to head back home.

---

"You're home early."

"Oh, Alex you're here."

Alex got up as he watched his dad show his surprise in him sitting in the living room awaiting his arrival. He was dressed in formal clothes, a bag on his left hand, a lab coat on his right.

"Yeah," Alex nodded sheepishly and began to walk behind his dad. "I'm here."

"Is anything the matter?" his dad asked as he noticed Alex still walking behind him. "This is unusual of you."

"It is," Alex finally stopped to rub his palms together. He was making his anxiousness very obvious and very uncomfortable. "Well, I kinda have something to say to you. News, I guess."

"Good or bad?" his dad turned to ask him. "Seems important."

"Not really," he replied him with a nervous chuckle. "I can't really say if it's good or bad either. It's somewhere in between."

"Oh alright then," his dad resumed walking. "I guess you can tell me over dinner then. I bought Chinese so I'll just get freshened up and come downstairs in a bit so we can eat. Is that okay?"

"Yes," Alex nodded. "It is. Very okay."

Immediately his dad was out of sight, he dashed into his room and shut the door behind him. He stared at himself in the mirror, his reflection showing his distressed look alongside the pride flag laying by a corner of his dressing table.

"You can do it," he exhaled. "No matter what happens, you'll be off to college in a couple of days to start a new life. Okay?"

He stared at himself for longer until he finally heard the unfamiliar voice of his dad calling to come have dinner downstairs. He got up and headed downstairs and in no time, was sitting few chairs apart from his dad, having dinner.

"So you said you wanted to tell me something," Alex's dad finally spoke up after minutes of eating in silence.

"Huh? Oh, yes."

"Hmm," his dad chewed as he spoke. "Should I choose to listen to the bad news or the good news first?"

"It's not really much of a bad news."

"Okay I guess it's more of a more shocking and less shocking one," his dad seemed to be enjoying himself as he asked the questions. "Fine, I want the more shocking one first."

Unfortunately for his dad, Alex had no intention on having his choices matter. "Well."

"Come on, go on."

Alex dropped his chopsticks and pushed his plate a little away from him. His dad noticed him and followed suit, locking eyes with him.

Alex exhaled. "Well, firstly, I got accepted into college."

"Really? Oh that's great news!" his dad broke into a smile. "That's wonderful, Alex. I'm proud of you."

Alex managed to smile, suddenly getting flashes of his growing up. Getting good grades and school related stuffs always seemed to make his dad very happy so it only seemed natural he beamed at the news of him getting into college.

He watched his dad as he kept on smiling, wondering if the smile was only going to be short-lived.

"Yes," Alex said, then nodded.

"Ah, so what's the other news?" his dad continued. "Did you also get a scholarship?"

"No."

"Do you have to resume earlier than you predicted?"

"No."

"Did you not get into the college of your dreams? Was it another college?"

"No."

"Then what? Is there an issue with the admission process?"

"No, dad," Alex looked up to him. He was clueless. Extremely clueless and didn't fail to hide it. "It's nothing about school."

"Then?"

Alex sighed then looked away. He could feel his heartbeat quicken as fast as his dad's curiosity was growing. "I'm gay, dad."

The smile on his dad's face disappeared in a flash. He looked at him, color draining from his face as he did.

"Dad?" Alex dared to move closer to him. "Did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I said I am gay dad!" Alex repeated in a louder voice taking himself by surprise, wondering what suddenly came over him. Whatever it was, he knew it wasn't going to be lasting long so he decided to take the opportunity to the fullest. "I like guys dad! I hate it and I've tried so hard to not be like this but I guess I can't help it! I guess I was just born this way. To be gay."

There was a short-lived silence between them and it gave Alex the opportunity to realize what he had just done.

"Oh my God," he flew to his feet, covering his mouth. His dad was still sitting few inches away from him and barely made a sound. He looked shocked to the bones and Alex could only cover his mouth in horror.

Without thinking, he pulled his chair backwards and ran out of the living room. He fled the stairs and didn't stop until he got to his room.

Immediately he shut the door, he fell to his knees. Realization hit him and panicked was an understatement for how he felt.

The last time he saw that look on his dad's face was when his mum died. At that moment, it was an unfamiliar look and never imagined the day would come when it would become a familiar one.

He wanted to scream. So bad but he couldn't. Not getting up from the floor,he pulled his hair and yelled internally.

He wondered what was going through his dad's mind. He wondered how shocked he was to the point that he couldn't utter a single word to him. He wondered if he felt disappointed in him and maybe, disgusted by him?

He pulled his hair again and buried his head in his lap, suddenly wishing he had kept silent. Suddenly wishing he had kept on doing a great job at keeping his sexuality a secret like he had been doing since high school.

The thoughts in his head were endless. It was useless to try to stop them from growing as every attempt to only brought birth to a new thought.

After hours of wallowing in regret and confusion, he finally fell asleep on the floor, his head still buried in his lap.

---

Alex woke up the following morning with a stiff neck.

As he massaged his neck, he tried to remember the exact reason he had spent the night on the floor and as he remembered, he could feel a new variant of fear come over him.

He got up to pick up his phone that had instead of him, spent the night on his bed. It was almost 7am.

Alex gulped. In few minutes, he was going to be hearing the familiar loud sound of his dad calling him downstairs for breakfast. It was a sound he was used to and for the first time, he felt scared to hear it.

He wondered if his dad barely got any sleep the previous night. He wondered if like him he spent the night on the floor probably from shock and terror.

Brushing the thoughts away temporarily, he headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. From his mental calculations, his dad was to call his name the minute he finished brushing his teeth and as that, he spent the longest he had ever spent brushing his teeth.

After an unusual long period of him brushing his teeth, he headed back into his room. He climbed his bed, folded his legs and began waiting for his dad's call.

Ten minutes passed and he still got no call. He glanced at the wall clock, reconfirming how late it was getting.

He suddenly bit his lip. Was his dad pissed at him? Or had he suddenly become disgusted to eat with his gay son?

"He probably just woke up late," Alex said to himself, adjusting his sitting position.

Another ten minutes passed and Alex could no longer contain his anxiety. His dad never woke up late and in rare cases he did, he'd have heard him rushing around the house trying to not get to work late.

He got off his bed and headed downstairs. His steps were slow and silent as he feared accidentally bumping into his dad out of nowhere.

He got to the dining and it was the same as it was the previous night. His unfinished meal was still on the table and from the look of things, his dad also seemed to have lost his appetite halfway.

Swallowing, he walked into the kitchen. It was empty and had the lights on signifying two things- either they weren't turned off the previous night or his dad had been there and left.

He walked into the living room and looked around. His dad wasn't in there either, making Alex suddenly grow curious on his dad whereabouts.

He peeked through the windows and on spotting his dad's car still parked outside, was sure he was still home. He looked around again and on still not seeing him around he concluded he was sleeping in.

His steps to his dad's room were quicker than he expected. He hated to think his dad was oversleeping because of him and even hated that he might have to get late to work simply because of him.

"Dad?" he said with a knock as he stood outside his dad's room. "Dad, are you up?"

He knocked again and on getting no response, decided to walk in. Exhaling, he held the door's knob and turned it.

Alex froze.

In front of him, forming a trail were pills scattered on the floor. Right in front of the end of the trail, was his dad spread on the floor.

"Dad?" Alex called out to his dad on the floor. "Ah, I guess you also slept on the floor. Well, it's morning already. Get up or you'll be late for work."

Still frozen, Alex watched his dad. On noticing his words seemed to have no effect on it, he broke free from his frozen state and rushed towards the floor.

"Dad!" Alex yelled as he joined his dad on the floor. "Why are you sleeping in like this? It's unusual of you. Come on, wake up!"

He moved closer to him and held his hand. "Dad! Dad why aren't you getting up? Come on stop it! You'll be late for work if you sleep in for any longer. Dad!"

Alex could feel his heart beat the fastest it had beat in a really long while as he violently shook his dad. “Dad why are you being like this? Is it because I said I was gay? Fine I wouldn’t be. I was just kidding, I promise. Now get up. Dad!”

He moved away from his dad and watched him not respond. Shaking, he bent towards him and pressed his head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat.

On realization on what had just happened to him, a tear rolled down Alex’s cheeks.