CHAPTER 2

‘Your voice, it echoes through the darkness

And telling me you're so alone,

Your heart's trapped in this empty apartment

Yeah, you're in deeper than I know…’

          Listening to those words, hearing his exquisite voice while writing, while daydreaming, in the shower or at the table, while eating, in her bed, before closing her eyes, was always the highlight of her days and nights.

          At first, Everly told herself it was completely fine to have a crush on a rock star. Who hadn’t? Teenagers, young or old women all over the world were like her, gushing over some actor, singer, football or basketball player… Even over an entire boy band…

          Everybody, at least once in their life, got starry-eyed over hot musicians with dynamic personalities singing incredible, soul-bending songs, or gorgeous actors giving life to powerful characters… usually romantic characters.

          So, there was absolutely no reason to feel like an idiot for obsessing over Lennon Stark, one of the hottest singer/songwriters of the moment, and the lead singer of a rock group called ‘Infinite Euphoria’.

          Everly said to herself there was no harm in imagining his lips on hers, his long fingers touching her skin, his breathtaking dark eyes caressing her naked body… there was no harm in having erotic dreams involving Lennon.

“You’re only harming yourself!” she said slowly while pacing barefoot in the grass. “You can dream about him, of course, indulge in your sensual fantasies… But Lennon Stark is as far away from you as the sun… You are just a little star, too insignificant and too dull to be noticed by a god like him. Besides, you’re hiding in this galaxy filled with stars brighter than yourself… You’re not beautiful, sassy, or outgoing… And you’re afraid of everything that’s out there… of the world.” 

          Smiling sadly, Everly kept walking through her quiet, sheltered little garden in the hazy morning air and kept dreaming of Lennon, the greatest rock star who ever walked the Earth… in her opinion.

          Everly stopped and looked at the little table, in the corner of her terrace. The laptop was standing there, staring at her, yelling at her to sit her ass down and write a new chapter or do some editing… that she kept postponing for the past few days.

          She hated editing! She hated it with all her might! She was able to write for hours, especially when the plot was exciting, funny, and oozing with romance. But to stop all that fun and read the same page over and over… looking for mistakes, loose ends… That wasn’t for her.  Was more of a job for the person who believed in her since the beginning.

“Thank God for Santana!” Everly said standing still in the middle of the garden. “She is my angel! The best agent ever!”

          But this particular morning, focusing on her story, on her ‘baby’, was a little bit more difficult than usual. Generally, her walking barefoot in her garden helped clear her mind, charge her batteries, and prepare her to work.

          Still, that morning, all Everly could think of was a man she’d never, ever, meet in real life and the erotic dream she had last night about him… and the night before that… and the night before…

          The gorgeous Lennon Stark and his friends had toured all over the world as the band called ‘Infinite Euphoria’. Since Everly spent most of her life with her head in fantasy land, it had only been in the last year, while researching for her next romance novel, that she’d stumbled across one of his band’s music videos on the internet.

          She had immediately added most of their songs to the playlists she listened to while she kept writing her latest novel. But the music, and the lead singer, had so pervaded her soul, that Everly listened to it even when she wasn’t writing. His voice was following her even in her dreams.

          When a call came through on her phone, breaking her introspection, a rush of annoyance swept through her. But it was her agent. And she had to answer Santana.

“Good morning, Santana.”

“‘Lyv, sweetie, I’m so glad you’re up. And how are you feeling today? Happy? Filled with joy? Inspired? Relaxed?’”

          Santana loved using ‘Lyv’, her ‘nickname’, her pen name since she was the one who chose it for her. It was a mix between the last two letters of her first name and the first letter of her second name. It was a catchy nickname and Santana felt very proud of it.   

“Okay...” Everly said reluctantly. “You, my friend, are acting too strange for my taste… The way you just said that gave me chills up and down my spine… And not in a good way… Come on! What is going on?”

“‘Well… I have something to say to you and I’m not sure if you’re going to like it… But please, hear me out, okay, sweetie?’” her agent said in a sweeter voice this time.

“I don’t like the sound of this, but… go ahead… I’m listening…” Everly replied and kept walking.

“‘Remember how I told you that you’d need to make a public appearance to promote the movie? Well, Lyv… it’s time to nail down some dates. Not too many, I promise, only a handful. And you need to do it fast since I’ve got people… important people, breathing down my neck wanting to know what you’ve decided.’”

          Everly stopped by the little pond, at the back of her fenced property and sat on a concrete bench. Dread sat heavily in her gut. If she’d known she’d be pressured to be part of the promotion tour, she never would have sold the movie rights.

          It was a nightmare waiting to happen, she felt that from the start. She’d come such a long way in treating her anxiety, and her panic attacks. Countless hours of excruciating behavioral therapy had enabled Everly to live a mostly normal life instead of becoming a shut-in, a reclusive… someone looking at her life from a window instead of giving it a chance.

          She was able to go shopping at certain stores at certain times of the day. She went to restaurants and, most importantly, to the library. But getting on a plane and going to a crowded convention was absolutely, completely, without the shadow of a doubt, out of the question. Especially since there was a chance her gross internet troll might be there.

“‘Lyv, I don’t know why you are so hesitant about these appearances,’” Santana said when Everly didn’t answer. “‘You are so enthusiastic and vibrant on ‘HeartChat’, your video blog. I am sure you’ll do great. Trust me on this!’”

          Yes, that was her… except in certain situations. She could film vlog episodes all day long. Talking to people through a monitor was something she really liked doing. But leaving her house, her sanctuary, the only place she felt safe… not so much.

          Since forever, facing crowds of people in person, shaking their hands, and talking directly to them was an excruciating experience for her psyche. Sometimes so overwhelming that she would stay in bed, under the covers, for hours, trying to breathe and to calm down.

          At some point, Everly knew she had to face her greatest fears and go on this trip, but somehow, she didn’t know how to make it happen, how to make it to her destination without almost having a heart attack.  

“‘Lyv? Sweetie? What do you say? Can I count on you to be part of this project?’” her agent asked in a hopeful tone.

“All right, Santana… Send me the list and I’ll pick one date.”

          Santana sighed and Everly felt the frustration in her voice.

“‘What? Just one?’”

          Everly clenched her teeth.

“Take it or leave it…”

“‘Sweetie, you have to give me more than one.’”

“Well… Let’s start with one, Santana, and see how it goes. That’s my final offer,” Everly replied with determination. “As I’ve said… take it or leave it…”

“‘All right, Miss Lyv Rock, I will take it… You won this round. Look for all the details in your inbox.’”

          Santana sounded way more cheerful now than she had at the beginning of the call. Good for her… because Everly felt like finding a cave to hide away in. 

          Actually, the garden shed that sat under the trees in the back corner of her property would be perfect. It even had a window. No doubt she could hide out in there for a long, long time. If she took her laptop, maybe she could even finish this story that was giving her fits.

          Everly laughed at how silly she was being. As if she would even last five minutes outside of her house… her safe haven… The shed was no place for her. There were bound to be spiders in there. Spiders made her want to burn down buildings. And there were also planes… and planes were also quite scary.

          Standing up, Everly carefully brushed off her leggings, took her laptop, and headed back to the house. The sun slanting through the heavy canopy of leaves overhead burned off the last of the morning dew, but the air was still rich with the scent of damp soil and flowers.

          Inside her house, Everly raided her fridge for a slice of left-over pizza and set up in the living room to do a new episode of ‘HeartChat’, her weekly vlog, her connection with her followers, her readers.

          A piece of pepperoni fell on her shirt and smudged greasy tomato sauce on it, so she went to her room and changed. The only clean t-shirt she could find was wrinkled and faded, but after she put some mascara on, she thought she looked just fine. Not the way she looked in her last night's dream, but fine enough.

“I’m good,” she said checking her reflection in the mirror. 

          Anyway, her fans were used to seeing her in sweatpants and t-shirts, pj’s or bathrobes, without make-up on and with messy buns. So, she was more than okay this time.

          Back in the living room, Everly plopped down on her couch, took a sip of water, and prepared herself.

“Dear God, thank you for the internet, laptops, cameras, microphones, and so on…”

          Everly smiled, took a deep breath, and leaned forward to hit ‘record’.

          It was showtime!