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I went near Alex and turned my back. He tried but it was not coming off, just then I heard some shuffling behind me and then a tearing sound.

That's when I realized that he had cut off my dress with the knife. I held the dress at my chest when I heard him saying "Done".

"It was a nice dress," I thought looking at my torn dress.

"You are not going to need it again, " he said, making me realize that I had said the word aloud.

His lips grazed my ears lightly when he continued "Because now you're my wife and we're in this for life".

His husky voice and touch made me shudder.

I wasn't able to stand this weird sensation anymore so I ran from there to the bathroom.

I took out my torn dress and looked at myself in the mirror. I was only wearing white lace underwear and a bra.

White because my aunts and cousins think that it will show purity but how would they know that I am anything but pure?

I removed my undergarments as well and looked at my body, I had more than average-sized breasts and a thin waist.

I removed my gaze from the mirror and looked at the ceiling to stop the tears from gliding down as it physically hurt me to look at my body after that night.

If only my stepfather hadn't done it I would've never feared men. Maybe even led a good life with my husband.

I didn't want to face Alex but also knew that I couldn't hide here forever. I had to go outside and do what was expected of me but how was I going to let him touch me that way without running off?

And what will happen after he knows the truth, will he hit me or kill me or worse break this alliance, because then my family will never forgive me and I will be shunned forever.

Before our engagement When Damon came to ask me if I would marry Alex, I wanted to say no.

I knew that Damon was not going to force me but it's not like I could say no to our capo because I knew then the consequences would not be good.

I knew that no one in their right mind would want to marry a psychopath, but what choice did I have? If I had said no Damon would've found someone else for me to marry because I was already 20 and at the age of 20 every Cosa Nostra girl used to have a fiance.

And also if I had said no then some other innocent girl had to marry him. I didn't want to steal someone else's chance of happiness by marrying someone that violent, to relive the same hell I went through.

I was already broken beyond repair, I couldn't have let anyone else go through the same pain just because of my selfishness.

Also, I was fed up with my life in Cosa nostra. In a way, I saw Alex as my chance to leave this place and start a new life because no one needed me there.

But that was only possible if I was not dead by tomorrow which was slightly doubtable looking at our current circumstances.

I remember my sister's words that some men in our world don't show their strength by beating their wives. She believed those words because her husband was very nice and they loved each other. But in my case, there was no love.

Sometimes I think maybe I don't deserve love. My father was an alcoholic and used to hit us. He died in a car accident when I was six. And after two years my mother died.

That's when our stepfather became our guardian he was not married to my mother but was my mother's brother. My sister and I used to call him father because he urged us.

When I was fourteen he started raping me. He continued it for a year till Damon shot him. But it was enough to break me completely. And now I am married to a psychopath who can't love.

It makes me cry that I will never know how it feels to be loved. That I will die unloved.

I was just wishing that if he was going to be a cruel husband then he should just end my life today.

But in some parts of my heart, I was hoping that he would turn out to be one of the husbands who just leave their wives on their own, only come to them when they need heirs.

Maybe if we had children then I can have someone who would love me.

With that I came to the present, I had removed all my clothes and was standing naked in front of the mirror. After taking a deep breath to calm my nerves I went outside of the bathroom, without looking at him I went to bed and lay down there flat.

I knew that if I looked at his gray eyes I was going to lose the strength that I gathered.

I knew what was going to happen, I was trying to mentally prepare myself as he came near me naked. It was so quiet that I could hear my heartbeat.

Alex came to bed and sat beside me. He started to touch my legs. It was light at first but as he started touching upwards I knew I couldn't get through it without crying. Tears started to gather at the Corner of my eyes.

Alex said "I know it's your first time, I am not going to be rough with you but if you will be this stiff it will be painful," he said with an emotionless face when he touched my pussy. But my mind was stuck at his words 'first time'. I didn't hear anything after that.

He opened my fold and when he was about to put a finger in me. I burst into tears. I couldn't make myself go through this. I knew he would kill me after he knew the truth.

Alex started to calm me but I was out of control. I was feeling like I was going to have a panic attack just then Alex held my hands in his and started to rub my palms. It felt nice and I started to get calm.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes when he asked 'Did something happen to you' and that was the moment I knew that he knew that something is wrong with me.

The look in his eyes said it all and I knew that I had to tell him because he would kill me anyway.