Chapter 6

For the past eight weeks, I followed the same ritual; Wake-up early to have a lesson on controlling my emotions and manage my strength but mostly my lessons consist of managing my temper-that was really short these days.

Then, off to school, my main aim there is to dodge Eric. And go to classes as usual. The dodging went well except for my biology class, I skipped that class as much as possible or took a seat next to anyone whose partner was not there that day. I just didn’t know how to handle him yet or how to control my emotions around him, even with my training. When I saw him and our eyes met accidently, I could feel the horrible red tint on my cheeks that gave away everything. I could feel that warm touch and his soft lips, and I would wish for the briefest moment that I could feel that again before dragging myself back to reality and away from him.

After school, I run home, and then my physical training starts. I had to learn how to yield my weapons, dodge an upcoming weapon, and shoot a bow and arrow. How to defend myself and attack. I had a lot of work to strengthen myself, and I was much too slow for my own liking. I pushed myself and forced myself beyond my own limits.

Justine didn’t go to school like she was planning on so I didn’t learn about our history as often as I wished I could but I did learn some of our ways and more on how we lived. Justine soothed my worried questions by saying that I would learn this at school. I didn’t say it out loud, but I couldn’t understand how I would learn this at school when human schools didn’t even know about Pantelleria or the ‘magical creatures’.

Of course, it crossed my mind that there would actually be a school at Pantelleria, but I didn’t ask Justine to confirm my suspicion because, truthfully, I didn’t want to know. And to continue schooling after my 18th birthday....well, that thought just made me sick.

I sat down on the grass, not exhausted but tired. Justine, on the other hand, looked exhausted.

I studied her carefully and then asked: “Am I ready to go home?”

I was tired of this shit hole. There had to be more out there.

She steadily controlled her breathing and then answered the same old question.

“Yes. You are ready to go home.”

My heart felt like jumping out of my chest, but a silent part mourned for things I refused to think of. This will be my past. It will be a distant memory I will try to ignore.

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow at twilight.” She answered after thinking a second or two.

I was about to jump up from joy when it hit me.

“Twilight, why twilight?”

She smiled knowingly. “Because you have to go to school tomorrow…”

I suppressed a groan.

“You have to sign out. After school, we will have to sharpen and clean all the weapons and pack.”

“How do we get there?” It hit me. I didn’t know a lot about Pantelleria, just the necessary. It scared the hell out of me, but it couldn't be worse than this place, and at least my father would be there.

“I’m leaving in an hour to go get everything ready. I will be back when you get home from school tomorrow. We will then walk to the forest to the borderline. There is a little village and from there we will take the horses, over the borderline and home.”

“Sweet, what village?” I said satisfaction and fear running through my body.

I have always loved horses. The freedom and peace you felt around them was one of the best feelings in the world.

She smiled sweetly.

She ignored the question. Then she got up and disappeared into the house.

I leaned back for a while, just breathing and staring up at the clouds. After about twenty breaths, I grabbed the nearest weapon, a sword. With all my speed and strength, I started wielding.

Not long after, Justine called me in for dinner.

Peter, Ratchel, and Niomi went on a spa vacation to soothe poor Ratchel and get her mind of her disfigured-not broken anymore- nose. It didn’t matter to them that she is missing school because her looks were so much more important. I wonder how Niomi- my mom told me she is not my mom anymore, so I shouldn’t call her mom. If I could recall correctly, she said: “I am not your mother. No one as ugly, misshapen and that is a psychopathic slut is a daughter of mine.”- would feel if she returned to an empty house.

When I sat down at the table, I could feel I was exhausted and sweaty. I only stared at the plate in front of me. I didn’t feel like eating at all. Justine must have seen it in my expression because she excused me from the table and sent me to bed. I literally dragged myself up the stairs. All I wanted to do was fall on my bed and sleep, but I needed a shower. I stood in my room, indecisive. The bed called me so seductively, but I could smell myself. I reeked. I dragged myself to the shower reluctantly. After my quick shower, I fell on my bed and pulled the covers tightly around me. I drifted to sleep instantly.

I actually woke up before my alarm introduced a new day, well rested and ready for the day ahead. Since there was an hour left before I actually needed to get up, I decided to take a long bubble bath. It was relaxing, and I enjoyed it except for a few thoughts that kept shuffling their way into my mind. I thought about my mom and that I just never could be enough for her. It hurt, but I pushed that away. I was used to it.

I just pulled my black tank top over my head when I heard a knock on the door. I was about to run downstairs to get the door when I heard Justine saying she would get it. I was more than a little confused because I thought she would be gone already. She could not be back already. No that’s too soon. I heard a ruffle that indicated that she was putting on her jacket. Another knock vibrated through the house. “Coming.” She replied to it.

There was a third and fourth knock before she swung the door open. I realized then that I was standing around like a moron when I should be getting ready. When I heard who Justine was talking to, I quickly pulled a brush through my hair and tied it up in a high pony tail. I ran down the stairs, grabbed my backpack, and ran to Justine. I pulled her into a tight bear hug and whispered in her ear so softly that he couldn’t possibly hear.

“Don’t worry I’ll handle this. Pack so long I’ll be back soon.”

Then I slipped out and closed the door behind me. I looked him in the eyes, and with a pleading whisper, I asked him: “Eric, what do you want?”

I didn’t really want an answer. I just wanted this over with so that I can move on. He looked sad and a little confused. I could see he was holding his breath, and with a big sigh, he let it out.

Then he exploded: “I’m sorry, okay. That is all I seem to do is apologies to you. I know I told you I wouldn’t make a fool out of you again, and I did. I have been ruining your life along with the others since I can remember. You have the right to hate me or never talk to me and avoid me like you have been doing these past few weeks. I can’t stand this anymore.

“After I kissed you that first time at the last dance I realized I liked you and then…” his eyes were searching now and he started talking faster as if it will take away the edge I heard in his voice. He gestured to me.

“Then you come back looking like this. I couldn’t understand at first, but I thought you had changed that you would be like all those other girls, but you didn’t. That made me like you even more.”

“And then when it seemed like you were going to forgive me, I did it again…” Suddenly, he looked fierce.

“I’m a bastard. I am sorry. I am sorry I did all these things to you and I’m sorry I kissed you…you know what, I am not sorry I kissed you because I realized how I felt about you and now that I know how I feel about you , you are leaving.”

“If you are leaving because of me, please don’t, I am sorry.” He actually looked remorseful, and tears were welling up in his eyes now.

(I am so confused. Was it really supposed to be this hard?) I stood motionless because I mostly didn’t know what to do now. I wanted to hug him, but I knew I shouldn’t because it would complicate things. But since I am Miss complicated I pulled him into a tight embrace. When I realized how tight the grip was and that I was most likely suffocating him, I pulled away, but he wasn’t done yet because he pulled me back into the hug.

After a few seconds, he asked; “So does this mean you forgive me and that you will stay?”

Hope coloured his voice, and for a minute, I wanted to give him anything he asked for. That second, I just wanted to leave everything and stay with him.

I sighed and answered. “No, Eric I’m still leaving, but I do forgive you.”

I felt his embrace weaken, and then his arms fell to his side. He hesitantly took a step back, and his eyes was not meeting mine.

“Why can’t you stay?” he asked like a little boy.

I didn’t answer him immediately. After a few heart beats, he looked up. There were tears in his eyes. (I can’t believe this is happening)

“You are not making this any easier.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but I must have because his gaze met mine instantly. We stared at each other when he said “Nia, can I come with you?” he shifted his weight, realizing he said it out loud. Then, he decided to go ahead with what he wanted to say. “I have waited too long for this feeling we share, and I really don’t want to let it go.”

My heart started beating faster, and by the look on his face, it must be beating out loud.

“Eric, I’m sorry but you can’t go with me and I can’t stay. I have to go and as a matter of fact I want to go.” I said slowly, judging every word I spoke, and then I decided to end this. Whatever this was. I met his gaze before pulling him into a tight embrace. He must have known it was coming because he held me tighter and closer than before.

“Goodbye Eric may all be well, and you be blessed.” I whispered before pulling away from the embrace and turned on my heals. I walked away at a fast pace, but soon I was jogging away. It took everything in me not to turn around and go back to him. I wished I could go home, but I needed to finish this chapter in my life. It was time.

I only stopped when I was in front of the office, tears still streaming down my face. I felt sick to my stomach, and physically, my heart hurt. I sat down in one of the chairs, my hands cupping my soaked, warm cheeks.

(Why did this have to happen now? Why should everything be so damned complicated? Why did he have to tell me now? Do I feel the same? Yes, I do, but I shouldn’t…)

“Zinnia?” Mr Gaustav saved me from my own thoughts.

“Yes sir?” I instantly wiped the tears from my face and forced a smile, but it probably didn’t work because he came and sat next to me.

“Is something wrong? Do you feel ill or something?”

I couldn’t help but study him; he was young and pretty sexy with his dark brown eyes, dark hair, and big bone structure. Then I got snapped back by the question.

“No sir, nothing’s wrong I’m just here to sign out.”

“Sign out. Why, are you leaving?” He looked interested.

“Yes sir, I’m moving to my dad.”

He looked a little puzzled but then answered smoothly.

“Oh okay, but all the best to you, and may you have a bright future.”

Then he stood up and walked away. “Bye sir, may all be well in your future.”

I stood up and went over to the desk. After signing out and going through all the procedures and paperwork, classes were already running, and I didn’t feel like going to any classes or facing Eric. There wasn’t anyone I wanted to greet or that I would think of if I thought of this place.

I decided to skip all the classes and go home.

Justine must be out getting everything ready because the house was deserted. I was glad that I had time to get my thoughts together before we had to leave. So I went to my room and started packing the last stuff I wanted to take with me. Surprisingly, it was only a few of my favorite shirts and a pair of pants. The rest I didn’t feel the need to take with me and most of them wouldn’t even fit me anymore. Justine said I couldn’t pack too much anyway because we can’t take too much, and the royal tailor would make me clothes, but I refused to leave these pieces behind. (It fits perfectly, okay).

After packing, I took my sword and went outside to practice a bit while I was waiting for Justine to return. Before I started I studied my sword for the thousands time. It was actually very beautiful. It was silver with a blue reflection. On the blade was engraved; my daughter. It was engraved in a beautiful cursive font, above the scripture was an infinity symbol made of sapphires. The hilt was very comfortable in my hand, and the sword itself felt like an extension of my arm. The length and build of the sword were perfect.

I suddenly burst into a frenzy of hits, swirls, and blows. I just pushed myself into the fastest blow I could manage when I heard a gasp from behind me. The blood in my veins froze. The sword inches away from the person. I slowly turned my head towards the person, who was almost sliced in two, hoping it wasn’t Eric.

I released a sigh of relief when I saw it was only my mother. (My mom! What is she doing back? They were not supposed to be back yet. O no, my day can not get more complicated.)

I started studying the lawn, and my weapons were scattered all over because I wanted to start cleaning them before Justine arrived. When my eyes reached the gate, my heartbeat sped up instantly. I didn’t know why tears were running down my cheeks, while my heart was pounding excitedly at the sight of him. I was so angry at myself for not being more careful.

Eric stood there staring. Shock filled his expression first, and then his expression changed. I couldn’t understand, but excitement, disgust, disappointment, and joy all at the same time played across his face. I have never before seen him wear an expression like that.

(Well, no shit Sherlock. He most probably hasn’t seen someone wield a sword in less than probably a second.)

I wanted to say something, but what do you say, how do you explain it to someone who isn’t supposed to know?

“Well, are you going to great or kill me?” My mom said sarcastically.

(The second option sounded really tempting at this very moment.)

I turned around facing her and placed my sword in its sheath. I gave her a heart-warming smile and said: “Good day moth…” The disgusted look on her face made me stumble a bit.

“Good day Niomi, how are you.”

“I’m fine thanks; the trip was just wonderful and so needed. Ratchel is feeling so much better, but they went to go get us some pizza for tonight.”

She turned around, and before she disappeared inside the doors, she yelled over her shoulder. “The bags are in the car. Go pack it out.”

I looked after her shell-shocked and bewildered. I slowly sat on the ground, closed my eyes, and breathed very slowly. Like Justine taught me how, when I feel like flipping out.

I was forgetting something but I couldn’t remember what, when my heart started flattering again, I remembered.

I opened my eyes seeing what I forgot sitting in front of me. He didn’t smile or frown nothing; he only had this dead expression on his face. Not knowing what to do. I started fidgeting and looking everywhere except at him, avoiding his eyes desperately.

He suddenly took both my hands into his and said bluntly: “Stop.” He held my hands there, and I didn’t try to pull it out of his grip.

Then he cleared his throat, and with one hand, he took something out of his pocket, still holding my hands in his. He turned one of my hands around, my palm facing upwards. He hesitantly placed an object in my hand.