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30. The One Where I Understand
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Always is not Forever 31. The One Where I Move In
Checking the mug, I threw the unfinished coffee in the sink, cleaned and put it back to its place. While turning, I saw Kabir standing next to the doorway, back to his casual clothes. His previous state entered my brain and I push it away.Don't have such thoughts.They were too much for me.But how to kill the temptation?"Your dad left." He nodded, thinking something else. "Are you tired? Want a coffee?" I went to the coffee machine and he didn't halt my steps. While I was preparing his favorite espresso shot, he stared at me."Move in with me." The mug fell from my hands and I turned to him, gasping. "Move in with me, Alina.""What?"He caught my hand, carefully helping to step out from the broken pieces of the mug."Did you talk to your dad yet?" I shook my head. "Good. Move in with me.""As in living together?"He nodded his head. "You said nobody can handle your screams. I want to see what's so scary about them. I want to see why living with you is such a tough thing for others."
Always is not Forever 32. The One Where We Talk
I heard the ring, and quickly, I ran and opened the door. Grinning, I let him enter and snatched the polythene from his hands.Blue lays.I hated blue lays."What the hell it is?" I demanded, closed the door shut. "You know I hate spicy.""I know." He placed the Mojito on the table. "They were out of all other flavors.""But I hate it," I whined. "Really hate it."He looked at me for a couple of seconds before asking, "Want to go to grocery shopping? I'm already out of stuff, and we can buy things which you like.""Chocolate cupcake?"He grabbed his wallet from the back of his pocket, checked through it and I could see a frown coming, but he shook it off and smiled, "Yes, that too. And Nutella box as well. Come. But you need to guide me. I always get confused."I killed the urge to point out that I myself had never done grocery shopping and it was the first time for me."But we go in my car.""Fine, but I'm driving." Before I could argue, he ran and stole the keys from the key stand. I
Always is not Forever 33. The One Where I Go Back
[ A L I N A ' S P O V ]Yawning, I placed my head between the pages of the book and stared at the words entering my mind. Words could be good, words could be bad, words could cut deep, worlds could heal. What if healing was becoming tougher than you thought of? What if no words were helping to heal the void spreading in your heart? What was happening? If I lapsed to take my medicines for a week, is that what would become of me? The old Alina, dark and silent, or maybe I was still the same.Maybe I couldn't see what the reality was. What if I was living in a dream when in reality I was still in that room, hiding under the bed? What if I was still cutting myself to forget the mark of his on my body? What if I was under the influence of alcohol to curb my protests? What if he was still punishing me for trying to tell anyone? What if Kabir never existed in my life and I was imagining it? What if everyone was right and I was telling lies about my childhood? What if I had imagined of it?
Always is not Forever 34. The One Where I Face Her
[ K A B I R ' S P O V ]Instead of ringing the bell, I entered through the key and found the lights turned on."Alina," I called her but heard nothing. I called her again and heard no response again. Fear settled at the bottom of my stomach. Had I done right by leaving her alone in the apartment? She wasn't in a good mood, and I had left just like that.What if she had cut herself?My eyes widened slightly.What if she had cut too deep?Quickly, I ran to the kitchen, her room and discovered them empty.Where was she?Terrace.Clutching my hair, I sprinted to the terrace and sighed in relief, founding her head rested on the table. Wearing a lazy smile, I trudged forward and bent in front of her. She was sleeping in the coldness.Stupid girl.Always slept reading.Carefully, I took the book out from her head and placed it on the side. She would kill me if something happened to her book. Stretching my arms, I placed my arm between her knees and back and lifted her.Damn, had she gone
Always is not Forever 35. The One Where I Have Breakfast
Ignoring the sunlight, I turned on the bed and snuggled deeper under the sheets. Flying my hand on the empty bed, I parted my eyelids instantly.Alina.Where was she?Scared, I sat up on the bed and found her standing beside the bed with a tray in her hand. Astonished at her behavior, I sat on the bed and gazed at her nervous expression.Last night when she had stopped screaming, she had changed her clothes and asked me to sleep with her. I wanted to object but her body had been shaking, revealing the nightmare clutching her from inside. She needed me.And the whole night, I couldn't use Alina to call her.She despised her own name."What are you doing?" I asked. She placed the tray on my lap, decorated with a cup of coffee and crispy parantha with curd.She joined me in the small space beside me, fiddling with her fingers and smoothing down her hair. I pasted my gaze to her face to control myself to not stare how she looked in my school jersey. She didn't need to wear it, but she need
Always is not Forever 36. The One Where I Cut
[ A L I N A ' S P O V ]"I won't be able to come early tonight," Kabir moved around the living room, searching for his books. Rolling my eyes, I crunched beside the LED panel and snatched the books from one of the drawers and passed it to him. He passed me a thankful smile and stuffed it into his bag. "And yes about today. I won't be able to come early.""Why?" I strapped my hair in a high pony."Going to spend time with my friends. You don't mind, right?" He looked up from his bag.Yes, I minded it. I would be worried to hell about where were you and with whom you were. What if you were lying like dad? What if you were going to meet some girl?Shut up, Alina!Trust him!"Na, it's okay." I waved my hand in the air as if it would remove the bugging happening inside me. He could go out with his friends. If we lived together, it didn't mean we had to spend every single minute with each other. Some separation from each other would do us good."Sure?" He wore his specs. "After what happ
Always is not Forever 37. The One Where I Doubt
"Alina," I heard his voice from outside my door. Angered, I opened the door and pushed him far away from me. His shocked eyes met mine, but I couldn't control the anger. He didn't care to call me back, he didn't reply to my messages and because of him, I was about to cut myself again."Where were you?" I screamed. "I was so worried. Why didn't you pick my call?""You were disturbing me," He replied quietly. "Who calls a person twenty times a night?""I was worried!""But it's too much." He flew his hands in the air. "I'm not a kid, Alina. My parents don't trouble me this much as you did tonight. I told you I was going out. What was the thing to be worried about?""Then why did you pick up my call? With whom were you?" I inched closer to him. "You were with Grisha, isn't it? Having a great time leaving your sick girlfriend.""What the hell are you talking about?!" He screamed, anger evident on his face. "I came to check on you because I found the broken glass in the kitchen.""Well, con
Always is not Forever 38. The One Where I Clear it Out
He caught my hand, his eyes silently asking if this was okay. Which boyfriend ask that?"So many things, bookworm. How you keep it in your head?" He raised his lips. "Let's start with me, okay? Why do you think you're undesirable? It's going to sound cheesy but you don't see yourself the way I see you. Dhruv is an idiot. I want you so badly, but let me keep those thoughts to myself. Sometimes I find it hard to control my hands.""And damn Alina, your past matters to me. I'm not saying it doesn't matter because it's such a huge part of everything of you. And don't say that rich thing ever again. I'm not using you. It'll break me."He stopped, catching a breath but all I did was review his words in my mind, again and again, storing in my heart."I don't care about Grisha or Sanchi or anyone. I don't act, Alina. You make me happy, too much and too hard." My lips raised curled from sides. "They all can go to hell if they desire. But if it troubles you so much, I won't talk to her. She neve
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Always is not Forever 120. The One Where He Proposes
Rubbing my neck with the hand, I felt his presence on my back. "What is he doing here?"I turned to face him. "Kabir--""Alina, no." He cornered me, caging between his body by placing both of his hands on the counter table. "It's ten at the night.""He came. I couldn't say him to leave.""Or you could have said it's not ideal for him to come," He shot back, straining lines visible on his forehead. "You looked uncomfortable. Did he say something?"Nothing just confessed it to me and I had no idea why he thought he loved me when he knew nothing about me except the things I shared in the support group when he had no idea how needy I was, how I seek for attention."No," I whispered. "You got late.""Work." Pranit voice from the hall echoed in the kitchen and Kabir's eyes darkened. "I hate him. When I see him, I see how you said you loved him." But it was a lie. I was trying to hurt you, make you see how you leaving had impacted me. "I know you both have same past," He dragged a shaky brea
Always is not Forever 119. The One Where I Reject Him
"Come again?" Dr. Sha asked, her hands flying from right to left, hitting the ping pong ball with the red colored bat.Hitting with my bat, I tried to dodge her attempts to make me lose a point. "Why are we playing ping pong?""Don't you get bored staying in a room?""Kind of."But this wasn't what I had expected when she called for an outside meeting instead in her building's cabin. I had thought a café maybe, or someplace quiet but she had surprised by calling me to a club and assured nobody would come in this room."Your dad was ready to allow it.""His friend owns the club," I mumbled dryly, the sound of the hitting echoing in the four walls."And he loves you," She pointed out, smashing the ball and before I could hit, it flew from my side. "And you lost a point.""Funny," Grumbling, I walked to one of the corners, picked the ball and started the game again. The sweat had started forming on the forehead, my grip on the handle of the bat was losing, my wrists were aching. What was
Always is not Forever 118. The One Where I Face It At Last
Yawning, I closed my books and stretched my legs. Getting up from the bed, I walked out of the room to find something to eat. Switching on the lights, I found a note stuck to the refrigerator.Food is in the microwave. You were sleeping. Must be hard practice 😝 Ps. Heat and eat.Chuckling at her handmade emoji, I crumbled the note and threw it in the dustbin before opening the microwave and found the plate in it. She never forgot about me. Twitching my lips, I brought the plate out and grabbed a spoon.Cold food was better than hot food and she wouldn't understand that.She wouldn't understand why I had gone straight to the bed after coming back from college, she wouldn't understand how much it was killing to know that how deep secrets we both were holding.Before I could take a spoon, the kitchen walls were invaded by the screams.Alina.Dropping the spoon, I sprinted to her room, opened the gate and saw her struggling in her bed. She hadn't gotten any dreams since she had started s
Always is not Forever 117. The One Where He Knows
"I still think you shouldn't go," Kabir's voice brought me back to present.Shaking my head, I tried to remove the memory. It was before I had started imagining him as Rishi, it was before when we were happy and there used to nothing other than nightmares to trouble our relationship.Now we had to be careful. This careful was getting on my nerves."It's fine," I stated, changing the song on the stereo of the car."Here." He passed me his phone, connected it to the black aux cable. "Listen any you want."Taking his phone, I went through the songs, ignoring the EDMs he loved to hear and settled on something soft to not make him hyper."Now, Dhruv and you. You're traveling too much.""I'm not. He needs me. He's all alone, handling Ria." I curled on the seat. "She's too small. She needs to see people love her despite her father leaving for jobs. And Dhruv deserves a break.""I get you're worried. We all are." He dabbed his palm on the horn. "But look at yourself. You're squeezing your sch
Always is not Forever 116. The One Where I Miss
[ A L I N A ' S P O V ]Gripping the pen tightly, I wrote down the explanation of the sonnet, completing the work that had been due last night. I blamed it on my over-worrying boyfriend who couldn't keep his mouth shut on why I was traveling this much. From past two months, I had been pacing back and forth between Bangalore and Delhi every weekend.He was getting angry.And I was getting pissed.Sighing, I placed the pen between the pages. Just two more lines, Alina and then you could go and shower to remove the aftermath of mediation and yoga."What you writing?" Hearing him, I levitated my head to stare at his face, but then, my gaze dropped to his chest.Where was his shirt? And why the hell wasn't I changing my gaze?Gulping, I paid attention to the white pages, overwritten by my hands. "Sonnet explanation. College work. You didn't go to GYM?""I'm taking a time off for a while," he answered, moving across the kitchen to grab a bowl for himself and picked the milk carton from m
Always is not Forever 115. The One Where Reality Is Out
***"You!" Shouting, I shut the door of her cabin. Jennifer looked up from the files. "In my cabin now."She raised her eyebrows in amusement and nodded. Who told her to tell lies to Alina? I got her teasing on me, I accepted it but feeding lies to her wasn't acceptable. I was an inch away from losing Alina again. Inch away to destroy all the progress we both had made after getting back together.Taking a deep breath, I entered my office and turned to face her. Yesterday, I had spent all my day to get new clothes before selling my old clothes and helping Alina with the packing.She was moving back with me. Good. I could see clearly how she was scared of me.Jennifer stepped in. "Now that's the Kabir I know. Angry and dominating one."Rolling my eyes, I nodded my head to the money placed on the table. "You're leaving India in next twenty-four hours. This is your pay. You're no longer my assistant.""I answer to your father, not to you." She crossed her arms over her chest. "He sent me.
Always is not Forever 114. The One Where The Past Begins
Staring ahead at the scene, I smiled and tapped my fingers on her arm. She turned with a smile and slipped her hand around my waist."I missed you.""You did?""Yup," She grinned. "Don't go again."Laughing lightly, I was about to reply when her figure disappeared from my arms and all I could see was the face of her house perched in front of me. What was I doing here? I was in our apartment, meeting her after a long time.A hand tugged on my shirt. Peering down, I stared at the girl."Kabir, save me." Confused by her statement, I wondered what she was talking about me. "Save me, Kabir," She cried, thumping her hand on my chest. "You promised you'll save me. Save me now."She took a run inside the house. Frowning a bit, I followed her inside, took the flight of stairs and entered the room I hadn't been into for past three years.Wasn't it burned? Wasn't it locked?My feet thumped on the old familiar room, looking for the small girl but, all I found was Alina standing at the corner, sta
Always is not Forever 113. The One Where We Solve
Presenting a smile, I stood up, took the clothes and strode to her bathroom. Shedding the rest of my clothes, I entered the shower and cleaned the disgusting things sticking to my body. When I checked for a shower gel and shampoo, I found the girly stuff and sighed. Looks like I would be smelling like her until the morning.As I was washing my hair, all the previous month we had spent together started biting my places. She was too distant from me. Her words seemed to be held and assessed carefully. Maybe moving in with me would change everything, maybe we would be different then, maybe we would back to our love life.But what about the insecurities? How would I solve them?"Kabir, are you done?" She knocked the door. "Was I too harsh? Is it not removing? Do you need my help?""Yes, it's not removing!" I shouted back, smirking. "Help me.""Tie a towel."Looking around the shower, I grabbed the towel from the upper shelve and tied it around my waist. "Done." My eyes remained glued to th
Always is not Forever 112. The One Where I Become A Joke
Alina's expression didn't change, her hands remained still at her side, her eyes narrowed at me."You're lying." Again, the same sentence. "She saw you without clothes.""I'm aware," I confessed. "Once she came in my penthouse. I was roaming in my briefs and she saw it." Seeing her expression, I added quickly, "I did yell at her for disturbing my privacy. I changed the code too. I didn't know she knew about it. She purchased the penthouse. I should've been aware.""But you kissed her." She clutched the arms of the chair tightly. And that was the reason I didn't want to tell her. "I can't stop imagining when you kissed her." She dragged a long, shaky breath before facing me, turmoil residing in her black eyes. "You wanted to forget me?" With reluctance, I nodded. "Was I that bad?""No, I just love you too much," I replied honestly. "Wouldn't you have done anything to forget me?""True." Standing on her toes, she trudged to my side, caught my face in her hands and inched it closer to he
