3. The One Where I Start Over

"Want another?" Kabir asked, grinning at my behavior. Agitated, I threw the tissue box at him but he shifts his body at the right time, letting the box fall across the hall, disappearing into his room.

How could he grin at it?

"I don't want to stay with her!" I exaggerated. "She tore my book. That was my favorite book. Poor Jace and Clary." Sniffing, I cleaned my cheeks with the help of tissue paper.

As soon I had seen my torn book in her hands, I had screamed, like a big scream. All she had to say in her defense was that she lost her mascara. For a mascara, my book had to be killed. What was fair in all of it? So, like a mature girl, I waved it off, but intentionally, I was thinking of inviting my fellow shadow hunters to come and hunt her because she was a demon. A demon who could kill Jace.

My book boyfriend.

I had even gotten my stele and ruins ready.

"But I like that girl." Wearing a smug look, Kabir sat opposite to me. "Some guts she has to tear your book and not even saying sorry."

"She killed my boyfriend." I pinned him with my glare. "By the angels, she killed him."

"I'm alive, bookworm." He passed his gaze through the tissue balls grazing his new apartment floor, frowning. "You make too much mess some days."

"I'm talking about Jace."

Getting up, he flicked my forehead with the back of his hand. "I didn't know you were cheating on me. Shouldn't I punish you?"

"Go away!" I pushed away. "Let me mourn. Do you've white clothes? Shadow hunters wear white on death."

"We also wear white," He deadpanned. "And are you insinuating to wear my clothes?"

Like a switch, blood flooded to my cheek which increased his amusement and he pulled my cheeks. I hated this habit of his and he knew I hated this habit because he grinned. Angered, I started pushing him towards the floor, and my efforts proved to be beneficial as he was thrown on the floor.

Sticking my tongue, I hugged the sofa cushion to my chest.

"You stay there for making fun of me."

Perching on his elbows, he frowned. "Why are you my girlfriend? You're such a drama some days."

I shrugged. "Because you're lucky?"

That to my surprise made him laugh and relaxed on the floor. Didn't he want to get up? He didn't sweep his floor for two days and probably, it was covered with dust. As if sensing it, I traced my finger on the table, feeling the dust. Huh.

"Learning my ego, huh?"

"Shut up," I grumbled. "What if she tore all of my books? How would I read? What would I do without my books? If I don't have books, I would feel sad, and then I would get into panic attacks. Panic attacks? Kabir, do you understand this? It means I've to take my pills again and then cutting will start, nightmares will come. She'll hear me screaming. She'll get scared like Misha did. Oh my god, everything--"

"Shush." Kabir got my hands, bent in front of me with a frown. "Bookworm, you are rambling again. Everything will be okay. You'll talk to her and tell how it troubles you when your books are torn. Work it out. I'm sure she feels regretful. Okay?" I nodded. He touched my cheek, rubbing his thumb on my chin. "Don't overthink again."

Pouting, I replied, "I don't overthink."

"No, you just talk too much. Way too much." He laughed, withdrew his hand from my cheek, making me miss his touch instantly. It had been ten months since we were together, and still, I act like a sickly in love.

Sickly in love.

I was in love.

Kabir was my boyfriend.

Everything will be okay.

I grinned, feeling happy suddenly. Positive thoughts. I heard my therapist whispering them to me again and again. Be positive, Alina. Two positive thoughts a day makes your day.

"Do you want anything? Juice or water?" He asked, brushing his jeans. And suddenly, I realized we were alone in the apartment and I had come today to help him unpack but my mood was ruin with all the fiasco with the book. "Wait, juice has sugar and high sugar is not good for you. Water it is. I'm so sorry I should've bought milk, huh, I knew I should have gone to the grocery store. Tomorrow grocery shopping."

Leaning back on the sofa, I smiled. "Now who's speaking way too much?"

"Smart." He went to the kitchen, which attached to the hall. While he was gone, I looked around the apartment, noticing the pale cream walls, the dim lights, the LED TV and some of the paintings on the wall. It was too much empty here.

Boxes. We should at least unpack.

Getting up, I rubbed my hands together and went to the brown boxes, taped up together. God, such a baby he was. Couldn't he at least open them? Bending down on the floor, I removed the tape and opened the boxes to reveal nothing. What the hell? Where was everything?

"Kabir!" I called him in panic. He came running out of the kitchen with a glass of water in his hands. "Where is everything? The boxes are empty."

"Because I unpacked everything a week ago."

"What?" I stood up, caught the glass from his hands. "Then why you called me?"

Sheepishly smiling, he rubbed his neck and the dimple flickered. Don't get distracted again. It was just a dimple, and it was just his eyes dazzling me like forever. Why didn't he wear lenses? I want him to wear lenses and cover whatever cute hazels of them.

"Because I knew you wouldn't have come unless it's for unpacking."

"Of course I wouldn't. I'm trying to adjust with all these hostel things. I'm not used to it." I sat on the floor and he looked at me in amazement. "The food sucks and I'm--"

"Habit of lavish food. I can understand you there."

Nodding, I went further, "Then this small bedroom or the fact I've to share a bathroom. She makes such a mess, and that alarms of her. Huh, it's such a trouble and last night, she asked what I was writing and started reading it. I hate when people read what I write without my permission. And huh, I'm talking too much."

Kabir sat on the floor, joining me. "I don't mind. Speak. I'm listening."

"You're making fun of me on why I refused for an apartment, aren't you?"

"No denying. I told you, hostel sucks sometimes."

"But everyone says it's fun."

"It's fun," He justified. "Late night movies, slumber parties and the feeling of staying with friends is great but Alina, you--"

My mood went down, realizing what he was about to say. Everyone was saying me this again and again that I didn't need to push myself too hard situation and work bit by bit but I was fine. I knew I was fine. I couldn't just be in the hole of being careful and scared all of the time. Why couldn't they see it? Why they always kept on making me see how wrong I was to deny what they actually meant?

"Not again, Kabir." I stood up from the floor. "I'm tired of arguing."

His lips pursed, but somehow, he nodded and got up too.

"Would you like to go book shopping?"

"What?" I asked him in astonishment. He hated book shopping and I had to hear him whine whenever I would be in the bookshop on how silent and boring it was.

He shrugged. "She tore your book. Shouldn't you buy a new one? And I promise I won't whine."

Squealing, I jumped up and down. "Pakka?"

"Pakka, meri Jaan." He laughed. "You're such a child. Wait, let me grab the car keys." I nodded, and while he was gone, drank the water and wore my sandals. He came strolling out of the room, hooked his arm on my shoulder and pushed us out of his apartment. "Book shopping here we come."

"Kabir."

"What?"

"No whining or you'll face the wrath of every divergent."

He stared at me quizzically before turning his head to the ceiling. "God, please send me a dictionary to understand her language. Please, have mercy on your beloved child."

* * *

"This. No. This one, but I like the synopsis of this book, but this book came last month and it has been on my TBR for a long time." Huffing, I brushed my finger to another book. "What about this? It's about a time traveler." I got another from the shelf, read the synopsis and my mouth formed an O. "Wow. Twisted Alice in Wonderland story?" I placed both the books on Kabir's hand. "This on aliens. Which one should I buy? They all are so appealing."

Why couldn't be books free of cost? I would buy them, make one library of mine and roll among it. No doubt my room back in Delhi appeared no less than library ever since my school ended. I bought too many books, so happy that school was ended and I could read without any thought of what formulae should I try again or any derivations or cell name.

But I guess I forgot I didn't have much space in my library.

"Buy all," Kabir mumbled.

"But I can't. I already have too many books."

"Then why are we book shopping?" He asked, placing the books back on their stand.

"You offered. They're books, how one cannot buy more?"

"You're such a dork." Looking through the shelves, he pulled out a random book and placed on my hand. "This. Great cover and name."

Squinting my eyes, I threw daggers at him. "Don't judge a book by its cover."

"Do you want to buy or not?"

"Why are your pants of fire?" I scoffed, searching through the shelves.

"Because I've to be somewhere, bookworm."

"Where?'

"Night out with new friends." My action halted.

Did he make friends? Of course, he did. He was much much much friendlier than me, and who could ignore his charming skills to please anyone? He could ignore him, his appearance demanded attention, but wasn't he too fast? I mean so far I only made one friend, Kriti. No doubt I loved having her by my side but having one friend seemed too less. I wanted more.

Look at him. He was already having fun.

"Oh." Shrugging, I looked around for books.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, stiffening my actions. "Is everything okay? You can come too if you want."

But you didn't ask before and by the tone of his, I imagined he didn't want me with him.

"No, it's fine." Pulling a fake smile, I got three books out of the shelf. "I'm done. Let's bill it out."

Without giving him a chance, I went to the counter and when the bill was ready, I was about to pull out my card when Kabir placed it before me.

"I'll pay for myself," I said.

"I offered and brought you for shopping."

"You know I hate when you pay for me. Please, let me do one thing for myself. Stop treating me like this."

He frowned at my words, and withdraw his card from the table. Ignoring him, I paid for the books, took the black polythene and got out of the store with Kabir hot on my heels. I didn't turn around to face him because I knew what he may ask and I was asking myself the same thing. Why did I burst at him? What's the deal with me?

He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, letting the tension grew between us. Sitting inside the car, he started driving, and not once, he looked at me but his jaw was clicked together. The sign he was annoyed at me.

The whole ride, I stared at my lap, suddenly feeling bad for my outburst. He was just trying to pay for me like he always did. I waved him off because I was jealous of why I was such a wuss while he was such a friendly person. Why couldn't I be like him? Relaxed and cool with everything.

He stopped the car outside my hostel.

"Kabir." He didn't show any reaction. I touched his hand on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't raise my voice."

"Why?" At last, he faced me. "Did I do something to make you angry?" I gulped loudly. How do I explain it was me, not him? That he was perfect and I was so opposite of him. Like I got angry on thing I wasn't going to do. We both knew even if he had asked I would've said no. Parties weren't my scene, especially with strangers.

"Just this shifting has been a takeover and I'm tired how you all say to me be careful. Trust me on this, Kabir," I told the half-truth. Leaning forward, I hooked my arms around his neck. "Won't you forgive your bookworm?"

I made a puppy face, pulling my lower lip and he laughed, bringing a smile on my face as well. Somedays I think too much.

"Only if she kiss me." He made a pout, bringing his lips near to me.

Scowling, I shed my arms off his neck and went back to my side. "Nice try, lover boy. Bye. See you on Monday."

Unlocking the door of the car, I mounted off and waved him bye from the window. As soon he was out of my view, I entered the hostel and made myself ready to face my roommate. Hope so she stays away from my books or else I was seriously going to change my room and be with someone normal who didn't make a mess of room for a mascara.

Like really? A mascara over my precious book.

My phone vibrated inside my jeans pocket, but ignoring it, I entered the room to see a cake placed on top of my bed. Diverting my gaze, I saw Fiza was standing, biting her lower lip.

Placing the books on the table, I went forward and a sorry was written on top of the cake.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were a reader and you love books. Like really sorry. I know sometimes I do stupid things but it was a MAC mascara. You understand how important it is?"

I stared at her dubiously.

"Of course, you don't. You're not makeup freak?" I shook my head. "But you use makeup of top brands." What the fuck? Was she stalking me? "Sorry, I saw it. I mean they're hard to find in India and costly as well. How do you get them?"

"My sister," I replied, hiding the fact she got it from London for me because she wanted me to look best for my college. She was weird.

"Lucky girl. What was I saying? Yeah, I'm sorry. I wanted to buy a book, but I didn't know what genre you read and I didn't want to make you angry. In the end, I bought a cake. You love chocolate, right? This cake is amazing. I bought it from the best bakery in Bangalore and see I got sorry written in an amazing writing as well."

"Wow, relax." I waved my hand at her, silencing the rambling or the talking she was doing. She talked too much. She could even beat Nisha to it. Staring down at the cake, I smiled, feeling special and melted my cold heart to her. She did this. That's what matters.

Kabir was right. I should try to work it on and adjust a bit.

"Promise me you won't touch my books ever again?"

"I promise. Fiza promise" She beamed, letting her ponytail bounce. "Friends?"

Shaking her hand, I took the tip of cream on my finger and trailed it on her face. "Now we're friends."

"Yeah, we are." She did the same, painting my face with chocolate cream and whipped cream, but instead of yelling, I grinned.

Making friends wasn't hard. I could do this. I could do anything I wanted for my happiness and new life.